Hair update.
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@jaydeevelyn
Hair update.
Iâm a sucker for affection and someone who canât keep their hands off of me
Iâve always been chubby. Always.
When I was about seven, Â I started getting these episodes where my heart would race and I would get light headed and even faint. My mom would call the pediatrician and heâd tell us to come in, but by the time we got there my heart had slowed down and, according to him, he had no way to check what it was.Â
He advised my mom to put me on a healthier diet and make me exercise more because it was probably my weight, even though  I wasnât that much overweight and I practiced softball for an hour a day.
So my mom did as he said and I didnât really lose any weight. Also, the episodes continued to happen. They always ended before we could get to the doctorâs office. The doctor never ordered any kind of tests on my heart, though he did test my thyroid and scold my mom for apparently not trying hard enough to get me to lose weight.
This went on for five years. Iâd be laying in bed and suddenly my heart would start beating so hard, my shirt would move. Iâd stand up out of the bathtub and black out, causing me to fall out of the tub. Iâd be playing softball or in gym class or just playing with my friends and suddenly Iâd get light headed or my heart would race.
There would be several fruitless calls or visits to my doctor, who would insist that it was complications due to my weight and they would continue until I was a normal size. My mom was scolded. I was body shamed. I had blood drawn twice a year to test my thyroid. And yet the episodes continued.
Then, the week of my 12th birthdayâalso, the week I started my very first periodâ I didnât want to go to school because the day before, a girl who had seen me in the bathroom had told everybody that I had started my period. In 6th grade, being chubby with frizzy hair and huge teeth, that was pretty much a social death sentence and I was mocked mercilessly for it.
So the next morning I woke up and begged my mom not to let me go to school. I cried and begged and she still insisted I go. So I went to change when suddenly, I felt an attack hit and I blacked out and fell, knocking things off of my desk. My mother heard the noise and found me dazed on the floor. I told her I could feel my heart beating hard again. You could see my shirt moving over my chest from  how hard and fast my heart was beating.
My mom loaded me up in the car and took me to the pediatrician. This time, my heart continued to race and I remained light headed. They had to bring out a wheel chair to get me into the doctors office because I was too dizzy and weak to walk.
Once there, I was ushered into an examination room and I just laid down on the table. I couldnât even sit up. They took my blood pressure and of course it was high, but they took it as a sign that my mother was feeding me salty, fatty foods instead of fruits and vegetables. they made me wait on the table for like two hours until an EKG machine was available in the office. I fell asleep for like half an hour because I was EXHAUSTED. Eventually, they sent us to the ER.
At the ER, they ushered me into a small little room with an EKG machine. They hooked it up and like fifteen seconds later, the nurse flipped shit. She called a âcode blueâ and about fifteen nurses rushed into this tiny room and then they raced me to another part of the ER. Didnât tell my mom what was going on, just left her there and took off with me in the bed. They hooked me up to a ton of IVs and monitors and gave me medication to slow my heart that caused me to vomit everywhere.
Then they did a bunch of x-rays and EKG tests and kept me overnight. They found out that I had WPW, which is a tiny hole in the walls of the chambers of the heart, which caused my heart to beat so rapidly. They explained to my parents that this hadnât happened as an effect of diet or habit, but that I had been born with this hole.
They also told her that me playing softball and being active with this condition was incredibly dangerous, because this is the condition that causes athletes to die on the field for seemingly no reason. The heart starts beating fast through exertion, the signals that cause the heart to beat get all scrambled and the heart beats so fast that it just gives out.
And the reason this particular attack had lasted so long was because it had come dangerously close to causing my heart to give out, which would have killed me. I ended up having to have heart surgery, Â something that should have been done 5 years earlier when I first started having the attacks.
But, because I was overweight, my doctor was more concerned with thinning me down than providing me with the treatment I needed to live a healthy life.
Iâm so sorry that happened to you. Â Folks, please reblog; this deserves more notes.
Fucking. Read it.
As Medicine student and a chubby girl myself this is incredible important, and i pray this helps to save lifes and make something good.
I know youâre tired bitch but keep fucking going
I hate when people tell me I need to âget out of my comfort zoneâ I donât even have a comfort zone. I am literally always uncomfortable
âIn the end. we all just want someone that chooses us. Over everyone else. Under any circumstances.â
â Anonymous
âȘI think beautiful things are about to happen.
I trust that.âŹ
sometimes u need a little alone time to re-build urself and remember who the fuck you are and thatâs okay
I want a relationship that turns into a blessing not a lesson.
âDonât abuse a kind heart. You may never be offered one again.â
â Pokello Nare
What you want does exist, donât settle until you get it .
By MILK & HONEY LONDON.
not-talked-about ADHD thing
when your problem isnât that you âcanât focus,â itâs that focusing takes so much energy out of you that youâre ending up absolutely drained from just completing the basics of whatâs expected of you and it takes you a lot longer to complete tasks than it takes others and those two things together are severely impacting your life overall and ability to enjoy it but you are *able* to do things, technically, so you push yourself harder and harder and can only conclude that youâre lazy because you get utterly burned out from doing what seems to you like a normal work load and you start to hate yourself because you think working is like this for everyone and you just donât have the willpower to get through it instead of considering that maybe concentrating on a passage of reading *isnât* like holding your hand into a fire for most people, and everyone keeps trying to tell you to do your best, but on the rare occasion when you are able to actually do âyour bestâ itâs so exhausting and draining that you need a day of rebound, and you start to hate yourself MORE because you canât even do âyour bestâ half the time because doing your best is unsustainable, and you just donât have an outlet for your rage at yourself and the self loathing youâre growing because youâre undiagnosed and have never considered that things might be harder for you than they are for other people
Let's not front. We all want love. It's okay.