Beh, iba na itu. As in ang hirap magkaroon ng feelings para sa close friend mo. Like a really close friend. Somebody whom you wouldn't risk your friendship for. Somebody na you would rather stay friends with rather than i-push mo magka-thing kayo because he's too precious, ayaw mo'ng i-risk na maging kayo dahil baka mawala siya. Mga beh, ang hirap??? I never thought mapupunta ako sa stage na ito???? He's my friend??? We've been friends for, what, over a year? And I don't know how did these feelings start, pero shet ang lala na ngayon? And what makes it harder is may times na pinaparamdam niya sa'kin na I'm someone special to him, and at times parang okay, jan ka muna, friends lang tayelz beh? Or baka naman 'yung times na he makes me feel special, I'm putting meaning into his gestures lang? Masyado lang ako naghahanap ng signs?? Ugh, beh! Ang lala mo? And I'm not even talking about the highschool feeling in love, writing his initials at the back of your notebook, or trying on his last name and doodling it on your desk. It's that feeling of longingness, the second you go separate ways after a day together. It's seeing his face when you hear certain songs, and wonder if he thinks about you the same way as he hears this. It's unconsciously staring at him as he talks, intently listening to his voice as he speaks, admiring every word that comes from his mouth as if it were some kind of art. It's wanting to sit next to him everyday, see him everyday, hear him everyday. It's going crazy by just his scent. It's clearing up your plans, just so you could spend as much as you can with him. It's going crazy trying to forget that dream you've had of him, especially since you've just dreamt of him the other night. It's wanting to spend time with him even if there are no words to say, because you could just listen to him talk about his day and it'll be like it's the most interesting thing ever. It's talking with him and staring at his face and feeling your heart melt, thinking, "god, I love this person so much". It's the magnetic feeling when your hands are super close, but not close enough to touch, then feeling super weak when he moves away as if he's sucked all of your energy. And I hate it. I hate that I'm feeling this because he's my friend and there's no way for this to work. I don't wanna say I'm in love. It's ridiculous! He's my friend and I'd want this to turn into something more, and the same time I don't. He's the most beautiful person I've met and he's so special I don't even know how to let people comprehend even just the gist of it. He's wonderful, there are no words. I feel like I'm going crazy, I had to write this down and let these feelings out or else I'll explode!
