For my absolute love, @shirebarbie !! I hope you enjoy this, queen!! I love this man more than anything, thank you for giving me the excuse to write him again! <3
Fem!Reader | TW: mentions of pregnancy, pregnant reader! <3
It had been a long night, a harsh labor but it had been so worth it when you heard that first cry. That soft sound of your child, your baby.
Getting here to this point now had been no simple feat.
Threats from all across Middle Earth had loomed over the people of Gondor, much like the rest of the lands far and wide. And Gondor had been no stranger to the dangers that lurked in the dark. However, the past year or so had been calm, steady. It had given the people time to rebuild and to start fresh, to find some semblance of normality amongst the chaos.
It had been no different for you.
You had been brought up in the royal court, your father a high ranking member of Denethor's council. This meant you spent most of your childhood and teenage years on the castle grounds, and by extension with the children growing up around you. Mostly Denethor's children, Boromir and Faramir. You were closer to Faramir in age, but it had been Boromir who had taken your eye as you all grew into adults.
As children, the elder sibling would tease you, as was natural for children anyway. However, as you grew to your later teenage years, sixteen onwards, you had noticed the teasing die down somewhat. Instead, those teasing remarks were replaced with soft smiles and gentle touches. Something had changed between you as you got older, and it had ended in Boromir kissing you one night at a celebration his father was having.
Oh, how you remembered that night so well.
The night was falling in, the stars bright above Minas Tirith as the soft music from the party indoors found its way out into the garden. Chatter and the clink of glasses were distant, as you stood in the gardens of the castle, looking out over the night. Never one for huge gatherings, you had stepped out for some air. Unbeknownst to you, a certain young man had also watched you go.
"Getting too much in there?" came a familiar voice, and you didn't turn, knowing who it was. You nodded, chuckling softly.
"I have never been one for these sort of gatherings, Boromir," you said, as the young man came to join you, leaning against the balustrade and sipping on his wine.
"I know, my lady," Boromir chuckled. Of course he knew, he always noticed things.
As he looked at you, he couldn't help but think how beautiful you looked. In the moonlight, your features shone even more than usual, your eyes lit up in an entirely different light now. Bathed in the glow of the night, Boromir was sure he had never seen anything so beautiful.
He was twenty-three now, quite the handsome young man. Ladies from all walks of life admired him from near and afar. He could have any woman in this entire kingdom and yet he had never spared them a second glance. Boromir knew where his heart lay, and it was with you.
You. Now, that captivating nineteen year old girl he had grown up around. The girl he had teased relentlessly and who had chased him across the palace grounds more than a thousand times because of it. The girl who had made him believe in the words in those poetry books he never understood until now.
You looked to him, tilting your head. "You're staring, Captain," you teased, smiling softly as you addressed him as his newly appointed title, given he had assumed command of the military forces. "What is it?"
But he didn't answer you. He tilted your head to him with his fingers, his grip soft as those blue eyes met your own ones. Then, he placed his lips against yours. The kiss was sweet, the noise of the party secondary to this tender moment shared in the night time ambience of the gardens.
From that moment, he decided there was nobody else. There could never be anyone else. It was you, only you.
It had been years since that night, since the Captain had thrown caution to the wind and offered his heart to you. Since then, you had kept his heart so guarded, looked after him even at his worst times. You had seen him through tough moments and moments of triumph. Days where he would come back exhausted and beaten up, and days where everything was calm.
Boromir knew it was all worth it because no matter the day, at the setting of the sun was always you.
His reason, his muse. The thing that made him keep fighting, keep pushing to be a better man, a better partner. A better everything.
You had married two years ago now, a small ceremony despite his father's protests. Boromir wanted to keep it simple, neither of you having the taste for massive gatherings despite the night in which this started having been one. But it was intimate and it was filled with love.
And nine months ago, you had gone to Boromir with some news that would and had undoubtedly changed both of your lives forever.
He was busy sharpening his sword one day, leaning against a few barrels in the courtyard just in front of the castle. The sun was high in the sky, the sounds of the city moving by around you. You smiled to him and headed over. Pressing a kiss to his lips, Boromir was always quick to drop his weapons for you. They clattered lightly onto the barrel beside him as he pulled you to stand between his legs.
"My love," he murmured against your shoulder, his head resting there a moment. This man adored you, there was no doubt about it. He couldn't ever get enough of you being here, being with him.
"Boromir," you whispered back. Cupping his face with both hands, you looked into those eyes you had fallen in love with so long ago. "I have an idea for that corner of the room you do not know what to do with."
It caught him off guard and he chuckled, low and rough. "You have come all the way here to tell me that?"
You giggled back, airy and light, nodding. "Yes, I figured I should tell you because I just this moment thought of the perfect thing."
"Go ahead, my Lady," he said with a smile, supporting your strange antics as he always did.
Your eyes softened, and you dropped the idea knowing the moment you said it he would catch on.
"A crib."
It took Boromir a moment, furrowing his brow before his face dropped into one of shock.
"A crib for... my starlight, are you-" he couldn't even manage the words, but you nodded as you gazed into each others eyes. His hand came instinctively to rest on your stomach.
"I found out this morning, but you were on patrol. One of the guards said you were here, so I came as soon as I could. I am six weeks in almost, everything is healthy," you said to him, as he just looked at you with the most incredibly happy smile you had seen him with.
"I'm going to be a father," he whispered to himself, holding your delicate form closer to him. You nodded, cradling him to you as he breathed out. "My child, you are with my child."
All through your pregnancy, he was as doting as ever. Perhaps even more so now. Always making sure you were eating, sleeping and not doing an ounce of work you shouldn't be. Which was incredibly difficult because you were as stubborn as the day is long. But your husband had been nothing short of perfect.
All of this had led you both to now. To this moment where your child had finally come into the world.
The healer's tended to your newborn as they cried softly and Boromir held your hand still, staring at you like you were the most captivating star in the sky, even as disheveled as you looked now. His thumb traced softly across your hand, which now was fairly light and limp in his hand, the exhaustion washing over you.
"You did so well," he murmured, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek. "You are a miracle, my light."
You turned your head weakly, sitting up with his help and smiled tiredly at him. No words needed between you, just pure and incandescent love. The healer brought your baby over to you both, no longer crying as sleep took over the small human.
"Congratulations," the healer said gently, handing the baby to Boromir. "It is a little girl."
For a moment, he looked like he didn't know what to do. He took the child, his baby girl, and held her in his arms. His eyes never left her and yours never left him. Boromir moved closer, so you could see her too. The healers left, giving you both some space with your new baby.
The way his eyes shone, the way he looked at your little girl like she was the most precious thing in the universe. Boromir had never looked so at peace, so full of a sense of calm. Your daughter fit in his arms perfectly, like this was always meant to happen.
"Little thing, isn't she?" he murmured, his voice wavering with emotions. That was all he could manage, his tone of voice a lot lighter than usual.
You smiled, reaching out and brushing your hand through his hair gently. "She is. And she is beautiful."
"Just like her mother," he whispered, glancing up to see you smiling at him, that wistful smile that never failed to make his heart beat faster.
"Our little star," he looked down at the baby with adoration. "Our Estelle."
You couldn't hide the smile as he said your daughter's name. You had both agreed on the name some time ago. If your child was a girl, you had decided that Estelle, meaning star or starry night, was perfect considering under the stars was where you and Boromir began all that time ago.
The stars had been wound into your fate, into your lives, and it only seemed right that your daughter carry that too.
It was quiet, Boromir sat with the little girl in his arms as she slept soundly, clearly already choosing her father even whilst asleep. Not that you minded. What mattered to you was how at peace Boromir looked, how much love he poured out of his gaze and down to the sleeping form in his arms.
"You have given me the greatest gift possible, my love," Boromir spoke, quiet and low as his eyes met yours. "You are the light of my life, I will work forever to make sure you both feel safe and loved at all times."
You reached out, placing your hand against his cheek and letting your thumb trace his skin gently. "I know," you replied, just as quiet. "I know you will. Because that is the man you are, my light. You love so fiercely and true, and I know little Estelle will grow up the most loved child in this world, let alone this kingdom."
Boromir nodded, feeling tears well in his eyes as he smiled at you, his glances darting between the two of you. The usually calm and confident man had been all but brought to his knees by his girls. One who had been born merely minutes ago and already had him wrapped around her little finger. And the other, the one who had stolen his heart so many years ago and kept it so safe, the one who had loved him through every day since.
He was weak for both of them, a weakness Boromir didn't mind showing.
"I love you," Boromir's voice was tender, gentle as he met your gaze. He leaned in, lips grazing yours as he whispered once more. "I love you now as I loved you then, you are the other half of me."
You closed the gap, kissing him sweetly as he cradled your baby girl between you, careful in his movements. It was a slow kiss, one born of so much deep rooted affection and adoration. To him, you were perfect, this was perfect. And he would stop at nothing to keep this peace.
ARIA MY BELOVED 💚 I am absolutely dying to see how you write Dr Strange 🫠🫠 so I will kindly suggest the following (no pressure)
Established relationship, Stephen sees an article/tv segment criticizing him abt something (maybe a failed mission idk), he pretends to brush it off, but f!reader knows he's bothered, fluff and comfort ensues 😍🥰
I know youll knock it out of the park if you do this!
Astronomically late, but for my favourite human @shirebarbie I LOVE YOU <3
main masterlist | blog playlist
The house was quiet, the slow hum of the air conditioning the only thing ringing out. Normally, there'd be something to take the sharp sound of silence away, be it the hum of a spell or just some soft, instrumental music in the background.
Stephen's hands shook as he held the newspaper from today. Not violently, but with enough tremor that whatever was in the paper had clearly gotten under his skin. There, right in front of him, his failure was printed in black and white. Criticism of whether or not he was good enough to protect this city or not were clear as day.
The sorcerer sighed, running a hand through his already uneven hair. He had tried. God knows he had tried. It wasn't easy for him, a man who never wanted nor expected to be in this position. He was just a gifted doctor before all of this, and the stress that was building up in him was insurmountable.
The door unlocked and he heard the patter of familiar feet enter the room. The soft rhythm of shoes on the wood floor. Stephen could feel you before he saw you.
Oh, you.
The sorcerer's one constant, his safety blanket. You were the only one in the world who wouldn't hold this against him. Who wouldn't judge him.
"Stephen?" you asked, heading over to the couch after hanging up your bag. Sliding your shoes off, you let your eyes fall over to him. He was in his civvies, a simple grey t shirt and some sweatpants. It was unusual that he wasn't dressed at midday, but then you caught sight of the paper in his hands and your face softened.
"Oh, darling..." you murmured, sitting next to him and taking it out of his hands. The paper was discarded behind you, out of his sight. You didn't even read it, already assuming what it said. You just held his hands as they shook. Gentle, soft motions with your thumb over his scarred skin. Stephen stared at the coffee table. Right now, you knew he needed you. And you were going nowhere.
"You know," you said against his skin, pressing a gentle kiss against his temple and letting your lips linger longer than normal. "What they say doesn't matter, right? They don't understand what it's like to be you, or how much you're dealing with."
Stephen shook his head. "It's hard when they don't believe in you. When your every effort to protect people is judged and looked down on."
