Jen's Jots

[jensjots]

A Season of Gratefulness

Technically the Nancy Ray Contentment Challenge is 3 months and the second month has this particular activity. While I’m done with the Contentment Challenge for now, I do want to keep up this activity, especially with Thanksgiving being this month it seemed perfect.

1. A husband who works from home so occasionally I can take a nap during the day while he has our kid. 

2. Donut holes from Bill’s. 

3. My daughter enjoying the zucchini bead I baked for her.

4. Rainy days that make me feel ok for staying in my PJs most of my day.

[jensjots]

Self-care is not sufficient

“You looked upon my helpless state and led me to the cross,” we sang. 

Something clicked. I had this thought of Jesus standing beside me in my one year old’s nursery with me. He takes my hand as I angrily and sinfully huff and puff because once again my child is not sleeping and He says, “I’ll help.” 

We continue to sing...

And I beheld God’s love displayed You suffered in my place You bore the wrath reserved for me Now all I know is grace

Then that thing happened that I hate. Where the tears slip down. One tear. Two tears. Three. Four. FiveSixSeveneightnineten... Oh they’re not stopping. And it’s one thing to have this happen in a church with cool mood lighting and it’s nice and dark. It’s another when this happens in a church plant located in an elementary building and the fluorescent lights show off all your ugly tears. 

I’ve been trying to become content for 28 days now. 

At the start of this month my husband and I began our version of the Contentment Challenge. Our goal was to get out of the habit of quick spending. To my husband, that might look like not doing as much Internet shopping. To me, that might look like not killing time with my daughter by strolling through the aisles of Target or TJ Maxx. 

I did this challenge before and I will certainly do it again. This month has been the most perfect month to do this challenge. We didn’t do any traveling. I had just quit my day job to become a full time SAHM. And my daughter had just started to sleep through the night. I was getting sleep and ready to rock out all the feels of my new role, with lots of free time on my hands. 

It felt like I was doing a juice cleanse. You’re pumped, ready to ace this challenge, only to crumble in withdrawal minutes later. And at first you think, “No big deal.” The next, you’re crying in a corner saying, “JUST LET ME BUY ONE FALL SCENTED CANDLE.” (This is somewhat of an exaggeration.) 

For the most part, cutting out spending has not been too bad. It’s helped me refine what I actually, “NEED” and what could instead go on a Christmas Wish List. What it turned into this month was less of a challenge about spending, and more of a challenge to be intentional with my time. 

Because I was no longer able to distract myself with shopping, I found myself more aware of my feelings. I was hating days my daughter didn’t nap well. Or more specifically, hating myself if we found ourselves in front of a TV instead of a park. I was jealous of friends who could leave their children to work, but I was “stuck” with my mine. I got tired of being intentional with making meals for my child, only for her to reject them. I was angry that I was being selfless only to get nothing in return. 

I was truly reminded this month of what a sinful, wretched soul I am. I can do nothing alone without a Savior.

I’ve been wrestling with these feelings a lot lately. And today at church my pastor brilliantly put into words what I couldn’t. 

When we get angry. When we are discontent. This is when we turn to self care. “I can’t handle my child anymore, I need to a massage.” “I need a babysitter.” “I need out.of.the.house.now.” Or it could be simply, “Please God, help my attitude.” That was what I was praying. But maybe that prayer needed to be more than just asking for an attitude change. Maybe it needed repentance too. 

The remedy to my sin is not a contentment challenge. It’s owning my sin. Admitting my sin. And confessing my sin. 

A weekly babysitter won’t fix my annoyance at my child. A massage won’t fix her short naps or her picky eating. I can’t simply say, “Just get up early and do some yoga and you’ll be happy today!” No. I need to confess my sin, and then I need to ask God to help me change my attitude and help me be more like Him. And stay committed to seeking Him first.

Then the beautiful thing is refreshment comes. That joy and refreshing feeling I haven’t had all month despite this challenge, came today, as I confessed to God my sin.

