Bobby's been a shit boyfriend for months. When you disappear through a wall in the basement of Clark's furniture store, you wake up in the Backrooms, where a better version of Bobby is waiting. One who actually shows up, one who loves you, one who never, ever wants to let you go.
✠part one / concept.
✠part two.
✠part three.
âž interlude: entity 0
✠part four.
âž interlude: (b) for (b)etter
✠part five.
✠part six. (coming soon)
âž interlude: eighteen (coming soon)
extras:
Òă- main story canon compliant piece.
áȘà§ shutter speed / camboy!bobby alt verse.
áȘà§ making out w/ better bobby.
áȘà§ better you! Òă
áȘà§ "baby." Òă
áȘà§ "open your mouth."
áȘà§ pillow fort.
áȘà§ in the beginning. Òă
áȘà§ my, what long tongue you have.
áȘà§ sunlight. Òă
áȘà§ slow dancing. Òă
áȘà§ rib time.
áȘà§ conceiving w/ bb. / why seven.
áȘà§ bb watching you w/ bobby. Òă
áȘà§ intimacy hdcs w/ BB.
áȘà§ memories. Òă
áȘà§ cuteness aggression.
áȘà§ twin au: one. / bb & bobby. / two. / three. /
áȘà§ mr. kitty. / more mr kitty. Òă
áȘà§ entity discourse.
áȘà§ tolerance.
áȘà§ giddy.
áȘà§ real face.
áȘà§ poly au: [1]. [2]. [3]. [4]. [5]. [6]. [7].
áȘà§ "i know a spot."
áȘà§ dreams. Òă
áȘà§ perfect shot. Òă
áȘà§ pretty thing.
áȘà§ if it purrs, it... Òă
áȘà§ a chase.
áȘà§ ticklish.
â M.E.G. ENTITY 0 â RESEARCH FILE INDEX:
âč MEG-ENT-0000-ADDM-ââ â Restricted Addendum: Reproductive Capability Assessment (Filed Under Protest)
âč MEG-ENT-0000-IR-0-31 â INCIDENT REPORT â FIELD OBSERVATION
sweet dreams, good morning / fem!reader/kento nanami.
you and your boyfriend nanami usually showered at different times. this morning, he decided to join you.
tags: nsfw. 18+. fem!reader. afab!reader. established relationship. shower sex. penetrative sex. no set timeline but presumed canon!verse. fingering. creampie. unprotected sex (wrap it kids). nanami had a little dream about you. no use of y/n or any other placeholders. ever.
wc: 3.6k.
a/n: inspired by some nsfw pieces @jimwackthesecond sent to me of nanami on discord, ty babes I'm still throbbing about it
mdni.
It was rare for Nanami to join you like this.Â
Even after months of living together, of being by each other's side; of cooking, eating, drinking and sleeping next to one anotherâshowers together were rare. It wasnât any conscious decision, really, just a difference in routine. You preferred to shower in the mornings. Nanami preferred to shower in the evenings. Small moments of solace and quiet amidst the hot water and soap. A moment of solitude between lives so tightly intertwined.Â
Today, however, Nanami had surprised you.Â
You were halfway through your usual semi-methodical routine, soap suds still clinging to your arms and chest, when you felt the door open. A cool gush of air rushed through the fog of the warm bathroom for a moment, skittering up your back in a gentle caress. You shiver, hearing Nanamiâs familiar footsteps, but think little of it. You had thought you had been quiet when you had slipped from his sleepy embrace, wanting to give him a longer lie in bed for onceâbut perhaps you hadnât been quiet enough.
Any moment, you had expected the tap to start running, the sound of toothpaste being uncapped and bristles against white teeth. Instead, the sound of rustling clothes just about reaches your ears over the sound of water thudding against the tiles beneath your feet, and then comes the slide of glass, a footstep andâ
âstrong, warm arms encircling your waist tightly, as if you might disappear into smoke if he let go.Â
You smile softly to yourself as Nanami presses up close against your back, hard pectorals slotting against the ridges of your shoulder blades. The heat of his chest is a strong match to the warmth of the water against your front, seeping into your bones and warming you from the inside out.Â
A nose nudges at the crook of your neck, moving upward before soft lips press against the spot right behind your ear. You chuckle softly, leaning back into the caress, eyes fluttering shut.Â
âNot like you to shower in the morning,â you murmur, barely audible over the rush of the water.Â
A low hum is your response. The arms wind tighter, and a large, calloused hand settles on your navel. His thumb brushes up and down in a languid, repetitive motion. You shiver slightly.
âI had an incentive,â Nanami replies, his voice a husky rumble, throat still thickened with the remnants of sleep. He presses another kiss against your skin, his lips lingering this time. âYou donât mind?âÂ
You chuckle again, shaking your head as you settle it back against him, feeling the hard ridge of his collarbone against your skull. âOf course not.âÂ
Even after all this time together, seeing each other at your most vulnerable, Nanami was always aware and respectful of boundaries, even unspoken.
A contented silence settles in the bathroom, broken only by the spray of the showerhead. Morning sunlight spills through the frosted, dewy glass, reflecting off the mirror that paints a portrait of a couple, very much in love. Nanamiâs thumb continues its gentle caress, a soft swipe up and down that becomes as familiar to you as your own heartbeat. His other hand rests against your ribs, just underneath your breast, but makes no move to touch or cup it just yet.Â
A sleepy comfortability takes over you. Between the heavy warmth of the water and steam, as well as the steady thrum of Nanamiâs heartbeat behind you, you find yourself leaning more and more into his form. He supports you easily, hands tightening just slightly to bear more of your weight. You start to distinctly remember why you rushed through showers in the morningâsleep still clinging to your mind like condensation on glass.Â
It was a weekend, though. Neither you nor Nanami had any work or missions, no business or meetings. There was no world to save. Not today.Â
âI could fall asleep like this,â you mumble, eyes still shut.Â
Another feathery kiss, against your shoulder this time. âDo you want to go back to bed?âÂ
Although the idea of crawling back into still-warm sheets is appealing, you shake your head. This was enough. More than enough.Â
You wind a hand down your body, settling it above Nanamiâs own where it rests against you. You donât hesitate to intertwine your fingers with his, and he doesnât hesitate to hold them, giving them a small squeeze.Â
With his one thumb now restricted, his other thumb takes over its brother's repetitive motion, occasionally brushing against the underside of your breast. Although initially accidental and easily forgotten, the movement gradually becomes more intentional. Daring. One particular sweep brushes over the swell of your breast. The next is even higher, just across your nipple.
An involuntary breath leaves you as the slight sensation causes familiar goosebumps to erupt across your skin. Your lips part slightly as you arch into the touch, the curve of your back pushing your hips back intoâÂ
Ah.
A soft puff of breath leaves Nanamiâs lips as your ass brushes against his cock, the hard length rubbing up against the cleft. His grip tightens on your hand, and you can feel his responding shudder. He quickly moves his hips back again, keeping his chest pressed up against you instead.
You smile to yourself, a touch wryly. Nanami wasnât easily worked up, and certainly not in tender moments like this. You canât help but wonder if this is the product of just the proximity, or something more.Â
âIâm flattered that my sleepy morning self has this effect on you,â you drawl, a layer of amusement in your tone that you canât quite shed.Â
âIâm sorry,â he mutters, as if he has anything at all to apologise about. âIâŠâÂ
You feel his lips open against the skin of your neck, but he shuts them again. That makes you raise an eyebrow, your eyes blinking open to squint against the steamy bathroom. You try to angle your head to get a look at him, but the angle is difficult. When you try to turn your body to face him properly, however, his arms tighten around your waist, preventing you from doing so.Â
It wasnât like Nanami to be this⊠reserved. Not this far into your relationship.Â
âNanami?âÂ
Another gush of air flutters against your wet shoulder, something close to a sigh of resignation. âI dreamt about you,â he finally says, the words imprinted against your skin. âThis morning.âÂ
Ah.Â
A wet dream? Hardly something to be self-conscious about, you think. Especially when you were clearly the star of said dream. Nanami was always oddly prudish around certain things, however. Traditional, in some senses.
âOh? How rude, we hardly know each other.âÂ
You can almost feel the responding eye-roll in response to your teasing humour. He gives a small squeeze to your intertwined fingers, as if telling you to take this seriouslyâthough you refused to. A dream was a dream, and you were less concerned with the fact he had one and more concerned with what exactly was in it.Â
âIâm a thirty-year-old man,â he grumbles.Â
âWhoâs still human,â you remind him. You push your hips back again, pleased to feel Nanamiâs cock still very much hard, nearly pulsing, against the swell of your ass. He exhales a slow, steadying breath, but makes no move to pull his hips away again. âTell me about it.âÂ
Another small sigh against your shoulder. You can practically feel his hesitation, unwilling to unveil the explicit nature of his dream just yet.Â
You push yourself back against him again, a slight movement of your hips that has his cock pressing a little deeper against your skin. You buy yourself a small grunt in response, a choked sound that hitches in the back of his throat.
âCome on,â you chuckle, the sound a little throaty now. Sensing he needed a little more push, you unlink your hand from his to lay atop his other one, guiding it up to cup your breast properly. âDid I at least look good?âÂ
âMm.â He gives your breast a small squeeze; a well-practised, perfect amount of pressure that always makes your thighs clench together. âSo beautiful⊠as always.â
âWhere were we?âÂ
Another hesitation, though shorter this time. He occupies the time by kneading your breast slowly, massaging it almost in his calloused palm. âOn a beach. It was just us. White sand, palm trees, lapping waves⊠the sun was so warm.âÂ
You smile at the picture he paints in your head. âIâm sure we made it feel warmer.âÂ
You feel a shuddering breath against the back of your neck before he hums in agreement. You can only imagine that whatever memory of his dream is replaying in his mind is a good one, because he presses his cock against you more firmly.Â
âYes,â he mutters against your nape, before pressing a hungry, hot, open-mouthed kiss against the skin there. âYou have no idea what you do to me.âÂ
By the way heâs groping at your breasts and ever-so-subtly grinding his hips against your ass, you would say you have a general idea. You want to press him for more details on his dream. What did you do to rile him up so? What did he do in the dream to make him pursue you to the shower when he awoke?Â
All those thoughts and questions are disappearing from your mind, however, as the hand against your navel is drifting down between your thighs. Your lips part in a soft exhale as he cups your heat, his middle finger running down your slit almost teasingly, smearing the dripping shower water along with your own arousal.Â
Another shuddering breath fans against your neck as he dips his middle finger between your folds. âYou were so wet, so tight around me,â he whispers, his words almost swallowed up by the sound of the shower and your own heartbeat in your ears. âIt was maddening. I⊠I couldnât stop.âÂ
He circles your clit once, causing your hips to twitch and a soft moan to leave your lips, before he dips his finger down, pressing it against your entrance before sinking inside. You both seem to moan simultaneously as your inner walls clench tight around his thick digit.
âYou were soâŠâ He swallows thickly around another groan. ââŠloud. Insatiable.âÂ
In, out, in, out. He thrusts slowly, languidly, as if savouring every contraction, every syrupy moan that left your plush lips. Slick gathers quickly, and before long the sound of his thrusting finger becomes wetter and wetter. A second finger soon joins the first, his palm pressing against your clit as his ministrations quicken, your thighs shaking in response. The steam of the shower, the heat of Nanami at your back, the fog of lust in your mind and the increasing pulse between your legsâit makes your head swim, your mind hazy and uncoordinated.Â
He curses as you grip his fingers particularly tight, as if imagining the sensation around his cock instead. You feel a pressure against your nape, and you dully realise it's his forehead, hot and wet with sweat and water. âPlease,â he murmurs, his low voice hot and wanting. âCan I have you? Here?âÂ
Even after all this time, he still askedâstill cared enough to askâeven though your answer was always the same.Â
âGod, yes,â youâre replying before heâs barely finished his question, every thought in your mind evaporating into the same steam swirling around you.Â
Youâre leaning forward, arching your back before he even makes any move to position you, both of your palms resting against the cool tile of the bathroom wall. Shower water sprays across your shoulders and the back of Nanamiâs neck as his head follows your descent, forehead now planted between your shoulder blades. His fingers donât stop their ministrations, but his other hand does disappear from your breast. A moment later, you gasp as you feel his fingers slip from youâreplaced instead by a familiar pressure.Â
His cock, thick and heavy, presses against you, hesitating for only a moment before pressing forward slowly. The thicker head slips past the tight ring of muscle with a sharp stretch, your lips falling open in response as a ragged moan leaves you. No matter how many times you had done this, Nanamiâs cock was always a stretch, making each time seem like the first all over again.Â
âGod,â he gasps, his jaw falling open against your shoulder blade. âP-Perfect⊠so perfect.â You can feel him practically shaking with restraint as he pushes forward slowly, oh-so-fucking-slowly, until his hips finally meet your rear. As always, he gives you a moment to adjust, no matter how wound up or turned on he isâhis one hand bracing against the wall near your own, the other winding back around your waist to circle your clit with slow, languid movements.Â
Youâre shaking too, you realise, hands slipping on the wet shower wall. You clench tight around his cock despite his attempts to relax you, too wound up and dizzy with arousal to care about the discomfort. Bucking your hips back, you try to press him impossibly deeper, as if you werenât already full of him.Â
He groans at the attempt though, the slight friction you grant him causing his fingers to stutter against your bud. Quickly getting the hint, he pulls back just a few inches before sinking back into you again, just as slowly as before. You both moan again at the delicious drag, before he starts to set a slow, steady rhythmâpulling out a little deeper every time until the tip threatens to slip from you with each thrust.Â
You had expected something quick, frantic perhaps. The dream he had seen had clearly riled him up. But Nanami was still Nanamiâslow and methodical, passionate and loving.Â
Long, hot puffs of breath fan against your neck, matching the slow, sensual rhythm of his hips against you. You can feel his eyebrows knitted against your back, and in your mind's eye, you can already picture his expression perfectly. Flushed skin on his high cheekbones, the sweat on his brow, the slight scrunch of his eyes and parted lips.Â
Every thrust pushes deep, his slow pace ensuring that you felt every inch of each push until he bottomed out, only to repeat the whole cycle once more. His hand on the wall slips, bumps against your own, and with trembling fingers he places it on top of yours, pinning it against the wall before intertwining your fingers tightly.Â
âI love you,â he groans, his voice thick and gravelly. âI love you, nghââ He pushes deep again, stills for a moment as he grinds against you, before withdrawing again. âI love you so much.âÂ
You meet his every thrust, pushing your hips back until your skin meets his with a satisfying âpapâ. The slow, deep pace is driving you insane, deliciously perfect and yet wildly maddening. You can feel the heat pool in your gut with every stroke, the warmth blooming hotter and hotter like the slow lap of waves, threatening to consume you.Â
Youâre greedy, you know. You need more.