Your heart shattered. Stephen sounded so broken, so hoarse. Like he'd been crying, but he hadn't. It was rare to see him cry at the best of times, but that wasn't to say this didn't hurt him, because it did and you could see it. Stephen could never hide that deep inset fear of not being good enough; for you or for anyone.
"Stephen," you cupped his face and tilted his head up se he could look at you. "You're doing so much more than you should be already. Who cares what the world thinks? Because you do your job regardless of their gratitude. It's not on you whether they can see that."
For a brief moment, Stephen's shoulders tensed a little less. He still looked like a lost man, with none of his usual spark behind his eyes. But you were determined to change that. You knew there was a war in his mind, between believing you and feeding into the journalists. Logically, Stephen knew that you were right, that it shouldn't bother him. But all those words, all those phrases sat with him, running around his mind constantly. He sighed, and finally met your eyes properly.
"How do I even start to ignore this?" he asked you, and you cupped his face with your hand, letting your thumb run across his cheek softly. He sounded every bit as exhausted as his mind was.
As you met his gaze, you looked at him with a gentle expression. No malice, just soft. "Stephen, what matters is here," you tapped his temple. "Regardless of whether or not the world outside appreciates it, you need to be okay otherwise you won't be here to do a bad job, let alone a good one."
Stephen chuckled just a touch. But it was there.
"And," you continued. "I need my husband, you know? How am I supposed to clean this entire Sanctum on my own? That cloak of yours can only do so much with a brush."
Then he laughed, full and proper. You'd begun to pull him back to reality, the reality that he shared with you. Behind closed doors, Stephen had built a whole life with you. Away from the titles and the magic, you'd fallen for the man under it all. You'd fallen for him. Stephen didn't want to let you down, and he knew that giving into what the media said was no way to go about that. So, he let you pull him to his feet as you put some music on. Not without a playful protest, of course. But you just laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck, as his own snaked around your waist.
The songs played gently, echoing around the Sanctum as the soft beat encompassed you both like a warm throw. You met Stephen's eyes and smiled, before resting your head against his forehead. Just swaying, just blocking out the noise of the world. For now, it was two lovers just existing in each others company. You felt Stephen relax a little more, hands gripping gently onto your waist as you moved.
"Your taste in music is terrible, you-" he tried to quip, but you cut him off.
"Shut up."
And he laughed. Then leaned in, and pressed his lips to yours. Soft, gentle and full of meaning. Every single bit of gratitude and love he had for you was poured into it. And when you pulled back, you smiled again at him. Already, he looked more at ease.
"Now, I feel like I know the answer, but when did you last eat something?" And before he could say something, you carried on. "And if you even say you've had a snack a few hours ago, I'll chew the legs off your chair."
Stephen closed his mouth and raised an eyebrow. But he chuckled all the same.
"Right," you nodded, knowing he hadn't eaten. "Let's get you fed."
You turned, heading to the kitchen of the Sanctum with your husband in tow, like a shadow. He'd perked up, but you knew the key to fixing him was feeding him. Stephen sat down at the kitchen island as he watched you work, starting up your pasta dough. He stared your hands move, kneading the dough before threading it through the pasta machine, into perfect strands of spaghetti. Then you moved to the cheese sauce, starting with a roux and adding cheese and egg yolk.
"You treat me far better than I deserve, princess," he murmured, hands tapping away at the counter, almost impatiently as though he wanted to help. You rounded the island to press a kiss to his forehead, fingers on his jaw leaving a small patch of flour. You smiled to yourself.
"I treat you exactly as you deserve, which includes this carbonara I know you love. So just sit back and relax, would you? You're like an antsy child," you mused and he let out another laugh. Even still, he obeyed and relaxed a little more.
You grabbed him a glass of water and placed it before him with another kiss to his cheek before turning back to the sauce. Seeing the guanciale almost done, and the water for the pasta boiling, you dropped the spaghetti into the water and added some fat from the meat to the sauce. It emulsified perfectly.
Stephen just watched you, thoughts of the headlines long since disappeared in the hours before. Now, his eyes followed you as you worked through the kitchen with ease. Like it was nothing. You looked so at peace, just cooking and making magic as though it wasn't the most kind and caring act one could do for someone else.
Grabbing two bowls, and some cheese, you started to plate up. Tossing the spaghetti into the sauce, you placed it into the bowls and sprinkled some pepper on top. Adding the pecorino and then guanciale, and a small sprig of fresh basil. It smelled god, and looked even prettier. Setting the bowl down in front of him, you smiled.
"For you, darling," you murmured, and he just stared. The care someone had to have for another individual enough to cook for them was immense. Especially when they were feeling low. You sat besides him and nodded. "Enjoy, handsome."
And as Stephen took his first bite, every worry quickly dissipated. He closed his eyes and let out a satisfied noise.
"God," he said. "I'm so glad I married you. For more things than this carbonara, but those cooking skills? I got so lucky."
You just chuckled, taking a bite of your own food. "Glad I can provide, Stephen. Thought you could do with this, it's true comfort food."
Stephen nodded and took another bite. The silence fell around you both as music continued to play through the Sanctum, not awkward. Just sweet. A good, comfortable silence. A man who's subconscious was telling him he wasn't good enough wrapped up in a blanket of care by the woman who loved him. Who would be there for him no matter what.
Stephen pushed his plate back once he was finished, staring at the counter for a moment before his hand reached for yours. Gently, he laced his fingers with yours over the top as he smiled to himself. Just a quick upturn of his lips, but it was there.
"You know you don't have to do this, don't you?" Stephen said, his voice full of underlying doubt. "All of this? I - I can manage."
You looked at him with truthful eyes, not afraid to call him out. "And you were managing pretty well when I walked in, weren't you?"
Stephen knew you were right, that you had a point. He let out a dry chuckle, as you continued.
"This isn't something I do because I have to, my love. I do it because I care, because I should be. You need support, everybody does. You don't have to do things alone because you think that being the Sorcerer Supreme or being an Avenger is the be all and end all of life. I'm here, let me in sometimes."
It wasn't unkind nor a criticism, just a reminder to his stubborn self and Stephen found himself smiling at you. A genuine smile, soft and sweet. The kind he reserved for you and you alone. Mainly because he knew if Tony saw him acting so mushy, he would never hear the end of it. But also because he liked to separate that life, he liked to keep this small world with you away from his job.
"Now," you said, clearing the plates into the dishwasher. "I believe there is a couch and a movie over there with our name on it tonight. No more fretting about the newspapers or what people online have to say."
For a moment, Stephen just stared at you. It wasn't often the sorcerer was rendered speechless, but in that moment there he was looking at you with such wonder. He grabbed your arm as you walked over, pulling you to stand between his legs as he stayed seated. His hands found home on your waist as yours wrapped around his shoulders, one hand buried into the hair at the back of his head. Stephen's forehead fell to the crook of your neck, his lips leaving a soft few kisses there.
You let out a soft breath, holding him closer as your own lips pressed a gentle kiss to his hair.
Neither of you spoke, but the feelings that passed between you needed no words. You were there, just as you were every single time he needed you. Without fail, you never judged and you never protested; you supported him like it was as natural as breathing and blinking.
Stephen's arms wrapped around you, and you both stayed in the low light of the kitchen, the music softly carrying through the Sanctum as you did.
For the first time in god knows how long, Stephen felt a weight off him. He felt at ease, peaceful almost. And it was all because of you.
"I love you," Stephen murmured into your neck, his grip on you never wavering.
for @shirebarbie, have the happiest birthday, beautiful girlie! :) <3
main masterlist | blog playlist
Sighing, you were glancing at the clock periodically. It was your birthday, and all you wanted to do was leave the office and go home. It had been a long day, and the minutes were dragging by slower than ever. You were all but praying for five o'clock. Tapping your pen against the table, you leaned on your hand and worked away.
Nobody in the office had even remembered your birthday. It was lousy, sure and deep down you didn't really mind. Sometimes, the less attention the better. But the day had taken forever to end and it just felt so normal when the clock finally hit five. You'd all but jumped out of your seat, grabbing your bag and headed outside.
Stepping out, you were met with a familiar Audi parked just outside of your work. It was right in front of your face, almost deliberately, and certainly not in a designated bay. Narrowing your eyes, you saw nobody in the drivers seat as you approached it. It was Tony's car, unmistakably, but without the man in question. You were about to walk off when two arms wound around your waist from behind, that cologne you knew so well filling the air.
"Tony?" you asked, feeling him bury his face into your hair. "What are you doing here?"
Tony placed a soft kiss against your neck and smiled against your skin. His arms felt like home after the very average work day. "If I'm not mistaken, it's a certain beautiful girl's birthday today, so she gets the princess treatment from her favourite person in the world, duh." His voice was so sweet, yet had that humourous air to it. You laughed. Tony was always extra, if nothing else. Always so self sure and confident, and it was endearing.
"You remembered?" you asked, partially shocked. You'd been dating Tony for three years now, but you thought he'd have bigger issues than your birthday. He was sometimes pretty forgetful.
"Okay, maybe Jarvis had to remind me..." Tony trailed off as he spun you in his arms to face him. He kissed you, gentle and with a hand in your hair. Pulling back, he flashed you that signature Stark smile. "No, I did actually remember. And I know it's probably been a rubbish day, so get in the car and let's change that, sweetheart."
Tony held the door open for you as you got in; that wasn't part of the princess treatment, though. That was just how he was with you. Tony treated you like you were the most important thing in his life. Like you were above everything to him. He'd often dropped work just to make sure you were okay, something Tony had never done for anyone. But you, you were his shining light, as much as he wouldn't admit that. His pride got in the way sometimes, but in those quiet moments with you he would show you exactly how much he cared.
Just like today. Tony was always full of surprises, and today was no exception.
"Just gotta make a stop at your house first, alright?" he said, pulling into your driveway. You nodded, just accepting whatever plans he had as a given. Just spending the night with him would have been enough.
As he opened your car door, he pulled you in for a quick kiss and you walked to your front door. Opening it, you could see there was a package on the kitchen island. Placing your bag down, you walked over to it and smiled.
"Tony," you mused, shaking your head. "I didn't even want anything, I told you that. Just being with you is more than okay."
"Shut up and open it," Tony bit back, with no real malice. Just a glint in his eyes and a look of adoration. He sat down at your breakfast bar and watched you open the box.
Inside, there was a handwritten note, simple but effective:
An outfit fit only for my princess. - TS
Pulling back the paper, you were met with a black dress. Holding it up, it was backless and had a low v-neck on the front. It was matte, sleek and looked form fitting. It touched the floor even held up to you. Your eyes widened as the jewelry in the box caught your eye. A body chain and some earrings, with an accompanying bracelet with a mockingbird on it; you'd pointed it out to Tony a few weeks ago.
"Tony," you breathed out in awe. "All of this is beautiful... you didn't have to."
He just smiled so softly at you. Standing, he walked to you and placed his arms around your waist. Pulling you close, he looked you in the eyes. Those eyes looked at you like you were a masterpiece, and you weren't even in the dress yet.
"No, I didn't need to. But, I wanted to. It's your birthday and I love you, so go and get ready and I'll be here when you're done."