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone And live so all might see The strength to follow Your commands Could never come from me O Father, use my ransomed life In any way You choose And let my song forever be My only boast is You

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

[jensjots]

Meet Bruce Wayne (the dog) Pt. 1

The story starts when Steve met my Uncle Geno.

Uncle Geno told my then boyfriend, Steve, that since Steve worked from home (as my Uncle also did) he should DEFINITELY get a dog. Dogs, apparently, are the best way to keep you sane while you’re alone at home all day long. It planted a seed in Steve’s head, but he dismissed it as he had other things to think about (like how to propose to me, I assume).

Flash forward almost a year later. Steve and I are now married and Steve remembers, “I might want a dog.”

Perfect. May I introduce you to my lifelong dream of owning a Greyhound?

...Oh wait. Back up. That means the story actually starts with my Uncle Lane.

Uncle Lane first told my family about Greyhounds when I was young. My family went up to Michigan to see my Aunt Jane and Uncle Lane one year in the late 90’s and we visited a festival where a Greyhound Rescue group had a booth set up. Uncle Lane, who has a wealth of random knowledge, told us how wonderful this breed was and when my Mom said, “They’re just so big!” Uncle Lane told us about the Whippet, a smaller version of a Greyhound. So my family got a Whippet, Buddy, and he was awesome. But in the back of my mind, I always wanted a Greyhound.

Okay, so back to me telling Steve about Greyhounds…

Calm, gentle giants who look a little underfed and prefer to just eat and sleep most of their days. I mean, could the breed be any more perfect for me and Steve?

On July 4, 2015, my parents and Steve and I spent the holiday grilling out and taking a little trip down to Mason, OH to visit Queen City Greyhound’s Meet N Greet. This would be Steve’s first encounter with a Greyhound.

During the meet-n-greet, there was one dog we noticed, that was timid and shaking and I’m pretty sure I said, “Poor baby.” a lot to him. I snapped some photos of Steve with this handsome and shy Greyhound. By the time we left, Steve seemed to like the idea of making a Greyhound his first dog.

A few months later after lots of “If we had a Greyhound” type conversations, it finally happened. I filled out the adoption application and hit “Submit” on the Queen City Greyhound online form.

Soon phone calls were had and we told Queen City we wanted the Greyhound named “Web” (because Steve works for the World Wide Web and that’s funny, right?) We were advised that a dog named “Ace” might be better for us. But he was older and timid and clingy and I said, “Uh. No.”

So we went to a meet-n-greet in October to meet Web. And Web was…. wild. He ran right between my Dad’s legs when we met him and I said, “Uh. No.”

Then there was Ace, whose racing name, we were told, was Bruce Wayne. Timid and shaking, but quiet and gentle, Ace was sweet, good with kids, and we noticed he didn’t run through anyone’s legs like Web. We walked Ace around and agreed his chill demeanor would fit us well.

A few hours later, we texted saying we wanted Ace. By that night, there were plans that he’d be dropped off the next day.

After years and years of wishing and hoping, I was finally getting a Greyhound. And I was kind of worried.

To Be Continued...

[jensjots]

