JayRae

Health.Travel.Women Enpowerment.Creating Self Love.

[jayyyyraeee-blog]

•OVERSIZED•Sweaters• 😍

[jayyyyraeee-blog]

🖤 #favfilter

[jayyyyraeee-blog]

🌳🍃 (at Huckleberry Botanic Regional Preserve)

[naturalistalife]

[blackgirlshairrock]

[yourstrulys-deactivated20170526]

[jayyyyraeee-blog]

mood

[jayyyyraeee-blog]

Backsliding.

Man oh man, Lets talk about backsliding ugh. I have been broken up with my last ex boyfriend for about two years now. I know for a FACT we are not meant to be but out sexual chemistry is amazing. So how did we start even talking again? Around October of last year my friend and I went to HUE night club in SF and ironically we were talking about him and his friends before we even got there. Having so much fun we met Ming Lee (she has her own hair line) as we go on into the night in the mist of me having a good time my friend tells me that My ex’s friends is there then 2 seconds later she was like OMG he is here. I died inside literally I didn't want to be in the club anymore. Anyway we we talk, well he talk just a bunch of I’m Sorry and gave me his number. STOPP! Damn, should've never texted him fast forward 11 months and during I feel like a complete idiot but defiantly still in love but maybe just really love for him. Love will make you do some dumb shit seriously. But hey we live and we learn. He hasn't changed and yes it took a while for me to realize that. In a weird way I am glad that it happened because I got to experience this man stupid in love and I experience this man as a women that is no longer in love with him. He is so corny to me now, he does a few cute things but when i first started dating him i though it was cute opening my door walking on the side closer to the street. Now that i realize this that is they type a shit a man is suppose to do why do i find that attractive? Posting him on my social media slightly ruined what i had with another dude but hey that wasn't probably meant to be. BUT YESS, I have learned that this guy hasn't grown up at all and that is completely okay. he will one day and I know he will be great for someone else. This weekend is when it hit me that WOW he is still a jerk to me but I allowed that so i cannot blame him only myself for putting myself back into this situation. we were suppose to hangout. I got ready and he didn't hit me up until 3 hours after we were suppose to hangout. DAMN, Okay and this is when it hit me I went through this same shit in our relationship. I do not want to ever feel like that again and that is totally up to me. I pray that God will help me in this process of once again letting this man go sexually, the emotions has already been gone. He is just very attractive to me UGHH! But Yess I need to stop backsliding, I told myself that the next guy i have sex with will be my husband, so yes i was celibate but GUESS WHAT, yup I backslided in the moment nope didn't feel gulity but now i feel like I made a huge mistake letting him back in. So back on the road to Celibacy.