"Where are we going?" you asked.
"Don't worry, just get all dolled up and somehow more beautiful than you are now, and I'll drive you where we're going. Just gonna have to trust me, sweet."
Tony leaned in and kissed you again, pushing you towards your bathroom. "Go ahead, birthday girl."
With a small tap to your ass as you left, he chuckled and sat back down in your kitchen to wait. Tony had gotten himself dressed in the time you took, into his suit and tie that he wore for formal events. As you came from your room, Tony's eyes widened.
"You look absolutely incredible," he whispered, the normally outward Tony Stark reduced to a murmur. His eyes shamelessly ran over you, taking you in. The dress fit you perfectly, and the accompanying jewelry sealed the deal. You wore your hair down, and the whole look could have taken him out there and then. "Jesus, sweetheart, you'll give me a heart attack looking like that."
You could feel the heat climbing up your cheeks at his compliments, but you spun for him and smiled. "I feel like a princess, I wont lie to you."
Tony took a breath in. "You look like a million dollars, baby."
You walked over to him, smiling and kissed him. His hands ran over the exposed skin on your back, his touch sending shivers down your spine. His kisses ran from your lips down to your collarbone, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
"Come on, let's go and celebrate you."
Tony took your hand and led you back to the car. As you drove, he played a playlist of all your favourite songs. You'd noticed, and when you caught his eye he just smiled. So charming, so effortless. Tony had a way of making you feel like the most important person in the world even when it was at no cost to himself. He always wanted you to feel loved, and safe. And if he could provide that for you, no amount of money would matter.
Reaching the Tower, he took you inside with a gentle hand on the small of your back. The tower seemed pretty quiet, until you reached the common room floor. When you entered, you noticed there was a party in full swing. You turned to him, and he was smirking.
"Don't look at me like that," he chuckled, giving you a kiss as you laughed. "My hand slipped."
"You're a menace, Tony," you replied, shaking your head. "All of this for a birthday? It's not even a landmark one."
"Every day you're on this planet is a reason to celebrate. So let yourself be celebrated, babygirl."
As you leaned in to kiss him again, you heard footsteps behind you and Tony spun you by the waist to find Bruce smiling at you. He was practically your best friend and your grin widened on seeing him. Bruce opened his arms and you all but fell into them.
"Hey, happy birthday, doll." Bruce spoke as you knocked the wind out of him, giggling. His arms wrapped around you as you gave him a light squeeze. "I hope you've been spoiled rotten."
You pulled back and kissed his cheek. "Do you think he'd not spoil me?" you asked, and Bruce chuckled knowingly. "Honestly, just leaving work was enough. But seeing you, this party? It's perfect."
"Almost perfect," came a voice from behind you. As you turned, the all too familiar drawl made your heart soar. Next to Tony stood Stephen, suited and holding a glass of wine. Your face burst into shock; you hadn't seen him in forever. He was a close friend of yours, and seeing him again made you feel warm. Enveloping you in a hug, Stephen laughed. "Now it's perfect."
"Stephen!" you exclaimed happily. "God, it's been so long."
"Yeah, sorry about that," he apologized, genuine sincerity in his voice. "Been a bit busy with the sanctum, but I couldn't miss your day. Happy birthday, sweet." His smile made you happy, always managing to make you feel at ease. "You look beautiful, by the way."
Bruce nodded from the side. "Yeah, that dress is incredible."
Tony chimed in. "May I remind you two who she's dating?" he quipped with a raised eyebrow and sarcastic tone, as the other men laughed. It was full of joy, and friendly vibes. You couldn't feel more at home if you tried. You spoke to both men for a while before deciding to mingle around, pushing that memory of work far from your mind.
Eventually, the night came in and you were exhausted. The party was still going on inside, though it had significantly quietened down. Taking a moment, you stepped out onto the balcony for some fresh air. As you leaned against the railing, you looked out onto the setting sun on the New York skyline.
"You look a picture," Tony said from behind you, adoration lacing his words. He stepped up beside you, and you turned to face him. "The most beautiful picture in the gallery."
"You didn't have to do all of this, you know?" you told him, no ungratefulness present, just genuine disbelief that someone would go to these efforts for you. You heard Tony chuckle.
"I know I didn't," he leaned against the railing with you, looking out onto the skyline himself. "I've been a little absent with work recently, and I know that took up Bruce's time, too. Plus with Stephen being gone so long, I know you probably needed this. I overheard you telling Sam the other day that work was weighing down on you, so you're off next week by the way."
I raised my eyebrow as he grinned. "I'm taking you away for a week. Booked a nice hotel in Paris for us, we leave in two days."
You shook your head, smiling. "You're always full of surprises, Stark."
"And you love it. But I did this tonight because I know you needed this. It's your birthday, and. that's your one day I can use as an excuse to treat you like the only girl in the world. But, I try to do that every day. Except these last few, which I'm sorry for."
You turned to him and cupped his face in your hands. His own found your waist, his fingertips dancing over the skin at the small of your back. "You don't ever have to apologise for being busy with work. It happens. I'm just glad I get to see you when I can."
Tony smiled, that soft smile he reserved only for you. He nodded, looking at you with those sparkling brown eyes that you fell for so long ago. He pulled you close, resting his forehead against yours. For the minute, you were the only two people in the universe. Closing your eyes, you just took Tony's presence in as he held you to his chest, hands running softly up the exposed skin of your back. His voice cut through the air around you, rough and full of care.
"Other than work, I hope today has been as brilliant as you are."
You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck as you ran a hand through his hair. "I've never felt so special in my entire life. This dress is incredible, this party was amazing and you are the most wonderful man I know."
Tony pulled you close, pressing a kiss to your lips as you rested between his legs. The cool night of New York sat around you as music came from the room indoors, but what mattered to you both right now was each other.
"You'll always be my princess, and I'll always treat you that way. You deserve the world, babygirl."
Your rested your head against his shoulder as he swayed you softly as the night fell. Just humming along to the music in your ear, Tony pressed little kisses into your hair as his hands wandered across you. Moving with you gently, you smiled softly up at him.
"You don't dance," you commented, not unkindly, just with a little humour.
"Correction," he quipped back. "I don't dance with anyone except you. I would be mighty stupid if I didn't dance with the belle of the ball. Even if she's already the love of my life."
Your heart fluttered at his words. Letting him move you and hold you on the balcony, you lost yourself in him. The party was still going on, but right now in this moment it was you and Tony in the whole of New York.
Tony took your hand and sat you down on the sofa, pulling you close to him as he took a breath in. He got a little quiet before he moved to face you.
"Babygirl?" he asked, so sweet and smooth. You turned your own body to him, and smiled.
"Yeah?"
Tony was looking at you like you'd hung the stars for him. He looked at you with such utter devotion.
"I'm about to make your birthday even better."
Before you could respond, Tony knelt down in front of you and pulled a box out of his pocket. Your heart raced as he started to speak, opening it to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.
"You have been with me through some of the worst times of my life. Times when I needed someone to tell me it would be okay, or I needed pulling back to Earth. You've never once backed away and I worry one day you might leave. So, I'm here to ask if you'll stay forever. What do you say, princess? Will you marry me?"
Tears fell down your face as you stared at him. These were completely open feelings from Tony. He looked so honest, and the speech he gave was so emotionally raw. You held his face in your hands as you nodded, the pads of your thumbs brushing against his cheek so gently.
"Yes," you breathed out. "Yes, Tony, I'll marry you."
He slid the ring onto your finger and stood. Picking you up by the waist, he laughed and spun you around as you giggled yourself.
"You have no idea how happy that makes me. Babygirl I promise you I will protect you and love you for as long as the universe lets me."
As Tony pulled you in for a breathtaking kiss, you heard clapping from the doorway of the common room. Stood there as you both looked over was Bruce and Stephen, looking proud and happy. They turned to let you have your moment with soft smiles.
"I love you, Tony. So much," you spoke through the tears. "I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you."
Tony smiled into your hair, holding you close to him as the world melted away.
"Always and forever. You're mine. Happy birthday, baby."
is there a market for my man here? bc i love him so much
main masterlist | blog playlist
Requests are open!
A familiar knock at your door drew you off your couch and over towards it. A knock you hadn't heard in over a year. Opening it, you were disappointed how right your intuition was.
"Hey," said Sam. His hands were raised in a defensive position, like he was surrendering incase you killed him. "It's been a while, I know, can I come in and explain?"
You narrowed your eyes at him, leaning against your doorframe and sizing him up for a moment.
Sam Wilson, the Falcon. Captain America's trusted friend and one of the USA's greatest assets. Now Steve's gone and John Walker lost the rights, it's Sam's job to lead your country as the new Captain America. But to you, he was none of that. To you, he was Sam the Enigma.
Before he had disappeared, you and Sam had a strange type of relationship. It wasn't labelled as one exclusively, but neither of you sought out other romance. You would eat together, go on cinema dates together and often times stay together when you slept. He would listen to your problems and hold you when you cried. You would support him when he came back exhausted and patch up his wounds.
Between you, there was love. It was fleeting touches, gentle nights spent in the comfort of each other's presence. It was special. It was love without a declaration.
Stepping aside, you nodded your head to let him come in and closed the door behind him. He was in his new suit, so you had assumed he was fresh back off some assignment. Sam always was busy with one thing or another, something you understood all too well.
You'd met Sam originally after Tony Stark had introduced you. You worked with Tony and Dr. Banner in his labs, helping out on different technological advancements and by default, suit upgrades for the Avengers and friends. Sam had come in one day enquiring about possible upgrades for his wings.
"You'd have to ask this superstar here," you heard Tony say that day, as your head rose up and your eyes made contact with Sam's. He had a charming smile on, as he held his hand out for you to shake. You smiled back and took it. "The best we have here, this girl. You want advancements, you talk to her. My little Whiz Kid. I'll leave you two alone."
"All this time, he still thinks I'm 17 or something, fuck." you sighed and Sam let out a laugh.
You'd chatted with Sam for hours, drawing up different designs and talking him through the tech that would be needed to make his wings a little sleeker. He didn't understand a single word. In truth, he was a little enamoured with the pretty girl sat in front of him, so he just allowed himself to nod when you pointed stuff out.
"You have no idea what I'm talking about do you, Sam?" you let out a breathy laugh as you ended your sentence, and he joined in.
"I have no idea, I really don't. Imma be truthful here, I just wanted to keep talking to you."
You were giggling, and he was charming. Sam left you with the project as he needed to shoot off somewhere, but you were happy to know that you would be seeing him again.
After that, the rest was history. You saw him everywhere, intentionally and sometimes not so intentionally. Sam would pick you up for coffee, or take you out on walks where you could get to know one another outside of the superhero life. Well, his superhero life and your assistant to the superheroes life. It was busy for both of you, but somewhere you found the time.
Sam always made sure to check in with you here and there, and always let you know he was safe. You wouldn't admit it out loud for fear of Tony's relentless teasing, but when Sam went silent on his missions it ate away at you. Why, you didn't know. But it did. You could barely eat or sleep until you knew he was home, or at the very least that he was safe. Those were the moments you realised you cared too much.