Today I want to remember this season

The awkward, in between jobs, season. When I chose to quit my job at my church, I think people on the outside found it unexpected. I feared they assumed it was some light decision I made out of thin air. Like a, “Oh look! Jen’s married now so she thinks she doesn’t HAVE to work anymore. Must be nice!“ Back in the spring my boss even asked, “When you get married, are you just gonna quit?” And I said, “No!” That seemed silly. Everything in my life was about to change. My marital status. My home. My family. Everything. I figured I better stay at my current job for at least a year after I get married. Fast forward three months after getting married, and I was found huddled in my bed crying. The ugly cry kind. After months and months of internal struggle about where I was supposed to be in this season of my life, I felt like it had finally mounted to this night. Everything on paper made sense to stay. It had good vacation time. As long as I found a volunteer to take over the desk, I could leave for appointments that I needed or to write for my blog. My bosses loved me. And that’s right, I was being paid to write and edit. It seemed like I should be over the moon. But I wasn’t. That night as I huddled in bed, the tears wouldn’t stop streaming. Not to sound overly pathetic or whatever, but I want you to know how hard this decision was. God was stirring something in me. I finally felt like I heard God say, “It’s okay Jen. I think it’s time to leave your job in ministry.” I remember Steve turned on worship music while the tears kept slipping out (literally - it felt like I had no control over my tears anymore). At one point, a variation of “It Is Well (with my soul)” started to play. I kept thinking, “God, I want it to be well with my soul again.” Four days later, I quit. I felt like I could breathe again. Right before I told my church I was quitting, I had sent out one job application. One. I didn’t think too much of it. If it was meant to be, great. Thirty minutes before I told my bosses I was quitting, I was notified I had an interview. I knew not to get my hopes up too much. This job may not be for me and I could be unemployed for who knew how long. (Which sounded like it’d be fun for like two weeks, and then be miserable.) But I was trusting I heard God on it being time to leave, so I was going to do it. The weekend before my last week at my church, I remember nearly having a panic attack thinking about how hard this next season could be if I was unemployed. That Monday, I was offered the job. The timing was perfect. It’s easy to say that God definitely had a plan laid out for me. It gives me a peace I haven’t had in a long time. Leaving a job is one thing. Leaving ministry is another. When I was debating about leaving, I often felt guilty of, “But if I leave, what will happen to the people?” I helped a lot that called in, e-mailed or needed appointments. It’s not like my replacement was gonna magically show up before I left. I knew that. I knew it would make it hard for the staffers I left behind. But I also knew what God was telling me. This doesn’t mean this season isn’t weird. A lot of people ask if I’m sad about leaving. I’m not sad, because I feel so much peace. But it is strange to leave a job I’ve had for 4 years. And it’s a strange place of transition, AGAIN. Holy moly, my life is nothing but transitions these days. I felt like suddenly the foundation of who I was and where a lot of my latest friendships were built off of was swept up from under me. I’m not a mommy, so I don’t have that connection with the ZILLION married friends with babies right now. I’m not working at my church anymore, so there goes that commonality with the friends that still do. I’m not single, so I can’t connect as well with my single girlfriends. When I left my job as a journalist, I remember being confused, too. “WHO AM I?” But you know what? I am remembering again where my identity lies (not in my job, but in my Creator). Remembering I’m still a daughter of the King. I am still so loved. And He’s always got a really good plan for me. It’s a good place to be.

[jensjots]

So you’re married now

I found a blog post yesterday I never published. I wrote it three days before I got married. It’s funny, sitting here as a new wife, looking at it and laughing at myself. I go on a rant for a good chunk of it just listing all the QUESTIONS I was getting and how ANNOYED I was. That wedding day - as wonderful as it was - it really was only one day. All those people who said, “It’s just a day.” They were right. As fresh as it is in my memory still, I’m quickly learning marriage is something far greater than finding a groom, a white dress and a cute flower girl. Because whoa. My flower girl (and now niece) was super cute.

But I’m going to share a part of that post that I still think was incredibly true and needs to be said.

I’d have to say, the engagement season is one of the strangest life stages I’ve ever been in. It’s the “Almost, but not yet” season that never seems to end.

It’s the, “It’s all about you; you’re the bride!” twisted mentality that will do nothing but wreck your soul if you let it. It isn’t all about you, bride. And I don’t mean that in a frustrated way. I mean that in a sense of, stop being so dang selfish about it all.

A wedding isn’t just about one guy and one girl getting together and tying the knot. A wedding, to me, is joining two families together. You don’t just think about yourself. You think about your parents. Your groom. Your groom’s parents. The friends and other family attending. They all helped you get to this point in life where you’re ready to make a huge commitment for the rest of your life. Honor them. Respect them. Love them in this season.

