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@jjeongyuyu
y. — 19 — she/her
Y’S ABURA SOBA
油そば — menu
🥢 just served: don’t look at other oppas
⭐️ customer favourite: don’t look at other oppas
playlist
guidelines !
꩜ i do not write nsfw content
꩜ i mainly write short fics, but also longer fics occasionally
꩜ i’m open to request!!
꩜ any age is welcomed here, but i am not responsible for any content you consume here
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ateez. zb1. and2ble. purple kiss. skz. dpr ian.
thank you for visiting! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
quick thoughts!!
i genuinely need more cutesy fluff atz fics on here 😔 everything i find is just pure smut
if anyone has any fics recs please send them to me 🙏
don’t look at other oppas ( k. hj )
PAIRING ✸ reader x clingy!hongjoong
GENRE ✸ romcom, fluff, established relationship
WARNINGS ✸ jealousy, flirting, kissing, physical affection, mentions of ateez members
SUMMARY ✸ when everyone hangs out, hongjoong gets quietly jealous over the attention you’re giving everyone instead of him
WC ✸ 1411
A/N: so like idk what i was going for when writing this but the thought jealous hongjoong was consuming my mind so here we are. also new layout!!
more of my works here 🏴☠️
—
you should have known something was wrong when hongjoong didn’t complain.
that was the first sign.
because hongjoong always had something to say.
not in a bad way.
it was just who he was.
if the cafe was too crowded, he’d quietly move your chair closer to his. if your drink wasn’t made properly, he’d politely ask the staff if they could fix it. if someone told a bad joke, he’d give them the most dramatic look before laughing anyway.
hongjoong was expressive.
he was passionate.
he was loud when he wanted to be.
which was why the silence was suspicious.
“are you okay?”
you lean slightly closer to him, lowering your voice so only he can hear.
hongjoong looks up from his drink.
“huh?”
“you’re quiet.”
he blinks.
then immediately smiles.
too quickly.
“i’m always quiet.”
you stare at him.
“no, you’re not.”
“wow.”
“you literally talked for ten minutes yesterday about why the font on a poster wasn’t matching the concept.”
“because it wasn’t matching the concept.”
“exactly.”
he tries to hide his smile.
“i’m fine.”
you narrow your eyes.
“are you sure?”
“yes.”
“promise?”
“promise.”
you study his face for another second before deciding to let it go.
because if hongjoong says he’s okay, you trust him.
usually.
what you don’t notice is the way his eyes immediately drift away from you.
towards where yunho is sitting.
“no, because listen.”
yunho is laughing as he talks, hands moving dramatically as he explains something.
you don’t even know how the conversation got here.
you were just listening.
and then somehow, yunho was telling a story about something that happened during gaming, and now you’re laughing so hard your stomach hurts.
“i swear, he looked at me like i personally offended him.”
you laugh harder.
“that sounds like him.”
“right? i thought i was going to get kicked out.”
“you’re so dramatic.”
“i’m realistic.”
you shake your head, still smiling.
and without thinking—
you grab his arm.
just for a second.
just because you’re laughing.
but hongjoong notices.
of course he notices.
he notices everything.
he doesn’t say anything.
doesn’t make a face.
doesn’t interrupt.
he just takes a sip of his drink.
slowly.
calmly.
like he didn’t just watch his girlfriend laughing with someone else.
“hyung.”
hongjoong looks over.
jongho is staring at him.
“what?”
“nothing.”
“why are you looking at me like that?”
jongho squints.
“you look weird.”
“i always look weird.”
“no, like… suspicious weird.”
hongjoong scoffs.
“i’m literally sitting here.”
“exactly.”
“what does that mean?”
“i don’t know.”
jongho shrugs.
“but something’s happening.”
jongho rolls his eyes.
“you’re imagining things.”
“am i?”
hongjoong says nothing.
because unfortunately…
jongho might be right.
the rest of the day continues like that.
small things.
things that shouldn’t bother him.
things that absolutely bother him.
mingi compliments your outfit.
hongjoong smiles.
yeosang makes you laugh.
hongjoong smiles.
wooyoung steals a bite of your dessert.
hongjoong smiles.
he smiles so much that everyone would think he’s completely fine.
but the members who know him best can tell.
especially seonghwa.
because seonghwa has always been good at noticing things people try to hide.
as everyone gets ready to leave, seonghwa walks past hongjoong.
quietly, he says:
“you know you’re allowed to just say you’re jealous, right?”
hongjoong freezes.
“i’m not jealous.”
seonghwa looks at him.
just looks.
hongjoong sighs.
“okay.”
a pause.
“maybe a little.”
“a little?”
hongjoong looks offended.
“i said a little.”
seonghwa smiles.
“you’ve been watching her laugh with everyone all day.”
“i wasn’t watching.”
“you were.”
“i was observing.”
“that’s worse.”
hongjoong frowns.
“i trust her.”
“i know.”
“i’m not upset with her.”
“i know.”
“i just…”
he stops.
because saying it out loud feels embarrassing.
seonghwa waits.
finally, hongjoong mutters:
“i wanted her attention.”
and honestly?
that’s the most hongjoong answer possible.
the car ride home is quieter.
not uncomfortable.
just different.
you’re sitting beside him, shoulder brushing his occasionally.
normally, hongjoong would be talking.
or showing you something on his phone.
or asking about your day.
but today?
nothing.
you glance at him.
he’s looking out the window.
“joong?”
“hm?”
“did i do something?”
his head turns immediately.
“what?”
you shrug.
“you’ve just been quiet.”
his expression changes.
only slightly.
but you notice.
“no.”
“really?”
“really.”
“you’re not annoyed?”
“no.”
“mad?”
“no.”
“jealous?”
there’s a pause.
a very long pause.
you raise your eyebrows.
“hongjoong.”
“what?”
“you stopped talking.”
“i was thinking.”
“about whether you’re jealous?”
“maybe.”
you laugh softly.
and immediately, he looks away.
“don’t laugh.”
“sorry.”
“you’re laughing.”
“because you’re cute.”
“i’m not cute.”
“you are.”
“i’m supposed to be intimidating.”
you look him up and down.
“you?”
he looks offended.
“yes.”
“you are just a cute little bean.”
“i am not a bean.”
“you also almost cried when we went to the haunted house last week.”
“i did not. that was not me.”
you smile.
and finally,
he laughs. just a little.
but you still know something is bothering him.
when you get home, everything feels normal.
until the door closes.
and hongjoong suddenly gets quiet again.
you turn around.
“okay.”
he looks at you.
“okay?”
“what’s going on?”
“nothing.”
“kim hongjoong.”
he sighs.
you know that sigh.
the one he does when he knows he’s been caught.
he walks over, stopping in front of you.
“did you have fun today?”
you blink.
“yes?”
“good.”
“…”
“…”
“why did you say it like that?”
he looks away.
“like what?”
“like you’re trying to convince yourself.”
there’s silence.
then, “i’m not mad.”
you soften.
“i know.”
“i’m not upset with you.”
“i know.”
“i know you can talk to whoever you want.”
“i know.”
another pause.
then he quietly says, “i just didn’t like sharing your attention today.”
your expression changes.
“oh.”
he immediately looks embarrassed.
“see? this sounds stupid.”
“no, it doesn’t.”
“it does.”
“hongjoong.”
“i know it’s ridiculous because i trust you.”
he runs a hand through his hair.
“i just…”
his voice gets quieter.
“i like when you look at me.”
your heart melts.
because that’s it.
that’s the whole thing.
not control.
not anger.
not insecurity.
just him wanting to feel special.
you step closer. hands resting against his cheek.
“joong.”
“hm?”
“you know you’re my favourite person, right?”
he looks at you. “yeah?”
“that sounded like a question.”
“because i wanted to hear you say it again.”
you smile.
“you’re my favourite person.”
he tries to hide his smile.
fails.
“okay.”
“okay?”
“yeah.”
“that’s all?”
“what else am i supposed to say?”
“i don’t know. maybe something dramatic.”
he thinks.
“fine.”
he clears his throat.
“i am the only oppa you need.”
you immediately burst out laughing.
“oh my god.”
“what?”
“you actually said it.”
“said what?”
“don’t look at other oppas.”
his ears turn slightly pink.
“i never said that.”
“you were thinking it.”
“maybe.”
“you’re unbelievable.”
“and yet.”
he steps closer.
“you like me.”
you smile.
“unfortunately.”
“unfortunately?”
“very unfortunately.”
“wow.”
you laugh.
and this time, he’s the reason.
you wrap your arms around his neck.
“you know you don’t have to compete with them, right?”
his hands settle naturally around your waist.
“i know.”
“because i chose you.”
he goes quiet. soft.
the way he gets when something actually means something to him.
“say that again.”
you smile.
“i chose you.”
his expression softens.
and then he leans down.
the kiss is gentle. slow. not rushed. just him.
his hand moves slightly to your hips, pulling you closer as you smile against his lips.
when you pull away, he rests his forehead against yours.