Which is why now as Sam sat on your couch, all of those feelings came flooding back. Feelings you had been trying and subsequently failing to ignore. Your eyes glanced over him, and he looked tense. Heading to your kitchen, you brought him back a drink and sat down next to him.
Even after all this time, your instincts made you care for him.
"Thank you," Sam's voice was low. "I appreciate it."
"I don't want to hear your excuses, by the way. I just want to know what you're doing here."
Sam had predicted this. He knew you would be upset, and he knew that you'd be quiet volatile. He'd seen you argue with Tony enough to know that, and he wasn't about to forget when you put Steve in his place one time. The Falcon was prepared, so he thought.
"That's fair. Can I explain why I was gone?" he asked, and you shook your head.
"I told you, I don't wanna hear it. You left. It's over now. What do you want?"
"No," he placed his drink down and turned to you fully. "It's not over. We're not okay right now and to me, that ain't fine."
You scoffed a little, tightening your lips in a sarcastic smirk.
"You know," you started, more venom in your voice than perhaps you intended. "Maybe we wouldn't be like this if you hadn't left without a word for a year. Sam, maybe, just maybe we wouldn't be like this right now."
"I had no choice-"
"Yes you did!" You were shouting now, unable to hold back the emotions inside you. You were angry, sad and happy to see him all at once. But, those feelings of anger overcame the happy in that moment. Taking a deep breath, you calmed your voice before looking away from him.
"Silence is always a choice."
Sam took a moment to look at you, trying to find something to say. He hadn't predicted that and it turned a gear in his head.
It hurt you to be so cold with him, and it was almost impossible. You loved Sam too much to ever be this angry, but you wanted your emotions to be clear enough. All you wanted was to jump into his arms, but you wanted to make him see how badly this had affected you.
His eyes roamed across your face, the tears falling gently from your eyes. All he wanted to do was reach out, to stop you from crying knowing it was his fault in the first place. But, Sam also knew you could kill a man just as fast and he valued keeping his limbs. It hurt him to watch you cry, and to feel helpless watching you.
Then it hit him; that was probably how you'd been feeling this entire year.
"Hey," Sam's voice was soft now, and he spoke your name sweetly. "Hey, look at me."
You lifted your head a little to meet his eyes, unsure as to why you were taking orders from him. But, you couldn't help it. That man still had your heart. As your eyes met, a small smile graced Sam's face as he continued to talk.
"There she is. Let's talk, okay? Get it out. What is it that's eating at you, sweet?"
You sniffed, composing yourself and trying to muster a semi level and normal voice. Instead, it came out quiet and cracked.
"You left me and it hurt like fuck."
Sam nodded his head. "I know, and I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was leave you like that."
"I know we weren't like, dating or whatever," you continued, hoping you would find the rest of your sentences along the way. "But it stung like I'd just lost the love of my life. No word, no letters, nothing. Sam, the only reason I knew you were alive was because I saw you on the news. I couldn't even contact Bucky."
You didn't know at the time, but you know now that Bucky was with him. All it would have taken would have been a quick note from either of them. You'd be chewing Bucky's ear off too when you saw him again, you knew that much. You couldn't wait; other than being with Sam, your favourite pass time was bantering and fighting the super soldier.
The silence grew tight around you both, as the night came in outside and the light from your candles was the only thing illuminating your apartment. It was fitting in a way, the tender candlelight. It gave the situation a little more weight.
"You think this didn't hurt me? All that time I was gone?" Sam's face was serious and he was looking you right in the eye. "You think I didn't think about any of this every single day of my life? Losing you was by far some of the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life."
"You don't mean that," you protested, trying to find a logical argument but finding none. "There's no way I was worth that much to you."
Somehow, Sam's voice remained calm despite the raw emotions building up in him.
"You want to argue what you were worth to me? Fine. You were worth everything to me. If you had told me to give everything up and move to the mountains of Italy then I would have. I needed you like I have never needed someone before. You were my world, and every day you were absent in my life was a day I realised that I loved you."
"Loved me?" you spat bitterly. "Running away like that is not how you treat someone you love."
"Running away like that is the only way I could protect you." Sam's calm facade was slipping away, and his voice was growing increasingly unsteady. "The last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt."
"Yeah, well look what happened."
Your sentence stopped the conversation in its tracks, Sam having no real answer for that. Instead, he looked down and fiddled with his hands, trying to regain some semblance of control in himself so he could sort the situation out. He wanted to make things right for good.
There was no way in hell Sam Wilson was losing you again.
"Can I make this right?" he asked, a sound of genuine honesty in his voice. "Because I want to. I don't want to walk away from you again. At the time, I thought my actions were right, but I didn't consider how much they would hurt you. I just-"
Sam's monologue was cut short by you taking both of his hands in your own. A quiet act of care, and one that told him to shut up. You gave his hand a gentle squeeze, and he breathed a small sigh of relief. As you looked up, you met Sam's eyes with a twinkle.
"You know I helped make that suit, right?" Sam's eyes widened and you nodded. "Yeah. I was in Wakanda to learn, and they taught me so much about their technology. I learned shit I didn't even know existed, you know? You wouldn't believe the tech that goes into a set of kimoyo beads."
As you spoke, Sam was just watching you with bright eyes. You were being open, talkative but not as happy as you once were. But it was an improvement on twenty minutes ago, and the feeling took Sam back to when you'd first met at Tony's lab. He smiled at you as you continued to talk.
"Anyway, I was there helping Shuri work on some wiring for the Wakandan's new daggers when Ayo brought the order in from Bucky. Once I'd heard your name, I was a little stunned to speak, but I knew I had to help. Because even if I never got to speak to you again, I would at least be with you in some form for the rest of your life."
Your words hit him like a truck, but you weren't done there. "Did you see your sleeve?"
Sam shook his head. Gently, you took his wrist and flipped it so he could see the outside. He hadn't noticed it at first, but on the outside of his left cuff was a small embroidered mockingbird; a symbol that he associated with you. It was the same one on your necklace you always wore.
Sam's heart shattered. "Oh my god, come here, babygirl."
That was it. You started crying as he pulled you in, his strong arms wrapping around you like he had never stopped. You sank into Sam's chest, letting out sharp sobs as he held you. Leaning back, Sam let you climb into his side, his face pressed gently into the top of your head. His hands roamed up your back as he rubbed soothing circles against your shirt, whispering to you that it was okay and he's here.
"Look at me," Sam spoke, his voice breaking through your cry, which had significantly calmed down. You looked up, bleary eyed and tear stained face, and still Sam looked back as though you were the prettiest thing he had ever seen. You sat up, but stayed close to him as his hands rested on your waist. "I'm gonna talk, you're gonna listen alright?"
He gave you a chance to answer, and you nodded as he carried on.
"I never stopped loving you. I do now and I did before I left. But I didn't know if you felt the same, or if you would want to be tied down to me when I could disappear at any moment. I don't mean like the blip, I mean gone. I couldn't put you through that, or at least I thought. But now I realise I already have, and I am so sorry for that. I am not willing to do that again, and if you'll have me, I would love to try again."
You took his words in, and couldn't help but smile at him. It was sheepish, shy smile as you wiped the remaining stray tears away. It was ridiculous how you'd never been able to resist this man's charms, and it was even worse that he knew that all too well. Sam lifted your head to meet your eyes once more.
"Something else that might sway you," he said, and reached below the collar of his suit and pulled out a necklace.
You let out a small gasp, barely audible as your face contorted into one of slight shock. Around his neck sat a gold chain, with a mockingbird charm at the end with it's wings spread. You'd bought it for him one year as a gift, a way for him to keep you with him on missions and a reminder that you were always waiting for him back home. That was probably five years ago at least, maybe more. You were shocked he still had it and it was in such good condition. You'd woven the one into his suit in case he no longer had that necklace.
"Sam," you whispered. "You still have it after all this time?"
He nodded, holding you closer now. "I never took it off, sweet. I never wanted to lose that piece of me, my one sense of normalcy. Every time I needed grounding, I'd hold the bird in my hand and think about you."
"You really missed me that much? I meant that much to you?" Your question was so timid, as if you feared what he was about to say. Sam's whole face softened, as he lifted you with ease to sit on his lap, your legs either side of him.
"You have no idea how much I missed you."
Before you could talk yourself out of it, you leaned forward and kissed him. Your arms found home around his neck as his own wound around your waist and held you against him. The kiss deepened and you lost yourselves in one another for a moment. His kiss was passionate, and you were kissing as though this was the last time you could do this. Pulling back for a second to regain your breath, you rested your forehead against his.
"Jesus," you laughed out a little, and Sam joined in. "I should have kissed you so long ago."
"Damn right you should."
You swatted him a little, and he caught your arm and attacked you with a tickle. Sam knew all too well how ticklish you were and soon you were breathless and laughing more than you had in quite a while. It felt domestic and it felt right for the first time in so long.
Eventually, Sam let up, and you were now at opposite ends of the sofa. The air grew quiet once more, but not uncomfortably now. It was merely just a gap in the night, a welcomed one for the moment.
"So, you made this thing?" Sam asked, glancing down at his suit as he stood up. "I gotta say, I really like it."
"I helped out. I designed it, drew up the concepts and worked on the wings just as I always have. You may be America's golden boy now but those are still my wings."
"So why no helmet like the others?" You assumed he was referencing Steve and John's suits which both had the top head helmets. Standing, you made your way to him and looked him in the eyes. Those beautiful eyes, you'd missed them so much.
"When I heard that this suit was for you, I knew it would need a different design. Other than trying to incorporate your old Falcon suit in the armour design, I really wanted the headpiece to be different. Something that would make you stand out. You're Captain America now, and you're going to change the lives of so many people out there. You've given hope to so many black kids that they could grow up and be just like you. You needed a suit that stood away from Steve and John."
Sam grinned at you, all teeth as he wrapped his arms around you again. You held his face in your hands, rubbing your thumbs gently across his cheeks.
"You know, I really missed you Sam. Don't leave me again, not like that."
Sam swayed with you gently, pulling you in closer so your head rested against his chest. Through the suit you could hear his heartbeat, slow and steady and it kept you grounded. He kissed the top of your head and spoke close to your ear.
"I'm not going anywhere, babygirl. I've got you."
"I never stopped loving you either, Sam."
Smiling, you allowed yourself a moment to rest in his arms as he rocked you, but you were quickly pulled out of it by Sam swooping you up into his arms as though you weighed nothing. Your legs wrapped around his waist automatically, and he buried his head into your neck. Leaving a few kisses there, you felt Sam's grin against your skin.
"Now, I want to get out of this suit, as much as I appreciate it, and into a shower. You should join me," Sam winked at you and you raised a brow.
"Oh, I see. Leave me hanging for a year and then expect to get me into a shower with you?"
He shrugged, dropping you at your bedroom door. "That's your loss then."
He started walking to the bathroom when he heard your mumbled retort.
"Wait. I didn't say no."
All Sam did was laugh in a tone that suggested 'I knew it' as you ran after him with towels in hand.
The night was spent eating and catching up, together in each others arms as though the year had never existed. He told you about the adventures he'd had, the people he had faced. You told him about all the tech advancements and the things you'd learned with Shuri. It was way past midnight when you both went to bed.
