✾ If you you’ve come across my corner of the web, my name is Jess and this is my photo journal space. Similar to many, I needed a place for my thoughts, photos, and experiences. This is that. Somewhere for my words to live.
✾ I'm a bit of an overthinker, though not in the way that phrase is typically implied. I'm always searching for new ways to look at the world around me, to discover the new and expand my knowledge and experiences. To make the most out of life. With writing, I've become all too familiar with modifying and perfecting, but here I refrain from editing myself. Unpolished and unrevised, what you see is what you get.
✾ Who I am is everchanging. I am intense and raw, yet soft and delicate. At the core, I am a person brimming with desire. A desire to pursue the deeper things in life: adventure, knowledge, experience, and connection. I believe that life without whimsy is no life at all. Some things you can expect to see here are personal writings, travel posts, photography, explorations, and progress posts as I take on new creative projects and hobbies like sketching, painting, crocheting, learning instruments, and other things of that nature.
Over the weekend my husband and I made our way to Falkenberg, straight to the coast where the land meets the North Sea. Rivers and lakes know me well, they have held me many times. But the sea not so much, we are still getting acquainted. The sea is a sight I’m only able to take in every once in a while. There is something so wholly pure and powerfully therapeutic about the softness of ocean sand under foot, shells scattered along the water’s edge, the waves pounding the shore, and ocean as far as the eye can see. During our short stay there, it was largely overcast and the temperature didn’t climb past 70. Even so, I chose the water over the shore, and I let the current claim me. I expected the water to be cold, but it was rather tepid despite the conditions. The waves crashed against me with a force I didn’t expect, the sea saltier than I remembered. I was quickly reacquainted with the language of the ocean, and before long salt was threaded into every strand of my hair, while the suns rays, appearing every so often, warmed it to a crisp. I felt unmistakably free in the face of something so powerful, something that threatened to sweep me away and pull me under at any minute, if I wasn’t careful. The wind was blowing strong, and the sand began to pelt my skin from all directions. During our time there, we found an adorable assortment of seashell chocolates, and we grabbed a box to share. I snagged an extra to send my mom back home. We also came upon this adorable life raft toy for my darling pup. It was an experience that truly exuded that summer feeling.
In recent weeks, heat waves rolled across the earth and crashed in every corner of the world. Summer has undoubtedly made it's grand appearance, and with that comes brighter days and longer evenings. I love the way the heat forces everyone outside, swimming, sun bathing, throwing frisbees. Soaking up the generous rays of sun. My love and I kicked off the summer by attending a movie in the park, they were playing Dirty Dancing. I never realized before how perfectly that film captures summer. It exudes youthful liberation with a touch of rebellion, and calls attention to the importance of trying new things and putting yourself out there. I don't think there's a better time to do that than summer. We arrived fairly early and grabbed a bite to eat, then landed some decent spots not too far from the screen. While we waited for the film to start, a journalist from the Halmstad Post came up to us and asked a few questions, then snapped a picture of us before going on her way. There was a live band playing at a little cafe, The Rotundan, situated in the corner of the park. I really liked their sound so my husband and I ventured over to get the name of the band, and we got the summer program pamphlet for the Rotundan. There are going to be endless bands playing throughout the summer, so I'm very excited to return to see more shows.
The next day, my husband and I attended a company bbq at his workplace, where I got to meet all of his colleagues and try out my Swedish skills. We all had such a great time, eating delicious foods, playing mini games, and chatting over drinks. So many of us come from difference places, and it was such a treasure to share our backgrounds, to get to know one another on a deeper level and experience everyone connecting without the tense atmosphere of being at work. There was an after party at our neighbors, where we all joined and bonded over music, dance, and drink. So many people got to know me that night, and told me how wonderful of a person my husband is, as well as how they're rooting for us both. So many of them understand starting over, the way we did when we came back here a year ago, as many of them did once. It was extremely fun and heartwarming, and it's safe to say I have a few new friends here in Sweden.
