a/n: well dang i haven’t updated in f o r e v e r but ayo i’m back. i’ll genuinely try my hardest to try and update as frequently as i can but ngl i kinda lost inspiration but hopefully i’ll be back to the way i was before. also make sure to check out the warnings before reading!! (credit to @jihoonslattee for the au idea~)
disclaimer: the moodboard was created by me but the photos used are not mine.
warnings!: depression, attempted suicide, and curse words
message to all: writing this actually didn’t take that long. it took like 30-40 mins which is a record time for me. it was scary seeing how easy i was able to write about depression and how these feeling hit a little too close to home. personally i’m fine but i know there are people out there who aren’t. i want each and every single one of you to know you are loved. you might be tired of hearing this but that’s only because it’s true. life made be rough now but i swear it’ll get better. i manage to get through depression so i’m absolutely confident you can too. i’m always here if you need to talk and i’m down to talk about anything. if you’re going through a hard time, stay strong. i truly believed you’re a strong, beautiful and absolutely wonderful person who can make through the roughest of the storms.
waking up early in the morning for school has always been hard for everyone and it was especially difficult when they had nothing to look forward to. however, it was extremely harder and worse for you. you struggled to tell yourself that getting up everyday was worth it so imagine you telling yourself living life was worth all this hassle.
your parents meant the whole freaking entire world to you. sure, they could be unfair to you at times but they always had the best intention in mind. they always listened to your problems and was also really understanding. they strived to help you achieve your future and always supported you. they were parents unlike any others.
it all came crashing down on a fateful night back when you were in eighth grade. the entire night was pure chaos and to be completely honest, you had a hard time remembering specific details like you remembered the cause of their deaths but not necessarily how you found out or how you exactly reacted. but one think always stood clear to you: it was the day you started despising everything.
you began to question the entire existence of life. why the fuck did people believe in god if he did nothing to save your parents? they were spectacular people who helped out those in need. was it even worth it to continue on if the ones most dear to you was no longer along your side? for an entire month, you holed up inside your room wondering what exactly did the future held for you.
it’s been three years since. you drifted away from all your friends and you stayed with your grandparents. you loved your grandparents, not as much as your mother and father, but grateful that they took you in and moved to your city just so you could keep going to the same school.
as you dragged yourself out of bed, you thought this was going to be the day, the day where it’ll all end. in your opinion, life wasn’t worth it anymore. it hadn’t been for a long time but you had thought if you continued enduring it, you’ll see some sign of hope. but nothing came to you. in fact all you got were bad news and you were fed up.
walking to school and going through all your classes all happened like a blur. you wanted to experience what high school would feel like one last time even if you thought it was shit. all these fake friends pretending to be there for each other but in reality they’ll gossip and talk behind each others’ back within the next minute. the couples with their signs of affection that you simply didn’t understand.
when the final bell rang, you made your way up to the rooftop. a bittersweet smile made its way onto your face as you reminisced about all the happy memories with your parents. you hoped you would see them again after you took your jump. two years was two years too long for you. you hoped that your grandparents would forgive you and not blame themselves because they weren’t at fault. you knew they they couldn’t stop you even if they knew. in fact, you believed no one could stop you. but boy, oh boy were you wrong.
as you kicked one leg over the fence, you admired the view. ironic how the scenery looked so beautiful as you were about to take your last breath. the sunlight filtered through the trees and the buildings that stood so tall and strong. there was a gentle breeze that rustled the nearby trees and made the moment much more ethereal. it was truly sad that this gorgeous autumn day was going to be your last,
swinging your other leg over, you looked down. it was all going to be over soon. you were going to finally see them. closing your eyes, you jumped. for a minute you felt weightless until you felt a sudden jerk at your arm. your eyes shot open and they landed on a gorgeous boy who desperately clung to your arm.
“yo....h..old..on...ti..ght” he mumbled out as he strained to lift you up.
tears trickled down your face without you even realizing. “why..who even- i don’t even know you so why bother saving me?” he didn’t reply and a silence settled over you two.
as he slowly but surely lifted you up, he took his time sorting out his thoughts. once he finally got you over safely, he lunged at you and hugged you so tightly. “i don’t know whether i should be offended or not that you don’t know me. i’m park jihoon...i’ve been in the exact same classes as you since sixth grade. but hey (y/n) i know you think you’re alone but i promise you’re not. you’ll always have me by your side, regardless of anything, so live your life to the fullest. your parents wouldn’t want you to leave this planet so early..” he whispered into your ear.
you were speechless. you had no clue what to say. when you opened your mouth to speak, no sounds came out. so you simply cried within his arms. who would have thought you would find such comfort that reminded you of your parents inside a stranger’s arms? you felt safe for the the first time in years. a strange feeling that you couldn’t exactly pinpoint blossomed in your chest. vowing to show your gratitude, you made a promise to yourself you would live without any regrets for jihoon’s sake, your parents’ sake and yourself.
the upcoming months were so different compared to your previous ones. it took you a while before you warmed up to jihoon and your mindset of life began to change. but jihoon was always by your side. it wasn’t long before he introduced you to his friends resulting in even more supporting figure in your life. you were glowing with so much happiness that no one would have expected you to be depressed a few months ago.
in the end, you knew everything was going to okay. whether life will go smoothly or not didn’t matter anymore. what was truly important to you was the fact you had amazing friends who will always support you and remain by your side and you hoped that your parents were proud of you while watching from wherever they are.
you truly owed everything to jihoon. he held so many of your fond memories and titles that were close to your heart including best friend, partner in crime, boyfriend and more but the best of them all was your savior.