Jenny's Recovery Journal @jennysrecoveryjournal - Tumblr Blog

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Me as a kid: ‘’ Hell yeah this is the first time I made it through an all-nighter!’’

Me today:

ok ok but ya know what i’m realizing?? HAVING AN EATING DISORDER IS SUCH A WASTE OF MY LIFE. in the time I devote to my ED, how many more people could I help?? how many more laughs could I have? how many more breathless moments could I experience? how many beautiful runs could I go on? how much of the patriarchy could i crush??

I AM JUST DONE. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR. THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. I CANNOT CHANGE THE WORLD WHILE HAVING AN EATING DISORDER

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if you regret any of the sexual experiences you’ve had i’m here for you. if you didn’t say no but you didn’t say yes i’m here for you. if you wanted to stop but you didn’t know how to say it i’m here for you. if it was consensual and then it wasn’t i’m here for you. if it was uncomfortable or if it hurt or if it wasn’t what you wanted i’m here for you. if you spent the whole time waiting for it to be over i’m here for you. if you are scared or afraid of being intimate with someone i am here for you. if you feel anxiety and shame towards sex when the rest of society seems to be absolutely obsessed with it i’m here for you. there is nothing wrong with you and everything you are feeling is valid. i’m here for you.

thelovewhisperer

Who you are now is not who you will be in 10 years. It is okay to be somebody new 10 minutes from now. We are always learning. We are always growing. If you realized 10 seconds ago that you don’t like who you are, shed your skin, retry, replant yourself in good soil. Forgive someone’s debt if it’s under 50 dollars, forgive the small things, give a little time to yourself and forgive the big things too. Forgiveness isn’t about the other person, it’s about you. That being said - if someone ever hurts you in a way that would make me cry to know, you get out of there, my love. You just get up and go.

Life Lessons My Mother Has Taught Me From The Side of Her Hospital Bed (via thelovewhisperer)

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When I’m discussing a relationship with my therapist

and she starts focusing on the other person, I’m like:

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In other news, water is wet

Let the children be themselves

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To have this article in Canada’s most conservative chain of papers is amazing.

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I would be totally suspicious of this appearing in the Canadian equivalent of Fox News, but yeah, nice to see a positive (if obvious) article.

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jennysrecoveryjournal

EWWWWWWWWWWW

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I haven’t taken my Zoloft for two nights in a row purely because I wanted to feel the withdraw effects. It almost makes me feel high. Contemplating another night without them.

I don’t know what’s happening to me. Why do I hate myself so much?

jennysrecoveryjournal

I didn't take mine for 3 days cuz I left them home when I went away for the weekend and my mood dropped so hard so fast and I got so mad/irritated at everything and everyone and I was so debilitatingly tired! Please be careful <3 take care of your brain & just your whole self you're amazing <3

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I’m running a Marathon

Recovery is a marathon. You start running and get caught up in the thrill of the race. Recovery will be great sex, yoga and pasta. You’ll travel the world eating gelato and stay up to the wee hours drinking cocktails with friends. Kilometre after kilometre passes. Goal after goal achieved. Your legs tire. Your lungs hurt. Fatigue sets in. Every step becomes a struggle. A kilometre ago you were flying so why are you so tired? You can’t see the end of the race but a primeval urge takes over. You must keep going. You must finish. Two choices: give up and start walking or just keeping putting one foot in front of the other. Just as recovery has two choices: get worse or get better. Get to the next tree. The next light post. Get through the next meal. The next day at work. You forget why you are running. You just run. Don’t stop. Never stop. The thing that keeps you going is that you know the race will finish. You know the pain will end. In recovery you start the same race over and over. You run and you fall. You pick yourself up and you start again.

I really hope recovery is marathon because every race has an end. A life without meal plans, psychiatric meds and group therapy. A marathon has a spectacular end. The best part is looking back at the race even though you are exhausted, beaten and dumbfounded by how you actually did it.

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