The next day was by far the hottest, the same day we happened to be hungover. It took some time before we felt like dragging ourselves out to the lake for a swim, the only way to survive in such overwhelming and inescapable heat. But we made it, and we took our pup Anya alongside also. It was incredibly therapeutic, and before long we were feeling right as rain. Speaking of rain, the summer rain has come to wash away the heat and revive the earth. It's absolutely beautiful and the smell is delightful. It’s coming down now, as I write this. Petrichor mingling with the scent of my candles, a fragrant mix that feels exotic. Summer rain is truly the best rain there is.
beautiful women will be like “i baked a cake” and you will say “oh ? what flavour is it” and they say well its a honey rosewater apricot pistachio cardamom vanilla fig jam earl grey poppyseed orange blossom extra virgin olive oil chiffon sponge soaked in raspberry elderflower champagne lipgloss pomegranate matcha ginger blueberry cherry blossom magnolia petal almond passionfruit persimmon syrup with whipped amalfi lemon limoncello ricotta goats cheese honeycomb black pepper bergamot lemon thyme lemon balm rosemary chantilly whipped cream cream cheese feta cheese italian meringue frosting . like ok. i want to spend the rest of my afternoons walking around inside your beautiful mind like a garden
I sit at my kitchen table eating breakfast. It is silent. The morning sunlight spills into my windows, kissing my skin with its warmth. My dog naps peacefully at my feet. This is a kind of tranquility my life has never known. I never thought I could be so grateful for runny eggs on toast with a side of stillness.
I’ve experienced many Pride celebrations in my hometown throughout the years, and coming from Portland means I’ve had the honor of being in the presence of one of the world’s oldest Drag Queens, Darcelle XV, for some of those amazing moments. Just like everything in Portland, we make sure to lift up those in our community who need it most. When we celebrate one another, we do it with a touch of that unique Portland spirit and we do it BIG — and weird. Good weird. However, that sense of community and unapologetic self expression is by no means exclusive to Portland. With Sweden now being the place I call home, I get to experience that energy in a new light this time around.
I always love this time of year, because it never fails to feel the most colorful. And these bleak times emphasize the importance of using our voices to speak up for people and communities who face the greatest challenges simply for existing authentically. It always warms my heart to see everyone uniting to be seen and make others feel seen, the way we all deserve to be. This year, I may not be celebrating in the place I know best, but I get an amazing chance to experience Pride in a way I haven’t before. My husband and I have officially landed our tickets for Stockholm Pride and I’m absolutely thrilled. We won’t be attending until the end of July, which means we won’t be celebrating at the same time as most are right now, but I don’t mind. I choose to see it as a beautiful message to those on the outside looking in that we deserve to be LOUD and PROUD year-fucking-round, 24/7, whenever we choose. So take up space, besties. And never waste a second not being true to YOU. Because your true colors are the most radiant. 🌈✨
I’ve included some Pride looks I’ve been doing in anticipation, as well as my darling pup Anya who’s representing just like the rest of us. 🐾 Looking forward to sharing my experience and photos from Stockholm Pride very soon!
I just watched the trailer for Wildwood and I have to say.. I'm awestruck. To see my hometown and the neighborhood where I grew up, captured in all of its magnificent charm, I'm profoundly moved. People will finally see the beauty of Portland the way I've always seen it. This is so much more than the usual media based in Oregon. You aren't just served the conifer forests and the rainy weather, this is specific. It's deeply personal. It's paints a picture of the eccentric and magical nature that radiates from the city's streets. A visual love letter to a place that holds such unique spirit, and the people who live there that emphasize its character. I’m missing home more than ever after watching it, and am truly anticipating the release of this film.
I've been thinking a lot lately as the seasons change and new opportunities unfold. It's been nearly a year now since I left my life behind in the states to start anew in Sweden. I've had moments of missing home, but it's been heavier on my heart in recent weeks. I miss the people, and the bustle of a moving city that is always alight with life. I've been tracing the streets of Portland in my mind, like a map eternally etched into my heart. I'm realizing how hard moving around your whole life can be when you finally find a place that feels like home, and then you leave that behind, too. My roots had expanded to the edges, stretched over everything within reach, became familiar with it time and time again, and there was simply no room left to grow. I had to move on, to uproot myself and challenge myself to experience the new in a way I never have before. I may miss the skyline that lives in my mind, and the city lights that shine so bright they replace the stars above. But a rural life, of course, has it's beauties, too. Trading a life of constant noise and movement for one of stillness isn't easy, but it's teaching me a lot of things. To look up more often and appreciate the stars that hang above us, so bright, like silent observers to our expansive existence. We take them for granted, I think. Are we pieces of them or are they pieces of us? I guess we're all pieces of everything and vice versa. The universe is beautiful like that. Away from all the lights, I can finally see the star so clearly.