You push your hips back in a quicker rhythm and Nanamiâs hips stutter in response, his rhythm thrown off. He hisses, clenched teeth brushing against your nape. The fingers on your clit disappear, a strong hand grasping the plush flesh around your hip instead, steadying you. You expect him to stop you or slow your rhythm down, but he doesnât. Instead, he stops thrusting altogether, allowing you complete control of the pace as you fuck yourself on him.Â
Heâd always allow you to take what you wanted from him.Â
âAh, y-yes, yesââ you pant, forehead pushing forward to rest against the cool tile. You tilt your hips, angling Nanamiâs cock to prod against the exact spot you need him. He curses in response to the harsh clench of your walls around him, his hips bucking forward involuntarily. âKentoââÂ
âTell me what you, ngh, need,â he grits out, now matching your rhythm until the clap of your flesh starts to match the pour of the water. The hand on your hip slides up, caressing your waist in loving strokes before winding around, palming at your breast again. âA-are you close?âÂ
âYes!â You start to push back harder, more frantically. Nanami instantly matches it, thrust for thrust, the head of his cock dragging against your sensitive point with almost pin-point accuracy. He pinches, tweaking your nipple in a way that makes your thighs shake. âHarder, I need itââÂ
You donât even have to say another word before both of Nanamiâs hands disappear, only to grip your hips tightly. You feel the warm of his chest leave your back as he straightens, replaced by the spray of the shower water instead. A moment later, his pace becomes almost punishing, the hard lines of his Adonis belt hitting against the flesh of your rear with a smack.Â
You practically reel, something guttural and primal leaving your lips as you arch forward, bracing fully against the tiled wall in front of you. You can feel your flesh ripple, your breasts jolting with the wet smack of flesh against flesh. Even now, heâs careful never to push harder than you need it, but experience and attention allows him to get it perfect. He was always perfect.Â
A chorus of âjust like thatâ and âyesâ leaves you in a symphony, your eyes rolling and eyelids fluttering simultaneously. It doesnât take long until you're practically clamping down on his cock like a vice, your lower stomach clenching impossibly tight as ragged, fractured moans tear from your lips. Distantly, you wonder if youâre as loud as you were in his dreamâor maybe louder.Â
Nanami doesnât fair any better, harsh grunts and choked groans leaving in him in rhythm with the clap of his hips. With each thrust, it seems his body hunches further inward until heâs practically curled over you, his grip tightening on your hips, thumbs digging into your skin. Deep moans smother against your shoulder as lathers you with kisses, half-formed praises coating your skin with his love.Â
âIâm close, my l-lo-â He chokes up, curses, hips stuttering as he tries to maintain the hard pace. He starts pulling your hips back to meet his, cock plunging seemingly deeper and deeperâ Â
Stars are exploding behind your eyes a second later, your abdomen clenching and rolling as you cum hard around him. You call out his name, you think, jaw falling slack as Nanami continues to thrust and thrust you through your climax, pushing you toward oversensitivity and fast. Youâre clenching down on him tighter and tighter, unable to stop as you babble nonsensically, delirious and drunk on steam and release.Â
âS-Shit,â he hisses, his voice barely there, just breathless and torn. âSo b-beautiful, so perfect, I love you, I loveââÂ
A second later, Nanamiâs following you over the edge; a deep, broken moan leaving him as his cock twitches and throbs, spilling into you. He continues to move, his hips erratic and rhythm broken, just bucking disjointedly as his voice cracks and splinters.
Youâre trembling, heâs trembling, both of you panting and moaning weakly as Nanami continues to grind against you, albeit slowly. You rest your forehead against the cool tile in front of you for a moment, your hot breath making the ceramic fog upâbefore Nanamiâs arms wind around your waist, pulling you back up and against his chest.Â
Your thighs are shaking, body nearly limp in his arms, but he supports you once more easily. Soft kisses and brushes of his nose rain down against the crook of your neck as his hand brushes up and down your stomach, his cock still throbbing weakly inside your warm grip. You let your head loll back against him, a tired, contented smile on your lips.Â
You reach a hand up and behind you, fingers fumbling for a moment before his head leans into them. You card your fingers through the short, wet strands behind his ear, a small sigh fluttering against your ear in response.
âWe should shower together more often,â you murmur, which earns you a small, slightly breathless chuckle, the rumble of his chest vibrating against your back.Â
Eyelashes flutter against your neck as he closes his eyes. âWe should.â
âIn the evening though,â you add. Between the hot water and well, everything else, your body was sated but drained. âI really could fall asleep now.âÂ
The idea of stepping out of the warmth of the shower and Nanamiâs embrace only to get dressed and continue with whatever you had planned for the day wasnât an appealing one. As if sensing this, his arms hold you tighter, unwilling to break the moment, or your intimate connection, just yet.Â
âThen do,â he murmurs against your ear, before pressing a soft kiss to the shell. âIâll take you back to bed.âÂ
And you know he would. You know that if you were to fall limp in his arms right now, heâd carry you; dry you off and settle you amongst the sheets again as if youâd never left them. It wouldnât even be a question.Â
You stay awake though, body still thrumming with remnants of your connection and your muscles at ease. Tilting your head slightly, capturing a glimpse of his profile, you raise an eyebrow.
ââŠso?âÂ
Nanami meets your gaze, raising an eyebrow in turn. âSo?âÂ
âWas it as good as your dream?âÂ
He closes his eyes with a tormented sigh, burying his nose back into your skin. ââŠit always is.âÂ
You let out a laugh of disbelief, angling your head to try and face him better despite him seemingly burying his face in your skin deeper, unwilling to meet his gaze. âAlways?! How many dreams have you had about me like this?â
You feel a small nip at your neck, just a brush of teeth really, but that seems to tell you that these âdreamsâ of his were far more a regularity than the stoic sorcerer was willing to let on. Â
who would have thought that kento nanami was a virgin? not you. not after this long. perhaps he was saving himself for someone. perhaps he was waiting for you.
tags: nsfw. 18+. fem!reader. afab reader. penetrative sex. alcohol. dry humping. virgin!nanami. mutual pining. friends to lovers. creampie (wrap it kids). unprotected sex. touch-starved!nanami. canon!verse. you've known nanami since school. tinges of angst. nanami wanted you bad lmao. it's love babey. reader has experience. no use of y/n or any other placeholders. ever.
wc: 7.7k.
a/n: i kind of fear nanami's a little ooc here lmao, but i've spent too long on this so fuck it we ball he deserves this
also how mad would you be if i said this was set a week before shibuya arc be honest
mdni.
Youâre a bottle and half of zinfandel deep when Nanami tells you.Â
Although youâre both a little warm, tipsy perhaps, you didnât think either of you were quite drunk enough for this conversation just yet. It was a regular occurrence for the two of you to share a drink on a Friday, or a bottle in more pressing times.Â
There were more bottles than glasses, lately.Â
It was just two old friends, catching up. Talking. Complaining--usually about Satoru. Often youâd reminisce on easier times. Warm summers in the Jujutsu High courtyard, the cold tin of a soda in your hands, a bottle of water in his. Quiet talks of dreams and eventualities. Ignoring the gaping absence of a third at between you.Â
Tonight though, youâre not sure when the topic had changed. Somewhere between the last dregs of the first bottle and the beginning of the second, the conversation had grown more sombre than usual. Talk of love and relationships always seemed to make the air heavier around the two of you, for different reasons. A stark air of loneliness that not even the most tart of white wine could overpower.
You had offhandedly mentioned turning down one of the windows you had met on your last mission. He had been younger than you, still full of life where the holes in yourself had long since emptied it out. You had shaken your head, flattered, but tired. There were better options for a man like him, still full of hope and vitality, a whole life ahead of him⊠when you knew any day yours could be cut deftly short.Â
You had told yourself it had little to do with the fact that the manâs bright smile had reminded you of another, so many years ago. Â
In the quiet of Nanamiâs living room, swirling the last drops of your wine in your glass, you had mentioned that you had no real desire for relationships anymore. Other than sex, of course, but only sexual. A temporary release, one of the few you had left. Nameless faces and hurried touches. Sometimes clinical, sometimes primal. Always quick, and never the same person twice.Â
You know?
To which Nanami had replied, âNo.âÂ
Misunderstanding the gravity of what he was saying, you had raised an eyebrow, a curious smile playing at your lips. âNot one for one-night stands?âÂ
It occurs to you distantly that you donât know a lot about Nanamiâs romantic life. Close as you two were, or so you liked to believe, he had never really mentioned it. And you had never asked.Â
Nanami had shook his head in response to your question, and you had nodded. It aligned with his character, you thought. As cold and stoic as he liked to act, you couldnât imagine a world where he would use and discard someone. He felt too much, cared too much. He would love too much too, if given the chance. If he gave himself the chance.Â
In your musings, you had almost missed what he had murmured next.Â
âIâve never had sex at all.âÂ
Kento Nanami. A virgin.
The confession has your lips parting, your eyes blinking. Once, then twice, akin to an owl. You glance down at your wine glass for a moment, as if it had been the slightly smeared glass that had been speaking to you instead, and not the esteemed stoic sorcerer you had known for the better part of ten years.Â
You look over at Nanami on the couch, but heâs staring at the carpet, his expression contemplative, almost pensive. His brows are drawn taut, a small knit on his forehead. His lips are drawn into a thin line, a slight crease in his chin. There was a specific emotion dancing in his eyes. You almost dared to use the word vulnerable.
It seems⊠ridiculous. Nanami? Attractive as he was? Kind, considerate, hard-working, to a degree. A womanâs dream. In another life, perhaps your dream too.
Had it not been for Nanamiâs serious demeanour, and the fact that âjokeâ and âNanamiâ rarely went together in the same sentence, you might have thought he was pulling your leg. A joke between friends.Â
But he wasnât. He very clearly wasnât.Â
âThatâs⊠fine,â you finally say after a small moment, fearing you had let the silence linger too long. âThereâs no rush for these things.âÂ
Nanamiâs hum is short and clipped. Gruff, almost. He still refuses to meet your eye for now, and you make no move to change that. You get the distinct feeling that this newfound vulnerability doesnât stem from him never having sex, but rather, the reason why heâs denied himself - because you know for a fact it has little to do with opportunity.Â
You had lost track of how many women you had watched Nanami turn down, clipped and short, yet always polite.Â
The silence is heavy between you. In the other room, you can hear the hum of his refrigerator, the buzz of the bulbs in the lights. Nanamiâs apartment has always been quiet, but this silence feels suffocating. Paired with the wine, your head feels thick, your tongue thicker.Â
A few moments pass, and as the revelation of his virginity settles into your stomach like seltzer water, you realise⊠it makes sense. Nanami wasnât the type to use someone for sex, even if eager. Heâd only have sex with someone he was in love with. Someone he trusted at the very least.Â
And Nanami, as he had told you and a few others before, refused to entertain the thought of love whilst he was a sorcerer. No one with two working brain cells needed to ask why. He wasnât alone in that choice, either.Â
You toy with the stem of your wineglass whilst you toy with a reoccurring thought in your mind, one that you entertained often, but had yet to voice aloud.Â
âYou shouldnât keep depriving yourself, Kento,â you say quietly. The use of his first name, rarely used in your adulthood, garners you a glance from him. Itâs a small sign that youâre taking this seriously.Â
âIâm not deprived of anything.âÂ
You scoff at that, small and quiet. âYou deprive yourself of a lot, apart from pain,â you drawl, setting your wine glass down on the coffee table. Like always, the wine and Nanamiâs masochistic tendencies have your tongue loosening more than it should. âI understand not wanting to have sex with anyone youâre not in a committed relationship with. Itâs kind of⊠admirable, and definitely you.â You fold your arms across your chest, fixing him with a stare that he still refuses to meet head-on. âBut why deny yourself the chance of love?âÂ
In the back of your mind somewhere is a voice chanting âhypocriteâ, but you ignore it. Nanami, however, does not.Â
He finally turns his head to face you, the lines underneath his eyes seemingly heavier in the dim light of his apartment. An eyebrow arches. âAnd meaningless sex is different?â
You scoff again, louder this time. âItâs not meaningless just because I donât love my partner.âÂ
âOr even know their name?âÂ
You raise a sharp eyebrow, your own lips now pressing into a thin line. A part of you wants to retort, to snap, but you remember the vulnerability in his face from a few moments ago, and you just about hold your tongue.
