honestly, just kidding

current obsessions: the raven cycle, heated rivalry, and tea

[fleabagsversion]

Okay enough with how much Ilya is whipped for Shane. Let’s talk about how much Shane is whipped for Ilya.

I know that in canon Shane is the quite one so he won’t exactly torment his friends and family by talking about Ilya constantly (as is the case the other way around). But still I need moments where his loved ones find it annoying and cheesy how down bad he is for his boyfriend. Like, on road trips he skips on team bonding activities because he is learning Russian, and blushes whenever he learns the actual meaning of the nicknames Ilya gives him. Hayden always teases Shane for it because he goes completely red at every nickname.

While shopping with Rose, Shane will pick up designer shirts for Ilya instead of shopping for himself and Rose is rolling her eyes because Shane is horny while imagining Ilya in those shirts.

One time Shane gets a bit tipsy with Rose, and goes on and on about Ilya’s beautiful curls and those star like moles all over his body and Rose has to record it so she could tease him later.

Then post TLG, once JJ warms up to the idea of his friend dating Rozanov, he endlessly teases Shane for folding like a lawn chair whenever Ilya shows him those big blue eyes.

“Oh captain, you really let him order two whole pizza just because he pouted at you?”

Yuna and David have basically given up on making Shane attend an event during the two weeks he is free in the year, because he already made it clear he wants those two weeks alone with his Ilya at their cottage. No one is allowed to contact him during that time untill it’s an emergency.

[jewelcoatfish]

on one of the days ilya wakes up before shane in their shared beds, a few years down the line married, he holds his breath and watch his husband sleep, his hand lightly caressing his freckles and his plump lips and his eyes— is that a wrinkle on the corner of shane’s eyes?????? they’re faint, barely noticeable unless you’re staring at it 5mm away, but there’s faint wrinkles on shane’s eyes.

and ilya gets struck (again) about how time moves and leaves traces on the human body, how he got to grow up and now gets to grow old with shane, and be the person to notice the first trace of wrinkle on his face.

shane wakes up when he feels his shoulder a little damp, and was welcomed by a teary husband with fingers on his eyes, and is very confused. when ilya tells him what happened he smiles and says. “funny, mom used to tell me eye wrinkles represents a life filled with happiness and laughter. i guess you’re the perpetrator of my wrinkles.”

[throwupgirl]

love how in book 3 blue is like i wish i could be with gansey and be open about how much we love each other. sigh. too bad its impossible bc it would hurt adams fragile little feelings he will never be over me #hotgirlproblems. then cut to adam pov and hes like ronan scares the fuck out of meee i want to live in his house 🥰

[boginyagroz]

the first time ilya takes shane to the club after they get married, he shaves beforehand, puts on a tight black tank top and sprays himself with his fuckboy cologne from the hookup era. shane is already horny for him even before they leave the house — crucially, he loves fuckboy ilya, because come on, he’s been fucking this man for years when he looked exactly like this.

at the club, ilya buys out the entire dj set to only play 2010s club anthems all night long. he wants to give shane the ultimate 2010s clubbing experience he never had, but also make up for all those nights ilya had to spend dancing and making out with strangers and not the one person he wanted. but now he gets to do all this with his husband! who is delightfully hard for him by the way, because shane finds sleazy club slut ilya absolutely irresistible. ilya is gripping his hips, grinding against him, licking his neck and whispering the dirtiest filth into his ear, and shane gets dizzying butterflies he imagines all those girls got back then. and he isn’t even retroactively jealous, because now his ring is on ilya’s finger, and oh god, he gets to be taken home by ilya rozanov! he gets to have all his attention now and get railed stupid by him later!! in their shared home!!! shane is living his dream life, and ilya is right there with him.

[ilyapasta]

Assorted free-range headcanons about Hollanov at 45-55 years old:

Shane starts getting grays at 35, so by 45 he is a salt-and-pepper kING. It makes for a distinguished photograph on his memoir. He has a ghostwriter, obviously, how do you expect him to just sit and write all day? He writes the chapter about his and Ilya's rivalry though, only at the end of the chapter is he like "And we were married in the summer of 2021 with a honeymoon in Spain. He's the best person I know." after just a dry comparison of all their stats Pre-Centaurs.