And engagement is HARD. You are not only planning a big party that everyone will critique, but you’re also acknowledging that your life will never be the same. I’ve had to literally pack up my life and live in limbo this week with half at my fiance’s house and half at my parents.

I’ve had that, sitting alone in my empty apartment and just cry moment. I’ve had the, “Wow Mom. That day we’ve been waiting for is happening,” freak out minute. I’ve had the laughs and the tears and the anxiety and the utter excitement all at once feeling. And I still have three days until the wedding day.

And now the wedding day has come and gone. It’s still weird to have that sink in. I always heard that “Happily Ever After” doesn’t end at “I do”. That it’s just the beginning. So I was always like “SO WHAT HAPPENS AFTER I DO?” And now I’m living it. And I’m like, “So wait! What’s happening??” Makes me laugh. When people ask me what married life is like right now I’m always, “It just is ... what it is.” Steve didn’t complete me when I met him. It was just that I had been going on a journey and halfway through I discovered my best friend who was on the same path as me. So it’s nice that I can just be me, with this amazing man beside me that just makes life even better. So for now, that’s what marriage is. And I feel like my response is lame. Or that I’m missing something. Or I should be complaining like half the married couples out there. But I’m just gonna be real. It’s cool. I’m enjoying it. And I’m curious to see how God uses me now that I’m married.

[jensjots]

I was at lunch with my fiance when he pointed out I have a stain on my sweater. You can see it if you look closely in the photos above. And I had no idea it was there all morning. And that got me thinking. Dang, I am not very put together these days. My life is a mess. But hey, I’m gonna guess you are too. No one is perfect and yet we go through the day to day stuff kind of half expecting ourselves and everyone around us to have stuff together at all times. If you’re running late for a meeting, then shame shame. If you have a stain on your shirt, then you are just a slob. If you didn’t shower this morning, then you are a lazy bum. (Which, this may be true in some cases.) But typically, this does not define you when one or all of these things happen. And yet we let it. Life is more than being put together all the time. I went to a conference a little over a year ago and these three words still speak the biggest to me:  Progress over perfection.  The house Steve and I have is far from put together. Granted, I don’t move in until we’re married. But it’s still easy to think that it should be all perfect right from the start. But then I remember that I need patience. And that people will appreciate seeing that my house is not perfect right from the start. 

Progress over perfection. My wedding, for example. Will not be perfect. I already know something is going to go wrong on the “biggest day of my life”. And guess what? that’s ok. 

My marriage. My friendships. My relationships with my family members. Nothing will be perfect. Everything is a process and we learn and we grow and this is good. The Lord offers us grace and wow am I thankful for that. We don’t have to be perfect because He already is. And he forgives, so we can forgive. We can have stains on our shirt. We can have messy hair. It’s just a day and life will go on. 

[jensjots]

The unexpected compliment

It was my birthday on Monday and I felt gross. Not gross as in, I hadn't showered in five days and had been sweating doing manual labor, gross. Just... blah. Like my outfit wasn't doing anything for me. I'm out of my makeup so my face looks splotchy. The snow is staining my boots and making them look janky. The stresses of life are giving me bags under my eyes. My heart has been hurting and I'm tired of feeling like that. You know? So I felt gross. And I'm standing in line at a local coffee shop, about to order a delicious latte in hopes it will lift my spirit. I do my good fake smile and say, "I will take a small latte for here, please." The barista behind the counter puts my order in the computer and then looks up to tell me the total. "Oh! You have gorgeous eyes!" she says. Just like that. Not in a weird flirty way. Just in a genuine, she looked up and saw my eyes and said they were pretty. You guys. This may sound silly. But a compliment from a complete stranger was just what I needed on my birthday. There is a lot of power that comes with positive words. And I think it's so easy for me to forget that. And not the fake, "Have a nice day!" positive stuff you say without thinking of it. But the things where you take just a moment to notice someone and make them feel special. That's a great thing. So stop and compliment someone. You never know. It may even be their birthday. 

