this is potentially really important:
I have someone staying in my hotel tonight that made me think that this would be worth sharing here.
If you are running away/trying to hide from someone that is frightening, abusing, harassing you, and you find yourself staying in a hotel to avoid being found, there’s an extra precaution you can take.
When you check in, ask the front desk clerk to put you as “Unlisted”. They’ll know what you’re talking about. What this means is that as far as anyone other than you and the front desk clerks are concerned, you’re not there. If someone tries to call for you and your room, “I’m sorry. I don’t have anyone registered under that name.” Same thing goes for it someone shows up at the desk. “Unlisted” means you’re untouchable.
Please, please, if you find yourself in trouble and seeking refuge in a hotel, do this. It’s really quick, easy, and painless for the front desk clerk to do, and they are not going to judge you for it.
Tip from a hotel receptionist: (I work for the Green and Blue ending in Express- hotels will vary but this is generally a Thing hotels do.)
If you tell the front desk you do not wish to be contacted, they can and will put a note to everyone else who works there that unless you SPECIFICALLY say that a certain person is allowed to call/come up to your room, they will not let ANYONE near your room- ID will be checked for that person for your safety. If someone asks for you by name that isn’t allowed to know you’re there, the staff will simply say “There is no one here by that name.” If they press, the staff will insist no one is there and they need to leave. Also, housekeeping will be informed of your desire to be left alone and will announce at the door that they are housekeeping, for your peace of mind.
A good tip is to have someone else drive you to the hotel if you’re able- that way your harasser cannot find your car and wait by it for you. Also, if you CAN, stay in a hotel where all the room are indoors- usually smaller indoor hotels do not let non-guests past the lobby, especially if they ask for someone/someone’s room number. Third floor helps, too- at my hotel, we usually put people who are hiding from abusers on the third floor at the end- since you can’t enter the side doors without a key and the elevator is in the middle of the hotel. Always check to see if the outside doors are key-access only, and make sure you know where the elevators are, and see if you can get a room closer to the more secure area!
Also, if you know their car, or the car of anyone they know and might use, tell the receptionist, especially if you think they may come looking for you. Tell the receptionist what it looks like. If you see it, or if they see it circling the hotel or in the parking areas, they can and will call the police if you need them to. I myself have called the police to chase off an abuser who wouldn’t stop circling the hotel.
Sadly, this is not an uncommon thing, and since I started working at a hotel, I’ve seen my hotel shelter no less than six people fleeing from abusers/stalkers etc, but everyone at the front desk was accommodating and protective- just let the staff know you’re at risk, and they’ll do everything they can to keep you safe.
I used to work in hotels for like 10 years, and if you’re running from an abuser, DEFINITELY tell the staff. If the series of hotels I worked at are any indication, a lot of the desk and housekeeping staff have been exactly where you are and know exactly what you’re going through. We were trained to protect your privacy and safety, and most of us would take that shit PERSONALLY when it went down.
Make a special point to tell the night shift desk worker, though. If there’s going to be one person who’s accidentally left out of the loop, it’ll be them every time. That said, the night shifters are usually also prepared to deal with just about any bullshit and con that your abuser will offer. We have seen it all.
As a former hotel front desk worker on the night shift, all of this is 100% true and you should use it for your own safety.
As a current worker in a large ER/Trauma Center, DO IT IN HOSPITALS TOO! If you’re running away from an abusive situation, the chances are high that you need to seek medical care for injuries sustained from your abuser. The moment you check in, you have two options:
1) Ask to be listed as a Private patient. This means that there will be a red flag on your name for EVERY SINGLE STAFF MEMBER in the hospital and if anyone shows up looking for you or calls the hospital asking about you, you don’t exist. You will have an option to list a password if there are one or two people you DO want to visit you or receive updates about you, but you’ll need to provide the password to those individuals on your own; the hospital won’t do it for you. The hospital will never acknowledge to anybody that you’re there, unless that person gives the password unprompted (as in, we can’t ask them for the password - they have to volunteer it without suggestion from us). Unlike a hotel, if a hospital breaks this policy they can be subjected to absolutely massive federal fines.
2) Ask to be listed as an Alias patient. This means that we will literally change the name in your medical chart and not change it back until after you’ve been discharged. For the duration of your stay, you will be listed under a fake name. This will NOT list you as Private so anyone calling or showing up and asking about your pseudonym WILL be told that you’re there, but they would have to know said pseudonym ahead of time. Hospitals use this function for celebrities, people in political power, high-ranking members of the organization (like the hospital CEO), and - most commonly - regular members of staff who don’t want to let their colleagues know they’re being treated in the same facility where they work. Usually, being listed as a Private patient is enough, but if you work at the hospital where you’ve sought treatment, I would highly recommend using an Alias.
THESE OPTIONS ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. By that, I mean you CAN use both at the same time, and none of the hospital staff can tell you otherwise. Whether or not you use either or both options is entirely up to YOU and whether you feel safe enough. Take whatever measures necessary to protect yourself.
