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@jesusfictioncatalogue
I COME BACK TO THE PHANDOM AFTER LIKE 3 MONTHS AND I FIND THIS. WHAT. NO. COME BACK.
Did you all think our quest to find Jesus was merely a prank? We have seen the light you all should join us on our path to enlightenment! (Here ya go)
-Mae
any jesus x satan fics srry I'm sinful đ
Jesus x Lucifer (Wattpad) - PineTreeVincent
Summary: gay version of the bible unraveling into a noice satanic hebrew ship of my man jesus and satan in a slow burn relationship
Jetan Fic (wattpad) - steponmyneck
Summary: Jesus is totally a virgin⊠For now, at least ;)
Oh Crap, Iâm Pregnant (ff.net) - child-of-szmanda
Summary: Jesus cheated on his husband, Satan, with Nicolas Cage and is now in labour, about to give birth.
Temptation (wattpad) - hometowndjh
Summary:Â On the 40th day of temptation, things get a bit heated in the desert
You never have to apologize for reading fanfics about Jesus Christ, Son of God. We celebrate such holiness here :)
- Anne
I rlly love this blog!!! do you have any mpreg Jesus fics??
The Power of Christ Compels You (ao3) - night_reveals
Summary:Â Eames is Jesus, Arthur is the Most Fertile Man, and the world is in trouble: only the son of the Son of God can save it!Â
-Rachel
Oh Crap, Iâm Pregnant (ff.net) - child-of-szmanda
Summary: Jesus cheated on his husband, Satan, with Nicolas Cage and is now in labour, about to give birth.
- Anne
Got any daddy kink fics??
Godâs Buttplug (ao3) - orphan_account
Summary: Jesus learns his lesson, donât piss off God
God x Jesus (ff.net) - Butt Hymen
Summary: one day in Heaven God is very horny, what will he do?
Temptation (wattpad) - hometowndjh
Summary: On the 40th day of temptation, things get a bit heated in the desert
- Anne
yâall this is annoying as shit and literally honestly not even that funny i just wanna read some fics oh my GoD ughhhh
The Third Commandment: Thou shall not use the Lord's name in vain
Maybe you should take that ^^^^ into consideration before you use such disrespectful language. If you ever wish to see the light of heaven you must learn to have some respect for our God who gave you this life or you shall burn in hell!!! I wish the best for you, young lamb, but such disrespect will lead you directly into the arms of Satan.Â
- Anne
ezekiel 23:20-21, god bless
Ezekial 23:20-21:
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. 21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.
Wow, such beautiful and holy words from God. Truly touching. Such profound and inspirational words bring tears to my eyes, what did we do to deserve such a wonderful God?Â
I encourage you all to read this passage. If that doesnât lead you to join us in our holy journey, I donât know what will.Â
Praise be, anon, for sharing such an important, godly message with us all. All of our blessings go out to you. Hallelujah!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!
- Anne
Iâm gonna stab you, Iâm bored out of my mind because I canât find anything good to read, itâs the second of April Jesus is dead and not real
My dear, non-believing friend, Jesus can never truly die. According to The Bible, it is the word of God and everything God says is true. One of these truths, spoken by Jesusâ himself, is Revelation 1:17-18:
When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, âFear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.â
That passage states that Jesus can never die and will live forever. As stated in The Bible, everything in The Bible is the word of God and that must be true because The Bible states that everything in The Bible is true. God must be real! Furthermore, the words of God in The Bible cannot be lies because The Bible states that everything in The Bible is true and, since the statements in The Bible are from God himself, the statement that âeverything in the bible is trueâ must be true because none of Gods words in The Bible can be lies.
So as weâve established, it is impossible for anything stated in The Bible to be wrong so therefore Revelation 1:17-18 is infallibly true, so Jesus can never die. That is a fact.Â
So you, dear non-believer, cannot argue the existence of God or Jesus, now it is just up to you to accept their love and light into your heartÂ
And in the great words of our holy Reverend Stephen Colbert in the June 27th, 2001 episode of The Daily Show:
Iâm right! Youâre wrong! I win!!! Join my religion!
(P.S. Donât stab us, if you murder you will break the 6th Holy Commandment and you shall burn in hell for eternity)
Peace and Love,
- AnneÂ
BRING BACK THE PHANFICSSS
We have decided to fully commit our lives to spreading the word of God. We will not be bringing back such sinful phanfics, created by Satanâs evil to corrupt the youth of the earth. We hope all of you little lambs will do the same and accept Jesusâ warmth and love and passion into your bodies before it is too late. We send you our blessings and pray that you will one day join us in the light. Amen.
- Anne
Im trying to find the one fic where Jesus multiplies fish and bread or something like that I forgot but remember being really into it
The Bible (New Testament) - Mark 6:30-44 by anonymousÂ
- Anne
itâs april 2nd now was this some april fools joke
Weâve already told you, friends. This is not a joke, we are not fools. We have been enlightened by the word of Jesus Christ Our Lord and Savior and we wish to spread his message with the world. We have found the light and we hope that you will as well, and join us in the fight against sin. We pray for your souls, dear friends. Amen.
- Anne
Bitch(s) wtf where's my gay erotica
have you checked the jedas tag?
-Rachel
it's april 2nd my time please kill jesus for the love of my life
Itâs been the 2nd of April for 11 hours already for me. Jesus is staying alive in our hearts, souls and bodies.- Kate
I rlly love this blog!!! do you have any mpreg Jesus fics??
The Power of Christ Compels You (ao3) - night_reveals
Summary:Â Eames is Jesus, Arthur is the Most Fertile Man, and the world is in trouble: only the son of the Son of God can save it!Â
-Rachel
what time zone are you in & when does this end
We are in all the time zones. Our love for the Lord never ends. Blessed be, my child.
-Rachel
okay, thats it, april fools is over. come back to ur phannie blog pls
Foolâs day is never over, my child. It is always Foolâs Day, because the world is full of fools and sinners. Every day should only strengthen your relationship with the Holy Ones, and we shall never break that. That is why we are never going back to such a disturbing blog. We must never go back into the darkness.
-Rachel
oh my gOD
-rachel
I genuinely thought that you guys changed the names in the fic summaries, but then I clicked on one of the links and to my surprise I noticed that these are real fics written by real people that existed before today đđ how did you even come across these???
anne may spend all her free time trolling the dark side of ao3, but sheâs the one whoâs truly living in the light.
- Rose
Thank you for such kind words, sister Rose. May Godâs blessings come unto you so you can be so enlightened as well <3
- Anne
We all were kinda surprised when Anne told us about them and yes... they are very real!
- marii