With an exhale, you grab the half-empty wine bottle off of the coffee table instead and gesture for Nanami to hold out his glass. He does, and the glug of the wine fills the space between you.
âYou ever thought about it?â You ask, filling up your own glass. In your peripheral, you see him sit quietly for a moment before he nods his head.Â
âIâm only human.âÂ
You hum. âYou should experience it,â you add. You swirl the wine in your glass once before bringing it up to your lips. âEven once. Even if it means nothing.â Â
With one glance, you can tell immediately that the idea doesnât sit right with him. It was easy to forget sometimes how rigid and traditional he could be. Formalities that few seemed to care about these days. Always on the things you least expected.Â
âI couldnât,â Nanami replies, shaking his head.Â
Oddly, you feel the desire to insist. Days of a sorcerer were short, and getting shorter every year. Younger than yourself and Nanami had already died long before they would ever have the opportunity to touch another, kiss another; to feel the warmth of a body against your own. They would never know what that distinct pleasure was like, even if they desperately wanted to. Time was infinite to the young, until it wasnât. Â
It occurs to you quickly that youâre thinking of Haibara, and everything you and Nanami had experienced that he never would.Â
Something must show in your expression because Nanami raises an eyebrow at you. You swallow, before setting your glass back down on the coffee table with a dull clink. You look at him, your face surprisingly collected and casual for what youâre about to ask.Â
âWhat about me?âÂ
Nanamiâs questioning look only deepens for a moment, before something passes by his eyes. His lips part, his version of a falter. You know he knows what youâre implying, but still, he asks, ââŠwhat about you?âÂ
âWhat if we had sex?â You say without hesitation. âYou know me. You trust me.âÂ
Nanami falters further. He straightens in his seat, his glass resting on his thigh, the thick muscle straining against his slacks. His whole body is thick with a tension you usually only see before a fight with a particularly highly graded curse. A vein protrudes from his neck.
His eyes flick between your face and your own glass, clearly wondering if it is time to call this night done, but you rise from your seat before he can, taking a small step toward the couch heâs sitting on.Â
You sit down next to him, a little closer than you usually might. He doesnât move away. Your thigh brushes against his, and this close, you can hear his breath hitch in response.Â
âIâm not going to push this any further, Kento,â you say quietly, âbut Iâm letting you know itâs an option.âÂ
Although you and Kento were hardly affectionate with one another like most friends, you decided to take a chance tonight. You had already taken several, what was one more?
Reaching out, you take his glass from his hand and set it next to yours on the coffee table. Hesitating only a moment, you place your hand on top of his, your fingers curling around until your fingertips touch his palm.
His hand is stiff and warm underneath your own. The bones and knuckles press against your skin.
Something in the back of your mind is wondering why youâre pushing this at all. Would it matter if Nanami died without experiencing the pleasures of the body, really? Would the world stop turning for either of you? You know if Nanami really wanted to, if he felt the want, the desire - then he could leave this apartment right now and find someone willing, someone other than you. He could have done so years ago, during those few years he had masqueraded as a normal human being with a nine-to-five.Â
You were risking a friendship over⊠what? The implied hopes and dreams of a dead fifteen-year-old? Haibara was dead. It didnât matter to him whether Nanami experienced the things he never could.Â
Nanamiâs gaze flickers between your eyes for a moment, and this close, you can see the faint traces of the wine staining his lips. Your gaze must linger for a touch too long because his tongue swipes across his bottom lip. The pink skin glistens with the faint glimmer of his saliva.
When you look up, you see his eyes trained on your own lips, before they quickly flick back up to meet your eyes.Â
âWeâre friends,â he murmurs, his voice low, slightly thick.Â
âAnd we always will be,â you reply.
He glances down at your hands. Somewhere between your own thoughts and Nanamiâs reiteration of your friendship, your hands had interlocked, fingers intertwined like vines. He was gripping your hand a little too tightly to be comfortable, but you didnât flinch.Â
Youâre not sure whether it had been your subconscious doing, or his.Â
âI⊠canât,â Nanami mutters finally, closing his eyes for a moment. âNot like this. Not⊠now.âÂ
Something clenches in your heart at his rejection, although you had expected it. Youâre not sure if itâs because heâs denying you, or himself.Â
You smile softly nonetheless and nod. âIf you ever change your mind, you know where to find me,â you say quietly, going to pull your hand from his grip and give him some space.Â
Only he doesnât let go. If anything, his grip tightens slightly.Â
Your eyes flick between his hand and his eyes, still trained on your face. You raise an eyebrow, your lips parting to speak, but he beats you to it.Â
âBut Iâd like to kiss you.âÂ
Something resembling a very quiet âuhâ pushes past your lips in a long exhale.
Youâre not sure why the idea of kissing him felt more⊠intimate than the fact that you had offered your body to him only seconds prior. Youâre not sure why thereâs a prickle of heat at the back of your neck or your lips burn with a sudden need.
âNanam-â
As if remembering himself, he shakes his head slightly, blinking away whatever stupor had just possessed him. He looks away, his grip on your hand loosening, but not quite pulling away.Â
âI⊠donât know why I said that,â he mumbles. âYou should go-â
Your free hand is already gripping his chin, turning his face toward yours a little too sharply. A subtle grunt leaves his throat as he looks at you, his gaze foggier than usual. From the wine, you, or the whole situation? Who knows.Â
Fingers against his neck, feeling the quickened thrum of his pulse, your thumb brushes against his chin, pulling the skin until his lips naturally part. You feel Nanamiâs shaky exhale against your lips as you lean forward, warmth breath mingling with yours, the scent of wine heavy on the air.Â
You close the distance slowly, giving him time to stop this, to pull or push away. To draw an end to this nonsense before it went any further.Â
Instead of pulling back or pushing you away, he closes the gap so quickly your noses almost bump together.Â
The first press of his lips against you feels hurried and unsure. Itâs off-center slightly, barely hitting the corner of your mouth, but Nanami is quick to correct it. He slots his lips against yours more firmly the second time, his lips parting to capture yours fully. You feel a rush of air against your cheek as he exhales through his nose.Â
The kiss is unhurried, curious almost, yet thereâs a subtle urgency in it that surprises you. Your free hand moves from his chin to his jaw, fingertips softly caressing the sharp curve of it. The sound and feel of his sigh against your lips makes you shiver, and you become enamoured with it.Â
Enamoured with him.
You part your lips further, your tongue swiping against his bottom lip, finally tasting the remnants of the wine that you had spotted earlier. An odd sound builds at the back of his throat before his mouth parts too, his tongue brushing against yours.Â
Something changes quickly then. His hand, larger than you ever really noticed, cups the back of your neck, his calloused thumb pressing against your jaw, drawing you closer. Your other hands, still intertwined, seem to tighten around one another like a snake's coils. The wet smacks of your lips grow louder in the quiet of his apartment, just about overriding the sound of increasingly ragged breaths, borderline panting.Â
Your head feels thick. Dizzy. The kiss is indulgent, almost sloppy now. Nanamiâs tongue is in your mouth, exploring every crevice, tasting you with an eagerness you hadnât thought he was capable of. Every time you brush your tongue against his, your taste buds wetly sliding against his own, a small sound rumbles in the back of his throat, somewhere between a groan and grumble.Â
After a moment that feels like an eternity too short, you pull back slightly, just enough to see his eyes as you open yours. Nanami denies you this, however, because when you open your eyes, his are still closed, almost scrunched. A faint frown tugs at his brow.Â
He leans forward until his forehead rests against yours. The heat of his skin against yours feels searing, your noses softly brushing against one anotherâs. He sighs deeply, as if pulled from the back of his chest. It almost sounds like defeat.Â
âKento-â
âI want you,â he breathes out, and your voice almost hitches as you feel rather than hear his voice. Itâs a deep, husky sound, more rumble than syllable. But thereâs a crack in his tone belying a raw vulnerability that you werenât familiar with. Not from him.
His eyes finally open, looking up at you from underneath his brow. His hazel eyes are almost black, you realise, the familiar colour youâve always admired swallowed up by a sea of coal. You wonder if yours are the same.Â
Heâs trembling too. You can feel his fingertips shake where they press against the nape of your neck.Â
âI thought you didnât want⊠this,â you murmur. âSexâ suddenly feels tooâŠ
âI changed my mind,â he replies, a touch too quickly for you to believe that he was thinking clearly.Â
But God, did you want him too. You want him so fucking bad it almost makes you ache. Your feelings toward Nanami had always been friendly, respectful. He had been your closest friend, your ally, your confidant. You had been through so much together. You liked him, every part.Â
And somewhere along the way, between the four years apart as he pursued a different life and the first time you had hugged him when he finally returned, Gojo grinning over his shoulder⊠you think, that like had changed to love.
It quickly occurs to you that you werenât pushing Nanami to experience sex for fear of him missing out. That was you. You were scared of missing out on him.
Itâs that revelation that makes you pull back slightly, and Nanamiâs eyes widen a little, some of the hazy fog clearing. His hand slides from the back of your neck, falling limply against the couch next to your thigh.Â
âI⊠I shouldnât have put you in this position,â you mutter, glancing away, staring at the two wine glasses on the coffee table before looking back at him. âItâs your choice. Your first time should be on your terms, not because I think youâre missing out or depriving yourself.â
You go to remove your hand from his, but once again, his grip tightens, but thereâs a tenderness to it this time. A gentle squeeze, almost begging you not to go. Not yet.Â
He looks serious now, staring at you squarely, as if about to deliver a mission report, and its the first familiar expression youâve seen on his face thus far. He swallows thickly, the only thing belying his hesitation.Â
âI said I couldnât have a one-night stand.âÂ
You frown. âAnd th-â
âI donât want this to be a one-night stand.âÂ
Some of the breath flees your lungs as you look at him. His lips are still pink and slightly swollen from kissing, his cheeks still slightly flushed from the wine and your touch. You become distinctly aware of the scent of his cologne, faded but warm from his skin. Itâs soft, smoky almost. You have the urge to bury his nose in the crook of his neck and breathe.
You know what heâs trying to say, what heâs trying to ask. You know what he wants because you want it too. You realise youâve wanted it for a long damn time.Â
Words fail you. They feel⊠inadequate to describe what youâre feeling, what you desire, what youâve always desired buried down underneath the guilt and trauma.Â
But you still canât bring yourself to say it out loud. Not here. Not yet.Â
And neither can he.
Youâre not sure who makes the first move, all you know is that your lips are pressed against his and he moans into your mouth as if something had finally let go. Itâs like a cork had finally been released, a lifetime of pent-up feelings pouring out in one gush.Â
His hand is back at the nape of your neck, holding you tightly this time, unwilling to let go. His lips part more readily with every press, his tongue seeking yours with a pinpoint determination. You skip his jaw this time altogether, aiming straight for his hair that youâve been dying to touch since⊠you donât know when.Â
The hand that had been holding yours hostage finally releases, only so his fingers can brush against your waist. His fingers brush against your ribs through your clothes, tugging you closer until youâre rising up onto your knees on the couch just to oblige. Heâs tilting back, his broad shoulders bumping against the couch cushions behind him - and itâs only distantly you register itâs because youâre pushing him back against it.Â
Something shouts at you in the back of your mind to take your time, to savour this, to savour him. You may want each other badly, but this is Nanamiâs first time. It should be done carefully, respectfully, the way he would treat you if this position had been reversed.Â
But then Nanamiâs hand has moved from your waist to your thigh, blindly grabbing it as he pulls it over his lap. Before you know it, youâre straddling his hips with a huff against his lips, and something like a sharp, pained groan leaves his lips.Â
You pull away from his lips with a ragged breath, concern knitting your brow until you realise what the cause of his groan was.Â
Straddling him, you can feel the pulse of his desire underneath you, the hard ridge of the bulge in his pants pressing insistently against your core through your own clothes. One hand is grabbing your hip tightly, almost too tight, as his forehead rests against your shoulder. The other hand is on your thigh, his thumb digging into the plush flesh there.Â
His breathing is ragged, extremely so. Hot puffs fall against your skin. You weave your fingers through his hair softly, and you watch with reverence as a strong shudder rolls down his spine in response.
âWe can stop, if youâd like,â you murmur against his ear, going to rise up on your knees to give him a little breathing room.