“you’re still annoying.” he pouts.
you laugh. “me?”
“yes.”
“why?”
“because you made me admit i was jealous.”
“you were the one being obvious.”
“i was subtle.”
“hongjoong.”
“i was.”
“you stared at me for half the day.”
“i was observing.”
“you said that already.”
“because it’s true.”
you shake your head.
he smiles.
then, very quietly, “but…”
“hm?”
“don’t look at other oppas.”
you stare at him. then laugh again.
“you’re never letting that go, are you?”
“no.”
“why?”
he shrugs. “because i like knowing i’m your favourite.”
your smile softens. “you are.”
“good.”
“happy?”
“very.”
he kisses your forehead.
your nose.
then your cheek.
then, because he can’t help himself, and he wants to make sure that you know that you’re his.
he captures your lips again.
and this time, when you laugh into the kiss, he doesn’t mind.
because your attention is exactly where he wanted it.
with him.
—
don’t look at other oppas ( k. hj )
PAIRING ✸ reader x clingy!hongjoong
GENRE ✸ romcom, fluff, established relationship
WARNINGS ✸ jealousy, flirting, kissing, physical affection, mentions of ateez members
SUMMARY ✸ when everyone hangs out, hongjoong gets quietly jealous over the attention you’re giving everyone instead of him
WC ✸ 1411
A/N: so like idk what i was going for when writing this but the thought jealous hongjoong was consuming my mind so here we are. also new layout!!
more of my works here 🏴☠️
—
you should have known something was wrong when hongjoong didn’t complain.
that was the first sign.
because hongjoong always had something to say.
not in a bad way.
it was just who he was.
if the cafe was too crowded, he’d quietly move your chair closer to his. if your drink wasn’t made properly, he’d politely ask the staff if they could fix it. if someone told a bad joke, he’d give them the most dramatic look before laughing anyway.
hongjoong was expressive.
he was passionate.
he was loud when he wanted to be.
which was why the silence was suspicious.
“are you okay?”
you lean slightly closer to him, lowering your voice so only he can hear.
hongjoong looks up from his drink.
“huh?”
“you’re quiet.”
he blinks.
then immediately smiles.
too quickly.
“i’m always quiet.”
you stare at him.
“no, you’re not.”
“wow.”
“you literally talked for ten minutes yesterday about why the font on a poster wasn’t matching the concept.”
“because it wasn’t matching the concept.”
“exactly.”
he tries to hide his smile.
“i’m fine.”
you narrow your eyes.
“are you sure?”
“yes.”
“promise?”
“promise.”
you study his face for another second before deciding to let it go.
because if hongjoong says he’s okay, you trust him.
usually.
what you don’t notice is the way his eyes immediately drift away from you.
towards where yunho is sitting.
“no, because listen.”
yunho is laughing as he talks, hands moving dramatically as he explains something.
you don’t even know how the conversation got here.
you were just listening.
and then somehow, yunho was telling a story about something that happened during gaming, and now you’re laughing so hard your stomach hurts.
“i swear, he looked at me like i personally offended him.”
you laugh harder.
“that sounds like him.”
“right? i thought i was going to get kicked out.”
“you’re so dramatic.”
“i’m realistic.”
you shake your head, still smiling.
and without thinking—
you grab his arm.
just for a second.
just because you’re laughing.
but hongjoong notices.
of course he notices.
he notices everything.
he doesn’t say anything.
doesn’t make a face.
doesn’t interrupt.
he just takes a sip of his drink.
slowly.
calmly.
like he didn’t just watch his girlfriend laughing with someone else.
“hyung.”
hongjoong looks over.
jongho is staring at him.
“what?”
“nothing.”
“why are you looking at me like that?”
jongho squints.
“you look weird.”
“i always look weird.”
“no, like… suspicious weird.”
hongjoong scoffs.
“i’m literally sitting here.”
“exactly.”
“what does that mean?”
“i don’t know.”
jongho shrugs.
“but something’s happening.”
jongho rolls his eyes.
“you’re imagining things.”
“am i?”
hongjoong says nothing.
because unfortunately…
jongho might be right.
the rest of the day continues like that.
small things.
things that shouldn’t bother him.
things that absolutely bother him.
mingi compliments your outfit.
hongjoong smiles.
yeosang makes you laugh.
hongjoong smiles.
wooyoung steals a bite of your dessert.
hongjoong smiles.
he smiles so much that everyone would think he’s completely fine.
but the members who know him best can tell.
especially seonghwa.
because seonghwa has always been good at noticing things people try to hide.
as everyone gets ready to leave, seonghwa walks past hongjoong.
quietly, he says:
“you know you’re allowed to just say you’re jealous, right?”
hongjoong freezes.
“i’m not jealous.”
seonghwa looks at him.
just looks.
hongjoong sighs.
“okay.”
a pause.
“maybe a little.”
“a little?”
hongjoong looks offended.
“i said a little.”
seonghwa smiles.
“you’ve been watching her laugh with everyone all day.”
“i wasn’t watching.”
“you were.”
“i was observing.”
“that’s worse.”
hongjoong frowns.
“i trust her.”
“i know.”
“i’m not upset with her.”
“i know.”
“i just…”
he stops.
because saying it out loud feels embarrassing.
seonghwa waits.
finally, hongjoong mutters:
“i wanted her attention.”
and honestly?
that’s the most hongjoong answer possible.
the car ride home is quieter.
not uncomfortable.
just different.
you’re sitting beside him, shoulder brushing his occasionally.
normally, hongjoong would be talking.
or showing you something on his phone.
or asking about your day.
but today?
nothing.
you glance at him.
he’s looking out the window.
“joong?”
“hm?”
“did i do something?”
his head turns immediately.
“what?”
you shrug.
“you’ve just been quiet.”
his expression changes.
only slightly.
but you notice.
“no.”
“really?”
“really.”
“you’re not annoyed?”
“no.”
“mad?”
“no.”
“jealous?”
there’s a pause.
a very long pause.
you raise your eyebrows.
“hongjoong.”
“what?”
“you stopped talking.”
“i was thinking.”
“about whether you’re jealous?”
“maybe.”
you laugh softly.
and immediately, he looks away.
“don’t laugh.”
“sorry.”
“you’re laughing.”
“because you’re cute.”
“i’m not cute.”
“you are.”
“i’m supposed to be intimidating.”
you look him up and down.
“you?”
he looks offended.
“yes.”
“you are just a cute little bean.”
“i am not a bean.”
“you also almost cried when we went to the haunted house last week.”
“i did not. that was not me.”
you smile.
and finally,
he laughs. just a little.
but you still know something is bothering him.
when you get home, everything feels normal.
until the door closes.
and hongjoong suddenly gets quiet again.
you turn around.
“okay.”
he looks at you.
“okay?”
“what’s going on?”
“nothing.”
“kim hongjoong.”
he sighs.
you know that sigh.
the one he does when he knows he’s been caught.
he walks over, stopping in front of you.
“did you have fun today?”
you blink.
“yes?”
“good.”
“…”
“…”
“why did you say it like that?”
he looks away.
“like what?”
“like you’re trying to convince yourself.”
there’s silence.
then, “i’m not mad.”
you soften.
“i know.”
“i’m not upset with you.”
“i know.”
“i know you can talk to whoever you want.”
“i know.”
another pause.
then he quietly says, “i just didn’t like sharing your attention today.”
your expression changes.
“oh.”
he immediately looks embarrassed.
“see? this sounds stupid.”
“no, it doesn’t.”
“it does.”
“hongjoong.”
“i know it’s ridiculous because i trust you.”
he runs a hand through his hair.
“i just…”
his voice gets quieter.
“i like when you look at me.”
your heart melts.
because that’s it.
that’s the whole thing.
not control.
not anger.
not insecurity.
just him wanting to feel special.
you step closer. hands resting against his cheek.
“joong.”
“hm?”
“you know you’re my favourite person, right?”
he looks at you. “yeah?”
“that sounded like a question.”
“because i wanted to hear you say it again.”
you smile.
“you’re my favourite person.”
he tries to hide his smile.
fails.
“okay.”
“okay?”
“yeah.”
“that’s all?”
“what else am i supposed to say?”
“i don’t know. maybe something dramatic.”
he thinks.
“fine.”
he clears his throat.
“i am the only oppa you need.”
you immediately burst out laughing.
“oh my god.”
“what?”
“you actually said it.”
“said what?”
“don’t look at other oppas.”
his ears turn slightly pink.
“i never said that.”
“you were thinking it.”
“maybe.”
“you’re unbelievable.”
“and yet.”
he steps closer.
“you like me.”
you smile.
“unfortunately.”
“unfortunately?”
“very unfortunately.”
“wow.”
you laugh.
and this time, he’s the reason.
you wrap your arms around his neck.
“you know you don’t have to compete with them, right?”
his hands settle naturally around your waist.
“i know.”
“because i chose you.”
he goes quiet. soft.
the way he gets when something actually means something to him.
“say that again.”
you smile.