"You want me to take the couch tonight?" Sam asked, chivalrous as he always had been. A look of shock and disbelief crossed your features.
"I've just jumped into a shower with you, completely naked, and you wonder if you can sleep in my bed? That Steve Rogers gentleman stuff got into your system too much, didn't it? Or maybe it's Bucky, I can kill him later, no problem."
"No, it's not the two wise men, actually," he protested, but a soft gaze nonetheless. "I happen to be a decent person and thought I'd ask."
"Samuel Thomas Wilson, get the fuck into my bed now so we can cuddle and sleep. I've been deprived of waking up next to you for so long that if I don't do it now then I might just die."
"So what I'm hearing here is that you can't live without me?"
Sam rounded the door and picked you up, spinning you and placing you gently on the bed. You eyed him and pretended to be offended, but eventually ended up giggling as he smirked down at you.
"Hearing what you want, as always Wilson."
You jumped under the covers, Sam joining you and bringing you close into his broad chest. You traced your fingers up and down his skin in no particular motion, the cool of the dog tags and necklace bumped your hand every now and then. His hands found home on your back, his rough hands against your soft skin creating a nice contrast.
"I've missed this," you said quietly, glancing up at him to find him already looking at you.
"Me too, I've been missing this for so long."
You stayed in each other's embrace like that for awhile before Sam could feel you getting heavier, and his own eyelids straining to stay awake. His voice cut through the air as he spoke to you one last time that night.
"You sleep well, princess. I'll be here in the morning for you, as many mornings as I can."
You mumbled something but he couldn't hear it properly as sleep overcame him, the both fo you drifting into the most comfortable sleep either of you had in a while.
The world had been turned upside down and a lot of shit had happened in the past year. But, it had all been worth it; the pain, the anger and the sadness. Now, you had your Sam back, and he was in your arms again.
Your final thought that night was positive. You thought that maybe now things could get better. Hopefully with Sam by your side again, life might start looking a little brighter again. This was all you could have wanted, and all you needed. You were reminded of a quote you read a while ago, that stuck with you ever since you saw it.
"Forgiveness is the final form of love." - Reinhold Niebuhr
Fem!Reader in a dress :) Thunderbolts* era but no spoilers for the plot of the actual film, just John being John!
"There's no fucking way." "Nope. Absolutely not."
Walker and you protested in unison as Valentina just smiled. Not a nice one, mind, more of a menacing one. The patented 'Valentina Is Doing Something Borderline Illegal' smile.
"It's a job and I need it doing. I know you don't get along, but you are both the only ones suited for the job that I have at my disposal."
"What about the rest of them?" you questioned, gesturing to the empty room behind you in reference to the whole team.
"Unfortunately, these people are well aware of Bucky so he's the most unviable of the lot of you, and I can't risk Miss Belova. I have Ava and Alexei booked for a mission already so that leaves you two." Valentina's reply was nonchalant, shrugging as she turned to the elevator.
"Bob?" you questioned, and she turned to you incredulously.
"You're joking, aren't you? Dear god, you aren't. I'm not replacing Walker with Bob. End of."
"I meant me," you mumbled, shrugging and following her as John tried to reason with her. She just ignored him entirely.
"Listen, I just need it done. Put your differences aside or don't. Either way, I expect you there tomorrow evening. I've left packages on your beds, wear them. Toodles!"
She left you with John in the quiet communal area. You heard him sigh and it infuriated you. Everything he did infuriated you, but his over dramatic reaction stirred some unhealthy rage in you.
"Look, I'm not happy about it either. Let's just get it over with and then you don't have to be around me this close ever again."
For a moment, John stopped and just stared at you. How little you know, he thought to himself. John wasn't about to deny to himself that he thinks you're pretty. More than once he'd definitely been checking you out in the training room. His eyes narrowed as though he was about to speak, about to say something horrible no doubt. For the first time, he gave up.
"Whatever," his voice was tired. "I'm going to bed."
John left you without a goodnight, and without closure on what he was about to say. You would be lying if you said it didn't make you curious. John Walker never gave in, even if he was dead wrong. He would still fight his corner, and that made you wonder as to why he wasn't now. Still, you brushed it off and got yourself to bed, too.
Reaching your door, you discarded the package and had not a single care to open it. Normally, you would wonder, but you were too exhausted to bother. You read the card on top, noticing it was an invite to a party. You surmised there was an outfit in there for you, and your head spun. The last thing you wanted to do was dress up for a party, let alone attend one anyway. Trying to shake the feeling, you just focused on relaxing for the night before settling.
When John reached his room, he closed the door a little heavier than normal. Leaning back against it, his head rested there for a moment and he let out a bigger sigh. Pushing himself off, he caught sight of his own present from Val and decided to open it. Inside was a suit and shirt. The jacket and pants were red, with a black shirt and tie to match. Set atop was a set of cufflinks in the shape of stars.
"Hah," Walker laughed out to himself. "She knows style."
It was at that point his mind wandered to what you might be wearing tomorrow, but he quickly shook that off by convincing himself he didn't really care.
Morning had arrived a lot quicker than you had intended, and you woke with a heavy head. After breakfast, you'd normally work out in the gym. Today you wanted to avoid John as much as possible and he was in there every single morning without fail. Instead, you milled around your room doing nothing, until the time came to open Val's gift.
"Motherfucker," you huffed out as you pulled the dress out of the box and held it up.
It was a sleek black gown, backless with a slit up the leg. It would leave a lot more skin out than you liked, but realistically if you went and argued with Val it would do absolutely no good. The front had a low neckline too, and on anyone else you'd think it was beautiful. You weren't sure about what you would look like wearing it. Accompanying it, was some jewelry; a silver necklace that hung low, an expensive looking bracelet adorned with stars, and earrings to match.
Glancing at the clock, you saw it was already 3pm. Deciding to get ready early, you took a very long shower and styled your hair, opting to leave it down instead of pinning it up. Slipping into the dress and accessories, you looked yourself over in the mirror. Admittedly, you didn't look half bad despite how uncomfortable you felt. It took a lot to leave your room, something you hadn't managed to do yet.
Debating just disappearing for a while, you almost didn't hear the knock at your door. Unlocking it and opening it, there stood Ava looking bored. She wasn't looking at you when she first started talking.
"John's in the common room waiting for you, if you're ready to- FUCK ME."
Now she was looking at you. Like, really looking at you. She shamelessly looked you up and down with a smirk.
"Gonna assume I look alright then?" you mused, and she nodded a little too enthusiastically.
"Alright? You look stunning, even I'm inclined to kiss you now."
You scoffed and pushed her lightly, but she put her hands on your shoulders and smiled kindly.
"In all seriousness, you look incredible. This is so different for you, Val definitely knows what she's doing in the fashion department. You're gonna kill tonight, I know it."
"Thanks Ava," you pulled her in for a hug, appreciating her pep talk. "Lotta love for you."
"No sweat. Besides, don't keep John too long. Your groom awaits."
"I take back what I said."
Ava took your arm and led you up to the common room, where John was stood idly at the table, leaning on it. You couldn't deny how good he looked in that suit; he looked so handsome. Wait, what the fuck am I saying? you thought, trying to push that thought out of your brain. But, the longer you looked the more it affirmed it. John hadn't noticed you yet, or he was just ignoring you. Either way, it was something in which you were very thankful for.
Maybe it's just my nerves. Walker isn't that good looking.
You lied to yourself wholeheartedly, but refused to believe this was actually how you felt right now. You were feeling a lot of emotions, but attraction to John Walker was the last one you wanted to experience.
Right?
You were pulled from your thoughts by a small scream, which was Yelena finally having seen you.
"Oh my god, look at you!" she jeered, which snapped everyone's heads over to you.
Now you felt really embarrassed. Ava shot Yelena a look and she quickly calmed herself down, sensing your emotions as she saw Ava's arm gently resting on your back. Yelena took your hands and gave you a hug, whispering a good luck in your ear and emphasizing how nice you looked before leaving you be and disappearing to her room. You put on a nervous smile, trying to hide how much discomfort you were in.
"Go kill it, doll. You look beautiful," was Bucky's answer. Short and sweet and accompanied by a kiss on the forehead. He already knew how this kind of stuff made you feel, he'd been like a sibling to you since you arrived here, just like Ava. There was no hiding anything from either one of them.
"And if you need me, you know you can call me," Bucky tagged on the end.
Now John looked up, realising there was some commotion around him. His eyes widened at you, not managing to hide his shock.
She looks incredible.
John's hands got clammy and he felt a warmth in his heart. He noticed the way the dress hugged your body in all the right places, and how it sat so perfectly on you. Matched with your hairstyle and makeup, you looked like a Greek goddess. It was then that John saw the bracelet, the stars that matched his own, and it clicked what kind of mission this was no doubt going to be.
Saying goodbye to Ava and Bucky, you made your way over to John after catching him staring at you.
"Hi there," you said, your nerves very clear in your voice. "Suit's real nice, seems like Val had us both read."
Suits real nice... for god's sake. That was an understatement, he looked incredible. The whole thing fit him so well, Val had really outdone herself.
He nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty nice. You look great."
It was a blunt statement, but it seemed to calm you at least a little. You knew he was saying out of necessity, more because you just had to get along and carry this thing out. The car had pulled up outside, and you made your way there with John in tow.
"I hate this stuff. Strange people, strange men," you cringed, a shiver running down your spine. "Makes me feel awful."
"I'll be there, I've got you. I know you didn't want to be here with me, you'd probably have preferred Bucky. I get that, but I mean it, okay? No one's going to harm you." His sincerity caught you off guard, and you found yourself smiling to yourself.
The car ride was quiet until you spoke up.
"You know what we're doing here?" You'd calmed a little now, thankful for the darkness of the back of the car. "I read the card, but it didn't say much other than the invite. Something about getting intel from a guy called Antoni in here?"
John cleared his throat to answer, clearly lost somewhere in his thoughts. "I would assume that, yeah. From what little Mel gave me, I think he knows we are coming. It seems like a formal kind of party, given our matching accessories I'd say we have to remain close."
Your brows furrowed, but when he held his cuff up you realised they matched your bracelet. Sighing, you let out a small chuckle. John liked that, seeing you relax for the first time tonight felt nice to him.
"Val," you huffed out, shaking your head. He nodded, allowing a small smile to grace his face. He looked softer when he smiled and in this suit, the slick back hair and the way the red fit him just...
Stop, you told yourself. That's literally Walker.
Gratefully, you arrived at the venue, Nothing fancy at the door, save for a man taking invitations. John was the first to leave the car, and as you gathered yourself, he had made his way around to your side and opened it for you. A strangely gentleman-like gesture from him, as he held his hand out for you to take as you exited the car.
"Thank you," you murmured, and he smiled at you.
As you got to the door, you pulled yourself off to the side and away from Walker. He frowned, wondering if he'd done something wrong. A common feeling for him, he was very used to it. But all he had done was walk beside you.
"Hey," he caught your arm, the touch sending a jolt through you. John hated your expression, you looked fearful. "Did I do something?"
"No, not at all, it's not you," you protested, making sure he knew this wasn't about him. "I just feel really uncomfortable. I hate these kind of missions, and I hate this clothing."
