Season 3 onĀ āA Bards Taleā
The Traveling Tribune Issue 1: Our heroes travelled by boat to Zora and met the wizard Fan Xuefeng. This older half elf joined our party of crazy people. On our journey, we found some crazy tents and a fancy music maker that plays really weird music w/ a odd man named DJ Free Dog and a scared ocean man called Jordan Rodriguez. We travelled on and came upon a town called Aston. We stayed the night, and suddenly became children. The crusade for adult parts and the way out of the town. Damn white robe cultists w/ their yellow boob stealing force fields .... See page 4 for more information on this terrible plight and an adorable picture of Ā a baby Cappuccino.(edited)
The Traveling Tribune Issue 2: This time our heroes discovered that wells are odd places. Rasputin decided that he would jump into one and ended up finding a drow named Xavier. Rasputin gave him Fan's water breathing necklace so he could get out of the well. Once out we sent Sasha back into the well with the necklace, a pot, and a potion of gaseous form. He drank it and they came back out of the well. Then the druidic drow used Cappuccino to find a tree that created a gap in the barrier. Inside the tree lived a dryad. This dryad agreed to help us once Fan spoke Slyvan at in exchange for being moved to a new place. We waited and escaped in the night. Or at least we tried too... 4 of the cultists came after the tree gap with axes in hand. As a result, Laurie melted two of them and the other two ran away. This brutal display gave the party the chance to retrieve all of the goods left in the cart and gave Fan the chance to realize that these bards are completely insane. He ran away on horseback with the Dagger, never to be seen again. As a result, we could never talk to the dryad and it stays in the tree to this day. Very encumbered, our heros travelled on. They met a gypsy dwarf named Rayden Shwartz who made it so that our heroes could use the fancy rifle in combat.Then they encountered a fruit table, though it only had delicious fruit. After this they found a town to rest in and decided to wait two weeks to obtain a nice cart so that they're no longer encumbered. Strangely, they are still children after a week away from the barrier and Marquise didn't transform with the full moon. For more information on how Almbic can't stop rolling stats, see page 12.
The Traveling Tribune Issue 3: In the morning, we explored the town and found a religious tree in the middle of down. At this tree, Ras was able to get another holy symbol, so the trek back to the dome town has been avoided! After this,we aided Johnson in the feud between him and his brother Dick Hardware stores. Marquise played in front of the store, Matt put up fliers, Laurie got put in detention after drawing mustaches on Dick's fliers. Meanwhile Ras was spouting his sins, most of which were weird but not sins. After Johnson prevailed, we left the town and continued on our way. On our travels, we found a broken journal that we picked up off of the rode. Then we watched a bunch of orcs run away in fear at a ridiculously buff man named Adrian. As we were headed the same way, Adrian decided to join us for a bit before leading us into a spider filled path of doom. To find out where the bug spray went, see page 9.
The Traveling Tribune Issue 4: We vanquished our eight legged foes with relative ease, and found some loot. Among the loot was a edge lord helmet that Ras has donned, making him have menacing purple eyes. His new title is edge lord. Ā Then we met up with one of our former bard teachers, Evet Ā Lacaro. He had been ambushed by the manticore, He and his magic dog went with us to fight the manticore, its adorable baby, and a pack of dire wolves. We vanquished all of them, skinned them, and roasted the manticore. In the meantime, Laurie Ras and Matt decided to sacrifice 2 of the wolves to the ruined alter. Matt successfully contacted the fae arbiter connected to the shrine. It informed him that we had to go destroy a statue near the child town in order to reclaim our proper curviness, or adulthood in the men's case. He also managed to remove Marq's lycanthropic curse. But at what cost? For a ridiculously complex guide about dealing with the fae, see page 2. Ā PS: We are now an anime
The Traveling Tribune Issue 5: We made it to the tower and fought off some squishy cultists until we made it to the top floor. There we found the head cult lady, who informed us that the statue was of their god. If the god wasn't worshiped, people would be sacrificed. She was working on a cure to her curse. However, it was down to a conflict of interest. She wanted to keep the statue, we needed to break it to stop the antiaging curse forced upon us. We fought and she hit harder than imaginable. However, the statue fell and the tower began to crumble. On the way out of the entrance a skeletal demon cackled and ran out, its seal broken.We ran as fast as our legs could carry us, with what seemed to be our slowest member barely clearing the doorway before the tower finally collapsed. Ā However, we realized that Sasha wasn't among us. Rasputin became frantic, throwing himself in the rubble searching for her. Laurie and Matt joined him while Adrian decided to go to the village. The village is now a ghost town, with the skeleton's of its denizens laid about. It seems time caught up where the spell once reigned. Turn to page 4 to see if we get a miracle and find Sasha alive.
