“Honey, stop that— stop carrying around guilt that is unfounded. If mom and dad were still alive… we don’t know what would have happened, but I never regretted takin’ care of you both, pops and ma were there to help along the way, but I wouldn’t change anythin’, you were angry and sad and you were just a kid. I would do it one thousand times over if it meant you were growin’ up to be this beautiful woman… mom and dad they would be proud of you, they would be proud of all of us for growin’ up,” Anna truly believed in so. There were times when she got lost in her own thoughts and imagined what life would have been like if Jane and Jason Cooper were still alive. If they would be just as in love now as they were sixteen years ago. If the family would be gathered around the same fireplace every year. If the three of them would be more functional on their own. Anna, though, she didn’t think of her sisters as burdens, no. She was even selfish in wanting to have direct opinions on how they grew up, wanting to pass on them what their parents had taught her, what their parents didn’t have the time to teach them. Looking at Jenna seemed like stolen time, she was only 10 years old and children don’t know how to grief… they shouldn’t grief and they shouldn’t have to mourn the loss of both parents, and yet those were the cards they were dealt with. “You have to know that doesn’t matter what is happenin’ in my life, I’ll always worry about you, constantly, it’s just wired in me—- with mom and that and without them, it has always been there…” she sighed and shook her head, “of course Ella is gonna talk to you. She’s just sad, angry and confused. In the span of a week, she saw both of her sisters in the hospital and I don’t want to poke on the wound but you not lettin’ us know hurt, it really did, doesn’t matter if we respect your decisions or not, because it hurt and it was too much all at once, she just needs to process that… she has not been okay for a long time, Jen— none of us have.” Wasn’t that the underestimation of the century? Pressing a kiss to her sister’s temple, there was strength in their unity and they needed to be together now more than ever. She nodded at her question, always wanting her sisters to understand some of what she did. “On some part. He would threaten to hurt you if I left— to hurt my friends… he was very good at manipulatin’ me,” she brows furrowed and she knew she didn’t want to talk about this particular subject then and there. There were more pressing matters to discuss. Now Jared was gone and nothing but a bad memory to them, bad times they had been through and no matter how much she looked down on her hands and saw blood, there was nothing that would change the fate she had given him. “You will, we’re all rooting for you to get out of the hospital as soon as possible, Nate misses you home and I can’t wait until there is no Cooper here—- she’ll be fine honey, both of you will,” she squeezed her hand lightly and a small smile crossed her lips. “Yes… I’ve been stayin’ with Hector and lookin’ for a new house with Kendell, I’ve been to the old house with Hector and… it wasn’t pretty,” her nose wrinkled, “but I’ve been comin’ here a lot, for you, to give Nate some reprieve, to see my niece and to see Elodie… have you picked a name yet?”
“You say that... Ella says they’d hate who I’ve become... which is it?” and she was tired of having to guess. She had no idea which of her memories were real and which of them were just stories she had heard other people telling. She was tired, and upset, and right now it felt like she had become the punching bag for her sisters emotions and for what? Because she had done something they didn’t agree with? And if she argued back... now it just felt like she was confirming their arguments, and she was sick and tired of it all. She simply hadn’t wanted anyone there when she went into labour, it wasn’t like she was the first woman who had wanted that. But that’s the thing, you don’t respect it, else you wouldn’t keep telling me how you felt about it, or how Ella felt about it. I was the one in labour, me. The only person who has any right to be angry with me right now is Nate, and he isn’t. My entire life I have respected any decision you or Ella made, even you staying with Jared even though I lost sleep over that... but I decide I don’t want anyone there for when I have to push a small child out, and I get this? You were in hospital, I was trying not to stress you out even more... and Ella, you can’t argue that she was stressed seeing us in hospital and then tell me I was wrong for trying to avoid her seeing me in hospital. Or even justify her coming in here yelling at me to grow up because I was in denial over the pregnancy when it’s been less than a year since my son died. I get she’s upset, but so am I, and I am done, trying to explain my choice to anyone other than Nate... or at least that was what she wanted to say. But what was the point? They had both made it clear they didn’t agree with her choice, and she knew she was never going to get them to respect her. She loved her sisters, but right now it was very hard not to be heartbroken by how they were taking their hurt out on her. “Why didn’t you call the police? They could have prevented that” of course logically she knew it wasn’t so simple, but her sister was living with the man, and fuck only knew what he did to her. “I’ll believe that, when I see it” she couldn’t believe anything else, not now. “I can imagine. Have you found anywhere? No... not yet. We will but... it’s hard” and hardly been the front of her mind,