John understandingly nodded, hearing you out. "If it makes you feel a little better, you look incredible."
Your eyes widened, not expecting such a compliment. John held your hand, rubbing gentle circles over the back of your skin. You thought that the only nice thing you'd get all night was the quick hand remark you'd gotten in the tower before you left. But here he was, being soft and it burned through you.
"I'm just nervous, I guess," you mumbled out, trying to laugh it off. John was wise enough to see right through it.
"Which is normal," he reasoned. "Can I help you at all?"
You shrugged unsure, and John looked at you with care. "Then trust me, okay?"
There it was, the soft John voice that you'd never heard before. John was usually loud and brash, it came with part and parcel with who he was. The overzealous confidence that normally dripped from him was gone, and here in this moment he was being as tender as he could with you.
You breathed out, nodding. You knew you both needed to look convincingly together for this to work. "Okay."
"Atta girl," John said, and you could have caved then and there. Pet names were not much your thing, but the feeling that shot through you was undeniable. It was like it altered your brain chemistry, like that's all you wanted him to ever call you. John released your hand from his, and placed one on your back, bare skin burning like it was on fire. His hands were rough, and it took all of your willpower to pull your mind from the way they felt. He smelled so good, too, now he was closer to you. His cologne was enticing, and so manly.
When did John Walker get so hot?
"Come on," he leaned in close to you. "Let's go inside, I've got you, okay?"
Why he was being so nice, you had no idea. Even in your worst moments, he'd only offered an awkward cuddle, so you wondered what had changed in him. Or rather, what had changed between you. Because the emotions you were currently going through certainly surprised you.
Entering the building without a hitch, you were both greeted by a tall, suave looking man who had introduced himself as Antoni. He pulled you both through the party and into a quieter backroom where you could talk.
The vibe didn't sit right with you, but then again this man was practically a criminal. He had intel that you all needed, and morally it wasn't out of any of your leagues to get it from the worst places. You weren't the original Avengers, after all. You're the Thunderbolts, with very questionable stages of integrity and mental stability. Which said a lot in and of itself.
"Please," his thick Italian drawl came out. "You and the lovely lady have a seat."
John pulled your seat out for you as you smiled at him and he took place next to you. His close proximity sent waves through you, and you were having a hard time focusing on the conversation as his fingers danced over your skin. As the talking carried on, you could feel John looking at you, heat rising in your cheeks. He was very good at pretending, this act was going well for him.
"And this pretty thing, dangerous I can imagine," Antoni smirked, placing a hand on your uncovered thigh. You stiffened, and John felt it. His eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything just yet, despite the anger pooling in him. Why was he feeling so defensive? You weren't his, it was just an act, but it burned in him how this stranger was so touchy with you.
You gave Antoni a gracious smile, not showing your discomfort outwardly. You'd never made light of the fact you don't do well with physical touch, particularly men you didn't know. Something John had remembered, and made sure to look out for on this mission.
"Bella ragazza," Antoni breathed out, his hand trailing higher up your leg as the other reached up to stroke your face. The back of his hand trailed down your cheek, and it took everything you had not to flinch away. You didn't speak Italian, but John did.
Beautiful girl, he gritted his teeth. She's not your beautiful girl.
John had enough, he could feel you radiating panic, and it broke in him. He reached around you, taking the man's wrist in his hand and shooting him a pissed off look. You took a sharp breath in, and Antoni smiled, looking at John's arm and your face.
"Ahh, I see," came Antoni's voice, as he stopped touching you. "Apologies, sir."
"Not me you should be apologising to, Antoni," John's voice was in low octaves, he sounded almost feral. He still hadn't let go of the Italian's wrist, keeping lock on it tight. "Think you owe my lady an apology."
'My lady', that should not be doing to you what it it did. The drawl, the way he said it so possessively; John Walker was getting right under your skin. And you weren't going to do a damn thing about it.
"Apologies," Antoni conceded, sitting back once more. "I meant no offense."
It was a strained conversation, drawn out and borderline aggressive, but by the end you had managed to get the exact information Val needed from you. As Antoni and his men left the room, it left you and Walker alone in the room. You breathed a sigh of relief and he looked over to you. In the dim light, his features looked even more striking.
"Fuck," you muttered, taking a sharp intake of air, hoping to calm your nerves. John was in front of you almost immediately, with the most concern you'd ever seen on the super soldiers face. He knelt down before you, placing his hands on your knees for support.
"Are you okay? I know you said that stuff makes you really upset. If we didn't need that intel..." John's voice trailed off but you stopped him, a soft smile on your face.
"John, hey. It's okay. Thank you even remembering I said that." You went quiet, placing one of your hands over his, the other remaining in your lap. "Thank you for defending me."
He shrugged it off with a small huff, as though he hadn't just defended your honor in front of a few Italian criminals. That could have turned bad, but he did it for you. That wasn't a light gesture as far as you were concerned.
"What did he mean by that? When he said 'I see?'" you asked, and John was puled from his thoughts seemingly.
"Oh," he replied, smiling and taking your wrist in his fingers. He was so gentle with you, like you might break. He played with your bracelet before pulling his links round. "Think he noticed these and it seems like he assumed we were a couple. Probably got real scared after I said you were my lady."
You let out your own small huff of agreement. "Yeah."
John's eyes were looking at you so soft, so warm. He'd never looked at you before, not like this. The only time he looked at you with passion was when you had your fights. But now, John was struck. He didn't what the fuck he was doing and he didn't care.
"Why don't we escape to the tower and get out of these?" John asked, holding out his hand for you as you both stood.
Nodding in agreement enthusiastically, you took his hand. "God yes, get me into my regular clothes."
John smirked, seeing a chance to test the waters a little. If he was any wiser, he would assume he'd been drinking. But here he was, sober as shit and making heart eyes at you. John held your hips and moved you back, your skin hitting the wall as he leaned above you. His voice was quiet against your ear.
"For what it's worth, my lady, you look divine."
That sent shivers down your spine, and he chuckled. "Don't think I didn't spot how tense you got when I called you that. Did you like it?"
His question required an answer, but you were too busy lost in his eyes. Before your brain could react, or come up with the right words, your lips found his own in a bruising kiss. Maybe it was the heat of the moment or the environment, but it had you both acting silly. John's hands stayed on the fabric of your dress, remembering your flinching at skin on skin. He pulled back for a moment to speak.
"Trust me, princess?" he asked you, and you nodded, hazy eyed and breathless.
John wasted no time in going back to kiss you again, this time his hand slipping down to your thighs. He ghosted where Antoni's hand once was, and the guttural sound that came from him was almost animalistic. He traced your skin, his rough hands making sure the remnants of the Italians touch were forgotten. You let out a breathy moan, and he smiled into your neck.
"There we go, pretty girl. You have no idea how good you look tonight, or what this dress has been doing to me."
You let out a gasp, not expecting any of this from Walker. He hated you not even a week ago, and here he was in your arms like you'd been lovers for years. He'd made you a mess, your whole mind filled with thoughts of him ever since this afternoon.
"John," you took a sharp intake of breath. You felt him smile against your skin, clearly enjoying himself.
"The way you say my name like that, oh honey I could listen to that forever."
My mouth was agape, this whole side of hm was completely brand new. And you'd be lying if you said it didn't make you feel good. The last place you thought you would be tonight was in a backroom of a shady party, kissing John Walker like you needed him for air.
Once you both pulled back for air, John's hands rested on your skin, grazing gently up and down your back. You leaned into his chest, desperate to hear his heartbeat. His embrace was strong and firm.
"John?" you looked up, and that right there could have killed him. Your soft voice, staring at him sweetly through your lashes. The blatant refusal to step out of his arms; it was so right for him. "What does bella regazza actually mean? I don't speak Italian."
John smile down to you, cupping your face in his hand. For a moment he said nothing, just taking you in. The super soldier held your chin between his thumb and forefinger, staring into your eyes with his blue ones. Those eyes... they would be the death of you.
"Beautiful girl," he replied, and your breath hitched. John smirked at that. "You like that too, hmm? Learnin' a lot about you, aren't we?"
You felt your cheeks heat, knowing full well he could probably hear how fast your heart began to beat. Your mouth turned upwards into a small smile as you spoke.
"So, when Antoni said that, you got - you got jealous?"
It was John's turn to look embarrassed now, feeling the heat rising in his own cheeks.
"I'm a little territorial, sure. But the way he was acting, and the way he treated you was what got me. That was just the icing on the cake. Knowing how scared it must have made you feel, I couldn't just sit there."
Your heart was already beating at a fast rate, but hearing him talk to you like this and tell you how much he cared was something else. John spoke again, his voice cutting through the air that surrounded you both, drowning out the faint hum of music from the other room.
"You're my beautiful girl."
Your lips parted, and you nodded. What did you have to lose? Together, you could be a powerful couple, you could support each other in all the right places. Or, it could be a disaster. You were itching to find out.
"John, can we go home?" you asked, and he was quick to nod. "I want out of this dress and into your bed." John raised his eyebrows and smirked. "For cuddles, you-"
John pulled you close to him, into another bruising kiss. His hands held your sides, squeezing gently. When he pulled back, he looked at you like you were the brightest star in the sky.
"I'd like that. Come on, princess. Let's get you home."
The night was spent in good company, unexpected company but not bad. You ate, talked and held each other. Sure, someone was going to talk in the morning when you emerged from the same room, and it would be your luck it's Bucky. But you didn't care. All you cared about was John.
You slept together, soundly. John's arms held you all night, his low snores actually comforting you. Occasionally, he'd readjust and pull you over to him, burying his face into your hair. His warmth and his arms made you sure of one thing; from this day on, you were a goner.
Entirely his. His beautiful girl.
For the first night in a while, you slept without waking once.
For the first night in a while, John had no nightmares at all.
Both of you slept with the knowledge that this could be a beautiful thing.
this man has me in a chokehold i want to cuddle tf outta him, song is relevant lmao
thank you for reading! enjoy! requests are OPEN <3
You loved summer nights. The way it felt as the sun was setting and the air stayed warm. The sounds of New York fading as the day went along, until there was nothing but a few cars and the bustle of people making their way back home. You loved it.
It reminded you of childhood summers, spend outside until the break of night, when the sun rose early and set late.
Now, you lay atop Thunderbolts tower looking up at the stars littering the sky. Taking a deep breath in, you spent some time allowing yourself to relax. Since the whole Bob incident, it had been full throttle for everyone, and only now had you allowed yourself some time to regroup. The others were all doing their own thing to unwind, too.
You thought about the ragtag bunch you'd ended up a part of, and you counted yourself lucky because it could have been much worse.
You'd met Yelena and Ava first, and they were pretty welcoming. Yelena was the woman you went to for a cry when things got bad, and she would always open her arms and let you cuddle her. There was nothing to it, she was definitely a friend. She just cared a lot, however hard she tried to hide it behind that mask. Yelena Belova was a softie at heart, and you loved her for it.
Ava made you laugh a lot. You'd often share jokes in the gym or during sparring sessions, and no matter the mood you went in with, you were guaranteed that leaving the room with Ava was always going to be a laugh. She was great to walk the streets with at night or on a high rooftop, just chatting away about old stories.