One child. Boychild. Shane's genes and a Russian name. Conceived via surrogacy after Ilya retires first due to busted ass knee syndrome. Child enjoys hockey. Not great at it. Looooves playing the oboe in school band. Shane checks it out and AS IT TURNS OUT the oboe is a difficult, competitive instrument. They proceed with characteristic intensity, as if this was athletics. Son, you're gonna win at the oboe.

Ilya needs glasses. He just steals Shane's off his face and it's a whole ritual that ends in them kissing. Boychild is mortified every time they're trying to read a take-out menu.

Shane gets into hockey commentary/podcasting and is notoriously. Um. Not Nice. A lot of "What?? What did I say??" It's never personal though. Just about players' shitty game.

Ilya is Big. Chunky. He's glorious. Muscle that now has fat over it. Arms like tree trunks. Torso: round. 100% Naturalized Canadian Citizen Beef. Hair, everywhere. Shane must BITE to check it all out and make sure everything is in order.

Shane gets really into individual athletics- rock climbing, marathons before he also gets busted ass knee syndrome, biking, swimming, anything where it's like testing the limits of his body against himself. Ilya is like a "fifty push-ups every day keeps me in shape enough to fuck you right" kind of guy, but he joins in sometimes just to make Shane get furious with competition

New rookie/juniors player billeting every year once boychild goes to music conservatory so they build a whole separate wing for the youngsters so it doesn't interfere with empty-nest fucking

Once they hit 50 they do get up stupid early like old men do and have old man coffee shop time with David Hollander (professional boring old man) at their favorite diner. Shane really cherishes this time with his dad and makes it a point to do it as often as they can. Conversely, they build Yuna a mother in law house when David passes away (death comes for us all) and she becomes crazy hockey mom to all their rookies.

Add your ownnnnn

[darlingofdots]

there's a theragun in every room of the house and trying to unfuck their various Busted Ass Issues becomes just another step in sex prep

Shane is terrorising the local birdwatching community

Ilya is personally if inadvertently responsible for at least four divorces among his kid's schoolmate's parents

every time they attend a Centaurs game they end up on kiss cam (which isn't even a THING Shane is convinced they do this just to fuck with him) and they always pretend to be reluctant and roll their eyes and oh, fine, if you insist *smooch* *deafening cheers*

they're not really famous anymore anywhere EXCEPT Ottawa, where they're very famous but everybody's kind of agreed to be chill about it and also now that they ACTUALLY have time to spare they're just like, doing stuff. so you get an excited insta post from somebody new in town like omg i think i just saw shane hollander at tim horton's??? and the comments are all "dude obviously he always gets a coffee and a box of timbits thursday afternoon, where else would he be"

[my-2nd-account]

"Marleau feels terrible he did not mean to hurt you." #i stand with my cancelled wife #even if my cancelled wife almost killed my future husband #my cancelled wife did not mean to hurt him

[erlie]

Some Cottage inspired sketches.

[penandinkprincess]

with how much shane enjoys getting pinned down, i'm laughing about the idea of ilya who knows academically that he and shane are equally matched but who never really transfers that thought to the bedroom because he and shane playfight/wrestle as foreplay but shane enjoys "losing" these particular struggles and thus doesn't really ever use his full strength beyond the opening few seconds

which means the first time shane is riding him and is close to finishing and thus shoves him the FUCK back down when ilya is about to sit up and turn them hits ilya like a fucking FREIGHT TRAIN

man is getting held down with a hand to his chest with a force shane hasn't actually used in bed before and he is about to pass! out! from the force of the horny crashing over him

[penandinkprincess]

the idea of ilya edging and frustrating shane specifically to provoke him into slamming him down and holding him there to take what he wants

[grabmyboner]

to go to sleep my husband puts on YouTube videos of this random guy trying to survive in nature and build things out of his surroundings and that’s so shane coded shane puts that shit on and he’s so intrigued and Ilya has to be like no more baby it’s time to sleep and shane is like But I have to know how to build a tent out of logs and branches in case I am stranded in the woods but he’s like falling asleep saying it and Ilya is like sure baby whatever you say and just kisses him on the forehead and turns the tv off cause shane is already unconscious