[jensjots]

Losing My Singleness

For me, the stress hits in waves at different points. At one moment, being engaged is fun. It is great. The next, I freak. Everything is changing. Nothing is staying the same. My name will change. My home will change. My roommate status will go from none to one. My budget changes. My family elements change. And I am no longer single. Yeah. I'm losing my singleness.

It’s kind of… sad? Like, you never ever get that freedom again. So when all those married girls told me to enjoy my singleness and do all these things while I still can...well, I get it.They were right. Because you just never know. You could be single for five more days. Five more years. Five more decades. It doesn’t matter. Because no matter how long or short it is, when the moment arrives that you’re close to walking down an aisle and saying “I do” you go, “Oh wait. Hold on. I have to make sure I do all the things I want to do as a single person first. Can you hold on a sec? I need to go watch a movie by myself in the theaters real fast.”

Or at least, that’s how I’ve felt. Not that I’m giving up stuff by marrying Steve. And it's not like I can't do a lot of things as a married person. And I have, in fact, done a lot as a single gal. It’s just the principle of the matter. You guys, if you knew how much I ate in bed, you’d understand why I’m slightly scared of just another human being aware of my weird eating habits. Or my strange humming/talking to myself habits while putting dishes away like a crazy person. Things that suddenly are exposed. That freedom. It’s gone. And a lot of vulnerability comes into play with giving yourself to another person.

Marriage isn’t to be taken lightly. And neither is singleness. I am grateful for so many amazing women in my life that reminded me while single how important it is to live that season to the fullest. 

And now I am grateful for the other engaged and married women I know that are helping me prepare for the next season. I’m also thankful for grace in my life. I didn’t get singleness right very often. And I imagine I’ll mess up being married a lot too. But I am thankful to know, that no one does anything perfectly, and that’s okay.

[jensjots]

I'm getting married and it's not how I planned it.

I always wanted to get married right out of college. That was the plan anyways. I would fall in love while in school, get my degree, and then get my husband. Easy.  Things didn't go that way, though. Because our plans are often not His plans. And as a result, I became incredibly discontent. I knew that everyone said it was "worth the wait" but when you don't know exactly who you're waiting for... well. That's not easy. I dated guys that were amazing but didn't fit just right. This led to me learning a lot about myself, but also the heartache of attaching yourself to someone and then having to let them go. I also dated guys that were not good for me, but my discontent attitude led me to giving up... lowering my standards... and as a result not only hurting the guy, but ultimately hurting myself and my walk with the Lord.  Some of the hardest conversations I've had with Steve are about my past. I don't know how many times my mom and dad told me that the choices I made while dating would affect the guy I ended up marrying. And I dismissed it with a wave of the hand and said, "It'll be fine." Single girls! Hear me when I say this: It is NOT easy to look into the eyes of the person you end up marrying, and sharing the ugly truths of your past because you didn't trust that he'd show up. Because he did. And he's right in front of you. And you feel pretty stupid for thinking God wouldn't provide.  God always gifts you with what you need most. Sometimes it just doesn't arrive in the package you think it should. Or at the time you expect it. Because one day out of the blue, at a time that made absolutely no sense to me, Steve showed up. And boy am I glad. And now we're engaged.