“i chose you.”
his expression softens.
and then he leans down.
the kiss is gentle. slow. not rushed. just him.
his hand moves slightly to your hips, pulling you closer as you smile against his lips.
when you pull away, he rests his forehead against yours.
“you’re still annoying.” he pouts.
you laugh. “me?”
“yes.”
“why?”
“because you made me admit i was jealous.”
“you were the one being obvious.”
“i was subtle.”
“hongjoong.”
“i was.”
“you stared at me for half the day.”
“i was observing.”
“you said that already.”
“because it’s true.”
you shake your head.
he smiles.
then, very quietly, “but…”
“hm?”
“don’t look at other oppas.”
you stare at him. then laugh again.
“you’re never letting that go, are you?”
“no.”
“why?”
he shrugs. “because i like knowing i’m your favourite.”
your smile softens. “you are.”
“good.”
“happy?”
“very.”
he kisses your forehead.
your nose.
then your cheek.
then, because he can’t help himself, and he wants to make sure that you know that you’re his.
he captures your lips again.
and this time, when you laugh into the kiss, he doesn’t mind.
because your attention is exactly where he wanted it.
with him.
—
quick thoughts!!
i genuinely need more cutesy fluff atz fics on here 😔 everything i find is just pure smut
if anyone has any fics recs please send them to me 🙏
stay with me (c. s)
pairing: reader x san
genre: angst, hurt/comfort
summary: when a split second decision leaves you seriously injured while protecting san, his world comes crashing down around him. san is left with everything he never got the chance to say, until fate gives him one more opportunity.
warnings: near death experience, emotional distress (panic + crying + guilt), mentions of death, themes of self sacrifice, happy ending, mentions of ateez members, usage of y/n
wc: 1704
a/n: gave it a happy ending cause it’s needed and i cannot see san depressed 😔 anyways i hope you enjoy this first piece of angst i’ve posted
it wasn’t supposed to go like this.
san had replayed that moment in his head a thousand times. every possible outcome, every tiny change that could’ve rewritten the ending.
if he had stood a little closer. if he had noticed sooner. if he had been faster.
but reality didn’t follow it.
the night had started so normally, it almost felt cruel.
you were sitting on the floor in the studio, legs tucked under you, watching san and the others argue playfully over the choreography. mingi was dramatically insisting his version was better. wooyoung was just there to stir chaos, and hongjoong had his head in his hands like he was rethinking his life choices.
and san. san kept glancing at you.
little looks. soft ones. the kind that lingered just a second too long.
“why do you keep staring?” you teased when he finally walked over, handing him a bottle of water.
“i’m not staring,” he muttered, already smiling.
“you are.”
“i just-” he paused, like he didn’t know how to finish that sentence without sounding too honest. “i like looking at you. that’s all.”
your heart did that stupid thing it always did around him.
“you’re cheesy.”
“you love it.”
you did.
you really, really did.
no one noticed when everything shifted.
it happened too fast.
a sharp sound. something falling. someone shouting.
and then-
danger.
san didn’t even register what it was at first. just the sudden panic in the room, the way everyone froze for half a second too long.
and then he saw it.
you.
you were closer.
too close.
“y/n-!”
he moved.
however, you moved first.
san would never forget the look on your face.
not fear.
not hesitation.
just… certainty.
like you had already decided.
like there was never another choice.
everything after that blurred together.
a loud crash.
someone screaming.
hands grabbing.
the world falling apart.
and then silence.
“y/n…?”
san’s voice came out wrong. too small. too fragile.
he dropped to his knees beside you, hands shaking as they hovered over you like he was afraid to touch you. like touching you might make this real.
“hey,” he whispered desperately, forcing a smile that didn’t belong on his face. “hey, look at me.”
your eyes fluttered open.
and there it was.
that same softness.
even now.
“you’re okay,” you murmured, your voice barely there.
san let out a broken laugh. “i’m okay? you—what were you thinking?!”
his voice cracked, the panic finally spilling through.
“you shouldn’t have- ,you shouldn’t have done that-”
“i had to.”
simple.
like it was obvious.
like it didn’t just shatter him.
his hands finally found yours, gripping them tightly, like he could hold you here through sheer force.
“no,” he said, shaking his head. “no, you didn’t. i would’ve- i could’ve-“
“sannie…”
you said his name the way you always did.
soft. grounding.
it made his chest ache.
“i’m right here,” he rushed out, leaning closer. “okay? you’re okay. just- just stay with me. please. please…”
you smiled.
and he hated it.
because it looked like goodbye.
“you remember what you told me?” you whispered.
he shook his head immediately. “don’t- don’t do that. don’t talk like that- ”
“you said… if anything ever happened…” your fingers weakly curled around his. “we protect each other.”
his breath hitched.
“i didn’t mean like this,” he choked out. “i didn’t mean you get hurt for me- ”
“i’m not… regretting it. you have such a bright future ahead of you. go on and chase your dreams…”
those words broke something inside him.
completely.
“well, i do!” san’s voice cracked, tears finally spilling over. “i regret it, okay? i regret letting you anywhere near me if it means this happens- i only care about you.”
“don’t say that.”
even now, you sounded serious.
like you were scolding him.
“don’t… push me away like that,” you murmured. “that’s not fair.”
he couldn’t breathe.
he couldn’t think.
all he could do was hold your hand tighter, like if he let go, you’d slip away completely.
“then stay,” he whispered desperately. “stay with me. you promised- you promised you wouldn’t leave.”
you didn’t answer right away.
and that scared him more than anything.
your thumb brushed weakly against his hand.
“i’m sorry,” you said softly.
“no- no, don’t apologise,” he rushed. “you didn’t do anything wrong, just… just stay, okay? we’ll figure it out. we always do.”
he sounded like he believed it.
like if he said it enough, it would become true.
you looked at him for a long moment.
like you were memorising him.
“take care of yourself,” you whispered.
his heart stopped.
“no.”
your hand started to loosen in his.
“no, no, no, look at me- stay with me, please…”
he was crying now, fully. shaking, desperate, falling apart in a way no one had ever seen before.
“i’m right here,” he kept saying, over and over again. “i’m right here, don’t go... please.”
but your eyes were already closing.
“sannie. i really, really love you,” you breathed.
and then-
nothing.
the room was silent.
too silent.
san didn’t move.
didn’t blink.
didn’t breathe.
his hands still held onto yours tightly, like if he just waited, just waited a little longer
you’d come back.
you always did.
you had to.
“…san.”
hongjoong touched his shoulder.
he didn’t react.
he just leaned forward, pressing his forehead gently against your hand.
and for the first time since he met you, he broke. completely.
“you promised,” he whispered, voice shattered. “you said we’d protect each other.”
his grip tightened, trembling.
“…so why did you do it alone?”
everything smelled like antiseptic.
san hated it.
he hated the quiet beeping of machines, the walls that were too white, the way time seemed to drag painfully slow inside the hospital room.
but most of all, he hated how still you were.
it had been seven days.
seven days of you lying there, unmoving, eyes closed, like the world had paused you and forgotten to press play again.
san hadn’t left. not really.
the others forced him to go home once. he lasted three hours before coming back.
now he sat beside you, fingers loosely wrapped around your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.
“they said you’d wake up soon,” he murmured quietly, voice rough from lack of sleep. “so… don’t make them liars, okay?”
no response.
just the steady beep… beep… beep…
he let out a shaky breath, leaning forward until his forehead rested gently against your hand.
“you scared me,” he whispered. “you really- ”
his voice broke.
he swallowed hard, trying again.
“that wasn’t funny. don’t ever do that again.”
silence.
but he kept talking anyway.
because if he stopped, the room felt too real.
“wooyoung cried, you know,” he added weakly, a faint, tired smile tugging at his lips. “don’t tell him i told you. he’ll kill me.”
nothing.
his smile faded.
“…i thought i lost you.”
that one came out barely audible.
raw. honest.
his grip on your hand tightened slightly.
“i didn’t even get to say it properly,” he continued, blinking back tears. “i mean, yeah, you know i love you. but i didn’t get to say it like… like it mattered. like it was the last time.”
his shoulders shook slightly, and he exhaled a broken laugh.
“which, apparently, it almost was.”
the machines kept beeping.
steady.
indifferent.
san closed his eyes.
“…so you don’t get to leave yet,” he whispered. “okay? not when i still have so much to say to you.”
your fingers twitched.
barely.
so small he almost thought he imagined it.
san froze.
he sat up straighter, eyes locked on your hand.
“wait, do that again.”
another tiny movement.
this time, he was sure.
his breath hitched.
“hey… can you hear me…?”
your eyelids fluttered.
slow.
heavy.
like it took everything just to open them.
and then—
you looked at him.
confused. dazed. but there.
there.
san’s world stopped.
“…san?” your voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper.
that was all it took.
he let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh, immediately leaning closer, his free hand coming up to cradle the side of your face like he needed to make sure you were real.
“yeah- yeah, i’m here,” he rushed out, voice shaking. “i’m right here- ”
tears spilled over before he could stop them.
he didn’t even try to hide it.