Alexei never failed to make you smile either, always making sure you received a big hug every morning. It kept you going, and if he couldn't find you in the morning then he made damn sure you got a goodnight hug. Strange enough, you'd come to look forward to it and your day didn't feel right without having your bones crushed at least once.
Bucky was Bucky for the most part. You already knew him from previous missions with Sam Wilson, but you were proud of him for coming such a long way, even since then. He'd really turned his life around and you couldn't deny him that. You didn't have the best relationship at the start, but you'd bonded over time and now he was like a brother. Always had the right advice, always kept you on the straight and narrow. Bucky arguably was your best friend, as much as you claimed you hated that. You couldn't imagine life without that super soldier behind you.
Then, there was John Walker. Where did you begin with him?
You hated him. When you met him during the Flagsmashers chaos after Sam enlisted your help, he rubbed you entirely the wrong way. He was arrogant, self-centered and frankly really rude. It was on sight for insults, which was where Bucky started to take a proper liking to you. You weren't bitter over Steve, you were just angry that John represented nothing about that shield.
"If you think you're worthy of that," you spat at him one day, motioning to the shield. "You can think again."
"Well, who's holding it, sweetheart?" he shot back, venom lacing the pet name which he knew would annoy you. You'd stood closer to him, Sam and Bucky hot on your heels to make sure you didn't jump for John. Your eyes had bore straight into his own, as you smirked.
"It isn't yours. You might be holding it, but there's only one man here worthy of that mantle."
That was the last time you'd seen John for more than a minute at a time until entering the tower. It was a shock to say the least. Yelena had introduced you and immediately he'd left the room. You'd laughed to yourself, eyeing Bucky as you did so.
"He'll be alright, doll. Don't think he can handle you ripping his integrity apart again."
That caught everyone's attention that night, as you told them all about your previous ventures with John and Bucky. The latter made sure you spared no detail in your drama. It was a night well spent, and a good bonding session with your new teammates.
Since then, you'd spent more time with John than originally intended, and learned more about him as a person. Involuntarily sometimes, but other times you'd started to feel bad for him.
You'd even gone as far to defend him from Bucky one time. The two super soldiers were arguing again, and it was getting heated. You weren't going to intervene, especially since Ava had said she was interested to see how this one would end.
"That's why Olivia left you and took the kid, John!" Bucky shouted, stopping John in his tracks for a moment.
It snapped something in you too, as you stood between the men and pushed Bucky backwards.
"You don't get to use that against him! Who the fuck do you think you are, Bucky?" Your voice was loud, really loud. You never shouted, and not at Bucky who was eyeing you now with a raised brow.
"Since when are you on his side?" he questioned, not backing down from his position.
"Since you don't get to use family against people. You should know enough about that. I expect better from you."
Bucky said nothing, holding his stance as you did the same. Neither of you were backing down, and Ava was starting to get concerned that this was no longer between the two men. You had your hand on your weapon, and for good reason, too. Bucky tried to get past you and jump at John, throwing punches at you and landing a few. You blocked him from reaching John and sent him flying back with a kick as you landed again.
Bucky got back to his feet, holding his jaw in his metal hand. He narrowed his eyes and turned, conceding and saying nothing as he walked away. You turned to John who was looking at you in disbelief.
"You okay?" you asked, getting your breath back.
John nodded. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. He got you pretty good, are you okay?"
"Yeah, nothin' I can't handle. I've sparred with him enough. I more meant what he said, that wasn't okay. You sure you're alright?"
He reassured you he was fine and thanked you for defending him. It was the nicest anyone had been to him in this tower for a while, possibly ever.
"You should probably go chase him, make sure you're still friends." John's voice was wavy, the most unconfident you'd ever heard him. You weren't going to press, but you think the mention of Olivia really hit him harder than he was letting on.
"Oh him? He's like a brother to me, he'll be fine come dinner."
You left the room, but not before hearing Ava on the phone before the lift door shut.
"You are not going to believe what you've just missed, Lena."
"Ava! Drama Queen!" you shouted, but she just smiled at you as the door closed.
Since that day, John had been a little more open to you which was actually refreshing. You'd realised that holding onto that hate and distrust was weighing you down, and life had been a bit smoother without it. You hadn't fully forgiven him, not by a long shot. You still remembered how he treated Sam and Bucky, how Karli Morgenthau might still be here if it wasn't for his rash decisions. You felt for him, he had been through a lot, which is why you didn't hang onto anything.
Letting go was the easiest thing you could do if he was going to be a teammate. You'd gotten to know him a little more because of that, and found out you had a few similar tastes in music and film, which was nice.
You opened your eyes and looked up above you again, sighing. You didn't know how long you'd been out here but the nightfall had come in fast, and the sky was illuminated with stars. You were about to stand when a voice broke through your solitude.
"Thought you'd be up here. I brought you a drink."
It was John. You looked around as he towered over you, a small smile on your face.
"Thank you. Come join me if you want to."
He sat down against the wall as you stayed lay down, placing your drinks by his side.
"You doing anything special up here?" his question seemed like small talk, and your eyes glanced up to him. His head was back against the wall and his eyes were closed. He looked handsome, you couldn't deny it.
"Just thinking thoughts as always," you chuckled out and he joined in.
Silence fell over the two of you, but not uncomfortably. It was always nice to spend time in the quiet with people, not everything needed conversation. You took that time to look at him whilst he had his eyes shut.
John was a pretty looking man, you couldn't argue with that. When you first met him, it was hate on sight. The arrogance and his holier than thou attitude made him unattractive. But now, as he had mellowed with you and you saw him smile more, you'd come to see his beauty. It pissed you off at first, and you knew that if Sam heard about your little crush on John it would be relentless. Every night, every day on the hour it would be bullying time. Still, you didn't care.
"Can I help you?" John's voice pulled you out of your thoughts, and your cheeks heated. A little embarrassed he caught you staring at him, you stuttered to find a response.
"I-uh, no I was just-"
"I'm only kidding," he laughed, catching your gaze and smiling down softly at you. "You been okay lately?"
This was a common question from him, one you appreciated. John would come to you at least once a week to ask how you were, and it was where you could be honest. You'd share your feelings with each other and talk through any problems. In a way, he'd become a rock you could trust. You were John's safe space, too. There was no way he would trust anyone else in this tower with the information he had even a tummy ache.
"Yeah, just been a long week. I'm finally resetting from the whole Sentry ending the world thing, which was forever ago it feels. But yeah, I'm alright. How've you been?"
"Stressed," he answered honestly, turning his gaze to the skyline across from him. "Thinking about a lot of stuff."
Your brows furrowed, hoping he was okay. You couldn't believe you were here actively caring about John Fucking Walker. "Anything you wanna talk about?"
The concern in your voice softened John's heart. He looked down at your face and saw genuine concern, something he wasn't used to these days. John motioned for you to move your head, patting his lap.
"C'mere." Jesus, when did he get so soft spoken?
You did so, resting your head against his thighs. Absentmindedly, John started playing with your hair as he thought about what he wanted to say. You didn't stop him.
"You know," he started, your eyes focused on him to give him your full attention. "When I first got here, I thought I would be the outcast, the one nobody would talk to. I know I have a lot to work on, but when you showed up I thought I was done for. You've got some insults in you, you know?"
His laugh made you let out your own laugh, thankful he no longer held that against you. Still, you let him continue.
"I wasn't expecting us to ever be here, you with your head in my lap under the stars. I was convinced we'd kill each other one day. But I like this, I prefer this."
"Still time for me to kill you, Walker," you quipped, sitting up and raising your brows. He smiled and shook his head.
"I guess I've just been thinking about how grateful I am you're here. I try so hard with the other's to be liked, and it's exhausting. But there's no try anymore with you. I feel comfortable for the first time in so long."
Your eyes were locked onto John's face as he spoke, sat in front of him now by his side. You were taking his words in and nodding in agreement. You knew he was trying with Yelena, and even Bucky. He'd try to talk about different things with them, and it wasn't as hostile as it once had been. Even Bucky had come to tolerate him, though they were far from on friendly speaking terms.
Taking his hand gently, you gave it a light squeeze.
"I'm so proud of you, John."
"You are?" The way he said that broke your heart. When was the last time you were told that? you thought. You nodded, and he looked down at his lap and let out an awkward chuckle.
"Really," you tilted his head up with your free hand. "Really, I mean that. You're working on yourself. Slowly but surely, you'll get there, and it's all about the little steps. I'm proud of you for even waking up each day and making those small changes. Don't think I haven't noticed any of it."
You noticed a stray tear fall from his eyes and this might have been the first time you ever saw John cry. You wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him into you, letting him rest his head on your shoulder. Instinctively, he buried his face into your neck and let the tears fall faster. John clung to you like you'd run away if he didn't. You held him close and let him get it all out, knowing he needed it and had no other release.
"It's okay, John. It's okay, I'm right here," you whispered into his ear as you felt his cries soften and disappear into nothing. "I've got you, always gonna catch you if you fall."
John's head came up and you wiped the few straggling tears from his face, keeping your hands cupped against his cheeks. He was a quiet crier, and you wondered how many times he'd cried in the tower where nobody could hear. Where you couldn't help. That hurt you a little, and instinctively you held him tighter.
You heard him say your name quietly, barely above a whisper as you leaned in and placed your lips against his. Your kiss was soft, your touch gentle so as not to scare him. John was the first to pull back, and you opened your eyes.
"I don't deserve this," he muttered, looking away.
"What?"
"I mess everything up, and I'll only do the same with this. I can't ruin what we have already, I like having you as a friend but if this got further, I'm just scared I'll ruin it all."
You couldn't believe what you were hearing. "I'm willing to work on it if you are."
Your statement was short and sweet, and John's blue eyes met your own and couldn't hide his smile. You really cared for him, and that meant something to him. John wound his hands into your hair, pulling you in and kissing you with a passion you didn't know he possessed.
It wasn't sweet anymore, it was feverish and quick, and John was making sure he poured every thought and feeling into it. He was letting you know everything in his head that he couldn't say. Your hands ran up his shirt and over his stomach, and John sighed at the feel of your touch. He moved his hands from your hair to your hips, hoisting you up with ease so you sat across him.
"John," you breathed his name out, breaking the kiss. He smiled at you so softly.
"Oh, that sounds good, sweetheart."
Your cheeks heated under his praise, and you pressed a quick kiss to his lips again. Something had shifted between you tonight, but it was certainly something good.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that for," John confessed, and you laughed to yourself. Running your hand through his hair and brushing it out of his face, you just looked at him in the moonlight.
"You got one of those Barnes copyrighted staring problems now?" he mused, and you swatted his shoulder lightly, knowing it wouldn't affect the super soldier at all. He just held you closer and joined in with your giggles.
"No, I'm just looking. You're so handsome, John. Like really beautiful."
He shook his head, looking sheepish. "As long as you think that, sweetheart, that's all that matters to me."
You cuddled yourself against John, still sitting on his lap, and he held you against his chest. Gentle, like the purest dove. He knew you were strong, he knew that you could hold your own in a fight. But right now here in his arms, you were his little bird. He could protect you here, nothing bad could happen to either of you in this moment. He took pride in that, it made him feel useful.