So the wedding planning has begun and I am laughing at the plans I had. I thought a wedding right out of college would be grand and now I am seeing the blessing that comes with waiting and getting married a little older. That season right out of college is one of such discovery and confusion and comparison. I see now as I look back why God had me go through the growth pains of being single in that time. Now I am who I am. And I am content with myself. And because of that, I know what type of man works best for me. (Hint: That's my fiance, Steve.) Plus, Steve and I had time to find jobs and save money and live on our own. It meant that I got the most amazing proposal in Disney World because he wasn't a poor recent college graduate. It means I don't really care what my friends did in their weddings because half of them got married long enough ago the comparison game has faded. I just do what Steve and I want and feel at complete peace about it. It means your guest list is actually significant people in your life. Not just all those friends you THINK you'll know forever but end up becoming distant Facebook acquaintances that you occasionally stalk and go, "Wait, they're doing WHAT now?!" It DOES mean more babies and children at your wedding, but that is ok. Children are fun. And honestly, everything is just put into perspective. For me, right out of college, it was all about the WEDDING DAY. And now, it's about the marriage. About my life with one guy for the rest of my life. So the stress is less on decorations or color choices and more on learning how to be with this amazing man that God blessed me with. 

And so I'm getting married. And it isn't how I planned it. It's much better.

[jensjots]

Life Lessons with Baxter

I recently watched a dog for a week named Baxter. I stayed at his house, fed him, let him outside, and yelled really mean things when he tried to eat my food.  Baxter taught me a lot during the time we were together. I walked into this situation, ready to help out a family and just have a little vacation in a different home with Wi-Fi and TV and a big bed. Little did I know how much just being a tad out of my comfort zone with a canine with bad breath would teach me. 

I hate it when I make mistakes.  The very first day on the job, I decided to park in the garage. I don't normally pull into a garage from an alley ("Oh hai, I'm Miss Suburban Girl") so yeah... it was tight. And I fudged it. And I was mad. All night. All day the next day. And I had to realize something: it's okay. Life goes on. No one else hates you as much as you hate yourself for doing this dumb mistake. 

My time is not my own.  I really like my time. And I'm really selfish with it. I hated figuring that out about myself this week. I pack my schedule like no other. I work 9-5, I go home, only to go back out again in the evening almost every day. And weekends are the same - always full of events and get togethers and fun. Which is fine - until you have someone else to take care of. Like Baxter. Suddenly my life was not my own. And that was hard. But really good to push me to put others (even a dog) before myself. 

Getting up early is good.  I had to get up earlier for Baxter so he'd have time to go outside and eat before I left for work. I'm not an early bird, but I learned to value those moments where I'd crawl out of bed, land next to Baxter and just rest in the silence as my eyes tried to open wide. It gave me time to focus on the Lord, pray, and even crack open my Bible. Something I'm pretty bad at sometimes. 

I'm thankful for my community.  Something about that week was just nuts. I couldn't seem to balance it all. So having community (people who do life with you and not just use you when they need you) was such a blessing the week I was there. Between my parents, boyfriend and friends, I was blessed to have people help me out at random moments. Whether it was taking Baxter on a walk or taking me out for dinner to just escape for the night - little things like that seemed twice as nice while I was gone that week.  

When I grow up, I'm getting a king sized bed. Because yeah. It was glorious. 

Not having WiFi is still OK. I don't have WiFI at my apartment, so it was nice to have it at the home I was house sitting. But I think for me, I'm still okay not having it. It forces me not to work in the evening and focus either on reading, writing, or going out and seeing others. I hate that I'm behind a computer monitor all the time. I'm glad my apartment still forces me away from it. 

I really hate it when my food is stolen. Baxter really loves food. And so do I. Which is great. Until he decides we should share. No. Do not steal my food. Ever.

[whatshouldwecallme]

When I say I'm hungry and someone says "Didn't you just eat?"

[jensjots]

Day 51 of #ContentmentChallenge

On April 1, I started this thing called a Contentment Challenge. And it was no fool's joke. This is serious business. The challenge was simple: don't buy what you don't need for three months. And I'm not talking about those trips to your favorite store where you go, "OHMYGOSH This is amazing; I NEEEEED this." No. That doesn't count. Is this shirt necessary for living? No. Is this souvenir while on your road trip necessary for survival? No? Then don't buy it. So yeah. Besides food, I pretty much don't need to buy anything. To me, I thought it would highlight how discontent I am with my wardrobe. Not buying new clothes for three months? That's difficult. I mean, new season, new wardrobe, right? Not this season. 