“you- ” he choked, laughing breathlessly. “you really… you really scared me.”
you blinked slowly, trying to focus on him.
“what… happened?”
“you don’t remember?” he asked softly.
you shook your head a little, wincing.
san swallowed, his thumb brushing gently under your eye.
“you… saved me,” he said quietly. “like an idiot.”
you frowned weakly.
“rude.”
he huffed out a tearful laugh.
“yeah. really rude,” he agreed, his voice trembling. “who told you to do that, huh?”
you looked at him for a long second.
and then-
“…i’d do it again.”
his expression crumpled instantly.
“don’t say that.”
it came out too fast. too sharp.
your eyes widened slightly.
san immediately softened, shaking his head.
“no, i just- ” he took a shaky breath. “don’t say that like it’s nothing. you almost… you almost didn’t come back.”
your fingers curled weakly around his.
“but i did.”
that simple sentence hit him harder than anything else.
he let out a quiet, broken exhale, leaning his forehead against yours carefully, like you might disappear if he moved too fast.
“…yeah,” he whispered. “you did.”
his hand tightened around yours.
“so don’t do that again,” he added, voice softer now. “don’t make me sit here for a week talking to someone who won’t answer me.”
you smiled faintly.
“you talked to me?”
“of course i did.”
“what’d you say?”
san hesitated.
then huffed, embarrassed.
“…everything.”
your smile grew just a little.
“then say it again.”
he looked at you.
really looked at you.
awake. alive. here.
and something in his chest finally loosened for the first time in days.
he squeezed your hand gently.
“…i love you,” he said quietly.
this time, you squeezed back.
“i love you too.”
and this time, you stayed.
stay with me (c. s)
pairing: reader x san
genre: angst, hurt/comfort
summary: when a split second decision leaves you seriously injured while protecting san, his world comes crashing down around him. san is left with everything he never got the chance to say, until fate gives him one more opportunity.
warnings: near death experience, emotional distress (panic + crying + guilt), mentions of death, themes of self sacrifice, happy ending, mentions of ateez members, usage of y/n
wc: 1704
a/n: gave it a happy ending cause it’s needed and i cannot see san depressed 😔 anyways i hope you enjoy this first piece of angst i’ve posted
it wasn’t supposed to go like this.
san had replayed that moment in his head a thousand times. every possible outcome, every tiny change that could’ve rewritten the ending.
if he had stood a little closer. if he had noticed sooner. if he had been faster.
but reality didn’t follow it.
the night had started so normally, it almost felt cruel.
you were sitting on the floor in the studio, legs tucked under you, watching san and the others argue playfully over the choreography. mingi was dramatically insisting his version was better. wooyoung was just there to stir chaos, and hongjoong had his head in his hands like he was rethinking his life choices.
and san. san kept glancing at you.
little looks. soft ones. the kind that lingered just a second too long.
“why do you keep staring?” you teased when he finally walked over, handing him a bottle of water.
“i’m not staring,” he muttered, already smiling.
“you are.”
“i just-” he paused, like he didn’t know how to finish that sentence without sounding too honest. “i like looking at you. that’s all.”
your heart did that stupid thing it always did around him.
“you’re cheesy.”
“you love it.”
you did.
you really, really did.
no one noticed when everything shifted.
it happened too fast.
a sharp sound. something falling. someone shouting.
and then-
danger.
san didn’t even register what it was at first. just the sudden panic in the room, the way everyone froze for half a second too long.
and then he saw it.
you.
you were closer.
too close.
“y/n-!”
he moved.
however, you moved first.
san would never forget the look on your face.
not fear.
not hesitation.
just… certainty.
like you had already decided.
like there was never another choice.
everything after that blurred together.
a loud crash.
someone screaming.
hands grabbing.
the world falling apart.
and then silence.
“y/n…?”
san’s voice came out wrong. too small. too fragile.
he dropped to his knees beside you, hands shaking as they hovered over you like he was afraid to touch you. like touching you might make this real.
“hey,” he whispered desperately, forcing a smile that didn’t belong on his face. “hey, look at me.”
your eyes fluttered open.
and there it was.
that same softness.
even now.
“you’re okay,” you murmured, your voice barely there.
san let out a broken laugh. “i’m okay? you—what were you thinking?!”
his voice cracked, the panic finally spilling through.
“you shouldn’t have- ,you shouldn’t have done that-”
“i had to.”
simple.
like it was obvious.
like it didn’t just shatter him.
his hands finally found yours, gripping them tightly, like he could hold you here through sheer force.
“no,” he said, shaking his head. “no, you didn’t. i would’ve- i could’ve-“
“sannie…”
you said his name the way you always did.
soft. grounding.
it made his chest ache.
“i’m right here,” he rushed out, leaning closer. “okay? you’re okay. just- just stay with me. please. please…”
you smiled.
and he hated it.
because it looked like goodbye.
“you remember what you told me?” you whispered.
he shook his head immediately. “don’t- don’t do that. don’t talk like that- ”
“you said… if anything ever happened…” your fingers weakly curled around his. “we protect each other.”
his breath hitched.
“i didn’t mean like this,” he choked out. “i didn’t mean you get hurt for me- ”
“i’m not… regretting it. you have such a bright future ahead of you. go on and chase your dreams…”
those words broke something inside him.
completely.
“well, i do!” san’s voice cracked, tears finally spilling over. “i regret it, okay? i regret letting you anywhere near me if it means this happens- i only care about you.”
“don’t say that.”
even now, you sounded serious.
like you were scolding him.
“don’t… push me away like that,” you murmured. “that’s not fair.”
he couldn’t breathe.
he couldn’t think.
all he could do was hold your hand tighter, like if he let go, you’d slip away completely.
“then stay,” he whispered desperately. “stay with me. you promised- you promised you wouldn’t leave.”
you didn’t answer right away.
and that scared him more than anything.
your thumb brushed weakly against his hand.
“i’m sorry,” you said softly.
“no- no, don’t apologise,” he rushed. “you didn’t do anything wrong, just… just stay, okay? we’ll figure it out. we always do.”
he sounded like he believed it.
like if he said it enough, it would become true.
you looked at him for a long moment.
like you were memorising him.
“take care of yourself,” you whispered.
his heart stopped.
“no.”
your hand started to loosen in his.
“no, no, no, look at me- stay with me, please…”
he was crying now, fully. shaking, desperate, falling apart in a way no one had ever seen before.
“i’m right here,” he kept saying, over and over again. “i’m right here, don’t go... please.”
but your eyes were already closing.
“sannie. i really, really love you,” you breathed.
and then-
nothing.
the room was silent.
too silent.
san didn’t move.
didn’t blink.
didn’t breathe.
his hands still held onto yours tightly, like if he just waited, just waited a little longer
you’d come back.
you always did.
you had to.
“…san.”
hongjoong touched his shoulder.
he didn’t react.
he just leaned forward, pressing his forehead gently against your hand.
and for the first time since he met you, he broke. completely.
“you promised,” he whispered, voice shattered. “you said we’d protect each other.”
his grip tightened, trembling.
“…so why did you do it alone?”
everything smelled like antiseptic.
san hated it.
he hated the quiet beeping of machines, the walls that were too white, the way time seemed to drag painfully slow inside the hospital room.
but most of all, he hated how still you were.
it had been seven days.
seven days of you lying there, unmoving, eyes closed, like the world had paused you and forgotten to press play again.
san hadn’t left. not really.
the others forced him to go home once. he lasted three hours before coming back.
now he sat beside you, fingers loosely wrapped around your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.
“they said you’d wake up soon,” he murmured quietly, voice rough from lack of sleep. “so… don’t make them liars, okay?”
no response.
just the steady beep… beep… beep…
he let out a shaky breath, leaning forward until his forehead rested gently against your hand.
“you scared me,” he whispered. “you really- ”
his voice broke.
he swallowed hard, trying again.
“that wasn’t funny. don’t ever do that again.”
silence.
but he kept talking anyway.
because if he stopped, the room felt too real.
“wooyoung cried, you know,” he added weakly, a faint, tired smile tugging at his lips. “don’t tell him i told you. he’ll kill me.”
nothing.
his smile faded.
“…i thought i lost you.”
that one came out barely audible.
raw. honest.
his grip on your hand tightened slightly.
“i didn’t even get to say it properly,” he continued, blinking back tears. “i mean, yeah, you know i love you. but i didn’t get to say it like… like it mattered. like it was the last time.”
his shoulders shook slightly, and he exhaled a broken laugh.
“which, apparently, it almost was.”
the machines kept beeping.
steady.
indifferent.
san closed his eyes.
“…so you don’t get to leave yet,” he whispered. “okay? not when i still have so much to say to you.”
your fingers twitched.
barely.
so small he almost thought he imagined it.
san froze.
he sat up straighter, eyes locked on your hand.
“wait, do that again.”
another tiny movement.
this time, he was sure.
his breath hitched.