I'm also learning to embrace the "in between" moments. The time in between one step forward and the next, because the journey ahead isn't linear. The moments of stillness between our evermoving timelines of existence, because life can feel like it's moving too fast and it's important to slow down. The lull between conversations and phone calls, because you never know what's developing in someone's day to day. And when that conversation does come, you have so much more to talk about. It's so easy to get caught up in this beautiful thing we call life, and it's important that we do. It's crucial to live in the present and cherish what's right in front of us. However, it's also essential to not get lost in the pursuit of what's next, or the pursuit of happiness. I think I've found myself looking ahead so much that I'm not appreciating the now. The winter has come and gone, and the skies are alight with the warm glow of the sun. The air is fresh with the smell of sun-kissed pavement, warm soil, and precipitation hanging in the air, promising to soon wash over everything that has long since been cleansed by the refreshing waves of rain. The blooming of life before the summer days. I know the earthly aroma of rain will come, and it will make me miss home, miss that pacific northwest weather, even more. But I'll remain steadfast in knowing that I'm right where I need to be.
I used to look to the tree line back home and crave adventure. Because moving beyond those trees meant I was going somewhere, anywhere, and it didn't matter where. It doesn't help my homesick heart that when I look out of my window to the world beyond, the tree line so closely resembles that of the one back home. And there's two radio towers, far off in the distance with their red lights aglow, which are angled so perfectly from where I view them, that I can almost fool myself in thinking that it's the top of the St. Johns bridge. But there's comfort in knowing that when I look to the horizon here, I know that what lies past them is the adventures I've yet to have. Experiences lie in wait, in a part of the world I have never seen, anticipating my arrival. And when I set foot on familiar ground again, I will greet the city like an old friend. I'll embrace Portland like I am experiencing it for the first time, as if thanking it for molding me into the person I am today, for leaving it's mark on me. And when the time comes for me to turn and go again, I'll take comfort in knowing that the city will forever be a part of me, and that Portland's unique soul will never die out.
I always start the day by opening up the windows of my home and letting in the fresh air, no matter how cold it is. Today is no different, although the weather is changing in such a lovely way. A thick fog is lingering within town today, and casting a gray hue over everything, blurring the line between earth and sky. The snow is starting to melt and fade away, and the thing I love most is that unmistakable scent of rain settling in. The sound of tires swishing against wet pavement brings me a sense of ease, and reminds me of my rainy home town back in Oregon. I've been feeling deeply homesick lately, and although this weather might be dull and gloomy to some, it's actually bringing me peace and an unexpected feeling of hope. With that, I'm also feeling excitement at the soon to come changing of seasons, because with spring comes brighter days, blooming flowers and foliage, spring showers, and my garden coming to life again. I'm also curious to see how the next few months unfold as my husband and I tackle new changes in our life, seeking new ambitions and opportunities for growth. Here's goes welcoming uncertainty with curiosity.
I like it when people do pretty decor for holidays like Christmas, because I haven't seen many pretty decorated houses for holidays so its fun to see them :DD
@xmyheart-hope2dye @abandoned-dezxyre @lucasisverycool01
(Tell me if you don't want to be tagged :D)
i like when i walk to school early in the morning and i can see the sunrise peaking over the Taco Bell, and its beautiful even tho im surrounded by a depressing city scape :3
The one bit of nature i can still remind myself of in this desert shithole :]
i really like when tags in stores clearly tell you what the object is. it’s pretty rare but when they do it’s always very nice, especially when i really cant tell what it is because it looks confusing
I like when I’m chopping fresh garlic and herbs for a meal and the oils coat my fingertips and leave them smelling deliciously aromatic, or when I’m baking bread and it fills my home with an inviting, cozy scent~
For sometime, life has felt like standing in a doorway, one foot in what was, the other reaching towards what’s next.
When do you start unpacking things out of boxes? When do you start settling in to the new? I shed an entire lifetime in just a few months. That kind of letting go doesn’t come easily, especially not for me and my sentimental heart.
Many of the things I once had have come back in the form of something new and recognizing that brings me comfort and joy. But, many things are left behind, and other things that I intended to bring along never even followed me. I guess I got so wrapped up in the leaving part of it all that I left some things behind. Perhaps because I knew that leaving would be most difficult. This has been the biggest practice of letting go that I've ever had to face, and although I know it's teaching me something, that doesn't make my heart ache any less.
Strangely, I've been feeling similarly about myself in the sense that some pieces of me have gotten lost along this journey. As if I've misplaced what defines me along the way. But I'm starting to let go of that, too. The idea that I need to know who I am all of the time, when who I am is not carved in stone. Who am I is everchanging and undetermined. I'm learning to let go and embrace uncertainty. As cliche as it may be, listening to my heart is all that matters. What gives me life? What brings me happiness? I want to face each fork in the path ahead with curiosity, rather than a need to know all the facts and possibilities before making a choice.
I am a story unfolding and it's unfair to constantly try and unpack, define, and understand with each new chapter. To put it short, I am me, unfinished. And I'm okay with that.