[eightyonextwentyfour]

[lexicanons]

AU where Ilya is the face of the league and star player on the Metros. He’s a free agent and plans on resigning with the Metros. The Centaurs want to discuss a potential deal over a meal and Ilya isn’t about to say no to a free meal. Ilya figures he’ll eat and then gently tell the representative that he’s going to stay with the Metros, that is until Shane walks through the door. Shane Hollander, son of the owner, Yuna Hollander, sits down at the table and starts talking about the team, the kind of money they can offer him, and Ilya can’t sign that contract fast enough.

[dontcallmeanythingplz]

I just think once Ilya and Shane retire and are less famous and get invited to do celebrity appearances on game shows or whatever that Ilya and David would be a good pair for The Amazing Race.

The producers obviously invited Ilya and Shane, but Shane thought the experience sounded too over stimulating and too many days to be out of routine. Yuna would never subject herself to doing something where she couldn't control the narrative or the edit. David is really okay with going with the flow and Ilya seemed excited which is enough reason for him. They can even be called Team Hollanov still.

(David and Ilya's relationship is just really important to me and I plan to post every time I explore different avenues that they can take, so brb)

[lookatthe-stars13]

hc that ilya watches shane’s french interviews thinking he’s always talking about ilya not knowing that the whole time shane’s been saying “il y a” (as in “there is” in french)

he finds out years later when they’re watching said interviews together, and realizing shane hasn’t been name dropping him all this time becomes a reason to 1) absolutely despise the french language or 2) learn the language out of spite

[hollanovbiter]

might write this as a little ficlet later but for now:

shane has been sitting on the couch staring into space for over an hour. ilya, at first, tries to leave him be, but then becomes increasingly concerned. he finally allows himself to approach, mumbling a small “shane?”

Shane just hmms back, but his eyes stay fixed on the blank TV screen.

20 minutes later, ilya is calling yuna panicking.

“Ilya, honey. I’m sure he’s fine. what was he doing before this?”

“we had a media day. photos, interviews, a few tik toks. we didn’t even have practice.”

yuna laughs. “that’ll do it! shane just needs a minute to decompress. leave him be.”

“but he’s been in this… stupor! for almost 2 hours,” he whisper yells, making sure shane can’t hear him.

“Ilya. he is fine. he gets like this sometimes because of his autism.”

“his what?!”

[my-castles-crumbling]

overheard - hollanov - @hollanovbingo - word count: 321 - slightly NSFW - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3

JJ ran into the Metros locker room, face lit up and eyes wide, waving his hands in the air. “Guys, guys! Guess what I just overhead!”

Shane, who normally did not care even a little about gossip, didn’t turn. But several other players looked at him and gave him questioning expressions.

“Rozanov has a girlfriend!”

Now Shane was interested. “What?” he asked incredulously, nearly dropping his jersey.

“Yes, yes, it is crazy, right? But I heard him talking to Centaurs about this girl, Jane! He said he loves her!” JJ exclaimed, looking like he wasn’t completely sure he believed it.

Shane avoided Hayden’s knowing look. 

“That’s bullshit. Rozanov’s got a girl in every city,” one of the other guys piped up, scoffing. “Man’s an asshole, but he’s a fuckin’ legend like that. No way anyone’s locked him down!”

JJ shrugged. “That is what he said. But maybe it just takes a special girl,” he grinned, waggling his eyebrows.

A couple of the guys wolf-whistled while Shane furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding the insinuation. “What d’you mean?” he called out, needing to know.

“I did not hear everything, of course, but from what he is saying? Jane is a total freak. I mean, not many people could keep up with Rozanov, yeah?” JJ chuckled, most of the team laughing with him. “He said that she is the one tiring him out. Imagine?” The man leaned close, eyes wide. “Apparently she even let him fuck her from behind while she wore his jersey.”

“Shit. Why do assholes get all the luck?” someone hissed jealously, murmurs of agreement sounding around them.

But Shane was too busy looking over to Hayden, who looked absolutely horrified. 

“Um…” he muttered softly, uneasily, no idea what to say for himself and his apparent reputation.