âDonât,â he grunts, the grip on your hip and thigh quickly stopping you. He exhales again, a shaky sound as he keeps his forehead stamped against your shoulder. His voice emerges again, barely audible, slightly pained. â...Iâve wanted this for so long.â
Your grip in his hair tightens in response. In a flood, memories of him rush through your mind. A thousand different glances, subtle touches, small clues. Even in school, the way he would linger, a touch closer every time Suguru or Satoru would appear. The hand at the bottom of your back in a restaurant. The way he would lean in to hear you in a crowded place.Â
The way his arms had tightened around you when he had returned after four years away. I missed you too, almost inaudible against your ear.Â
Nanami didnât want a one-night stand. What was the point of sex at all, if it wasnât with you?Â
The thought has you rolling your hips down against his before you can stop yourself, feeling the firm length of his cock grind against your core. A moan leaves your lips, and something guttural leaves his.Â
The hand on your thigh moves up to your other hip, pulling you down tighter against him as if he could slide inside you right now. âDonât tease,â he hisses between clenched teeth. He turns his head slightly, his lips brushing against your neck. He leaves a searing, open-mouthed kiss against your pulse point. âNot now, not after this long.âÂ
âYou think youâre the only one who waited?â You pant as you grind again, firmer this time. His hips buck against yours in response, a muffled groan leaving his lips, imprinted against your neck. You can feel his cock throb against you, twitching against the fabric that separates you.Â
ââŠyou wanted this too?â He breathes out after a moment.Â
You nod, though you doubt he can see it from the way his face is buried against the crook of your neck. âSince you came back. Since you hugged me back and said you missed me.âÂ
His hands move from your hips to wrap tightly around your waist as if he couldnât bear for a single slither of space to be left between you two. His hips jut up against you once again, a ragged breath leaving his lips. It seems the idea of you wanting him for so long the same as he had the same effect on him as it had on you. If not more.Â
He holds you a little tighter, running the sharp point of his nose along your throat as he tilts his head up. Finally, finally, he breaks free of your neck to look up at you, lips parted, eyes almost desperate.Â
With a thick swallow, Adamâs apple bobbing, he goes to say something but falters, and murmurs your name instead. His dark eyes flick between your eyes and your lips. His cock twitches underneath you.Â
âPlease,â is all he can croak out, and the moan that almost leaves your lips would have been primal.Â
You nod your head, giving his shoulders a small squeeze, pushing him back slightly. He seems reluctant to let go, but finally relents after a little insistence, reclining back against the couch. His arms unwind and his hands drop to your hips. He looks up at you, clearly waiting for your lead.Â
You sit back slightly on his parted thighs, the muscles firm and supportive underneath you. Letting your hands fall from his shoulders, you drag your fingertips slowly down over the expanse of his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin through his wrinkled shirt. As your fingers skate over his abdomen, you feel the muscles flex and roll. Nanami looks at you readily.Â
âWe should do this properly,â you murmur, your eyes trained on the lower buttons of his shirt, near the waistband of his slacks. âIn a bed.âÂ
Nanami, to your surprise, shakes his head quickly, giving your hips a small squeeze. âWeâve waited long enough.âÂ
You raise an eyebrow but donât disagree. Despite the need, the ache, the pulse of your own core, you canât help but think of if the positions were reversed. The image of candles, roses and soft music fills your mind, Nanamiâs guiding hands and murmured praises. It would be slow and romantic. Perfect.Â
âNanami,â you breathe out, almost chastising. With the way his cock is pressing against you, you have no doubt heâs not thinking clearly right now; the thought of having what he had wanted for so long within his grasp clouding rational thought.Â
He shakes his head again, a lock of his mussed hair tickling his brow. âNext time.â He shifts, sliding down the couch a little more and spreading his thighs - and in turn, spreading yours. He grips your hips tighter, pulling you a little closer until youâre seated right on top of him. âNext time,â he repeats in a groan. âWeâll go slow. Iâll explore every inch of you, taste you. Now, I just wantâŠâ He exhales an unsteady breath, sounding like your name. âI just want you.âÂ
Your fingers linger near his shirt's lower button, and one of Nanamiâs hands unclasps itself from your hip to gently grasp your wrist. He guides your fingertips to the belt buckle, the metal cool against your hot fingers.Â
You meet his eyes once more, and his gaze is a paradox of firmness and vulnerability. Heâs nervous, you think, but ready. Almost desperately so.Â
Without another word, your other hand reaches down to join your other one, and your fingers are surprisingly deft as you slide the leather through the metal. Nanami watches your hands with rapt attention until the belt is loose. Your fingers slide over the metal button of his slacks, and you donât check in this time. You pop it open before sliding his zipper down, the crackle of the metal teeth as loud as a gunshot between you.
A small sigh of what you think is relief leaves his lips as the fabric parts, giving you a small glimpse of the dark boxers underneath, straining over his cock. A small wet patch blooms at the top, wear his tip would be, and a shudder runs through you.Â
Your fingers tuck into the waistband of his underwear, lingering for a moment. You look up at him at the same time he looks up at you. Without a sound, Nanami lifts his hips and you rise up to your knees.Â
With a few firm tugs, you manage to inch his slacks and boxers down enough to free him. A small huff leaves his lips as the cooler air of the apartment hits his overheated flesh, and you watch in rapt attention as his cock twitches, the flushed tip glistening already.
Itâs longer than you expected. Thicker too. Uncut. A prominent vein runs up the underside of it, and you have the sudden urge to follow it with your finger, or your tongue.Â
Nanami shifts underneath you, and you realise youâve been staring a touch too long.
You pull your eyes away from his cock to meet his eyes, and his breathing seemed to have quickened. Anticipation is making him stiff, almost antsy, a rare sight on a man youâve rarely ever seen anything of other than composed.Â
Itâs endearing.Â
Reaching down, you satisfy your own urge and run your fingertip up his shaft, following the vein, feeling it pulse steadily to the rhythm of his heart. Nanamiâs hips twitch, his eyelids fluttering. Dark eyelashes tickle his cheeks.
When you curl your fingers around him, gripping him firmly at the base, his eyes shoot open, snapping to the sight of him in your palm. You give him one pull upwards, and a bead of pre-cum wells in the divot of his slit.Â
âFuck,â comes out in a very quiet, gruff choke. Your eyebrows rise in surprise, a small smile on your lips. Nanami didnât always curse, and especially not like that.Â
âLanguage, Nanami,â you tease, and his eyes flick up to you, something indignant and impatient in his eyes. You usually werenât one to tease, and he wasnât one to be teased.Â
You continue to stroke him slowly for a moment, rubbing your thumb against the sensitive tip. You fingers quickly become tacky, the glide of your hand more fluid, until the lewd wet noise starts to rise to the same level as Nanamiâs breathing. He grunts with every upward stroke, his hips twitching underneath you. Had it not been for your weight on top of him, you get the distinct feeling heâd be bucking up into your palm a little more eagerly. His head falls back against the couch, lips parted, his eyes fluttering closed once more as he relaxes more into the sensation.Â
It occurs to you that youâve seldom seen Nanami this relaxed.Â
âAre you sure you want to do this here?â you ask, âwith me on top?âÂ
He nods but doesnât open his eyes. His hands run up from your hips to your waist, a soft caress. âItâll be⊠easier for me- hah-â Another choked groan leaves his lips as you give the head of his cock a small squeeze, and Nanamiâs hand flies to your wrist in a blink, stopping you from making another move.Â
You feel his cock throbbing in your grasp, and Nanamiâs straight-up panting now, his eyes slightly wild as he tilts his head up to look at you. Itâs an arousing reality to know that you had just pushed Nanami dangerously close to the edge without even meaning to.Â
âI wonât last,â he murmurs, looking up at you, his eyes shining.
 You realise quickly that heâs actually asking a question. Are you sure?Â
âThis time,â you reply with a small smile. With his hand still around your wrist, you give his cock another squeeze, and he grits his teeth, that vein in his neck protruding once more. You can see the taut muscles in his abdomen flexing from where his shirt has bunched up.Â
As much as the idea of making Nanami cum, right here, right now, appeals to you, you relent for now. Youâd love nothing more than to watch him spill into your palm, to see the euphoria and bliss play out on his face⊠but that was for another time. The next time, perhaps.Â
You release his cock, letting it fall back against his lower stomach with a dull smack, making him hiss through his teeth. Leaning forward, you brush your lips against his throat, nipping at the skin softly.Â
You guide his hands to the waistband of your own bottoms, and he wastes little time in following your unspoken order. The press of your lips against his throat clearly distracts him, but he manages to pull down your clothes enough to leave you in your underwear. You kick them off the sofa haphazardly, not leaving his neck for a single moment.Â
He catches you off guard when his hand immediately dives for your sex, cupping your heat through the dampened fabric. You stutter against his neck, gripping onto his shoulders for support in response.Â
Your eyelids close, goosebumps erupting across your skin as you feel just how wet you are. âNanami,â you gasp.
âKento,â he whispers quickly. Once, then twice, he rubs his palm along your clothed pussy, something guttural building in the back of his throat as you buck down into his touch. âYouâre⊠so wet.âÂ
The wet spot on the fabric clings tightly to your folds, doing very little to dampen the sensation of his touch. His fingers are exploratory, a tentativeness that belies his lack of experience with this, but his touch, the fact itâs him, here and now, makes up for it all.Â
You canât remember the last time you enjoyed a touch such as this. Not like this.Â
Despite toying with Nanamiâs cock until he almost burst, hypocritical impatience gets the better of you, and you remove your hand from his shoulders to tug down your own underwear, kicking it off to join the growing pile on the floor. Bare from the waist down, Nanamiâs eyes roam over the exposed skin almost hungrily.Â
Both calloused hands run up your thighs, pressing into the soft flesh slightly. You see his hand move for your pussy once more, but your fingers are curling back around his cock again before he can distract you.Â
Next time, keep parroting in your mind. Next time you can both endure hours of foreplay; touching, kissing, tasting, the whole nine yards. You promise to make him cry out before he even sinks inside you, to run your tongue along every inch of his skin until youâre sick of the taste of him. Youâd know heâd do the same.Â
But you two had waited long enough.Â
Gripping the base of his cock again, you brush it up against your heat, your own slick smearing across him. Nanamiâs eyes almost roll back into his head, but he closes his lids before you witness it. Youâre faring little better, the mere sensation of having him against you like this, the tip of his cock rubbing up against your clit sending you dizzy. You angle your hips, and just feeling the thick head press against the tight, slick ring of muscle is enough for a moan to already tumble past your lips.Â
Something flickers in Nanamiâs gaze as he opens his eyes again, honing in on the sight of you braced above him like this. He grips your hips, his touch light, merely supporting you for now. You look back once into his eyes, and go to check in just once more, but he leans forward, capturing your lips in a kiss thatâs little more than teeth and raw need.Â
His lips pressed against yours, you sink down, the wider head of his cock slipping inside you. Your lips part in a soundless gasp against his mouth, swallowing the ragged groan that leaves his throat. The stretch is slightly more than youâre prepared for. Distantly, you think, skipping foreplay wasnât the wisest idea, but desperation, need, pushes you forward regardless.Â
So you sink down further, inch by inch, and as he slides deeper and deeper, his grip on your hips grows tighter and tighter, until the force of his fingers dulls the ache of his cock kissing your cervix.Â
âOh, fuck,â you gasp as you finally bottom out, hips sitting on top of his. You realise youâre breathless, and that cowgirl might not have been the best position for taking someone of his size. Certainly not in one go, like you just had.Â
Nanami is fairing no better. His mouth is agape, his biceps trembling where he clings to you. He seems dazed, winded, panting into your mouth as his arms wind against you. He pulls you forward, and you both moan as his cock seems to slide just that little bit deeper.Â
Youâre dizzy, strained, stretched out far more than you can ever remember being before. Your eyes are scrunched closed, your forehead knocking against his. Everything feels distant and muffled. It takes you a moment to realise Nanamiâs muttering something repeatedly in fragmented gasps.
When you open your eyes, heâs looking at you almost panicked, his eyebrows knitted upward. His teeth are bared, gritted - and itâs now you notice that youâre clenching around him so tight that youâre not sure if youâre causing him more discomfort than pleasure.
You swallow thickly, trying to catch your breath. Youâre flushed, prickly heat blooming across your chest and neck. You shift a little, and something pained rumbles from the back of Nanamiâs chest in response. Â
âDo you want me to stop or-â
âDonât,â he grunts, his fingers shaking against your back. âDonât move.âÂ
The throb of his cock inside you is insistent, and it takes everything in you not to clench tighter around him in response. You know heâs close, dangerously close, and as much as you want to rise up on your knees and slam yourself down on his cock until heâs begging you to stop, you clench your jaw and relax.Â
You bury your face in the crook of his neck, kissing his skin softly; small pecks and affectionate touches. He shivers, and his cock still pulses, but slowly, muscle by muscle, he relaxes too, ragged pants dissolving into hot, muted breaths. His arms around you loosen, holding now, not gripping.Â
âTell me when you want me to move,â you whisper against his ear, pressing a small kiss to the lobe.Â
He nods, brushing his cheek against yours with a soft sigh. His hand moves from your back upward, until he cups the back of your head, drawing your lips back to his. Itâs a soft kiss, loving; slow and sensual slides of wet skin mingling with gentle exhales. Before you know it, and before he says, youâre rolling your hips greedily, just grinding against him for now.Â
A guttural sound leaves his lips. His forehead feels hot and sticky pressed against yours like this, a strand of his hair tickling your cheek.Â
You feel his thighs shift, widening as far as the slacks still around his thighs can allow, feet planted more firmly into the carpet. The first roll of his hips is disjointed, off rhythm with your own, but the slight drag of his cock against your walls has you moaning brokenly. The second roll, a little more confident, has you pressing your hips down to meet it, and your back arches like a cat.
