Sunflowers and Rainfall (won't undo the damage made by man)
Bruce Wayne x batmom!reader
Wc: 2277, tw: implied/referenced self harm, suicidal thoughts, suicide, murder, shitty Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd crawls out of his grave, Bruce gets hit during an argument
A/n: this was originally written by me and posted onto ao3 as septicclover. Don't use AI on my work.
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The clouds were blocking the sun once again, as happened often in Gotham. The only good thing was that it wasn’t yet raining, though judging from the dark colour, it wouldn’t be a surprise that it would start soon.
You weren’t sure why that was a detail you noticed, not now, not as you were sitting at the grave of your second son. It had been six months, and in those six months things got even worse in ways you didnt think possible. Dick hadn’t come home even once, and maybe he wasn’t in the wrong for that, considering Bruce hadnt told him about Jason’s fate, but it still hurt. Your son, your only living son, seemed to have cut all ties to what had once been his home, and that included you.
Your marriage had been falling apart before Jason’s death, but it had been small things then: jason started rebelling, Bruce was too busy with work to come home or he would spent entire nights on patrol and the both of them came home with graver injuries each time, to the point you started dreading the sound of the batmobile’s engine. Alfred had been your only solace then, sitting beside you in the cave on the worse nights or making sure you had enough food and water in your system to survive as you waited for Bruce to come home.. again. It got to the point you didnt bother staying up anymore, when Jason.. your jay.. when he got home you would take care of his injuries and make sure he ate and drank something before tucking him in and going to bed yourself.
--
It was 3 am and you had a meeting tomorrow, but the urge to close your eyes wasnt as strong as the need to know your son was okay. You may have let Bruce make him a robin, but that didn’t mean you were entirely okay with it. Seeing him be injured was the hardest thing in the world, even harder than going to bed without your husband. Even if you didnt fully agree with their decisions though, you couldnt deny Jay something when it made him this happy, so instead of forbidding him to go you had made him promise that he would do his best to stay alive and okay.
But now, as it was nearing.. you looked at the clock to see it read just past 3:10, you were seriously reconsidering the whole ‘’not forbidding Jay to go on patrol’’ thing. Not only because you had a meeting tomorrow, but because Jason had school tomorrow and you were pretty sure he had an important assignment coming up.
You were shaken from your musings by the sound of footsteps coming closer and as you listened, you realized that the sound you heard wasnt the sound Alfred’s oxfords made, so you turned towards the sound and waited for Jason to appear. A relieved smile crept onto your face at seeing him in a relatively decent condition. You could spot the blood on the robin mask from over at the computer, but he didnt limp and it didnt look like he was sporting terrible injuries, so that was a positive thing. ‘’Hey honey, how was patrol?’’ you asked, and you listened as he talked about everything that happened as you carefully took off his mask to look for any injuries on his face, but besides a half formed bruise on his jaw and a split lip you didnt see anything. ‘’Relax ma, most of the blood isnt mine’’ he reassured you, and you felt a slight stab in your heart that your son was reassuring you, instead of the other way around. Nevertheless you nodded, kissing his forehead as you stated, ‘’that may be Jay, but I still want to see if you have any other injuries okay?’’
He had nodded, and half an hour and one additional twisted ankle later, you let him lean a little on you as you walked upstairs and to the kitchen. You knew after patrols he could either eat a horse or he wouldnt want anything, so you waited for him to anwser the silent question. He shrugged this time, ‘’some fruit is fine ma, maybe some water too,’’ and then he murmered, ‘’and maybe some candy,’’ so quietly you almost missed it. You raised an eyebrow but you grabbed him some fruit and poured a glass of water, and if you slipped in some of his favourite candies, well, no one would know.
--
It was 4:00 am and you were pretty sure Jason was sleeping as you quietly closed the book you had been reading from. You moved slowly as you got out of his bed, replacing your own body with a pillow that laid on the sheets. As you stood, a small smile appeared on your face as you just watched your son breathe for a minute. Then, you put the book on the nightstand and grabbed the mess of blankets Jason was resting under, carefully straightening it out and tucking him in. ‘’I’m fourteen ma, don’t need to be tucked in,’’ he murmered sleepily, yet a small smile was visible on his face. You shook your head as you ran a hand through his messy hair, ‘’whether youre fourteen or ninety, Ill always tuck you in if you want me to honey.’’ You kissed the top of his head and made your way to the door, ‘’sleep well my little firecracker,’’ you murmered to the small form on the bed before you moved to close the door. You left it open a crack though, knowing that Jay preferred having an escape route.
You walked away from Jason’s room, preparing yourself for yet another night on your own in your giant bed.
You shook your head as you walked into the bedroom, looking out the window you asked the shadows of the night ’’ what do I have to do for you to come home Bruce?’’
--
After Jasons death, things truly started deteriorating, and the problems that seemed little at first only became bigger each day. You screamed at him once, a week after he had come home and lifted Jasons lifeless body.. your son’s lifeless body.. from the batmobile.
At the time, you had been shocked, no sound escaping your mouth as you gently moved the cape away so his face and body became visible. Your son had been a mess, a bloody mess with broken bones and burns, and yet under all of that you knew it was him. You dont quite remember the time between seeing your son was dead and the fight with Bruce, but maybe that was a blessing. It was uncommon for you to raise your voice in arguments and fights, but it was even more rare for you to ouright scream at your husband that..
Our son is fucking dead, Bruce! Dead! What do I have to do to make you stay?!’’ you huff out a frustrated breath at seeing your husbands impassive face before continuing, ‘’What about Dick? Its fine if my grief doesnt matter to you, but I swear to god..’’ you started but you noticed the flicker of guilt in his steel blue eyes and you fell silent, horror and fury bubbling up in you as you realized what was happening.