I'm day 51 into this contentment challenge and here is what I've learned so far:

I'm not content. Not just with my clothes, but in most areas of my life.

I spend a lot of money on clothes. 

I save an average of at least $200 a month by doing this challenge. 

There's freedom to walk into a store and already know you won't buy anything. (At first, it's depressing. But I recently walked into IKEA and it was quite nice to know I didn't have to buy a thing.)

I WILL find loop holes. My accountability partner and I are doing the challenge together and when we found earrings we just LOVED for 50% from Kate Spade, we "gifted" each other with the earrings we wanted. It's more fun that way anyways. 

When I can't buy for myself, I buy more for others, which is actually more rewarding.

I've learned how incredibly selfish I am. All the time. 

I've realized how much of my free time I used to spend just shopping and buying stuff I don't need. ("Oh? I have a free Saturday? I should go to TJ Maxx and then Half Price Books and then maybe stroll through the Greene..." No more of that.)

I did cave and buy new sunglasses, but my old ones were pretty gross. So. It's ok.

When you NEED to buy something (like deodorant) it's suddenly like the most exciting thing ever to actually walk into Target for a reason.

People are controlled by their desires and it's scary. To realize how hard it is to say NO to buying things has been really enlightening to me. I am so easily controlled by my desires and it's something I've been learning I need to change. 

I've been going through a rough few weeks, and the verses I keep clinging to are below: 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

[whatshouldwecallme]

When I'm posing for a snapchat

[jensjots]

Jenie Ann Goes to Haiti!

So I'm going to Haiti this year.  This will be my first time out of the country (because I don't feel like counting Canada and I only spent a day in Mexico). When Haiti was hit with that huge earthquake in 2010, I was working for the media and saw constant images about what was happening. My heart HURT for Haiti. I've never experienced hurting for a group of people I've never met. But I knew from that moment I needed to go to Haiti one day.

This trip literally fell in my lap (Some friends were texting about going and my phone was in my lap) and I couldn't turn it down. I will be going with those friends to visit an orphanage outside of Port-Au-Prince with Back 2 Back Ministries.  As you know, I have an obsession with food. Thus, the food blog I have. I am blessed to choose every week what I want to eat and where. The thing is, Haiti has 3 million people needing food assistance. Only 50% have safe drinking water and 55 percent of Haiti's 9 million people are below the poverty line of US $1/day.* There's not much I can do, but I know there's a point in going and loving on these kids who do not have the luxury and joy of eating like I do. I'll be able to recognize that not only do people not have the fun of exploring new foods - some don't even getting to eat. Period. I think it will be a much needed humble reminder of how truly blessed I am.  All that to say, this trip isn't free. And I need your help. The fun part is, you can help by buying coffee from a local coffee roaster here in Ohio. Part of the proceeds will go directly toward the trip. If you want to buy some StoneyCreek Roaster coffee, just visit this link: http://tinyurl.com/qj5zbdx You can pay on PayPal through there, or write a check and hand it to me. (Details in the link). Of course, your prayers are also appreciated... for safe travels and that I'll share Jesus' love in tangible ways to the people of Haiti.

*All facts from http://www.wfp.org/stories/haiti-10-hunger-facts

[jensjots]

Why I watched The Bachelor and what I learned from it.

Sure, I’ve tuned in for a Bachelor finale or “Hometown Date” episode here or there to have fun on a Monday night with friends, but this latest season was the first time I actually watched episodes ALONE simply because I NEEDED to know what was happening. And it taught me a thing or two.

Growing up in a Christian home with parents that cared about me, I’ve learned to have some pretty intense standards for the type of guy I date. Certainly, going on a show and dating a guy who can take you into a “fantasy suite” isn’t exactly what I would call a “good” thing. 

So no, I wouldn’t say The Bachelor is necessarily a show promoting good values, BUT what I did find interesting is that a popular network television show that millions watch still promotes some underlying core values that today’s culture seemingly tries to say isn't necessary or cool. 

