❛ i don’t need a date, i need cash ❜
❛ say something, i’m giving up on school ❜
❛ my love is like a candle, if you forget about me, i will burn your fucking house down ❜
❛ if i die, my funeral is going to be the biggest fucking party and you’re all invited ❜
❛ i’m too young to have this many embarrassing moments ❜
❛ i’m very strong, i could fight off maybe 20 snails. 21 on a good day. ❜
❛ turn off: being more attractive than me ❜
❛ drugs? no thanks. the only ‘high’ i need is the natural rush you get form committing a murder ❜
❛ occupation: the family disappointment ❜
❛ if you can’t beat them, dress better than them ❜
❛ do you ever just realize that you’re not a good person? ❜
❛ everything always happens so much ❜
❛ listen, i did mean to make you upset and i do think your opinions are shit ❜
❛ which is messier: my life or my hair? ❜
❛ i’m tired 8 days a week ❜
❛ i use humor to cover up the fact that i want to jump off a bridge ❜
❛ let’s play ‘how rude can i be until you realize i don’t like you’ ❜
❛ why am i awake? who summoned me? ❜
❛ i just want good eyebrows and maybe a new face ❜
❛ for someone who pretends to have no emotions whatsoever i’m really sensitive ❜
❛ i haven’t made any bad decisions lately and i’m getting bored ❜
❛ studies show that i am, in fact, in a perpetual state of given’ ‘em the old razzle dazzle ❜
❛ i came out tonight to get attacked and honestly, i am having such a fun time right now ❜
❛ is your heart supposed to pound for ten minutes straight after you answer one question in class? ❜
❛ no, you are not as funny as me. stop trying. ❜
❛ it is very important that i am both cute and powerful ❜
❛ how do you politely tell someone that you want them naked on top of you? ❜
❛ if i were a bird, you’d be the first person i’d shit on ❜
❛ raise your hand if you’re a lil bit of an asshole ❜
❛ i may be a shitty friend, but i’m your shitty friend ❜
❛ my last word will probably be either ‘whoops’ or ‘shit’ ❜
❛ pro tip: instead of having feelings, try being dead inside. everything is still horrible, but you will not care at all. ❜
❛ i get butterflies thinking about myself ❜
❛ i love you and i’m glad you exist. i’m so happy you’re alive. ❜
❛ if you’re reading this, i’m beautiful ❜
❛ your body is 60% water and i’m thirsty ❜
❛ sorry, i wasn’t ignoring you. i was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show i found. ❜
❛ how do you find a soulmate when you have no soul? ❜
❛ is it rude to kill yourself in the middle of class? ❜
❛ one of these days i’m going to roll my eyes so hard that i’m going to go blind ❜
❛ i think my parents would yell at me if i died ❜
❛ i’m having a great time this year. time passes irregularly and i’m disappointing my parents. ❜
❛ be the villain you were born to be. stop waiting for someone to come along and corrupt you. succumb to the darkness yourself. ❜
❛ i’m sick of the government reading but never liking my statuses ❜
❛ my new year’s kiss is going to be a shot of vodka ❜
❛ i feel so bad for my exes, like imagine losing me ❜
❛ look, i’m a nice person, but i’m not here to take your shit ❜
❛ is there an award for fucking up the most times? because if so, crown me the winner ❜
❛ i’m always a slut for lying in bed for hours on end and doing nothing productive ❜
❛ at least i can admit that i’m a piece of shit ❜
❛ no offense, but i’m a blessing to this earth ❜
❛ lets talk about the universe and make out ❜
❛ how do people wake up in the morning feeling refreshed? ❜
❛ are you a piece of art? because i’d like to nail you up against a wall ❜
❛ true bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing ❜
❛ i doubt vodka is the answer, but it’s worth a shot ❜
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