‘’Bruce.. no. ..Bruce Thomas fucking Wayne, tell me you told our son, our only son. Tell me you spoke to Dick and told him what happened,’’ you pleaded him, but he just looked at a point above your head as he started talking, ‘’I was planning to do it tomorrow. There was no reason for him to know yet, there was no set date for a funeral and it hasnt been long..’’
A slap echoed througout the cave.
He looked down at you in shock, only to find nothing but venom in your normally kind hazel eyes, ‘’there was no reason yet? How about the fact his brother died Bruce?,’’ you shook your head in disgust, walking towards the stairs but pausing at the first step. Without looking back at your husband you spat out,’’ you better tell him tomorrow, otherwise you wont just have a dead son, but also an ex-wife.’’
You had walked away after that, and the day after, he told you he spoke to Dick.
So when Dick hadnt come to the funeral you had been shocked, but Bruce had shaken his head and said ‘’later.’’
Turns out, later was much later. Apparently, Dick had been on a mission in space, something you hadnt been aware of. What was worse, you walked in on an argument between the two and you stopped in your tracks as you heard a snippet of Dick’s yell.
‘’..about Jasons funeral?!’’
Bruce had opened his mouth to speak but froze as he spotted you standing in the doorway, coat still on. Dick turned around as well but before he could turn his anger onto you, you looked at him, ‘’what was that about Jasons funeral, Dick?’’
He looked momentarily bewildered but quickly the anger came back, ‘’what about his funeral?! Mom, I didnt even know he was dead! Now I come back and I get told hes dead!? That you buried him already?!’
All the air left your lungs in that moment, but just moments later the shock had been replaced with a white hot fury. You took off your coat calmly and turned towards your son, ‘’Richard, honey, would you be so kind as to leave me and Bruce alone for a minute, I have something to talk to him about.’’
He had seemed like he had wanted to object, but he knew you only called him by his first name when things were serious, so he obliged, though not without kicking a random chair on his way out. Once he was out you had closed the door and screamed at your husband until all you were left with was a bone deep exhaustion.
You had spent the next few days with Dick, sleeping in random bedrooms around the manor to avoid seeing your husband. Not that it made much of a difference, he was barely home as it was.
You had taken him to Jay’s grave, explained what had happened and apologized a thousand times over for not checking with Bruce if he had told him.
--
When Dick had left, your relationship with Bruce became frigid and cold, and it still was now.
Even now, as you were sitting next to your sons grave, you and Bruce hadn’t made up.
You couldnt blame Dick for not contacting you, not after the shock of last time.
You and Alfred had been trying to keep the household afloat, but with each passing day that got more difficult.
The joker hadnt been spotted either, things got awfully quiet after he had escaped Arkham yet again.
A drop of rain landed on your forehead, slowly making its way down until it dripped from your chin.
You looked at the knife beside you, blood and gore still on it.
At least the joker wouldnt hurt anyone ever again, you just hoped Bruce wouldnt be blamed for it. Even now, with your relationship in shambles and your only living son having cut contact because of him, you still loved him, like a stupid idiot. But you couldnt turn off your emotions like he seemingly could sometimes, even if you knew better, which was probably why the frigidity of your relationship hurt so much.
Your hand crept towards the gun that was laying besides the knife.
Alfred was probably tired. He had spent all of Bruce’s life taking care of him and now, you were only adding to that burden. There were days where you wouldnt come out of bed, days where all you did was accidentally make a mess everywhere. Hell, he had taken care of you when you had needed help bandaging a wound.
You ran your finger down the raised scar on your lower arm and sighed, reaching for the gun.
Maybe it was better this way. You wouldnt be a burden to Alfred anymore and Bruce didnt have to make excuses to stay away from the manor and from you. It would even be better for Dick, at least this way he could focus his anger on you and hopefully patch things up with Bruce.
You raised the gun to your temple and tapped the headstone twice, ‘’I’m coming to join you Jay. I’m so sorry, I promise I tried,’’ a sob escaped you as another raindrop landed on your head, ‘’Your brother hates me, rightfully so. I hit Bruce during an argument and yelled at him and im nothing but a burden to Alfred so..’’
You sighed, ‘’I’m sorry honey, you were always my little firecracker but it seems when you left, my fire left with you. I promise I did my best to stay,’’ you werent sure who you tried to convince at this point but you continued on nevertheless, ‘’I just want you to know, I’ve always been proud of you and I love you.’’
You took a deep breath, ‘’I’ll see you soon, love.’’
A gunshot echoed throughout the graveyard.
--
It was raining when Jason Todd clawed his way out of his grave.
It was raining when he spotted the body next to his grave and recognized it as his mother.
--
It was raining when the news came about the death of the joker.
It was drizzling when Jason realized the knife next to his ma was the weapon used.
The urge to write but also the fear its not good enough but also wanting to write but also knowing the thing you want to write about has been done over a dozen times already and the love for writing but not knowing how and where to start and-
the way it's almost fucking impossible to find a good written dc comics or hannibal fanfiction without people turning the characters into their own ocs is fucking insane
Okay, school is starting again so maybe youll get fics (doubtful.)
As for you my wonderful hannibal anon, i love you for your patience (you probably already forgot me) but the stuff i wrote is so ooc its disgraceful to the show
Surprise, I'm actually not dead! No but in all seriousness, ive been dying w school and grades and shit and everything ive written for dad!hannibal has been deleted at some point bc my brain thought it was majorly ooc and stupid so im trying i promise but i feel like im writing this so bad like 💀💀 (also i will write it okay im too stubborn not to now)
[ID: the bugs bunny "very pleasant evening" meme. It has been edited to read "I wish all my followers who are definitely not getting the content they followed me for a very pleasant evening" /end ID]