1) You only pick one girl at the end. 

Yes, the dude technically “dates around” the entire season, but it isn’t like Chris Harrison (the host) allows the dude at the end to say, "Eh, you know what, I’d like to keep sleeping around with all of them.” In fact, (spoiler alert) at the conclusion of last night’s episode, you could tell Chris Harrison was FLABBERGASTED and APPALLED (I’m using caps lock in honor of Juan Pablo and his tweets) that Juan Pablo refused to truly share his feelings (like never saying "I love you"). That ain’t right. Man up and gush about this girl you’re supposedly pursuing and want to one day marry. 

2) What the family says, matters. 

I’ve battled a lot in my past about how much is it my decision and how much do I allow my family to influence me when it comes to guys I date. At the end of the day, it is my decision. However, certainly my family that I grew up with and learned from knows me quite well, so they're going to have an insight or two. I find it really interesting that one of the big episodes on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette is all about the final few contestants meeting the family. In a culture that seems to say, “Be independent. Don’t listen to what others have to say,” what the family says clearly matters. AND it shows that you still follow tradition and ask the girl’s dad for permission before you propose. 

3) A woman deserves to be respected and pursued. 

We can say mean things about Juan Pablo or be really snarky about some of the women on that show, but wasn’t it interesting that the live studio audience and Twitter were outraged when it came to women not being respected on that show. Andi and Claire (pictured above) both were honest (Juan Pablo loves honesty) about how they did not feel respected. He appeared to treat these women like objects, instead of people. And that’s wrong. There’s no denying it. Pursue the lady if you care about her. And if you don’t, stop. It’s pretty basic, guys. Why you don’t follow this is beyond me. 

So there ya go. Yes, it’s a pretty stupid show. Yes, there’s better ways to spend my time. But the conversations that result with my close friends out of this show are actually worth while. It has opened up doors to discuss relationships that friends of mine are in. It affirms to the single girls I know why we wait instead of putting our heart out there all the time for just any 'ol guy.  And it reminds me that I may be single, but at least I’m not dating a Juan Pablo.

[terribletwenties]

(Last seen, hopefully unrecognizable)

Last week, my boyfriend and I decided on an impromptu Valentine’s Dinner a few days before the holiday to avoid the crowds, pre fixe menus, and general hype. As we walked into our favorite Italian restaurant we noticed a table in the front with four...

[jensjots]

How the Internet makes us feel guilt for not connecting with everyone... I liked this post a lot.

[jensjots]

What are you fighting?

Recently I babysat a newborn baby. Everyone around me said it should be pretty simple. They just eat and sleep and make dirty diapers, right? And essentially that's it.

Unless they refuse to do one of the three things they're supposed to do.

For Little G, it was refusing to sleep. He clearly needed to sleep. He obviously was sleepy. But he fought it. And my oh my he fought it well.

I was looking into his eyes that refused to close and I thought, "Oh G, you and I are quite alike."

Not because I refuse to sleep. No. (I love my naps.) Not that. But because sometimes I refuse to do the things I'm clearly supposed to do.

Seeing G struggle was hard. Because I'm pretty sure God looks down at me and has the same look in His eyes as I had when I looked at G.

"Oh Jen. Stop fighting it. Listen to me. Come to me."

Lately I've been fighting to let God comfort me. I want to comfort myself. Whether comforting by surrounding myself with distractions like movies or friends. Or whether it's comforting by buying yummy food. Or even just by letting myself have a good cry and hoping that helps me.

When in reality, I should be going to the ultimate Comforter.

Little G and I can so easily have comfort and yet we fight it. We whine and we cry and convince ourselves that we know best.

And we don't.

It's embarrassing how easily I can relate to the mind of a newborn baby, but I think that's the point.

Adults can be pretty stubborn and fight when they should just listen their Creator.

What are you fighting against right now?