“Yeah. Yeah, I need to go scrub out my fuckin’ brain,” Hayden sighed, standing up and walking away, looking slightly queasy. 

And….yeah. That was fair.

[my-castles-crumbling]

pocket dial - hollanov - @hollanovbingo - word count: 367 - slightly NSFW - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3

As Shane slipped quietly back into his seat at the charity event, he fought to keep his expression neutral and his breathing smooth. Checking his watch, he let out a sigh of relief: he and Ilya had hardly been gone fifteen minutes. Sure, that was enough time to make some people ask where they were, but definitely not enough time for anyone to be truly scandalized. They were safe.

Clearing his throat and sniffing, he chanced a glance up at his husband.

Big mistake.

Ilya was smirking at him with a predatory grin, his cheeks still slightly pink from what’d happened in the bathroom just moments ago, his eyes bright and sparkling with adoration.

Shane diverted his gaze downward, biting back his own crazed smile. Fuck. Trust Ilya to make him want to do absolutely insane things right here, in the middle of a crowd of very famous people.

Still. There was no evidence, right? They’d checked each other quickly to make sure their clothing was on correctly and free of stains, and even though Ilya’d possessively smacked Shane’s ass on the way out of the single-stall room, they’d both managed to keep themselves together as they’d approached their table again.

But then, Rose Landry leaned over to Shane, her lipstick-covered lips curled into a knowing smile. “Babe. Check your phone.”

Confused, he pulled the device from his pocket, only to nearly drop it into his salad.

Call Connected 15:09 Rose Landry

The timer was still counting up.

“Oh fuck,” he mumbled under his breath, no daring to look up at her as his face flushed maroon.

“Most interesting pocket dial I’ve ever gotten,” she murmured to him, sounding thoroughly amused. “You’re definitely gay, you weren’t nearly as excited when we did anything I’ll tell you that.”

Desperately, he looked over to Ilya for help, but just saw Svetlana whispering to him, pointing between Shane and Rose, both of them laughing into their napkins.

“I…need to go to the bathroom,” he whispered, trying to escape his embarrassment.

But Rose just laughed lightly, grinning and shaking her head. “Again? Ilya’s a lucky man.”

So he sank into his chair, covering his face and swearing never to leave.

[my-castles-crumbling]

wet - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 320 - slightly NSFW - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3

Knock. Knockknock. Knock.

As soon as Shane heard the telltale knock of his boyfriend outside the bar’s bathroom, he wrenched open the door, grabbing Ilya by his collar and dragging him inside. Ilya, of course, was grinning from ear to ear as he allowed Shane to manhandle him, a smirk on his face indicating that this was his plan all along.

“You–are–obscene,” Shane huffed, slamming Ilya against the dirty wall and pressing their lips together, groaning as Ilya reached for his waist, grinding their hips in a friction so delicious he saw stars. “What the fuck, Rozanov?”

“No idea what you are talking about,” Ilya panted into his mouth before sucking on his tongue, making his toes curl. “I am being very good today. Waiting patiently.”

“Good?” Shane repeated, letting out an embarrassing whimper as Ilya bit at his neck. “You’ve been eyefucking me for hours. Licking your fucking lips and texting me all sorts of–Fuck, what the fuck are you even doing here? I thought you said you’d meet me at my room at eleven?” His whole rant, of course, was stuttered and cut off, distracted by Ilya’s touches.

“Was bored. My superstar hockey boyfriend was out celebrating stupid win with annoying teammates. I wanted to get a drink. Have fun,” Ilya growled into his neck, licking and leaving wet spots. “I miss him.”

“Fuck,” Shane groaned, eyes rolling back into his head as Ilya began to suck lightly at his earlobe. “Okay. Fuck. I’m leaving, I’m leaving. Meet me at my room in ten.”

With a noise of triumph, Ilya pulled back, beaming. “Okay, okay, Hollander. You do not have to be so eager. At least let me get one more drink first.”

Shane shoved him lightly, rolling his eyes. “If you don’t get out of this bathroom and back to my hotel room in the next five fucking seconds–”

“So needy,” Ilya beamed, dodging Shane’s hand as he walked back out the door.