âFuck yes,â you moan, your voice thick and throaty. You moan his name, wait for the third shallow thrust, and meet it. âYou feel so fucking good.âÂ
He looks up at you like you hung the stars, his eyes widening at the sound of his name tumbling past your lips like a fractured halo. He loses his rhythm, but you soon pick it back up for him, starting to use your thighs to slide more eagerly down his cock. Itâs still shallow, Nanamiâs arms around your waist preventing you from really going for it, but youâre unwilling to part from the closeness for now.Â
You bounce a few inches at a time, the dull clap of your hips and the lewd squelch of your hot cunt wrapped tight around him filling the air of the apartment. With each bounce, a grunt pushes out from his chest, hot breath fanning across your face.Â
Nanami, though inexperienced, starts to let his body guide him. His hips buck up to meet you more confidently, and the growing force of his movements has you keening, fingernails biting into his shoulders.Â
You look square into his hooded eyes, breath mingling, and see the flush across his skin, his lips glistening with saliva. You moan again, higher pitched this time, and Nanamiâs next thrust has you jolting up a little, nose bumping against his. You clench around him again, and his brow knits together.Â
âS-Shit,â he pants, his hips starting to jolt more readily, pushing a little too forcefully into you, quickly losing his rhythm. âIâm not⊠Iâm not going to lastâŠâ His movements quicken, grow more erratic, and youâre not even sure he realises. â⊠youâre so fucking⊠tight.âÂ
The last part is little more than a throaty whisper, his voice cracking. You stop meeting his thrusts and instead, widen your stance, tighten your core, and let him take what he needs. The movement, though small, isnât lost on him, and he looks up at you, emotion swimming heavily in his dark gaze.Â
He thrusts up grow more erratic, sloppier, something like a grunt leaving his mouth with every dull thwap of his hips against your ass. His arms tighten around you, fingertips pressing into your skin. A groan, a hiss, and a swallow. The couch creaks and strains.Â
âN-Next time - hah - next time⊠I want t-to feel you cum around me,â he pants, his arms starting to shake. âIâll give you everything, anything, fuck, I-Iâll keep going until⊠until⊠God-âÂ
Heâs barely pulling out now, a mere inch is all heâs moving, the head of his cock bullying against the soft spot right next to your cervix. Choked, high-pitch moans are the only sounds you can make, and you distantly note youâve never sounded like before. Not ever.Â
Youâre getting there, you realise. Not quite close, and definitely not as close as him, but the way his cock fits inside you, the slap of his hips against you, the way heâs looking at you⊠itâs pushing you there fast.Â
But itâs not quite enough.Â
âIâm close,â he gasps. âI⊠whereâŠâÂ
âInside,â you reply without hesitation. Something passes by his eyes, a small flicker of concern, perhaps, swimming in the sea of lust and arousal. You try to find your bearings enough to tell him itâs okay, you wouldnât have taken him inside if you werenât protected-
-but then his cock is twitching inside you, and Nanami is shaking, shaking underneath you, his thighs jolting, nearly bucking you off his lap altogether.Â
With one last slam of his hips against you, buried as deep as he could possibly ago, a long, primal groan leaves him. Itâs deep, visceral, easily mistaken for something pained - and it might be the most divine fucking sound youâve ever heard in your life.Â
He buries his face against your throat as his hips buck involuntarily a few times, and you shiver as you feel that familiar warmth bloom inside you. Heâs giving you everything, or what feels like it. Your pussy flutters around him, and his fingertips press into you so tight you wouldnât be surprised to see bruises.Â
His heart is hammering against your chest, the thump pounding even in your own chest. Ragged pants and a heavy quiet settles over the living room. His cock continues to twitch inside you, growing weaker with every thud of his heart.Â
Nanami doesnât pull his head from your throat for a long while, his nose pressing into your skin as he pants against you.Â
After a moment, he finally swallows. â⊠Iâm sorry,â he mutters. âI⊠I should have made you-âÂ
âShut up,â you murmur against his warm hair, breathing in the faint scent of sweat and his shampoo. He seems to get the picture, of what you were trying to say. He always did. âNext time,â you add anyway, just to be sure.Â
He lifts his head from your skin, looking up at you blearily. You smile fondly as you see his face again, the harsh lines on his brow and his eyes smoother now, no longer creased as they always seemed to be. He looks⊠so much younger, you think, like this. Relaxed. Sated.Â
You brush some of his sweaty hair out of his face, and his eyelids flutter at the brief contact. He seems exhausted, you think.
âI meant what I said,â he murmurs as he looks up at you. âI donât want this toâŠâ His palm moves against your back, sliding down your spine. âI want you. Properly. I always have.â He swallows. âAlways.âÂ
Your eyes soften. He looks at you expectantly, almost vulnerably.Â
âYou have me,â you murmur in reply, finally. âProperly.âÂ
A small smile tugs at his lips, and itâs warmer than youâve ever seen before. Genuine. Light. Itâs as if a decade of weight lifts from his broad shoulders, if only briefly.Â
He pulls you close once more, his lips pressing against yours softly, lovingly, and the world seems to fade away.Â
warnings: angsty, they're truly pining in this one ngl, Dream is still Dream (trying, but lowkey failing)Â ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
notes:Â whose ready for that reunion, huh? Ngl, I struggled with writing this chapter if only because I'm so used to writing original content. It was weird trying to adapt the show timeline without bogging down the pace or doing a beat-for-beat recount (which would have been tedious), so I hope you liked the uneasy medium I chose instead.
part one | series masterlist | ao3 |
PART TEN: YEAR 1021 II
His realm. Ruins.Â
Everywhere Morpheus turns his attention, decay and ash greet him on his traipse to the castle. Time is cruel. What he has built over the yearsâwith devotion, care, and contentmentâhas broken down to nothing in a hundred years he was gone.Â
These walls, physical and otherwise, keeping so many unassailable, have stood for thousands of years. Since the dawn of all creation, the Dreaming had been a haven.Â
Now, it is barely standing.Â
Crumbled stone and dust. Grey, drab surroundings devoid of colour, gutted of resplendence that once coursed so freely here. His Dreaming, his home, his beautiful treasure. The weight inside his chest is unbearable. Scratchy and thorned, each image bites into his mind, snagging and burrowing there. He will carry this weight until his end. This is a failure; fundamental, wretched, inescapable. Â
His subjects have fled. Abandoned the Dreamingâand himâin droves. Not even his siblings have sought him out.Â
You love them, but you donât see them.Â
âYou may be correct about your siblings not arriving to your aid, Lord. But someone else did. Someone searched for you. Rather ardently, I might add.â
Morpheus raises his head, pain knotting his throat, his hands clasped while he perches on a fragmented staircase.Â
âWho?â
Lucienneâs expression pinches, eyeing him over her glasses as if it should be obvious. But if not his family, thenâ
âMy Lord, surely you can think of someone who cares for you enough to do so?â Hearing no response, his librarian persists, âSomeone who has stood by your side no matter what. I confess it was most perplexing to hear your tale, for I had assumed your return was thanks toââ
âLucienne. This lead is different. I can feelââ
That voice.Â
A figure clad in black rounds the corner, and instinct, pulsing and devastating, jerks his body upwards. Morpheus stands, but his knees hold a mortalâs frailty. Had he not surmised you lost to him? Gone forever?Â
Wanderer.Â
Hello, stardust.Â
So longâit had been so long. Not two centuries have passed since heâd last seen youâa mere drop to an Endless such as him, yet it feels like lifetimes have flown by. All those years, wasted. Some foolishly given away, others stolen. Just once, the passage of time is devastating. Because this time, Morpheus bears the full brunt of his loss. Â
I call upon Dream of the Endless. Answer my call, Dream Lord, for you are sworn.
There had been a call, a plea, a dream echoing inside his barren, shadowed prison. And he failedâhe failed to answer. What is he if not Lord of unanswered dreams and hopes? What is his purpose if the one whose call heâs waited for centuries does not receive an answer?
You teeter to a sudden stop, gawking; itâs as if your body has transformed into an obelisk. Midnight flows and encloses your figure andâ
It is but a coat now, his power long since faded, but it is his. Sown into being from nothing, shaped by his will, by his hand alone, tailored to fit a different form now. Repurposed for holding, touching, lingering on your skinâ
A star erupts inside his chest, boiling through him, and the sheer, scalding power steals his breath.Â
Thousand words tangle on his tongue; a thousand stories, reasons, curses and pleas. Yet, only one word leaves Morpheus, his hand seeking, even if his tongue would not verbalise the want, the need:
âWanderer.â
Hot, treacherous power sparks through the air, igniting from within you where that pesky curse dwells, and then youâre gone with a thunderous crack. Fragments once more. Continuously slipping through his grasp.Â
His breath escapes short and tight. His hand lowers back to his side. His skin itches and an invisible tremor shakes his fingersâone Lucienne would miss, but Morpheus senses with shameful intimacy.Â
Undone by sight alone. Broken apart into no more than sand and sea foam.Â
Raw instinct exhorts him to go after you, but he cannot. Unlike other mortals, you do not dream. There are no photographs for him to use for locating you, and his pebbleâ
Is it still in your possession? Or have you cast it aside? Forgotten your bond? He could place no blame if you had. But the need to know is blistering. He permits no shadow of irresolution to show. This is to be an exercise in patience, duty over impulse.Â
âLucienne, why was Wanderer here?â he questions softly instead.
His librarian gapes for a second before composing herself, her mouth pressing into a tight line.
âShortly after you vanished, Wanderer returned.â Lucienneâs account washes over him while his stare remains glued to the vacant spot where the residue of dark power lingers. âFor decades, she searched for you. For decades she helped to hold the realm together in your absence. Scoured the waking world and all the realms in between and at a great personal cost.â
Oh.
Morpheusâ head sinks to the side, half-turning.Â
Lucienne strides several steps closer, resolute and wonderfully brave despite her subdued nature. âI implore you to reconsider further punishment, Lord.â
A soft sound bubbles in his throat. âPunishment?â The word is dark silk blanketing damage. His damage. âDo you believe I seek to punish? No, Lucienne.â
With a breath, his shoulders straighten, and his fingers uncurl. The steadiness with which Morpheus has stood for centuries makes a much-welcomed return. âI must recover my tools. Then, I shall seek out Wanderer once more. There is much that remains unsaid between us.â
Everything. Too much.Â
But first, he must convalesce. Retrieve what was once stolen from him. Just moments prior, Morpheus had been too weak to sense your entry into the Dreaming. He could once do it without conscious thought.Â
Lucienne bows her head. âYes, Lord.â
Restless, he calls, âLucienne?â A beat. Perhaps it would be kinder not to ask. âWanderer lookedâŠâ
The librarian might not be in direct sight, but Morpheus senses how deeply his uncharacteristic falter startles her.Â
Lucienneâs hands clasp behind her back. âSick, yes.â There is grim verity about her tone, her bearing. âIâm afraid such is the price for devotion, sir. Wanderer was not afraid to pay it on your behalf. Not even after the banishment.â
.
The shores of the Dreaming have transformed in his absence. It would seem nothing in his kingdom remains untouched. Lifeless, desolate, no longer comforting. Once encompassing dark has become devouring, lonely darkness.Â
âI do not require a minder,â he reminds stiffly. âIâm Dream of the Endless.â
Lucienne is ever loyal and present at his back, and Morpheus hears her concern. He understands the reluctance to permit solo travel after what transpired, but he is the Endless. What happened with Burgess will never be allowed to happen again.Â
âYes, and Dream of the Endless always has a raven,â Lucienne insists.
Morpheus halts, hesitance locking him in place before he finds his voice, âJessamy was the last.â
It is then, on distant shores, that a realisation strikes Morpheus. Or, rather, an absence. Something he should be able to view even from his location, unfailingly visible from the docks.Â
âThe Wanderer Island.â The name drags from his throat with hoarse reluctance because, deep down, the answer is already evident. âWhat happened?â
Where once he could see the island piercing the horizon, thereâs now nothing but hollow blackness. A place where so many had journeyed in their dreamsâwith increasing frequency over the centuriesâis gone.Â
Lucienneâs words come out tired and heavy, and in them, Morpheus hears further proof of how terribly heâs failed them. âMuch like the rest of the realm, in your absence, the island broke apart and sunk, sir. It was the last to go.â
âDid Wanderer witness it?â
His inquiry is barely audible. So much so that Morpheus figures Lucienne did not hear him at all, but when her answer does reach him, itâs worse than he expected: âYes. Mervyn and I discovered her here one evening, crying. The island was gone. I know not why, but Wanderer would come to the pier every evening and watch the sunset alone.â
Because we used to sit side by side, she and I, and speak no words, for we had no need for them. Only her breath and mine. Because the island sunk while Wanderer waited for me to return to her.
And it is my fault.
.
âI need your help.â
Hobâs reaction is instantaneous, âAnything.â
He adjusts the strap of his leather satchel as he heads towards you, carefully noting your shaken, fidgety demeanour. The university hallways are quiet this evening, and Hob gently grasps your elbow in his, leading you with him.
âCan I stay with you?â you blurt out, hot and cold all over. Sweat soaks your clothes, but you manage to form words, wobbly as they are. âJust for a day orââ
âHowever long you need,â Hob interjects placidly. He guides you outside, adding a thoughtful, âOr however long the curse allows you, but yes, you can always stay. Are you alright?â
The chilly wind bites your cheeks, storm clouds brewing in the distance. No stars or moon tonight, only charged heaviness. Your mouth is so dry your tongue is little more than paper.Â
âHeâs back.â Your words come out as a croak. Words jumble inside your head, but Hob patiently nudges you towards a lamplit street. âDream. I⊠I donât know how, but⊠he might come after me. I broke his law andâŠâ
Hob tenses.
âYouâre joking, right? Because ha ha ha.â His timbre bleeds with urgency and solemn disbelief all at once. When you donât laugh, only stare at him, unblinking and trembling, Hob exhales. âOh God, youâre serious. Well, he certainly has swell timing, doesnât he?â
Your chuckle sounds strangled in your ears. âConsider me a Faerie right now. I canât lie.â
âAnd fae are real.â A muffled huff leaves Hob. The immortal shrugs, accepting this new knowledge as quickly as he did your curse. âBecause, of course, they are. Next, youâll tell me leprechauns are real, too.â
You could hug him for what heâs doing. Gratitude twines through your heart as you lean into him, solid and warm, settling your quaking knees. âWellââ
âNo,â Hob cuts off, dismayed. âDonât. I donât want to know.â
He asks you on the way back to his flat anyway.Â
.
