Jewel

Actor, Sexy Plague Bitch, Author, and proud trans father. What am I a father of? A leech (Dracula) and four house plants (Crunchy, Spine, Skull, and Toe Beans).

[jewelserket]

Have a cute cat.

[jewelserket]

Thinking about how I was giving a farm tour to this old couple. She starts complaining about an alpaca slobbering all over her hands and he just— leans over and mutters “You slobber all over my toes. It can’t be worse than that.”

There’s nothing like trying to keep a straight face to that sentence.

[jewelserket]

I can’t escape kittens, dude.

I stay at my mothers?

Stay at my father’s?

Stay at the family farm? There’s three there!!

Why are they such little FREAKS?!

[comicsareforkids]

Fourth in a series I of comics about protesting safety tips I made with @this.is.ysabel . This one is about the dangers of police surveillance and how to avoid it if possible. Keep being safe when you go out. Don’t get snatched!

[jewelserket]

Please tell your leech I said hello and that i love them

I leaned over to tell him this and he fell off of his tank wall. So. He says hello!

[jewelserket]

It has been a while, but Dracula is still a plump lil pickle.

[jewelserket]

Bro!! Crows understand the concept of 0?! What Chads.

[jewelserket]

Bro, I dreamed I had taken a trip to generic place England and had to ride the bus from the bus stop to meet back up with my group. And it’s like night time, and I see a sign that says ‘be sure to keep your bus approved blade handy’. And everyone getting on the bus had a fucking SWORD or daggers except me.

And this creepy guy on the bus realizes I’m a foreigner with no weapons and threatens me. But I call what I thought was his bluff. He tries to stab me with this long ass rapier but some other guy on the bus stabs him first and kills him on the spot. The dude snatches up the guys sword, saying ‘Free game’ then asking me where I’m going with no weapons. He gives me twin daggers then, it turns out he’s the bus driver about to take over the next shift. So he personally drives me to my group.

[jewelserket]

Twisty!!

[jewelserket]

Bro Dracula is just so slimy. My stinky lil mans whom I love and adore oh my god

[wikiipediabf]

the anger... the pure RAGE I feel when the subtitles don't match up to the audio and/or are completely different from what's being said is unexplainable

[plaguedocboi]

Gender spectrum

[ukulelekatie]

You’ve heard of one shots, now get ready for none shots! It’s when you think of an idea for a fic and then don’t write it

[romanimp]

#not to brag but im so fckn good at this

[jewelserket]

Funny lesbian story time (from before I came out as trans).

My ex and I were at a water park. Both of us were about 16-17 at the time (I believe) when this 14-15 year old dude came up and insisted on hanging out with us. Of course, he was really only there to flirt with my ex (who is only about 5’ tall, so she looks his age).

No matter what we do, we can’t get rid of this kid. We were both too socially awkward to just tell him to go away. Over two hours, I spent flirting with my girlfriend and even once fully kissed her on the mouth make-out style. (This had to be done hidden given that we lived in a very VERY religious area of the US. Another reason why we couldn’t just tell this kid out loud). He was completely unphased.

Eventually I grow tired of this kid. Brought my ex and him up to the top of one of the solo slides snd asked her to go down last. I went first, followed by the kid. I pulled him aside and was like “Bro. That’s my girlfriend. You need to back off.”

This kid looked me dead in the eyes and said (and I quote) “Girlfriend?! I thought you guys were sisters!!”

[jewelserket]

Kosher dills

[jewelserket]

Good night from the sleepy boi

[jewelserket]

Guess who just deep cleaned his room!