[jezzagolden]

I basically just come on here to brain dump every few months AND BOYYYY the last few months have been EVENTFUL.

I went solo travelling for a month and had the best fucking time. I strive on my own honestly. I am so much better socially/have such a good time in my own company. I am a bit of a control freak but also a people pleaser and I think that puts me at ease a little because I don’t have to worry about anyone else and can just do whatever the hell I want.

I’ve also been to my first festival abroad with my bestie and had the best time toooo, I happy cried multiple times. I saw phoebe bridgers for the first time too which I’ve been dying to do for YEARS. I got emotional about that because when I initially listened to her I was in such a shit place, self esteem wise and related to a lot of her songs but these days…overall I’m just so happy with my life and I just felt so proud of myself for getting to this point.

With the holidays and indulging in whatever food I wanted for 2 months essentially…I have gained some weight and I’m not feeling my best body wise at moment but also reminding myself just because I’m not loving my body doesn’t mean I have to be hating it. I am feeling neutral about it. I also remind myself that I have the power and knowledge I need to change anything I want about my body (and an amazing coach) SO I’m going on a mini cut just to lose the holiday weight…nothing crazy for now because I’m just enjoying vibing. the flexibility, my love for the gym and for doing fun things. I think I’ve found the balance properly this time. It’s ok for your priorities to change, sometimes it may be on fitness and other times it may be eating all the best vegan food you can find in a city and partying with good people.

Work has been stressing me out, so I’ve felt a bit rubbish the last two days but it’s only because I care about being good at my job. There’s more to life than your career though.

23 is looking to be a great fucking year.

[jezzagolden]

actually baffles me on the regs that Ive changed my body so much

[officialaudreykitching-deactiva]

Comparing yourself to others is a disservice to your soul. There will never be anyone like you. Embrace your own path and focus on your progress.

[takee-advantage]

[1anonyymous1]

forget what you feel, remember what you deserve

[strengthandperseverance-deactiv]

#fuckyes

[jezzagolden]

honestly don’t even know my old self anymore lol and I’m glad, good riddance to that deeply insecure, people pleasing bitch x

[6i]

[shadybrooktrez]

The only way to eliminate fear is experience.

[jezzagolden]

SO I’ve gained a few pounds over the past two/three months. I’ve had three months of a million social plans and work stresses, it’s expected. I expected it. That doesn’t mean it was something easy for me to come to terms with. I think about it way more than I should even though I feel like I’m generally in a good place with my body. It’s far from the body I’m looking for but I’m happy to spend the years it takes of breaking down unhealthy habits physically and mentally. It takes years to grow muscle and to overcome a bad relationship with food and that’s ok. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. It’s just about being consistent and self aware but also giving yourself a break when things aren’t ‘optimal’. Would I go back in time and not have done any of the fun things I did for the sake of these few pounds…NO which means I have to come to terms with it and move forwards. Have I been eating the best? No but I have been SO consistent with the gym for about 6 months now and that’s just because I’ve found genuine joy in strength training and I think that’s something to happier about than validation on the scales. I have to write things like this because in a way it’s shutting down the negative side of my mind and rationalising it. Have I gain a bit of fat from eating and drinking like a piggy? Yes. Have I ruined ALL my progress? No. I’m so so so far away from those before photos, physically and mentally. I am the happiest and most confident I’ve ever been and I genuinely notice a difference in my mindset every single day. You’re doing great babes, just gotta get through Christmas now without gaining a stone and we’re ready to do a cut in the new year 💪🏼 hopefully reveal some muscle we’ve been building lol

[lilmamabeyellin]

my taste in… everything is changing. men, the friends I choose, what I wear, how I move. everything. and I love every bit of it.

[aruguula]

It’s okay to be a beginner at the things you are interested in. There is no reason to feel intimidated by people more advanced than you are, because they too were in your place at one point. Keep learning and growing and expanding in whatever it is that you love and let nothing and no one stop you. You don’t have to be at the same stage as someone else. You can just be at your stage and that one is okay too.

[honigimohr]

stop living in ur fuckin head and start making shit happen

[it-keeps-gl0wing]

Let's play a fun game called: is this my intuition or my anxiety

[aidashakur]

PLEASE communicate to me when i’ve done something that bothers you or you don’t understand. let me apologize and learn

[jezzagolden]

whenever I think about my past self I get really emotional because I’m honestly so happy in myself and I just wish past Jez could have known that it would get better lol like obviously current me does but I’ve just never felt like this before and it makes me nearly cry all the time lol and no person has made me feel like this…. IT WAS ALL ME! I did this. Wow. This is just a brain dump, I can’t put my feelings into words properly right now….just went for a run so the endorphins are pumping. Cut 2 mins 17 seconds off my fastest 5k today too so that helps lol

[saintjehanne]

Honestly, my goal in life is just to be a very warm person. I want to be as loving and as kind as I can be.