By late evening the weather takes a turn for the worst. Rain falls in deafening, heavy sheets, drenching every available surface. Gutters overflow as you cut through bleak London streets. Despite horrid weather, people bustle around, and itâs an effort to avoid them. You lower the umbrella Hob had allowed you to borrow, stepping under a carved stone arch. The apartment complex is mainly blackened windows and no visible movement at an hour this late, but it doesn't deter you.Â
Youâre certain Johanna is not going to mind a late-night visit. You tried calling multiple times. But at her failure to answer, you had set out to her office despite Hobâs instance that you should wait till morning. Your friend had been inaudible mutters and a deep-set frown since you trudged back to his flat above the pub. Something about annoying Endless, and no one is hurting you in my flat. He can bugger off.Â
Your finger digs into the door buzzer until thereâs a crack on the other side, âWhat?â
âItâs me, Constantine.â
A pause. âNowâs not a great time. Come back tomorrow.â
Is she with someone? You buzz her again, leaning closer to the speaker.Â
âLet me in.â Something flutters in your peripheral, and instinctively, you turn towards it, âWe need to⊠never mind.â
A shape steps from the shadows, mouth parted, devouring you where you stand. Dream of the Endless dons a shorter version of your coat, his raven hair as dishevelled and wild as you remember it, his skin pale and translucent, his features ethereal and powerful despite their gentleness. Nearly two centuries have done nothing to dampen his distinctive handsomeness.Â
âWanderer.â
The curse consolidates inside your chest, and you jerkâ
Dreamâs hand snaps around your wrist, shackling you to him. At once, the curse buckles, frizzling under the presence and will of an Endless. Dreamâs body brushes against yours, and you suck in a pained breath, your wide-eyed stare snapping to him. Dream pours over your features with such burning intent even his searing touch on your chilled skin is slow to register.Â
âHowââ
His response is instant, knowing. âYou always move your body left when you are about to jump.â He tilts closer, his voice so achingly familiar, the deep rumble holds you close, embraces you. Each hushed word kisses you all over. âA thousand years, do you truly believe I do not know you?â
Indignation wells in your chest. âThat goes both ways, Lord Morpheus. How did you find me?â
You tug your hand back, but it takes two attempts before he relinquishes his hold. Needle stab your heart. Thereâs horror at what he might do for your waywardness, but cutting through the terror isâŠ
Youâve missed him. So dearly, so fiercelyâthat having him this close, unchanged in his imposing presence and dour countenance, melts something inside you. Youâve spent decades searching for his face in everybody. Seeking him in crowds and alleys, in each corner of this world. You bled and suffered to get him back. Itâs surreal to have him this close again.Â
A dream; a cruel, horrible, seductive dream.Â
âIt would seem Fates keep drawing us together, you and I.â There is no wrath on Dreamâs face, not unlike the last time you spoke, not unlike you expected. Heâs drinking you in, and against your better judgement, you do the same. âI needed not to search for you. We found each other.â
What are the chances? In this fathomless cosmos, between hundreds of dimensions, to find each other here. In a rainy, sleepy city. Destiny is no doubt sitting somewhere in his realm, mutely delighting at seeing this written in his book. All things pass as they are meant to pass.
âI prefer my mind intact, so Iâll make this short,â you speak before he can say anything else, rushing over your thudding heart. âIt was a mistake coming to the Dreaming in your absence. I recognise it as much. You banished me; I shouldnât have used your absence for my gain. I wonât bother you again. You have my word.â
âI heard you.â
Your heart stutters, all thoughts and rehearsed sentences evaporating.Â
A breath slips past your lips with a quiet, âWhat?â
Your back brushes against the concrete wall, yet he seems closer and closer with each blink.Â
âI heard you call for me. Yet I could not answer your plea. I was imprisoned. You sounded in pain and then nothing.â Each word comes out fainter and fainter. Each sentence chosen with the same circumspect care youâve come to associate with him. âFor decades, I knew no peace, wondering what might have befallen you to call for me finally. Only to learn, upon my return, that you alone searched for me. Aided my realm when no one else would. Yet, your conclusion upon our reunion is to fear punishment? Do you honestly believe me so cruel?â
Does he need to ask?
âYes. Yes, I do.â Dream shrinks backwards, his expression stuttering at your pained, breathy reply. âWas it not you who banished me? All because I disagreed with you? You threw away eight hundred and fifty years of us without hearing my side. Where was your trust in me?â
Dream moves back a step, turning away from you. For a moment, thereâs nothing but his proud profile, inky shadows, and roaring downpour. Pain bleeds fresh, and your features crumple. You tuck your face in the collar of your black coatâhis black coat, you correct yourself immediately. Even this isnât yours. Neither is he.Â
âI was⊠wrong to do what I did.â
Your head jerks towards him. Dream Lord hesitates, visibly holding himself back, searching for words you know all too well after a thousand years, are all but unknown to him.Â
âI accept that now,â he continues tightly, uncomfortable and stiff. âI should have paid closer attention. Centuries ago, I assumed Desire chose Prodigal and you for their little game to spite me, but I never considered Desire picked my younger brother for a reason. Perhaps I was too blind to see how true your feelings for him were. To defend his whereabouts so fiercely, you must care for him a great deal.â
I could make you desire anything⊠even a kiss.Â
A dumbfounded grimace contorts your mouth. Your clenched fists tremble at your sides from the urge to hit him.Â
âOh, Maker. I donât believe it.â You stagger several strides to the right, breathing hard. âYou think I didn't tell you because Iâm in love with Destruction?â
âIt would be logicalââ
You pivot on your heels, nostrils flaring.Â
âYes, I love Destruction. I love him a great deal.â Something flashes through Dreamâs eyes at your controlled exclamation; crushed glass and ice, distant and⊠hurt. âBut not romantically. Donât you get it? No, you don't, do you? You look, but you still donât see.â
Your feet carry you towards him. Dream straightens at your proximity. Bracing for more lashing words, perhaps, but youâre simply too jaded. From this existence, from him. âOver a thousand years cursed. Humiliated, maimed, haunted, stuck in Hell, Deliriumâs realm, Despairâs realm. Before you, there was no hope for me. I told you what I⊠but what you did⊠what you did hurt the most.â
Briefly, you see something close to despair paint his striking features; too fleeting, then hidden.Â
âWhat you took from meâŠâ Your words splinter, cracking around each syllable, an agony laid bare at the altar of your relationship. Your hand settles gently on his chest. Captured. For a hundred years. What did he go through? Right now, heâs real. Tangible beneath your hand. Thereâs an inordinate urge to grab his coat in your hands, pull him close, and breathe him in. Your hand drops away. âI just wanted to be with you. I would have stayed by your side forever if only you asked.â
Dreamâs features are unreadable; all emotion wiped clean. His glassy gaze scorches into you, but you encounter no answers or comfort there. You rotate your head away from him, licking your wobbling lips once.Â
He edges closer, cautious. âLet me make this right.â
Ignoring the deep, low request, you bite out, âWhy are you here?â
âBecause my tools were stolen from me when I was captured. My helm, my ruby, and my sand. Without them, I cannot rebuild the Dreaming.â
You watch the rain while he watches you.Â
Shoving your hands in your pockets, you hunch your shoulders. âFine. Iâll help you find them if I can.â
âI did not ask for aid.â
Is he trying to insult you by implying he would need to beg for help? Does he assume the Dreaming means so little to you?Â
âYou never needed to,â you say, shifting back to face him, your jaw set. âIâm not doing this for you, Lord Morpheus, but for them. All those dreams and nightmares without a home because they feared you abandoned them.â
Dreamâs gaze drops to the ground. Is it guilt? Shame? Youâre not sure. Itâs an unfamiliar shade on him.Â
Not waiting for a response, you head for the door, buzzing the button twice more.Â
âBut not you.âÂ
You stop dead at his assertion. Your back remains to him. Yet Dream Lordâs words hold their power; a chain around your foot, an anchor in the bed of your heart.Â
âYou stayed,â Dream continues. âYou searched even after I banished you. Why?â
Why indeed. Is he hopeful or too blind to see? You no longer care to find out which.
âIf you need to ask, you donât deserve the answer.â
You pull on the door, and this time it opens.Â
.
Johannaâs glower is fierce enough to make you bite back a grin. Youâve glimpsed plenty of such expressions mirrored on Edwardâs face in the past. The similarities are difficult to overlook. Though theyâre undoubtedly distinct, they are eerily alike in certain aspects.
âI canât believe you were right,â she mutters peevishly.Â
Sheâs said it twice in the past ten minutes.Â
âJust keep searching,â you say instead.
You've got 99 problems, and all of them dreamsâ
This time, youâre the one left scowling, pointedly ignoring the silent Endless lingering in the corner of the room and the droning radio. Johanna turned it on accidentally while searching for a light switch, and it hasnât stopped playing songs that prickle your neck since.Â
âIâll check the other room,â Johanna declares, straightening. Her dark stare slides to you briefly. Whether itâs because she senses the suffocating tension between you and the other occupant in the room or simply because sheâs more caring than she lets on, she asks, âAre you gonna be alright?â
We all are living in a dream, but life ainât what it seemsâ
Grinding your teeth until your temples throb, you offer her a jerky nod. Johanna chews on her inner cheek for a moment, casting a warning glare Dreamâs way before she heads for the adjoined room.Â
How Dreamâs sand pouch came into her possession, you donât know or care to know. All you care about is locating it.Â
Johannaâs departure leaves behind a silence that borders on unbearable. Rifling through papers, you consider your options. Bite the bullet and talk, or wait and see how long until Dream notices the radio acting up.Â
Forcing an exhale between clenched teeth, you venture, âOver a hundred years in captivity is a lot. How are you?â
âFine.â
Lovely. Youâre not sure what you envisioned. A heartfelt conversation where you share your woes? Right.Â
âIâm sorry about Jessamy.â This attempt is more subdued, more sorrowful. âI was trying to locate her when I heard the news.â
Johannaâs office remains quiet and dimly lit. If you couldnât sense him in the room, you would assume you were once more alone. You havenât realised you ceased your search until youâre left staring at your hands flat on the table.Â
âYou donât have to lie,â you whisper, pushing yourself away and turning to face him. âNo one can be captured for so long without being affected, not even you. Thatâs a lot of time to think.â
Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's overâ
Grimacing, you march towards the other table across the cramped room.Â
âI did,â comes Dream Lordâs low declaration. âThink.â
Documents and notes smear together. âYeah? And what did great Lord Morpheus think about during his captivity?â
âYou.â A beat. âEvery day.â
I know you, I walked with you once upon a dreamâ
An invisible hand wraps around your throat, strangling you. Oxygen escapes your lungs but itâs no better than knives dragging down your windpipe. Your knuckles bulge beneath your skin, your grip on the tableâs edge unsteady.Â
âThe radio is broken,â you choke out, veering towards it.Â
You press the off button, glaring when stations instead flip repeatedly.
Sweet dreams are made of thisâ
Mr. Sandman, bring me a dreamâ
I spend these waking hours looking for the Sandmanâwe're waiting for the Sandman, but he never hears the callâ
Anger blinds you. You reach for the capable, yanking on it. Once, twice. Â
We'll begin⊠with a spin, travelling in the world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanationâ
You tear the cable out, panting, hiding your shaking hands. The cord falls to the ground, and you gasp loudly in the now too silent office.Â
âWanderer.â
You hold back a cringe at the deliberate way Dream Lord articulates your title.Â
âDonât bother,â you snip back.
This time, Dream moves physically in your direction. Not through the fabric of the Worlds but physically announcing his arrival. âThose songs.â
You could lie. Itâs the first and most overpowering instinct. Spin him a tale, convince him itâs chance, coincidence.Â
Shutting your eyes, you heave the heaviest sigh youâve mustered up in decades.Â
âWhen you disappeared, I tried everything. I know youâre not a God.â Dream pauses before you, his black coat skimming against yours, listening intently. âYour existence doesn't depend on worship or prayer. But youâre the King of Dreams. I thoughtâI figured if I inspired stories and songs about you, the word would spread. Maybe youâd be able to sense that youâre not forgotten. Maybe all that inspiration would reach you somehow. Help you. I couldnât do it myself because the curse would destroy them, but I could inspire others to do it for me.â
Dream speaks no words or shows any outwards reactionsâhe simply reaches forward until the back of his fingers brush over your cheek. One knuckle, two, the featherlight touch skims over your skin, burning and mangling your insides. Those cold, ancient eyes shine with some potent emotion youâve only caught traces of in the past. Never there long enough for you to examine closer. This time, he doesnât hide. This time itâs his fingers on your cheek.Â
The door rips open behind you, and Dreamâs touch vanishes.Â
âI know where the pouch is. You two ready to go?â Johanna asks.
Neither of you replies.Â
.
Leaning into the cold, coarse stone wall, you survey the raging storm. Better than acknowledging the man standing opposite to you. Johanna had served as an excellent buffer between you on your journey here, snarky and unafraid to throw barbed words or sass back at the Endless.Â
Sheâs bold in a way most Constantines youâve met tend to be. Commendable trait, but a dangerous one. Youâve learned itâs about choosing when and how to present yourself. There are beings out there who make torture into a game. Delight in it, too. Itâs always wiser to err on the side of caution until limits arise.Â
Yet you would welcome Johannaâs presence now. While she went upstairs to visit her ex-girlfriend to make amends and hopefully retrieve Dreamâs pouch, you canât imagine a worse situation she could have left you in.Â
âI must recover my tools first but return to the Dreaming, Wanderer. You belong there.â
You contemplate not answering. But what would it achieve? Youâre not children. How far would this silent act take you?