“hey… can you hear me…?”
your eyelids fluttered.
slow.
heavy.
like it took everything just to open them.
and then—
you looked at him.
confused. dazed. but there.
there.
san’s world stopped.
“…san?” your voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper.
that was all it took.
he let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh, immediately leaning closer, his free hand coming up to cradle the side of your face like he needed to make sure you were real.
“yeah- yeah, i’m here,” he rushed out, voice shaking. “i’m right here- ”
tears spilled over before he could stop them.
he didn’t even try to hide it.
“you- ” he choked, laughing breathlessly. “you really… you really scared me.”
you blinked slowly, trying to focus on him.
“what… happened?”
“you don’t remember?” he asked softly.
you shook your head a little, wincing.
san swallowed, his thumb brushing gently under your eye.
“you… saved me,” he said quietly. “like an idiot.”
you frowned weakly.
“rude.”
he huffed out a tearful laugh.
“yeah. really rude,” he agreed, his voice trembling. “who told you to do that, huh?”
you looked at him for a long second.
and then-
“…i’d do it again.”
his expression crumpled instantly.
“don’t say that.”
it came out too fast. too sharp.
your eyes widened slightly.
san immediately softened, shaking his head.
“no, i just- ” he took a shaky breath. “don’t say that like it’s nothing. you almost… you almost didn’t come back.”
your fingers curled weakly around his.
“but i did.”
that simple sentence hit him harder than anything else.
he let out a quiet, broken exhale, leaning his forehead against yours carefully, like you might disappear if he moved too fast.
“…yeah,” he whispered. “you did.”
his hand tightened around yours.
“so don’t do that again,” he added, voice softer now. “don’t make me sit here for a week talking to someone who won’t answer me.”
you smiled faintly.
“you talked to me?”
“of course i did.”
“what’d you say?”
san hesitated.
then huffed, embarrassed.
“…everything.”
your smile grew just a little.
“then say it again.”
he looked at you.
really looked at you.
awake. alive. here.
and something in his chest finally loosened for the first time in days.
he squeezed your hand gently.
“…i love you,” he said quietly.
this time, you squeezed back.
“i love you too.”
and this time, you stayed.
crush? (p. sh)
pairing: reader x seonghwa
genre: fluff, mutual pining, romcom (??)
summary: you are 100% convinced that you are being subtle about your feelings for seonghwa, until he gets a little bit too observant.
warnings: kissing, random hongjoong + san cameo for 0.1 seconds
wc: 1406
a/n: so like i’m finally back after 500 years but i hope you enjoy this piece of writing! :) (also the fanmeeting was crazy, what was in the air when hwagi did troublemaker)
you do not have a crush on seonghwa
you absolutely, definitely, do not have a crush on the hottest guy you’ve seen, aka seonghwa.
“you’re staring again”
you blink, snapping out of your thoughts. “i’m not staring.”
san raises his eyebrow and laughed at you sarcastically, “yeah, right. you literally haven’t looked away from that direction for at least five minutes.
you scoff, “what? i was just thinking.”
“about him again?”
“no! literally anything except him.”
while across the room, seonghwa laughs at something hongjoong said, his boba eyes making your stomach do something that’s incredibly inconvenient.
you look away instantly.
“see??” san nudges you way too aggressively that made you almost fall off your seat. “you literally do that every single time.”
“do what?” pretending you have no clue what san is talking about.
“panic when he exists.”
“i do not do that?”
“you just stopped breathing just because you saw him.”
you inhale sharply, like you are trying to prove a point (that did absolutely nothing)
“i act like a normal human being around him. stop exaggerating.”
san justs keeps quiet because he knows that you will just keep lying and denying about your very obvious crush on seonghwa.
yup. you were definitely not avoiding seonghwa whenever you see him.
you just somehow happen to be very busy every single time when he’s around.
and that is the exact reason why you’re currently pretending to be deeply invested in whatever is on your phone (the phone is not even on), while you stand suspiciously far away from where he is.
you plan to stay that way, so you won’t crash out over being too close to him.
he’s way too hot for you to stay normal-
“are you ignoring me?”
you nearly dropped your phone as you recognises the voice.
you look up slowly.
well, there he is.
seonghwa, standing wayyyyy too close, looking at you with that calm expression that somehow is able to make everything worse.
“no?” you say.
he tilts his head, frowned slightly, “you didn’t answer my messages.”
“i… i didn’t see them.”
“you were literally online.”
you opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
“well… um i was doing something else on my phone?”
“…right”
then there’s a very quiet pause.
and now you become suddenly aware of the fact that he hasn’t stepped back. if anything, he’s now a little closer than before.
you swallow.
“did you need something?” you trying to sound normal.
he watches you for an extra second before replying.
“you seem nervous.”
“i’m not nervous.”
“are you sure? you are literally holding your phone upside down.”
you look down. immediately flip it over. “well, that doesn’t mean anything.”
“you are also not looking at me.”
you look up a bit too fast. “i am now.”
your eyes then meet his.
mistake. big mistake.
he doesn’t look away, not even a little. there’s something almost like curiosity in his gaze, like he’s studying you, waiting for something.
you shift slightly, “why are you looking at me like that…?”
“like what?”
“like you know something i don’t.”
he hums softly. “maybe i do.”
your heart does something very unhelpful.
“okay” forcing a small laugh. “that’s not suspicious at all.”
he smiles a little. then suddenly hits you with the question that you have been trying to avoid from. “are you avoiding me?”
you blink. “what?? no!”
“you haven’t been around as much.”
“i’ve been around.”
“not when i am though.”
you open your mouth. close it. open it again.
“that’s just a coincidence.”
“is it?”
he takes a small step closer.
you don’t move, even though you probably should.
“then why. why do you look like you’re trying to escape every time i talk to you?” he says quietly.
you brain short circuits.
“i am not trying to escape.”
“you just stepped back.”
you glanced down. so, well you did. traitor.
“that was- loss of balance…” you say weakly.
“right.” he doesn’t sound convinced, instead worse. he sounds amused.
you narrow your eyes slightly. “why are you interrogating me?”
“i’m not.”
“you are.”
“i’m just asking.”
“it feels like interrogating.”
he lets out a quiet breath, almost like a laugh.
and then. he steps closer once again. but this time there’s barely any space between you.
your words get stuck in your throat.
“you’re doing it again.” he says softly.
“doing what…?”
“getting nervous.”
“i’m not nervous.” your voice quieter now.
he watches you carefully, like he’s waiting. like he already knows.
“then what is it?” he asks.
you look away first.
“nothing.”
“nothing?”
“yeah…”
“are you sure?”
“yes.”
“because,” his voice dropping slightly, “it looks like something.”
your chest tightens.
“like what?”
he doesn’t answer immediately. but just lifts his hand, and gently tilts your chin back towards him.
your breath catches.
“like you’re hiding something” he says.
your brain is no longer functioning.
“i’m not hiding anything.”
“no?”
“no.”
“then say it.”
“… say what?”
he leans in just slightly. but not enough to touch. enough to make your heart completely lose rhythm.
“whatever it is,” he says quietly.
you stare at him.
your thoughts are a mess.
this is a bad idea.
this is a very bad idea.
“it’s not like that,” you say quickly.
“like what?”
“like-” you stop, flustered. “you know.”
“i don’t,” he says, and you know he’s lying.
“yes, you do.”
“i want to hear you say it.”
your face burns.
“no.”
“no?”
“no.”
“…why not?”
“because it’s embarrassing.”
“to me?”
“…to me.”
he goes quiet for a second.
and then “you know i noticed, right?”
your heart stops.
“…noticed what?”
his gaze softens. just a little.
“you.”
silence.
you can hear your own heartbeat.
“you’re not subtle,” he continues. “the way you look at me. the way you avoid me after. the way you get quiet.”
you want to disappear.
actually disappear.
“i don’t-” you start.
he shakes his head slightly.
“you do.”
you press your lips together, trying to find something, or just anything to say.
“i thought you’d say something eventually,” he adds.
you blink. “what?”
“i was waiting.”
“…for what?”
he looks at you like it’s obvious.
“for you.”
your brain fully gives up.
“you could’ve said something too,” you mumble.
he tilts his head slightly.
“i could’ve.”
“then why didn’t you?”
there’s a small pause.
then-
“you were interesting to watch.”
you stare at him.
“you’re unbelievable.”
he smiles.
properly this time.
“you liked me first.”
you scoff. “that’s not-“
he steps even closer.
you stop talking immediately.
“do you want me to stop?” he asks softly.
“…stop what?”
“this.”
your breath catches.
“no,” you say before you can think about it.
he studies your face for a second.
like he’s making sure.
and then-
he leans in.
slow. gentle. giving you time to pull away.
you don’t.
his lips press against yours, soft and warm and real in a way that makes everything else blur for a second.
it’s not rushed.
not overwhelming.
just… careful.
like he’s been thinking about this longer than you have.
his hand lifts, resting lightly at your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek as he tilts his head slightly.
you melt into it before you can stop yourself.
your hands moving behind his neck, fingers slowly threading through his hair. both lips moving softly against each other.
it lasts just long enough to make your head spin-
and then he pulls back slowly.
not far.
just enough to look at you.
your eyes are still closed.
you open them slowly.
he’s already watching you.
of course he is.