The Traveling Tribune Issue 6: We made it to the port town, where a mysterious fog has covered the harbor in a rolling green expanse. In order to finally make it to Istros, we decided to try to clear it, Laurie cast fly on Adrian, who proceeded to pierce the fog's poisonous core. Within, he preceded to solo the entire encounter against the mini boss demons. Meanwhile, everyone else was playing cards. . The town celebrated Adrian's skills and treated us to a feast. He impressed Captain Percy, who is giving us a free ride to Istros. He also returned with a small imp pow that became Matt's familiar Speaking of Matt, he's a vampire now. On the bright side, he won't turn into dust on us. On the down side, he might start glittering in a few minutes.... After a bit of shopping, we set out to finally get Ras to his wedding on time. For more on the mechanics of the Rule of Cool, see page 7
The Traveling Tribune Issue 7: We made it to Istros! Upon landing at port, we realized that the treasure map in Ana's puzzle box matched the local area. Matt lead the way to a cave, where Adrian carried him about, Ras fell in the water blindly, Laurie slipped on a rock, and Marquise slipped down the side of the riverbend. Deeper in the cave lay a pond. Matt went down into the pond and found a Ā electrified treasure chest. Ā Further in we found a dragon. Adrian made a deal with the dragon and got the key to the chest. Then everything went to hell and our paladin and barbarian charged into battle. A few stressful minutes later, the dragon lay defeated and we looted everything. Matt tried to drink the dragon's blood and passed out on the spot. We carried him back to the inn and got our magic items appraised. After staying the night at the inn, we set out for Ras' home. A bit of uneventful travel later, we made it to the cotton rich fields of the Van Hyden estate. We were introduced to Ivan, Ras' father and entered the home. For information on how were're going to break the Sasha news to them, see page 3.
The Daily Vita Issue 1: We told Ivan about the king killing issue and his missing daughter. To our surprise, he knew absolutely nothing about the murder. After realizing that this train of thought was stuck at the station, we went to eat more dragon while Ras got scolded. After eating amazing dragon meat, Ras ran off and showed us how we are definitely an anime of some kind. The next morning, Laurie woke up to realize her precious baby (specifically the shiny one) was gone and some jackass named Joe was at fault. Enraged, she loudly proclaimed this to everyone and they set off with a new friend Prak for vengeance. They told the police about this and found they had a serial thief on their hands. Meanwhile Ras got drunk and has his spear stolen by the same thief. We did a bit of shopping.Then Adrian barely lost an epic fist fight. We decided to head off to the necromancer in hopes of a lead. Turn to page 3 to see how this turns out.
The Daily Vita Issue 2: We finally spoke to the necromancer and found out she needed us to blackmail 3 important people to the local churches, Titus, Vocuscus and Aurelia. Then she can fix our document problem and her school problem. We then returned to the Van Hyden residence to tell Mr. Van Hyden about this, but there was a blackguard paladin that legally kept us in the residence. In our boredom, Ras dueled his Butler and lost and Adrian dueled the blackguard. We all cheered Adrian on until that bastard Joe showed up and stole the blackguard and Adrian's magic war sword. Now Matt's come up with the plan to befriend Joe so he'll stop taking our stuff. To see how this will turn into a Tarot Card predicted disaster, see page 4.
