warnings: slight age gap (reader is 18, Carter is 22), i’m not sure if this is considered cheating since there is no relationship, slight drug and imprisonment mention, mainly angst (sorry, not sorry), NO HAPPY ENDING
summary: After getting sent to Paris for four years to complete high school, courtesy of your father. You come back home and attend a party with your best friend Carter. When everything is going good, you think that he might end the night with a kiss. But throughout the night when something big happens, you realize that maybe Carter is exactly who you remember. Does he end the night with a kiss for you… or somebody else?
word count: 1709
a/n: in the mood for a fanfic of agony and despair. don’t come at me please, i am not a very good writer. what i listened to while writing: party 4 u, lover you should’ve come over, doomsday, loml, we hug now, pushing it down and praying. ⇓⇓
please do not repost or claim! love you all!!! <3
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Your Carter. Yours.
The music starts playing louder and a bunch of people start dancing together in the middle of the empty space, like a makeshift dance floor.
You look at Carter and smile, “can we get away from the bar, I want to stand somewhere else.”
His gaze softens, “yes, of course,” he says as he guides you away from the bar.
The pair walk around for a second until he leads you to an empty corner that is the perfect place to watch the party from somewhere not far, but not close. He leans against the wall and pulls you in front of him so your back is pressed against his front. The blush that creeps onto your face as his hands go around your shoulders and his chin leans on the top of your head is not noticeable. You reach up and your fingers wrap around the tips of his fingers as you both watch the drunk teenagers dance. His arms tighten just a little, wanting to keep close.
You look around and just as you feel safe and comfortable in his arms, three girls come up. Without even saying anything, obviously drunk, two girls tear you away from him and drag you to the makeshift dance floor. You look back quickly at Carter and furrow your eyebrows, but can see him slightly panic and grit his teeth. You look back at the two girls and realize they have pulled you into the line dance of The Cupid Shuffle. As you follow their leads, out of the corner of your eye, you see the other girl rubbing up and down Carter’s suit. The same suit that you were holding onto just moments ago.
The line dance is fun once you get the hang of it, until it gets to the point where everybody shimmies down. You don’t realize you were supposed to so you take the chance to look for Carter. When suddenly you make eye contact with the one thing that could ever make your stomach curl over. The girl holding onto Carter is kissing him, he’s kissing her. It’s almost cinematic the way that you are watching the man you love make out with another girl from afar. Suddenly realizing that the world hasn't stopped, but only yours has.
You quickly tear your feet to walk, though it feels as if they were stuck in ice. The sickness in your stomach doesn’t fade as you look for a quick exit. You spot stairs that might look as if leading to a roof and quickly run up, holding back tears. That’s when you hear heavy steps behind you. Your name sounds like an echo, a calling from him that’s too late. You open the roof door quickly as you squeeze your way through people making out in the stairwell.
“Wait! Please!” You hear him shout, and the roof door shuts behind him. You run towards the edge of the roof and take a deep breath, trying not to vomit. “Wait.”
You don’t respond, but rather close your eyes trying to relearn how to breathe. You can’t turn around, your brain stops working, I might die here.
“Please,” he says in the most pleading tone you have ever heard from him, almost like his lungs are about to collapse.
You hear a step behind and you tense. “Don’t-”, you say abruptly, “don’t come closer”.
“Why not?” He says in a slightly cracked voice.
You turn around as tears start to fall. “Why not?” You slightly raise your voice as you repeat his words. You watch as he stands frozen, his face falling apart. “I waited for you. My father sent me to Paris for four years, but I waited. It was foolish of me to think that you would wait too. But, for a fourteen year old, I guess I was hopeful.”
He just stands there watching, the right words not even coming close to what he needs to say. You shake your head and your voice cracks as you say “I waited…god, I am so stupid.” You say that partly for yourself. His face contorts and his fingers flex. “You didn’t. If you had the guts to kiss someone right in front of me, what else did you do while I was gone?” Your stomach feels shaky as you speak.
His jaw clenches and his eyes trail the tears that stream down your face. “I-”. That’s all.
You swallow back the sickness, “was he right? You were my friend to corrupt me? Did that get you off?” You say bitterly.
He looks sick, “no, no, no-” he repeats. “No, god no. I never wanted that, you have to believe me.”
“How can I?” You whisper and shake your head, “you held me, you kept me close to you, but suddenly it’s okay if you feel the urge to makeout with some girl?” You say, your heart beating out of your chest. His eyes travel the floor and the sky, landing on anything but your face.