Instead, you choose to remind him of your stark reality: âYou banished me, Lord.â
âI void the banishment.â
You blink at his rapid edict. As if those words had been sitting behind his teeth this entire time.Â
You cast a dubious glance Dreamâs way, your arms crossing over your chest. âJust like that?â
He exhales but one word over the rushing rain, âYes.â
That somehow makes it worse. No relief or happiness accompanies this pardon. How many times had you desperately wished for him to lift his merciless decree? Only a tiny, pained whisper remains deep in the recess of your mind, calling out a weak why did you do it in the first place?
âWhims of the Endless,â you conclude. âMaybe I shouldnât be surprised.â
Itâs not fair to say such a thing. The Endless have been the closest youâve come to an actual family in the last millennium. Even when youâre intimately aware itâs not sentiment returned. There is a divide between you and the Endless that can never be traversed. They exist outside the bounds of mortal comprehension, and youâre still a cursed mortal.Â
Perhaps Dream reads this defeat in you, pulls it from the weary slant of your mouth or the despondent creases around your eyes. In the way shadows prop you up rather than you standing inside them.Â
Itâs been a long night, a long century. It will take time to learn how to relax around him again and stop yourself from instinctively flinching whenever he reaches for you.Â
âI do not wish to be parted from you. Not due to my past actions.âÂ
Utter, uncrackable steel rings through every carefully punctuated vowel. Dream peers at you, unblinking, his hands in his pockets. âThings are different now. I am different. If you allow me, I would like to prove it to you.âÂ
Goosebumps skitter across your flesh. Youâre uncertain how to react, what to say, if anything. He is different just in this single night, butâŠ
It doesnât erase his past actions.Â
Rustling wings interrupt your charged eye contact. A raven slants its head in your direction, hopping on its feet.Â
âSorry to interrupt, Boss. Uh, Lady Dream.â
That jolt you. âIâm notââ
âWanderer isââ
You both look at each other, both falling silent. Uneasy seconds slither past, and you peer down at the raven, who slides his attention from Dream to you and then back again.
âIâm not Lady of anything. Iâm the Wanderer.â
The raven ruffles his feathers, bobbing his head.Â
âOh.â Caw. âWell, this is awkward. Iâm Matthew.â
Lowering yourself to ground level, you smile at him, inclining your head. âI greet you, Matthew. Itâs an honour to meet Dream of the Endlessâ raven.â
Caw. Matthew hops towards Dream. âI like her. Can we keep her?â
Dream appears as if heâs fighting back a sigh. âWhat is it, Matthew?â
âListen, boss. As once human-now-turned-raven, I just figured Iâd warn you. Whatever your friend is doing up there. Itâs sure as hell not worrying about your pouch. Youâre better off going up there and getting back your stuff personally.â Â
âHe might have a point,â you agree. âYou said the helm is in Hell. Itâs probably better if I go my way for now. Iâll try to search for leads on the ruby in the meanwhile. Save time.â
âWill you return? Back to the Dreaming?â Dream prompts. Mutely, you rise back to your feet, your smile long since dwindled. âIf not for me, then for them.â
Clever, brilliant man. Quite ingenious addition. Youâve refused him plenty in the past, but never them.Â
âFine.â
Adjusting the collar, you step towards the awaiting night. Inside, you ball the curse, ripping it by force to obey your will. Pain rakes through your limbs, inflaming your nerves. The more you demand, the steeper the physical toll is each time. At least your pain tolerance after a thousand years of suffering is top-notch.Â
Youâre one foot between dimensions when Dreamâs voice snags you. âWanderer?â Your head slants marginally towards him. âWhatever it is you are doing to control your curse. Cease it. It is hurting you.â
Since when do you care?
You let yourself ripple away without a response.Â
.
The Dreaming is rebuilding. But itâs a slow, meticulous process. Dream had returned triumphant from his mission to retrieve his tools, as you had anticipated he would. Heâs Dream of the Endless. Even without his instruments, his power is far beyond your ken. Or those foolish enough to assume they can procure it for themselves.Â
Youâve hardly left the Dreaming since, occupied with nonstop repairs and helping returning dreams and nightmares to readjust. Great numbers began returning unannounced once the news spread about Dreamâs return. The caste was the first to be repaired and one with the most noticeable reconstructions. The remainder will require a great deal more work. But Morpheus has been relentless about mending the damage his absence had evoked.Â
Including you two.Â
Heâs been giving you much-needed space. Indeed more breathing room than you had anticipated, but youâve made it clear youâre only here to help the Dreaming. With no long-term plans to stay or return the next time you depart.Â
I do not wish to be parted from you.
No matter how sweetly those words make you ache, you canât be lulled into forgetting the undeniable reality. And the truth is that while you can forgive Dream, there is no denying it will take time to forget how he once stripped you of choice due to his bruised pride.Â
âSo, youâre a bird who was once mortal.â
âSo, youâre a mortal cursed to wander for eternity between realms.â  Â
Your mouth curves into a reluctant grin. âFair point. How did you become a raven?â
Youâve grown rather fond of Dreamâs new raven in the short weeks youâve known one another. After Jessamy, you hadnât expected Dream to permit another raven close so soon.
Matthew rustles his feathers, expertly clinching his talons into your shoulder. Your coat is dense enough to void pain, leaving nothing more than passable pressure behind. While Dream has made no comments about your new apparel, youâve felt his prickling stares on you multiple times in the passing weeks. Youâve debated removing it now that heâs back, but⊠you couldnât quite bear to be parted from it.
âEh, not sure, to be fair. Just kinda did. Flying is handy. The rest is⊠weird. But I wasnât a very good person in my previous life, so this isnât so bad. Protecting dreamers out there. Caw.â
Your eyebrows come together. âHow can you be so certain you werenât a good person?â
The castle corridors smear past you while your feet carry you towards the throne room.Â
Matthew mulls it over. âOh, yâknow, call it a hunch. How about you? Why were you cursed?â
His curiosity is innocent, but you, too, think over your answer for several paces. Youâve been a complete unknown even to yourself. There are no glimpses into your past, no before. As if it had been so thoroughly wiped, not even a shadow remains. Whatever or whoever you were before assuming your title is lost. Youâve constructed yourself from nothing. Cracked, riddled with human impulses and weakness, driven by emotion, but not all bad.Â
âI donât know. I donât remember.â Itâs the truth. Except for that stray moment in Johannaâs office, thereâs been no inkling for centuries. âBut I donât think I was a very good person, either.â
Matthew readjusts himself on your shoulder, and you hold your hand over him so he can brace himself. âWell, youâve changed,â he says conversationally. âWe all do. Second chance and all that.â
A certain Dream Lord springs to mind at the ravenâs words. Are we cemented into who weâre destined to be, or is there room for permanent and meaningful change? Dream is trying. Those years locked away have altered something. You want to believe him again, but itâs not so straightforward.Â
Eventually, you settle on a halfhearted, âYouâre right.â
Youâre nearly at the throne room when Dreamâs throaty words slice through you, stopping you dead in your tracks.
ââThe Corinthian.â
Your heart catapults to your throat. Dreamâs head slants in your direction. Lucienne follows suit. They both eye you closely, but you donât let anything show coming to a gradual stop between them.Â
âAre you aware he is out there?â Dream wonders. Ice lingers in his mild tone. âFeeding on the dreamers he was meant to serve.â
Youâve never stopped being aware of the Corinthian.Â
âYes. I tried to seek him out in the waking world,â you say, swallowing thickly. Searching for more words, you further admit, âTo bring him back. But I didnât have much luck tracking him down.â
Over a century. All those people. You donât dare to admit the true extent of Corinthianâs cruelty. Dream would spare no mercy to his nightmare if he knew. And all these yearsâall those lonely, painful yearsâyouâve been stuck one step behind, unable to save those Corinthian has unjustly slaughtered. He wasnât trying to hide. He was sending a message. One you couldnât bare to examine closer.Â
Youâve failed to stop him. Somehow Corinthian keeps finding ways to stay ahead, and blood coats your hands as much as his.Â
Your nightmare. The initial realisation had torn you asunder. Corinthian had never been kind or gracious, had never expressed anything more than finely laced contempt for humanity but ripping eyes out? Exhibiting bodies as if he were decorating his surroundings? This wasnât accidental or self-defence; it was deliberate cruelty. Blood savoured and shed with clear intent. Â
Once Corinthian had been a part of you as much as Dream, if not more so. The one who has been steadfast by your side. You and I, together. Heâs the one you trusted the most and relied on the most. Who knew you, arguably, the best.Â
You were there to see him come into existence. Smiled at him and guiding his first steps, heard his name being spoken aloud for the first time. He was the first creation Dream ever shared with you. Corinthian would always be the first and most precious. He built a house inside you. A space no one could ever touch or destroy where you house your memories together.Â
And now heâs painting that house with the blood of innocents.Â
If you donât uncover some way to locate the nightmare first, and soon, Dream will find him instead. There will be no mercy then, no second chances. Dream Lord has already taken everything from you once. Youâre no longer scared to lose it again. Not if itâs for Corinthian.Â
âThis is my fault. Had I been here, fulfilling my functionââ
Dreamâs voice rips you from your thoughts, leaving you squinting at his profile.Â
Lucienne frowns at once. âIt was not your fault, my Lord.â
Dream closes the census, his words unusually subdued, âNo? Then whose?â
âYou didnât ask to be captured.â Dream stills at your words, nudging his chin slightly in your direction. Guarded hope gazes back at you, so you continue, âOr be held captive for over a century. It wasnât your fault.â
His shoulders droop slightly, then hoist upwards, less unburdened than moments prior.Â
Lucienne clears her throat.Â
âThere is yet more news, Lord. There are rumours among the dream folk⊠of a vortex.â
.
Youâve heard rumours about vortexes in the past. Unprecedented phenomenon no one had an explanation forânot even Dream himself.Â
A mortal capable of lucid dreaming so powerful they could cross dreams of others, thin and bring down walls between Worlds and eventually destroy the Dreaming. The final part wasnât particularly comforting to consider, especially when a vortexâthe first of this ageâhas manifested in a young woman called Rose Walker.Â
While Dream is happy to allow Rose to be, for now, hoping it would attract his missing Major ArcanaâGault, Fiddlerâs Green and the Corinthianâto her, you more than share in Lucienneâs concern about the current state of matters. Â
âWhy would Gault sever Jed Walker from the Dreaming?â
Lucienne meets your question with a blunt answer, âHe is no ordinary child, is he? Heâs Rose Walkerâs brother.â
Dream rests seated on the staircase, listening to your confab. Youâve been trying to discover Jed Walkerâs whereabouts. Gault was the last nightmare to haunt Jed, after which he had all but vanished both from the waking world but, more unusually, the Dreaming as well.Â
Muffled footsteps sound behind you, then, âExcuse me. Iâm Rose Walker. What do you know about my brother Jed?â
Your attention snaps towards a young, unfamiliar woman standing in the throne room. She leans on the shorter side with smooth, dark skin and round, pleasant features. Rainbow kisses her hair, colours loud and bold across each individual dreadlock. Delirium would love it is your first thought. Your second is that you love it just as much.Â
Lucienne, who stands beside you, appears utterly baffled by the newcomer's presence. Understandably so, aside from you, sheâs likely never witnessed anyone simply stroll into the heart of Dreaming this way. Even you, more often than not, enter the Dreaming on the bridge or close by and enter the castle via the entrance.Â
Dream stretches to his feet, focusing on the young mortal woman.Â
âYou are welcome here, Rose Walker,â he greets, his voice reverberating.Â
Rose, in return, looks just as confused as you all do. âWho are you?â
Lucienne straightens. âYou have somehow dreamed your way into an audience with Lord Morpheus. The King of Dreams. And now you must go.â
âLucienne,â Dream cautions.Â
A small, disgruntled sound leaves Lucienne. âShe shouldnât be here.â
Dream all but glides down the staircase, his curiosity about Roseâs presence piqued. âBut I should like her to stay.â
Noting how mutely freaked out Rose appears, you venture closer, bridging the gap with placating slowness.Â
âIâm Wanderer,â you introduce yourself with a reassuring smile. âItâs nice to meet you, Rose.â
Rose relaxes slightly, but her confusion persists. âNice to meet you, too. I think. What is this place?â
âItâs called the Dreaming,â you explain smoothly, taking another step closer. You gesture around yourself. âThis is where you come when you fall asleep.â
Immediate hope ignites in her dark eyes. âIs my brother here?â
Your smile dims. âNo, but we can help. I can help find Jed. In the waking world.â
Rose examines you for a tense beat, searching for something that goes beyond skin deep. They do it often, humans you offer your help to. In some vain hope they can see into your motives, perhaps. Ages have made the populace more chary and unwilling to trust strangers. After witnessing the horrors humanity is prone to unleashing on one another, you donât blame her. Or anyone else.Â
âHow does that work?â Rose poses. âI thought I was dreaming?â
A faint smile ghosts over your face. âI can travel between dimensions.â
Rose waits for the laugh, for the expected Iâm joking, silly, but it doesnât come. She ducks her head, processing. âOkay. Yeah. That makes sense, I guess. It totally doesn't, butâŠâ
Dreamâs deep voice is a hook from behind you, âMuch still needs to be done here, Wanderer.â
You donât look his way.
âYouâre the ruler of the realm, Lord Morpheus. Nothing here canât be done without me.â
His following silence speaks volumes, him choosing to plan with Rose on how to locate her brother, even more so.Â
.