The Daily Vita Issue 3: We followed the cryptic note left by Joe and ended up in the black market by accident. And by we I mean everyone but Ras. Apparently we were supposed to go to the bar. On the bright side, Ras did go there, but he saw nothing. We met him there and found a kid with Crowley's gun. The kid left a message that we had to go break into a rich guy's house for black mail. Ras went elsewhere while the party realized we can't stealth. Matt became Spiderman, Adrian ran faster than the speed of sound, and Laurie played damsel in distress. After we escaped from this failure, we met back up at Ras's place and slept for a solid ten minutes before we were under attack by a bunch of mercenary elves. For more info on why elves are attacking, see page 2.
The Daily Vita issue 4: We fought off the elves and attempted to interrogate them. Apparently, we're horrible;e at interrogating people. Ras found out why they came and Matt eavesdropped on him. No one else knows why though.... Anyway, we investigated the church, realized Prak had a magic disguise hat and Titus' church believes in rich powerful people being in charge with fancy wine. They also have a shit ton of guards. We also decided to look into the other two religious leaders and found the Kenku Ā Vopiscus Taniscus. Matt easily convinced him to help us and then recounted his entire life story. While he did this, Ras somehow found the other religious leader in a library. To see if a love triangle instantly forms around this lady, see page 5.
The Daily Vita Issue 5: We dicked around at a vr skeleton game while Matt carried the plot. He minorly convinced Aurelia to be open to necromancy and then we went to the not black market to get help procuring the blackmail against the Van Hydens. Matt also spoke with Joe, and discovered that a diviner's the one who came up with this horrid fate. The next morning, the late summer mysterious became winter and everyone's alarmed. The diviner was right. We informed Lar Cantius about her need to convince Aurelia and Titus, though Vopiscus is down with it. She needs to be prepared to defend her cause since we've opened the opponents minds to her cause. Then we received our package from the friends and got covered in Joe's signature glitter. For more on Matt's pursuits of love, see page 2.
The Daily Vita Issue 6: We went to the council meeting and after some tense pheonix right type discussions and the king not king breaking the tie, the necromancy college was reinstated. After two days of preparation, the fight began. Giant ogres doted the landscape and fought against the raised corpses of heroes long gone. We reencountered the blackguard, who commanded us to go to the top of our foe's mountain base and defeat their leader. After some difficulties climbing and Marquise's head falling off midway, we found the frost giant. He was wise, fair and understanding. Apparently, the primordial gave the lands to him over 2000 years ago and he wants them back. We asked him if he was willing to discuss peace, and he surprisingly agreed. We facilitated a peace discussion and threatened the king not king. After some tense persuasion, it worked. We saved the town by giving it to the frost giant and now we own a mansion. Then Joe showed up and decided we need to go kill that demon from the last arc before we get everything back. Then he changed his mind and decided to give Adrian his sword back. No new news on lyre, but it might come back to us in the next arc... For more on how Ras spent hours trying to convert a frost giant, see page 2
The Daily Vita Issue 7: We decided to unwind and help fix up the town. The Van Hyden's got out of dodge without a word, including Ras. No one noticed he was gone for like 3 days. Then his awesome ex butler showed up and we let him stay with us. Then we hired two kickass gun slinging butler chicks. After a few days we got board and decided to check out Titus' basement again. Prak and Laurie tried prying open the various coffins. Prak got stuck by a needle Laurie became an angry statue, Prak became an angry statue, Laurie fixed the needle problem, and then Prak ran out of the room screaming bloody murder. He ran into Joe, who decided to help Laurie pick the door's lock. Within was a mega strong old vampire. We gave him a jester's outfit and he broke open all of the coffins. A bunch of loot and two bodies came out. He killed one of them.He also told us that Matt drinking tiefling blood would help keep him from going crazy before he picked up his coffin and broke all of the doors. Then Joe teleported Laurie and the body back to her house before getting out of dodge. We roused the cute looking half vampire boy and figured out he was from 200 years ago. His name's Othos and he's really creeped out by us. It's ok though. He's crazy too. Turn to page 9 to figure out if releasing a vampire is a good idea
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