Forgiveness Leads To Liberty
The details of each of our lives are different, but at one time or another we have ALL asked that question: HOW CAN I FORGIVE?
We need to realize that everyone will get hurt. It’s inevitable. HURT CANNOT BE AVOIDED.
You may have been hurt by a trusted friend who lied about you. You may have been hurt by a teacher or professor who embarrassed you in front of a classroom. You may have been hurt by a parent who was harsh or abusive or who did not know how to express love. You may have been hurt by someone who wounded your children. You may have been hurt by a child who has rebelled and turned on you. You may have been hurt by an employer who wronged you or your mate. You may have been hurt by someone who stole your moral innocence and used you sexually in a way that was sinful and inappropriate. You may have been hurt by a husband who broke his wedding vows and has not been faithful to you. The list of potential hurts could go on and on.
In many cases, that pain comes out in anger. It’s been said that the most dangerous animal in the forest is the one that’s been wounded. I think that’s a good picture of what we’re seeing in our homes, in our communities, and in our schools today. People who have been wounded instinctively tend to wound others.
Women talk today about how angry they are—angry with their husband, their children, their parents, their pastor, and, ultimately, with God. Those harbored hurts, that smoldering bitterness, has turned to anger, hatred, revenge, and, at times, to violence.
Although we cannot avoid being hurt, the important thing to remember is that the outcome of our lives is not determined by what happens to us. Nothing that anyone has ever done to you or ever will do to you can determine who you become. What is done may affect your life, but it cannot determine the outcome of your life. The outcome of our lives is not determined by what happens to us, but rather by how we respond to what happens to us.
TWO WAYS TO RESPOND TO HURT:
The first way to respond, and the way that most people choose, is what I call becoming a debt collector. The mentality of the debt collector is, “This person wronged me; she owes me, so I’m going to hold her hostage and put her in debtor’s prison until she pays me back.” This way of responding ultimately leads to resentment, bitterness, and anger—it is the way of retaliation. That is where most people live much of their lives today. The way of retaliation is a subtle, secret desire for revenge. We may not retaliate with guns, but we do it with LOOKS, ATTITUDES, AND WORDS.
Ultimately, those seeds of bitterness and resentment are likely to grow up and produce a multiplied harvest, not only in your life, but also in your children and their children and the next generation.
The second way to respond is to choose to release the offender from prison. We choose to forgive, not because the offender deserves to be forgiven or has even asked for forgiveness, but because of God’s grace that He has poured upon us, which we then are able to pour out upon others. This is the pathway of reconciliation.
OUR GOD IS A RECONCILING GOD. HE TOOK THE INITIATIVE TO BE RECONCILED TO US. WE OURSELVES WERE HIS ENEMIES, WE WERE ESTRANGED, WE WERE SINNERS. WE HATED GOD. WE WERE NOT SEEKING HIM. WE WERE NOT SEARCHING FOR GOD, BUT HE CAME SEARCHING FOR US AS THE HOUND OF HEAVEN, pursuing our hearts, pursuing reconciliation. And He calls us in His name to initiate reconciliation in our marriages, families and in our relationships with others.
Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a choice, an act of my will. If I waited until I felt like forgiving before I forgave, I might never forgive. We are not to wait for our emotions but rather to choose to obey God. Then, in time, God will cause our emotions to catch up to right choices.
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