Dreaming walking is a rare and powerful ability. While realms and dimensions are your domain, dreams remain closed off to you. Therefore, the situation evolves swiftly into a waiting game, anticipating how quickly Rose will be able to navigate to her brotherâs dreams under Dreamâs guidance.Â
It also becomes a race on your end. Desperation drives you. Your task is singular and relatively simple: locate Corinthian first. There are spells, Johanna had informed you, leaning over a book written entirely in Latin, Hob by your side. Spells, she insists, that can cloak you, guide you, and locate things or people.Â
If only you offer something in return.Â
For the first time in a century, you have a sorcerer on your side you can trust. Once Gault is found, Dreamâs attention will inevitably shift towards Corinthian and Fiddlerâs Green.Â
So when you catch sight of the rippling, purple-blue form of Gault in the throne room one afternoon, it stops you dead in your tracks. Youâve spent the day working with Abel and Cain, ignoring their ceaseless arguments, only coming back to the castle to check in with Lucienne on your progress.Â
Dream brushes past the nightmare silently, heading towards his throne.Â
âGault,â you choke out, quelling your unease. âItâs good to see you.â
Itâs not contempt Gault regards you with, but something closer to disappointment.Â
âIs it, Wanderer?â she questions in a half-hiss. âYou are more blind than I feared. You have returned to a man who cares not for others. Not even you.â
âSilence.â
The castle trembles at the foundation from the utter, horrible power that rings through Dreamâs low baritone. Lucienne winces mutely.Â
But Gault is as audacious as you recall, stubbornly fierce in her drive. âDo you have any idea what his life is like in the waking world?â
Jed Walker. Your stomach sinks.Â
âHumans cannot live in dreams,â Dream bites out, nothing but a cutting velvet behind you. âAs long as he stayed there, the child had no life nor hope for one.â
âThe boy is being abused. Heâs suffering.â
Pained understanding sinks its roots into you, already morphing your objectives. Once more, youâve been selfish, focused only on Corinthian, when Jed Walker, a boy you promised to find, is being hurt somewhere.Â
âYou abused that suffering to build a Dreaming you could rule,â Dream accuses quietly, his words brittle.Â
Is this what the nightmare did? Controlled Jedâs dreams, separated him from the Dreaming to what?Â
âI had no wish to rule,â Gault rebukes. âI merely wish to be a Dream and not a Nightmare. To inspire, rather than to frighten.â
Gault was helping. In Jedâs dreams, he could taste happiness, brief as it may be. She could make sure no nightmares haunted the boy. Spare him more misery and dread. Lucienne draws a deep, understanding breath, mutely arriving at the same conclusion.Â
âThat choice is not yours to make,â Dream states icily. âWe do not choose to be created. Nor do we choose how we are made.â
Your stomach cramps.Â
The nightmare nods; muted, swirling lights dancing beneath the shapechangerâs skin. âThat is true. But we can change.â
âNo.â The Endless speaks, and in that lone word, time is near undone. It is you in Gaultâs place, hearing Dream banish you again. âWe are, each of us, born with responsibilities. Even I am not free to choose to be other than I am. Nor is anyone.â
An invisible knife slips between your ribs, twisting.Â
âIf that were true,â Gault challenges softly, unbowed. âWhy did the other dreams and nightmares choose to leave this place when you had gone away?â
Lucienne cuts in before Dream can react, âNot all of us left, and nearly all have returned. Some believed even when no one else would.â
With the wilful reminder, the nightmareâs attention goes to you. Despite being far older, you feel small under Gaultâs percipient gaze. Sheâs strong and proud and will not plead for clemency, but you almost wished she did. If only to ease the wrath brewing at your back.Â
âYou say you love humanity, Wanderer,â Gault begins purposefully. âYou are one of them, yet you choose to be here. Serve blindly to one who has treated you like nothing. You will not be any different than his other lovers. Discarded when he is finished with you. You may have returned out of love, but not others. They came back from fear. They saw what he did to you. What would he do to them? But I am no longer afraid.â
The silence is suffocating. Even Lucienne has frozen in shock at Gaultâs bold declaration.Â
Love. Yes, maybe you did return for love. But it goes so much further than just Dream. It always has.Â
Your nape tingles. Something dark and insidious brushes past your ankles, a feline weaving between your limbs. Your eyes widen at Dreamâs shadow slithering across the pale marble and towards the nightmare. The atmosphere crumples, pulsing, cooling. Each crevice of darkness seems to accentuate, growing in magnitude.Â
âYou should be afraid.â Dreamâs words are blacker than deepest night, colder than bleakest winter. âA nightmareâs purpose is to reveal the dreamerâs fears so they might face them.â
Your body half turns towards him. âMorpheus.âÂ
âPerhaps a few thousand years in the darkness will reveal your fears,â he continues, stony.Â
Gaultâs legs disintegrate before your eyes, devoured by Dreamâs shadow. The Darkness; an endless prison crafted by an Endless being. âDream.â
He pays you no heed. Thereâs no mercy, no softness to be found on his face, only something ancient and cold that cannot be reasoned with. Youâve seen this look once, tasted the poisonous cruelty he can inflict so effortlessly.Â
âBetter that than to make others afraid,â Gault affirms shakily. Her torso goes next, ripping, flakingâ âEven a nightmare can dream, my Lord.â
Your vocal cords hurt. âDream, stop.â
And then Gault is gone. The shadow vanishes immediately, and the throne room instantly lightens. Lucienne hangs her head, hiding her unhappy expression. You gape, fixating on the spot Gault once stood.Â
âI have disappointed you.â
Those words are directed at you, but you say nothing.Â
This. This is what will happen to Corinthian if Dream uncovers him first. If you canât convince Corinthian to come back, cease doing what heâs doing.Â
âWait.â
It takes several moments for awareness to sink back in, to realise youâre stalking away, your muscles rigid beneath your skin.Â
Dreamâs gait is unwavering behind you.Â
âFor what?â you call back, strangled.Â
âI did what I must,â he says.
Who is he trying to convince? You or himself?Â
Your footsteps beat on the marble. Even your pace betrays your emotions, the bubbling agitation streaming through your veins.Â
Not considering consequences, you halt abruptly, posing a biting, âYou mean being obtuse?â
You spin to face him just as your words sink in, watching those distant stars spark to life at once. Dreamâs features harden.Â
âYou dareââ
âYes, I dare.â Each word escapes from behind clenched teeth. You close the distance between you in two strides. âI respect you, Dream. Iâve always respected what you are and what you do. I respect your purpose and your duty. How hard this responsibility is. Iâm saying this not because of disrespect but because of that respect. Because you need to hear it.â
Your hand flies back towards the throne room, your index finger stabbing at empty air, âThat was cruel. Gault only wanted to be something more, something betterâto change.â
âGault severed a child from the Dreaming,â Dream reminds coolly. âShe broke my laws.â
âShe did it to give that boy hope. An escape. No matter how brief.â You suck in a shaky breath, your fingernails biting into your palms. Your following words flow quieter, fragile, âDo you know how many times I wished for sleep? For dreams? To escape my misery, if only for a moment? You donât understand that hurt. You never understood what itâs like. Not because you canât but because you donât dare to try.â
For the first time since his return, Dreamâs features soften, his self-righteousness draining. His arms jerk at his sides, and then he settles again. Youâre not sure why you foolishly hoped he would reach for you, pull you to him, and promise you would never again experience such pain.Â
âYou said you changed, but what I just witnessed was the exact same man who banished me without hesitation.â As you verbalise your thoughts, another certitude becomes abundantly clear. âThe same man who would do it again,â you add tightly, upset.Â
Dream catches your elbow, each finger folding delicately around your arm, drawing you nearer. âNo. Never.â
âOh, Dream. My Dream.â Your palm settles gently on his cheek, skin warming when connected with his. Something visibly crumples in him at the touch, the fondness in your hushed call, his eyelids fluttering. âI wish I believed that.â
You let him go, pulling away from his hold. He doesnât impede you. You wish he did. You wish he held on so tightly you could forget everything else.Â
âWhere are you going?âÂ
His controlled question nips at your heels as you walk away.Â
âTo the waking world,â you reply, pivoting on your heels. âIâm going to do the thing this damn curse has ever been good for: help people. And it begins with finding and saving Jed Walker.â
âWanderer, stopââ
Your smile is grim. âI am not your subject. I wander where I please, Dream Lord.â
And then youâre gone.
.
The Library of Dreams is silent apart from rustling parchment. He can will things into being, but Morpheus discovers thereâs little desire in him for an easy solution. Instead, he searches manually, walking through each bookshelf separately. It gives him time to mull matters over and search for reasons why things keep cracking. Just when things were starting to return to normal, this.Â
It was going so well. Now youâre gone once more. The weight sitting on his chest is intolerable. He has to move, occupy himself with something lest he goes mad.  Â
You may have returned out of love, but not others.
Could it be? You came back, you searched, even after all heâs done. Hopeâfoolish and undoubtedly mislaidâkindles in his heart.Â
I just wanted to be with you. I would have stayed by your side forever if only you asked.
He could hope for nothing more, but it is not so simple. Or is it? Could it be? If you both fought for this, would any outside circumstances even matter? Morpheus could search for a way to undo the curse. There must be a way to do it without resulting in your death. Without shattering your destiny. Could he not write you a new future? One by his side?
Phantom heat lingers on his cheek.Â
âLord Morpheus,â Lucienneâs nonplussed acknowledgement ushers him back to the present. She stands at the sight of him. âI was not expecting you here.â
âContinue with your duties, Lucienne. I do not require you at this time.â
The cool command, their own⊠disagreement, suffuses the air between them.Â
âAs you wish.â
Did he lash out? After you disappeared, he can scarcely recall what words left his mouth. All he knows is how, at that moment, everything felt terribly out of touch. Unreachable to him. Never had he felt a century pass more acutely. Things once familiar and dear to him have altered shape in the time away. And Morpheus no longer knows how to hold them or care for them. He knows not how to exist in a world that seemingly no longer needs him.Â
What is his purpose if they have found ways to live without him?Â
His kingdom is bare bones. His subjects are distrusting.Â
And in the torrent of questions, he spies the subject of his search. Always coming to him in a time of need.Â
Morpheus heads towards a shelf to his right, picking up the thickest volume on the rack. Not many can challenge this book in size and density. He foresaw no less.Â
âMy Lord, is thatââ
âYes.â
Lucienne loosens a shallow breath. âAre you quite certain?â
He holds the tome closer to him. âMore than.â
You donât understand that hurt. You never understood what itâs like. Not because you canât but because you donât dare to try.
You were right to say it. Heâs been avoiding your book for a thousand years. At first, Morpheus did not care to dwell deeper. Later because he started fearing what he might learn from those pages.Â
Lucienne steeples her fingers, eyeing him over her round glasses. âSir, I must warn you, what you will discover between those pages will not be kind.â
âThatâs precisely why I must do it,â he admits softly, avoiding her shrewd appraisal. âSo I may, at long last, understand.â
Morpheus doesnât linger, stepping from one shadow into the next, appearing directly in his throne room. He journeys up the stairs one at a time, the thick tome tucked under his arm. There is a voice deep down that mocks his hesitancy. What has he to fear from bound pages? Yet another story when he is the king of them?Â
But it is no ordinary tale, belonging to no ordinary individual.Â
Oh, Dream. My Dream. I wish I believed that.
Even seated on his throne, Morpheus lets the velvety, black leather book rest in his lap for long, hesitant minutes. On the supple cover, engraved in bold, golden letters, sits not a name but instead a title.Â
The Wanderer
His thumb kisses delicately over the title, then again. Again. Again. Again.Â
Morpheus draws a muted breath, the sound all but lost in the raging cosmos, and cracks open the only book heâs stayed away from for over a thousand years.Â
an: Just the home stretch to go, eh?
Thank you, everyone. For being here and reading and just being absolutely wonderful, talented, and unfailingly kind. Look forward to hearing your thoughts : )
Everywhere Morpheus turns his attention, decay and ash greet him on his traipse to the castle. Time is cruel. What he has built over the yearsâwith devotion, care, and contentmentâhas broken down to nothing in a hundred years he was gone. These walls, physical and otherwise, keeping so many unassailable, have stood for thousands of years. Since the dawn of all creation, it had been a haven.Â
Now, it is barely standing.Â
Crumbled stone and dust. Grey, drab surroundings devoid of colour, gutted of resplendence that once coursed so freely here. His Dreaming, his home, his beautiful treasure. The weight inside his chest is unbearable. Scratchy and thorned, each image bites into his mind, snagging and burrowing there. He will carry this weight until his end. This is a failure; fundamental, wretched, inescapable. Â
His subjects have fled. Abandoned the Dreamingâand himâin droves. Not even his siblings have sought him out.Â
You love them, but you donât see them.Â
âYou may be correct about your siblings not arriving to your aid, Lord. But someone else did. Someone searched for you. Rather ardently, I might add.â
Morpheus raises his head, pain knotting his throat, his hands clasped while he perches on a fragmented staircase.Â
âWho?â
Lucienneâs expression pinches, eyeing him over her glasses as if it should be obvious. But if not his family, thenâ
âMy Lord, surely you can think of someone who cares for you enough to do so?â Hearing no response, his librarian continues, âSomeone who has always stood by your side no matter what. I confess it was most perplexing to hear your tale, for I had assumed your return was thanks toââ
âLucienne. This lead is different. I can feelââ
That voice.Â
A figure clad in black rounds the corner, and instinct, pulsing and devastating, jerks his body upwards. Morpheus stands, but his knees hold a mortalâs frailty. Had he not surmised you lost to him? Gone forever?Â
Wanderer.Â
Hello, stardust.Â
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