“…you’re still not subtle,” he murmurs.
you let out a small, embarrassed laugh, hiding your face slightly behind your hands.
“can you not say that right now?”
he gently pulls your hand away.
“why not?”
“because i just-” you gesture vaguely. “that just happened.”
“it did.”
“and you’re being annoying about it.”
“i’m being honest.”
you glare at him weakly.
he just smiles.
softer this time.
“it’s okay,” he says quietly. “i like it.”
your expression falters.
“…you do?”
“yeah.”
he brushes his thumb lightly against your cheek again.
“i like you.”
he said it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
your heart does that stupid annoying thing again.
but this time, it doesn’t feel overwhelming. just warm.
“…you’re still annoying,” you mumble.
he huffs out a quiet laugh.
“you still liked me first though!”
thank you for 100+ interactions!! 🙏🙏
crush? (p. sh)
pairing: reader x seonghwa
genre: fluff, mutual pining, romcom (??)
summary: you are 100% convinced that you are being subtle about your feelings for seonghwa, until he gets a little bit too observant.
warnings: kissing, random hongjoong + san cameo for 0.1 seconds
wc: 1406
a/n: so like i’m finally back after 500 years but i hope you enjoy this piece of writing! :) (also the fanmeeting was crazy, what was in the air when hwagi did troublemaker)
you do not have a crush on seonghwa
you absolutely, definitely, do not have a crush on the hottest guy you’ve seen, aka seonghwa.
“you’re staring again”
you blink, snapping out of your thoughts. “i’m not staring.”
san raises his eyebrow and laughed at you sarcastically, “yeah, right. you literally haven’t looked away from that direction for at least five minutes.
you scoff, “what? i was just thinking.”
“about him again?”
“no! literally anything except him.”
while across the room, seonghwa laughs at something hongjoong said, his boba eyes making your stomach do something that’s incredibly inconvenient.
you look away instantly.
“see??” san nudges you way too aggressively that made you almost fall off your seat. “you literally do that every single time.”
“do what?” pretending you have no clue what san is talking about.
“panic when he exists.”
“i do not do that?”
“you just stopped breathing just because you saw him.”
you inhale sharply, like you are trying to prove a point (that did absolutely nothing)
“i act like a normal human being around him. stop exaggerating.”
san justs keeps quiet because he knows that you will just keep lying and denying about your very obvious crush on seonghwa.
yup. you were definitely not avoiding seonghwa whenever you see him.
you just somehow happen to be very busy every single time when he’s around.
and that is the exact reason why you’re currently pretending to be deeply invested in whatever is on your phone (the phone is not even on), while you stand suspiciously far away from where he is.
you plan to stay that way, so you won’t crash out over being too close to him.
he’s way too hot for you to stay normal-
“are you ignoring me?”
you nearly dropped your phone as you recognises the voice.
you look up slowly.
well, there he is.
seonghwa, standing wayyyyy too close, looking at you with that calm expression that somehow is able to make everything worse.
“no?” you say.
he tilts his head, frowned slightly, “you didn’t answer my messages.”
“i… i didn’t see them.”
“you were literally online.”
you opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
“well… um i was doing something else on my phone?”
“…right”
then there’s a very quiet pause.
and now you become suddenly aware of the fact that he hasn’t stepped back. if anything, he’s now a little closer than before.
you swallow.
“did you need something?” you trying to sound normal.
he watches you for an extra second before replying.
“you seem nervous.”
“i’m not nervous.”
“are you sure? you are literally holding your phone upside down.”
you look down. immediately flip it over. “well, that doesn’t mean anything.”
“you are also not looking at me.”
you look up a bit too fast. “i am now.”
your eyes then meet his.
mistake. big mistake.
he doesn’t look away, not even a little. there’s something almost like curiosity in his gaze, like he’s studying you, waiting for something.
you shift slightly, “why are you looking at me like that…?”
“like what?”
“like you know something i don’t.”
he hums softly. “maybe i do.”
your heart does something very unhelpful.
“okay” forcing a small laugh. “that’s not suspicious at all.”
he smiles a little. then suddenly hits you with the question that you have been trying to avoid from. “are you avoiding me?”
you blink. “what?? no!”
“you haven’t been around as much.”
“i’ve been around.”
“not when i am though.”
you open your mouth. close it. open it again.
“that’s just a coincidence.”
“is it?”
he takes a small step closer.
you don’t move, even though you probably should.
“then why. why do you look like you’re trying to escape every time i talk to you?” he says quietly.
you brain short circuits.
“i am not trying to escape.”
“you just stepped back.”
you glanced down. so, well you did. traitor.
“that was- loss of balance…” you say weakly.
“right.” he doesn’t sound convinced, instead worse. he sounds amused.
you narrow your eyes slightly. “why are you interrogating me?”
“i’m not.”
“you are.”
“i’m just asking.”
“it feels like interrogating.”
he lets out a quiet breath, almost like a laugh.
and then. he steps closer once again. but this time there’s barely any space between you.
your words get stuck in your throat.
“you’re doing it again.” he says softly.
“doing what…?”
“getting nervous.”
“i’m not nervous.” your voice quieter now.
he watches you carefully, like he’s waiting. like he already knows.
“then what is it?” he asks.
you look away first.
“nothing.”
“nothing?”
“yeah…”
“are you sure?”
“yes.”
“because,” his voice dropping slightly, “it looks like something.”
your chest tightens.
“like what?”
he doesn’t answer immediately. but just lifts his hand, and gently tilts your chin back towards him.
your breath catches.
“like you’re hiding something” he says.
your brain is no longer functioning.
“i’m not hiding anything.”
“no?”
“no.”
“then say it.”
“… say what?”
he leans in just slightly. but not enough to touch. enough to make your heart completely lose rhythm.
“whatever it is,” he says quietly.
you stare at him.
your thoughts are a mess.
this is a bad idea.
this is a very bad idea.
“it’s not like that,” you say quickly.
“like what?”
“like-” you stop, flustered. “you know.”
“i don’t,” he says, and you know he’s lying.
“yes, you do.”
“i want to hear you say it.”
your face burns.
“no.”
“no?”
“no.”
“…why not?”
“because it’s embarrassing.”
“to me?”
“…to me.”
he goes quiet for a second.
and then “you know i noticed, right?”
your heart stops.
“…noticed what?”
his gaze softens. just a little.
“you.”
silence.
you can hear your own heartbeat.
“you’re not subtle,” he continues. “the way you look at me. the way you avoid me after. the way you get quiet.”
you want to disappear.
actually disappear.
“i don’t-” you start.
he shakes his head slightly.
“you do.”
you press your lips together, trying to find something, or just anything to say.
“i thought you’d say something eventually,” he adds.
you blink. “what?”
“i was waiting.”
“…for what?”
he looks at you like it’s obvious.
“for you.”
your brain fully gives up.
“you could’ve said something too,” you mumble.
he tilts his head slightly.
“i could’ve.”
“then why didn’t you?”
there’s a small pause.
then-
“you were interesting to watch.”
you stare at him.
“you’re unbelievable.”
he smiles.
properly this time.
“you liked me first.”
you scoff. “that’s not-“
he steps even closer.
you stop talking immediately.
“do you want me to stop?” he asks softly.
“…stop what?”
“this.”
your breath catches.
“no,” you say before you can think about it.
he studies your face for a second.
like he’s making sure.
and then-
he leans in.
slow. gentle. giving you time to pull away.
you don’t.
his lips press against yours, soft and warm and real in a way that makes everything else blur for a second.
it’s not rushed.
not overwhelming.
just… careful.
like he’s been thinking about this longer than you have.
his hand lifts, resting lightly at your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek as he tilts his head slightly.
you melt into it before you can stop yourself.
your hands moving behind his neck, fingers slowly threading through his hair. both lips moving softly against each other.
it lasts just long enough to make your head spin-
and then he pulls back slowly.
not far.
just enough to look at you.
your eyes are still closed.
you open them slowly.
he’s already watching you.
of course he is.
“…you’re still not subtle,” he murmurs.
you let out a small, embarrassed laugh, hiding your face slightly behind your hands.
“can you not say that right now?”
he gently pulls your hand away.
“why not?”
“because i just-” you gesture vaguely. “that just happened.”
“it did.”
“and you’re being annoying about it.”
“i’m being honest.”
you glare at him weakly.
he just smiles.
softer this time.
“it’s okay,” he says quietly. “i like it.”
your expression falters.
“…you do?”
“yeah.”
he brushes his thumb lightly against your cheek again.
“i like you.”
he said it like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
your heart does that stupid annoying thing again.
but this time, it doesn’t feel overwhelming. just warm.
“…you’re still annoying,” you mumble.
he huffs out a quiet laugh.