You take a step back and swallow a violent cry, my best friend, my first love. “I came back for you,” The whisper is strained. “Everytime I thought about not wanting to come home, I thought of you.” He tries to take a step closer, but you take another step back. “What happened? Maybe I was just young, but the Carter I remember is not you.”
His eyes soften and you could swear you can see a gloss coaxing his eyes. “I am still the same. I promise”, he reassures, his voice cracking slightly.
“Really?” You almost yell, then lower your voice, “what did you do while I was gone? Please tell me. Honestly, Carter I already feel the worst I ever have so just tell me.”
He takes a shaky breath and runs a hand through his hair, “you would hate me if I tell you.”
I could never hate you. “So?” He doesn’t speak for a moment, and neither do you.
He clenches his jaw, then looks right at you. “I-” he swallows thickly, “I got addicted to drugs. I got arrested for possession.” He pauses and looks away, “my father bribed my way out.”
You look at him, sorrowed, but nod “and…?”
He takes a shaky breath, his eyes roaming your face. You watch as a single tear escapes his eye as he speaks, “I slept with other people”. He looks away, and practically grimaces at his own words.
You purse your lips together to hold back a cry and nod, “how many?” You rasp out.
He swallows, hating the words that spill from his mouth, “lost count. Over a dozen.” You let out a shaky breath as you cry and sit down, feeling your knees buckle. I want to scream, or yell, or possibly jump off of the building honestly.
“Well,” you say through tears, “we were only friends.”
“You and I both know that’s not true,” he says softly, his throat tight.
“If you knew then why did you do it,” you say bitterly.
He takes in a shaky breath “I- I was weak, I was-” He cuts himself off, “I’m a shitty person, I know.” He says, knowing he could make up a million different reasons, but at what cost, he knows he’s going to lose you, or at least a part of you that he will never get again.
You nod, “yeah, you are.”
He still stands a couple feet away from where you sit, staring at you. He made you cry, he killed you. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it,” he says quietly. You don’t say anything. You know you could never forgive him, and how could you ever forget.
As much as you hate him at the moment, the need to make sure he is okay takes over. “Are you still addicted?” The question is quiet and unsure.
He looks back at you and sees your eyes. He doesnt deserve this, he knows, it hurts to know you still cared for him, but it meant the world to him. “No,” he mumbles, “I’ve been clean since I got out of detainment.” You nod and look away, the two of you staying silent for what feels like ages.
“I had offers, but I told them I was coming home to someone I love, and that he was waiting for me.” You whisper, breaking the silence. “Didn’t kiss anyone, let alone have sex with someone,” you pause, “I waited four years, Carter. For you.” You watch as his face falls even further than it ever could. You waited to come back to him, while he was out doing things you didn’t even think about.
“I’m sorry,” he says quietly through tears, his voice strained.
You nod, “I am going home,” your voice cracking, “please don’t call me.” You get up and start walking towards the staircase.
“Please don’t go, let me explain,” he pleaded helplessly.
“I have to go,” you strain as you try to walk past him.
His hand reaches out to stop you and you flinch, remembering the way that same hand was just holding onto another girl’s waist as he was kissing her. The way that hand pleasured dozens of other girls. That same hand that protected you and held you in comfort. “No, Carter.”
He shakes his head, “please, please…”
“No, no, no, no…” you mumble as you repeat that word, tears streaming down your face silently. He tries to reach out again, but you walk past him. Right before you walk down the staircase you say fatigued, “good job Carter Baizen, you’ve officially corrupted me.”
You hurriedly rush down the stairs and fly out the main entrance of the party. “No, no, no,” he almost falls to his knees, but without thinking, he begins to chase after you. Before he can catch you, the taxi door closes and the driver drives off. You don’t look back, you can’t.
Carter’s heart beats in his throat as he tries to run after the taxi, but it’s too fast and you have slipped through his open fingers. He watches as the one woman he has ever truly cared for, and loved, drive away into the city.
“Some years ago my brother was banished from Asgard, and sent to Earth. And when he came back he was different. Changed somehow. I thought it was weakness. I mocked him. Said he’d gone soft.”
- LOKI 2x04 HEART OF THE TVA
Ohhhh the irony of how Sylvie mocked how Mobius uses pie to lighten the stressed mood and accused him of not caring about the branches....vs Loki using pie to calm him down and make him feel better about his outburst because Loki understands him and his coping mechanisms
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