swimming
Bear with me for a moment.
I have been in the process of drowning for years. I still know how to swim, but my body and brain can’t do it anymore. I am treading water, but I do not know how much longer I can keep it up. I don’t know what it would actually take to make me drown, and I really do not want to find out. It sucks.
Spoiler alert: i’m not actually talking about swimming.
It’s been a very difficult past few years filled with pain, grief, exhaustion, uncertainty, and now a global pandemic. All of the fun stuff. Don’t get me wrong, there have been countless positives as well, but the negatives kept pulling deeper into the water. Both my body and brain were in constant pain. I thought to myself, “is this just part of being an adult?” “Are things exacerbated by the current state of affairs?” “Am I over reacting?” “What is happening to me?”
It’s been a rollercoaster of a year so far, as it has been for everyone. I had the summer off of work, but I knew with the start of the new school year I needed to reclaim some of my old self from years ago. I decided to focus on my mental and physical health and to not waste my emotional energy on anyone or anything that didn’t deserve it. Easier said than done though. It felt selfish, like I was running away.
But then I realized so what.
I am running away. I am running away from pain and running towards myself. I am running towards being a healthier person and a better teacher. It’s been exhausting seeing so many healthcare professionals, but I’m not in as much pain as I used to be. It’s been a bit isolating at times, but it’s working. I stood up for myself, I stood my ground, and I didn’t hold back. So I am going to keep running. I am going to keep running in the hope that maybe one day I will swim again.

