“you still liked me first though!”
after 3:23 a.m. (j. yh)
pairing: reader x yunho
genre: soft angst, supernatural, comfort
summary: after a exhausting day, you find him, someone you don’t recognise but feels strangely familiar. he is always there when you need him the most, but only at a certain hour, and never when the sun rises.
warnings: bittersweet ending
wc: 1560
a/n: posting here for the first time 😔, but if you ever find this post, i hope you enjoyed this lowkey trashy writing :))
you were walking, completely lost track of time. you didn’t notice how late it became until the streetlights started humming, flickering. the world was too still, too empty at this point. your phone screen dimmed in your hand, unread messages piling up constantly, but you didn’t open them.
you didn’t want to.
everything fell apart today. even though it was all just tiny things, they started stacking up slowly until it became hard to breathe.
so you walked slowly, and eventually you ended up here. the bus stop. you don’t even take this route, but you sat down anyway. too tired to do anything.
you stared at the shoes, hoping to clear your mind up and prevent any thoughts from getting louder.
then came a voice.
“you came back.”
you blink. you thought you were hallucinating.
but you see someone standing a few steps away.
a guy, mid twenties, tall. his dark hair fell in front of his eyes softly, hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie like he’s been waiting for a while.
you were not in the mood for talking, but you still managed to answer, “…sorry?”
he tilt his head, like you’re the confusing one.
“you always sit here.”
you glanced at the bench beneath you, then at him.
“i think you’ve got the wrong person.”
he doesn’t say anything back. instead, he stepped closer before dropping into the place next to you like he has done that a million times.
“rough day?’’ he asked.
you let out a sigh, “was it that obvious?”
he nods.
you don’t ask how he knows. you also don’t ask who he is.
maybe it’s the exhaustion. or maybe it’s the way his voice doesn’t feel unfamiliar, even though it should. but for the first time all day, the tightness in your chest eases. just a little.
you both sit there in silence. it’s not awkward. it should be, but it isn’t.
after a moment, he nudges something lightly against your hand. you look down. a drink. the one you usually get at the convenience store.
you freeze. “how did you—”
he cuts you off, “you always get this.”
“…i’ve never met you,” you say, quieter this time.
he just smiles. “sure.”
by the next night, you tell yourself that this is just a coincidence. it has to be.
when everything still felt just as heavy, you found yourself walking towards the bus stop again without thinking.
and he’s already there, waiting for you.
“late again,” he said, like it’s a routine already.
you hesitated before sitting down beside him. “…do you just hang around here every night?”
“only when you are here.”
you let out a small laugh, like it’s a joke. however he doesn’t laugh with you.
this then becomes a thing. everyday, or whenever you have a bad day, you involuntarily drag yourself to the bus stop. and him. jeong yunho. he finally tells you his name on the third night.
yunho. it fits him. soft and easy to say, like something you’ve known longer than you should.
he then starts bringing you things every time. your drink, snacks that you like. but you don’t remember telling him your favourite drinks and snacks. in fact, you don’t remember telling him a lot of things.
“you didn’t sleep again?” he says one night, glancing at you.
you blink. “how do you know that?”
he shrugs, like it’s obvious. “you get quieter when you’re tired.”
“people do that.”
“not like you though.”
you go still.
there’s something about the way he says it, not teasing or casual. certain.
too certain.
“yunho,” you speak slowly, “when did i tell you all this stuff?”
he doesn’t answer right away. just looked at you.
and for the first time since you met him, something feels off…
“you don’t remember?” he asked quietly.
you stomach twists.
“remember what…?”
he smiles again. but it’s different this time.
“nothing.”
you started noticing the tiny things after that.
the way the streetlight flickered at the same time every night. the way the air feels heavier when you try to stay longer. and the way yunho keeps glancing at the sky like he’s on a timer.
and then, you see it.
the first hint of sunrise, bleeding faintly into the horizon.
yunho’s wrapped his hand loosely around your wrist, absentminded, like he forgot he was doing it.
until, it flickered.
you jerked back on instinct.
“did you see that?” your voice coming out sharper that you meant it to.
he goes still.
“you should really go” he said weakly.
“no. what was that?”
“it’s getting late.”
“yunho.”
he finally looks at you properly.
and there’s something in his expression you’ve never seen before.
not fear. not exactly.
something more like inevitability.
“please go…” he says softly.
you don’t. instead you stayed.
the light grows stronger.
and this time, when you reached for him, your fingers pass through his for a split second, like he’s not fully there.
your breath catches.
“what are you?”
he doesn’t flinch. doesn’t deny it either.
just looks at you, gentle, soft, familiar.
“i’m here, aren’t i?”
you try to fight it after that.
sleep, the sunrise, or whatever the rule is.
you started staying up later. forcing yourself to keep your eyes open, chugging coffee, ignoring the way your body begs for rest and relaxation.
doing all of this, just to get more time with him.
just to make sure he doesn’t disappear.
but something changes.
yunho gets quieter. slower.
sometimes forgetting what he was saying halfway through a sentence.
sometimes he just watches you, like he’s trying to memorise your face.
“you look worse,” he says one night, frowning slightly.
you laugh weakly. “i could say the same about you.”
he doesn’t laugh back.
“you should sleep.”
“no.”
“you need to.”
“if i sleep, you—”
you stop, knowing that if you continued you might just burst out into tears.
“i won’t be here.” he finished it for you.
silence settles between you.
you look away first. “then i just won’t sleep.”
yunho exhales softly.
“that’s not how this works.”
“then explain it to me!” you snap, more desperate than angry. “tell what this is, because you keep showing up like you know me and… i don’t even if you’re real—”
“i am.”
your voice falters.
he softens immediately.
“i am real.” he repeats, quieter this time. “just… not in the way you think.”
“then what way…?”
he hesitates. just for a second.
“i’m here when it gets too much. when you don’t know what to do with everything in your head.”
your throat tightens.
“that doesn’t make any sense.”
“you made a place for me.”
you stared at him.
“so… what? i imagined you?”
yunho shakes his head gently.
“no.”
he reaches out, hesitates, then cups your cheek lightly.
you lean into his touch.
and this time, his hand doesn’t flicker.
it’s warm. real.
“i’m real when you need me.”
the last night feels different. you knew it the second you sat down.
you’re exhausted, more than usual. everything felt heavy, your thoughts slower, like everything is finally catching up to you.
yunho notices immediately. he always does.
“hey.” he said softly, sitting beside you. “you’re really tired today.”
you hum, barely managing a nod. “yeah, just a little.”
he smiled, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
you tried to stay focused on him. the way he’s right here, solid real and—
your eyes fluttered, but you forced your eye open. he brushes your hair back gently.
“you should sleep.”
you shake your head weakly. “not yet.”
“you need to.”
“yuyu…” your voice comes out smaller than you expected.
he paused slightly at the nickname.
“…if i fall asleep… you’ll be gone, won’t you?”
he doesn’t answer right away, but that’s enough for you to understand.
“yeah…” he says finally.
your chest aches. you hate how calm he sounds.
“then just— stay until i do.” you whispered.
he nods immediately. “okay.”
you lean against him without thinking.
his arms wrapped around you, steady, warm.
for a moment, everything feels quiet again.
like that first night. likes nothing hurts.
“you’ll be okay.” he murmurs.
at this point, you don’t know if he’s trying to convince you or himself.
“you don’t know that.”
he lets out a soft breath, almost like a laugh. “i do.”
your eyes slip closed despite your fighting. “how?”
there’s a pause.
then— “because you won’t need me anymore…”
he smiled weakly.
you wake up to sunlight shining on your face. it’s too bright, too warm. it feels wrong.
you sit up too quickly, heart racing, eyes scanning the empty bus stop.
no one.
no yunho.
there’s only the quiet noises of morning traffic starting up in the distance.
your chest tightens. you sit there for a while, staring at the spot where he used to be. trying to remember something important. something just out of reach. but the feelings slip through your fingers the harder you try to hold onto it.
eventually, you stand.
you go home.
then nights.
and somehow, things dont feel as heavy as before. you don’t find yourself walking without thinking. you dont end up at the bus stop.
but sometimes, when you check the time late at night, 3:23 a.m.
you pause, because it feels like you’re forgetting something.
someone.
Y’s PLAYLIST !
ATEEZ
django. deja vu. deep dive. tippy toes. ghost.
ZEROBASEONE
dear eclipse. insomnia. now or never. long way back. lovepocalypse.
STRAY KIDS
hollow. silent cry. charmer. topline. lalalala.
PURPLE KISS
t4ke. oh my gosh. autopilot. toy boy. lost and found.
DPR IAN
sometimes i’m. the show. ribbon. nerves. ballroom extravaganza.
OTHERS
ikuk — oneus. you and i — the boyz.
pull up — onepact. 怪物 — yoasobi
ice (vvs) — p1harmony. yssr — young posse
harmless — bobby (ft. chanmina)
そっくりさん — phantom siita. rose — hana
mdlz — marv (w/ penomeco)
petal — ariana grande. poker face — lady gaga
stagefright — 8turn. x — close your eyes
gogobebe — mamamoo
instant follow ur first post was absolutely spectacular and ripped my heart out of my chest. i love u
im glad that you liked it 😭, tysm for reading it!(also love u 🥰🥰)
— Y’s MENU
🥚 TAMAGO ( fluff )
🌶️ CHILLI OIL ( angst )
🥩 CHASHU ( comfort )
🧅 NEGI ( crack / funny )
HONGJOONG
don’t look at other oppas ( 🥚 )
SEONGHWA
crush? ( 🥚 )
YUNHO
after 3:23 a.m. ( 🌶️ 🥚 )
YEOSANG
more coming soon…
SAN
stay with me ( 🌶️ )
MINGI
more coming soon…
WOOYOUNG
it wasn’t a mistake ( wip 🚧 )
JONGHO
more coming soon…
OT8
more coming soon…
after 3:23 a.m. (j. yh)
pairing: reader x yunho
genre: soft angst, supernatural, comfort
summary: after a exhausting day, you find him, someone you don’t recognise but feels strangely familiar. he is always there when you need him the most, but only at a certain hour, and never when the sun rises.
warnings: bittersweet ending
wc: 1560
a/n: posting here for the first time 😔, but if you ever find this post, i hope you enjoyed this lowkey trashy writing :))
you were walking, completely lost track of time. you didn’t notice how late it became until the streetlights started humming, flickering. the world was too still, too empty at this point. your phone screen dimmed in your hand, unread messages piling up constantly, but you didn’t open them.
you didn’t want to.
everything fell apart today. even though it was all just tiny things, they started stacking up slowly until it became hard to breathe.
so you walked slowly, and eventually you ended up here. the bus stop. you don’t even take this route, but you sat down anyway. too tired to do anything.
you stared at the shoes, hoping to clear your mind up and prevent any thoughts from getting louder.
then came a voice.
“you came back.”
you blink. you thought you were hallucinating.
but you see someone standing a few steps away.
a guy, mid twenties, tall. his dark hair fell in front of his eyes softly, hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie like he’s been waiting for a while.
you were not in the mood for talking, but you still managed to answer, “…sorry?”
he tilt his head, like you’re the confusing one.
“you always sit here.”
you glanced at the bench beneath you, then at him.
“i think you’ve got the wrong person.”
he doesn’t say anything back. instead, he stepped closer before dropping into the place next to you like he has done that a million times.
“rough day?’’ he asked.
you let out a sigh, “was it that obvious?”
he nods.
you don’t ask how he knows. you also don’t ask who he is.
maybe it’s the exhaustion. or maybe it’s the way his voice doesn’t feel unfamiliar, even though it should. but for the first time all day, the tightness in your chest eases. just a little.
you both sit there in silence. it’s not awkward. it should be, but it isn’t.
after a moment, he nudges something lightly against your hand. you look down. a drink. the one you usually get at the convenience store.
you freeze. “how did you—”
he cuts you off, “you always get this.”
“…i’ve never met you,” you say, quieter this time.
he just smiles. “sure.”
by the next night, you tell yourself that this is just a coincidence. it has to be.
when everything still felt just as heavy, you found yourself walking towards the bus stop again without thinking.
and he’s already there, waiting for you.
“late again,” he said, like it’s a routine already.
you hesitated before sitting down beside him. “…do you just hang around here every night?”
“only when you are here.”
you let out a small laugh, like it’s a joke. however he doesn’t laugh with you.
this then becomes a thing. everyday, or whenever you have a bad day, you involuntarily drag yourself to the bus stop. and him. jeong yunho. he finally tells you his name on the third night.
yunho. it fits him. soft and easy to say, like something you’ve known longer than you should.
he then starts bringing you things every time. your drink, snacks that you like. but you don’t remember telling him your favourite drinks and snacks. in fact, you don’t remember telling him a lot of things.
“you didn’t sleep again?” he says one night, glancing at you.
you blink. “how do you know that?”
he shrugs, like it’s obvious. “you get quieter when you’re tired.”
“people do that.”
“not like you though.”
you go still.
there’s something about the way he says it, not teasing or casual. certain.
too certain.
“yunho,” you speak slowly, “when did i tell you all this stuff?”
he doesn’t answer right away. just looked at you.
and for the first time since you met him, something feels off…
“you don’t remember?” he asked quietly.
you stomach twists.
“remember what…?”
he smiles again. but it’s different this time.
“nothing.”
you started noticing the tiny things after that.
the way the streetlight flickered at the same time every night. the way the air feels heavier when you try to stay longer. and the way yunho keeps glancing at the sky like he’s on a timer.
and then, you see it.
the first hint of sunrise, bleeding faintly into the horizon.
yunho’s wrapped his hand loosely around your wrist, absentminded, like he forgot he was doing it.
until, it flickered.
you jerked back on instinct.
“did you see that?” your voice coming out sharper that you meant it to.
he goes still.
“you should really go” he said weakly.
“no. what was that?”
“it’s getting late.”
“yunho.”
he finally looks at you properly.
and there’s something in his expression you’ve never seen before.
not fear. not exactly.
something more like inevitability.
“please go…” he says softly.
you don’t. instead you stayed.
the light grows stronger.
and this time, when you reached for him, your fingers pass through his for a split second, like he’s not fully there.
your breath catches.
“what are you?”
he doesn’t flinch. doesn’t deny it either.
just looks at you, gentle, soft, familiar.
“i’m here, aren’t i?”
you try to fight it after that.
sleep, the sunrise, or whatever the rule is.
you started staying up later. forcing yourself to keep your eyes open, chugging coffee, ignoring the way your body begs for rest and relaxation.
doing all of this, just to get more time with him.
just to make sure he doesn’t disappear.
but something changes.
yunho gets quieter. slower.
sometimes forgetting what he was saying halfway through a sentence.
sometimes he just watches you, like he’s trying to memorise your face.
“you look worse,” he says one night, frowning slightly.
you laugh weakly. “i could say the same about you.”
he doesn’t laugh back.
“you should sleep.”
“no.”
“you need to.”
“if i sleep, you—”
you stop, knowing that if you continued you might just burst out into tears.
“i won’t be here.” he finished it for you.
silence settles between you.
you look away first. “then i just won’t sleep.”
yunho exhales softly.
“that’s not how this works.”
“then explain it to me!” you snap, more desperate than angry. “tell what this is, because you keep showing up like you know me and… i don’t even if you’re real—”
“i am.”
your voice falters.
he softens immediately.
“i am real.” he repeats, quieter this time. “just… not in the way you think.”
“then what way…?”
he hesitates. just for a second.
“i’m here when it gets too much. when you don’t know what to do with everything in your head.”
your throat tightens.
“that doesn’t make any sense.”
“you made a place for me.”
you stared at him.
“so… what? i imagined you?”
yunho shakes his head gently.
“no.”
he reaches out, hesitates, then cups your cheek lightly.
you lean into his touch.
and this time, his hand doesn’t flicker.
it’s warm. real.
“i’m real when you need me.”
the last night feels different. you knew it the second you sat down.
you’re exhausted, more than usual. everything felt heavy, your thoughts slower, like everything is finally catching up to you.
yunho notices immediately. he always does.
“hey.” he said softly, sitting beside you. “you’re really tired today.”
you hum, barely managing a nod. “yeah, just a little.”
he smiled, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
you tried to stay focused on him. the way he’s right here, solid real and—
your eyes fluttered, but you forced your eye open. he brushes your hair back gently.
“you should sleep.”
you shake your head weakly. “not yet.”
“you need to.”
“yuyu…” your voice comes out smaller than you expected.
he paused slightly at the nickname.
“…if i fall asleep… you’ll be gone, won’t you?”
he doesn’t answer right away, but that’s enough for you to understand.
“yeah…” he says finally.
your chest aches. you hate how calm he sounds.
“then just— stay until i do.” you whispered.
he nods immediately. “okay.”
you lean against him without thinking.
his arms wrapped around you, steady, warm.
for a moment, everything feels quiet again.
like that first night. likes nothing hurts.
“you’ll be okay.” he murmurs.
at this point, you don’t know if he’s trying to convince you or himself.
“you don’t know that.”
he lets out a soft breath, almost like a laugh. “i do.”
your eyes slip closed despite your fighting. “how?”
there’s a pause.
then— “because you won’t need me anymore…”
he smiled weakly.
you wake up to sunlight shining on your face. it’s too bright, too warm. it feels wrong.
you sit up too quickly, heart racing, eyes scanning the empty bus stop.
no one.
no yunho.
there’s only the quiet noises of morning traffic starting up in the distance.
your chest tightens. you sit there for a while, staring at the spot where he used to be. trying to remember something important. something just out of reach. but the feelings slip through your fingers the harder you try to hold onto it.
eventually, you stand.
you go home.
then nights.
and somehow, things dont feel as heavy as before. you don’t find yourself walking without thinking. you dont end up at the bus stop.
but sometimes, when you check the time late at night, 3:23 a.m.
you pause, because it feels like you’re forgetting something.
someone.