"I hope this moment lasts forever," you mumbled, and John pressed a kiss to your neck.
"We can stay here as long as you like, princess."
You shifted in his lap, and you felt the smirk against your neck.
"Don't even comment," you warned him, but he heard the joke in your tone.
"Oh, I'm gonna comment, you think I didn't notice that, princess."
This time he said it a lot lower and a lot quieter, and it made you squirm. You never were a fan of pet names, from anyone. Until you'd joined the gang in the tower, you only ever let Bucky call you doll. The occasional honey from Sam if you were on the brink of death. But Bucky was the only one you'd allow. Then Alexei started calling you Solnishko, which meant little sun and you couldn't stop him if you tried. But now, hearing Walker call you princess, unlocked a part of your brain you didn't know existed.
You craved John Walker, and you'd been denying it all this time.
You had no idea that he'd wanted you just as much. John couldn't count the amount of times he had wondered about you, about whether anything would come from your friendship. He was happy to keep it like that, but he so badly wanted you in more ways than one. He wanted to fall asleep with you in his arms, to wake up with you against his chest. He wanted to watch every sunset with you and come back to you thankful that you were both alive.
John Walker craved you, and he'd been denying it all this time.
"Hey beautiful, girl" he whispered into your ear, and you turned your head to face him. "You wanna go get some food and watch a film?"
"I could murder a pizza right now, I won't lie."
"Better than murdering Bucky, I'll take it," John smiled, reminiscing on the events of the afternoon. He pressed a kiss to your cheek as he stood with you in his arms, lifting you with his strength. You knew it was the serum, but it still gave you butterflies at how easy it was for him to do that. Your arms found home around his neck as he carried you down the stairs, forgetting the stars in the New York sky.
Tonight had been the best night in a while, and hopefully the start of something wonderful between you both.
John Walker was yours, and you were his. Bucky was going to probably flip his lid tomorrow, but right now you didn't care. That was a fight for another day, and dinner time entertainment for Yelena. Right now, you were focused on your super soldier and your pizza.
As John ordered in the food, you ran to your room to grab your favourite blanket, excited to jump into his arms and get comfy. As you did, your eyes fell on a poster you had on your pin board, making you smile to yourself. It was all too relevant tonight, and the quote stuck with you in your mind as you made your way to John's room.
"In this world of extremes, we can only love too little." - Richard Cannarella
this is set in tfatws era but i watched thunderbolts and i am fuckin feral for bucky once again
thunderbolts* spoiler free! | fem!reader
main masterlist | blog playlist
Life since the blip had been difficult for so many people. Readjustment for those who came back was no easy feat. You were around during the blip, fortunate enough to have not endured that feeling. The extent of who and what you had lost, however, was insurmountable.
Most notably for you, Bucky Barnes.
Bucky was your best friend, someone you had met years ago under the most random of circumstances. With him, it was slowly getting to know one another before it hit you both like a truck. When you had first met, Bucky was a little reluctant to open up and talk to you about anything, but after a few chance meetings and one deliberate all-nighter in the local park, he knew you were someone he could trust. That you wouldn't just leave him.
Soon, you knew all about his past and what he had been through. Bucky told you everything one day after he came to you having had a rough night. Sitting him in your apartment, you let him just talk to you, just to clear his mind. Bucky's head was often filled with dark clouds, and you seemed to be the only around him who could chase them away.
His sunshine, his soare.
It warmed Bucky's heart that you had gotten along well with Sam, too. Never would he say it out loud, but Sam meant a lot to him and Bucky was glad that you had found another safe haven in Sam. You'd met Sam's family, his sister Sarah and her kids. You'd be found some days playing on the dock with them, laughing and running around to keep them busy. Bucky's eyes softened at that sight, and it was a memory that stuck with him for a while.
It stirred something in him to see you playing with AJ and Cass without a care in the world. Kicking a football around or racing them from one end of the path to the other. The times where you would tell them tales at night as they relaxed, it all felt domestic to him. Bucky thought he had no right to think that given that you weren't even dating, but he couldn't help how it felt in his heart.
"You know, I'm really proud of you, Bucky," you said to him one night, as you both lay looking at the stars. "You've come along so much, and I know you still have a long way to go but I am so happy you've managed to make it this far."
Bucky turned his head to look at you. "Couldn't have gotten here without you, doll."
Meeting his gaze, you smiled softly and grabbed his hand, just holding it gently. You returned your gaze to the sky and let the silence surround you both again. Comfortable and safe. You'd never felt so cared for and he had never felt so protected. It was a beautiful balance of feelings, something neither of you had been particularly accustom to through your lives.
Sam used to tease you both a little, always asking when the wedding was or if you'd finally gotten your feelings out under the sheets. You'd swat him away with a laugh, but it was a thought that played on your mind often.
You knew your relationship with Bucky was far from normal, but not so much in a bad way.
Bucky treated you with so much care, so gentle with you as if you might break. You knew his past had something to do with that, and you knew he feared that The Winter Soldier was still there. He wasn't a killer anymore, he didn't do any of that willingly anyway. But, Bucky still had the doubt that one day he might be the reason you got hurt. So, he treated you like glass, like the most precious thing in the world.
His touches were fleeting, and ever so soft. When he would hold you whilst you watched a film, his fingers would idly trace your sides or your arms. When you went for walks in the park, his protective side would wrap an arm around you to keep you safe. Often when you felt a little anxious or your own bad thoughts started to worm their way back into your mind, Bucky was there to make sure everything was okay and ground you with tender touches. You relaxed under the cold feeling of his metal hand, letting you know he was there and he wasn't leaving any time soon.
You cared for that man. Fuck, you loved that man.
Times could be hard, and they were now. Sometimes, he would be gone for long periods of time and you understood why. His work was important, and you knew that Sam would keep him in check whilst they were gone.
"I've got him, okay? Don't you worry, I'll get one of those kid leashes if I have to," Sam would always joke with you before they left for big missions.
You laughed back, but your words were all serious as you gave Sam a parting hug.
"Thank you, Sam. Please bring him back to me."
Bucky heard your words as he rounded the corner. He smiled softly, seeing you in Sam's arms and knowing that even if something did happen to him that you would always have someone to protect you.
I'll always come back to you, doll, he thought.
Bucky thought about you often, and it was times like these that he realised more and more each day that he loved you. He was sure it was love. His time in Wakanda and watching T'Challa and Nakia's relationship work had made him see just how similar they were to you both. And fuck, it made him miss you so much more.
Bucky craved you. He wanted to be around you all the time, to laugh with you at stupid comedies on the tv. He wanted to experience that feeling of you running your fingers through his hair as he lay on your lap every day. The silly walks to the pier for ice cream, or the long nights eating junk food and complaining about the world. Every good thing and every bad thing.
Bucky wanted it all.
Bucky wanted it all with you.
His own doubts stopped him from ever telling you those feelings, it was easier in his eyes to just keep them to himself. He couldn't risk your life just to be able to kiss you, to feel your lips on his. It wasn't worth the danger involved, no matter how much he wanted to. To come home to you at the end of the day and to just envelope you in his arms, letting the stress fade away would be all he needed.
After a particularly rough mission, Bucky came back with Sam to his sister's house. Sarah welcomed them in, hot drinks already provided on the table. They'd been gone about a week or so, unable to contact anybody back home to let them know they were both okay. Sarah was just happy they were back and safe.
As they regrouped, Sam was the first to speak.
"AJ and Cass not here?" he asked Sarah, and she nodded.
"They're staying at a friends house for the night. Get em' out of my hair. They're at that age where they just annoy the shit out of you but you love them anyway."
Bucky chuckled and Sam acknowledged his sister with a smile. Sarah held up a cup to Bucky and he looked confused.
"I have one, thank you Sarah. Appreciate it."
She shook her head. "It ain't for you. Your girl is out there in the garden. Take it to her, she'll be happy to see you."
Bucky's eyes lit up as Sam and Sarah shared a look. Finishing his drink, he took the other cup graciously from Sarah and headed outside. Sam shook his head and let out a little laugh.
"That boy is down bad, I'm telling you."
As Bucky opened the back door, his eyes fell straight onto your face.
Jesus, she's so beautiful.
You were looking out onto the water, no hair covering your face. Sitting cross-legged and in an oversized hoodie and track shorts, you looked at peace. Bucky assumed you hadn't heard him come out yet, but wondered how not to startle you. He debated leaving you be, but something in his heart pulled him towards you.
As he approached, he could hear you humming to yourself.
"Hey, nice night, right?" Bucky kept his voice low and your head spun round to see him.
"Bucky?" It was half a question and half excitement. You were so happy to see him.
He placed the cup down and smiled at you. You turned back to the water and he frowned. That wasn't like you at all. Normally, you'd rush to him for a hug, so to see you down didn't sit right with him. Taking a seat next to you, Bucky turned his body fully towards you.
"Somethin' the matter doll?"
You instinctively curled into yourself just a little, but enough for the super soldier to notice. Your hands were inside your sleeves, a distinct sign to Bucky that you were feeling off. He knew you didn't talk much about your feelings at the best of times, but now it seemed worse.
"Just been thinking, Buck," your voice was as steady as you could make it. Bucky placed his hand on your thigh, a gentle squeeze encouraging you to talk. He heard you sniffle, and he knew then that your emotions were running high. Still he didn't interrupt as he waited for you to speak.
"I just," you started, trying to find the words. "I've been thinking so much about you."
"Me?" he asked. "Have I done something?"
"No, well yes. Kind of? Not intentionally, probably. I just get so sad when you're not here, and you're not here a lot these days. Don't get me wrong, I understand entirely why you aren't always here, and that's okay. I'm not complaining about it. But the more time you're away, the worse I start to feel. Like a part of me is missing."
Bucky took your words in for a second, a small smile lifting one side of his mouth. He understood your exact feeling because he felt it too.
"Does it feel like part of your soul is gone?"
You nodded at him in agreement. "Yeah, yeah it does. Exactly that, Buck."
Bucky scooted a little closer to you, looking out onto the water himself. Allowing himself a small breath, he tried to figure out what to say and make it intelligible enough for you to understand. Bucky couldn't understand his own feelings, but he was hoping by voicing what was in his head out loud might help.
There's no time like now, he thought.
"I feel that, too. All the time. You know I always think about you when I'm away, about how much I can't wait to be back with you. I miss your touch, I miss your voice. It's even worse when I can't call. I keep a picture of you with me on every mission, you know?"
It was your turn to look at him, your eyes falling on the super soldier looking more soft than ever in the candlelight.
"You do?" your voice was shaky, and he chuckled a little.
"I do," Bucky replied, reaching into his inside pocket and pulling out a folded photo. As he handed it to you, your hands opened it carefully to reveal the picture in question.
It was you and Bucky sat together a year or two ago at a party Sarah threw for Cass' birthday. Sam wanted you to be there and by default, Bucky too. In the photo, you were sat in Bucky's arms which were wrapped around your waist. You were looking at him and laughing, and his eyes were looking into yours, that boyish grin you had come to adore on his face. It struck a memory for you, and you smiled up at him.
"Bucky.." your voice was adoring with a hint of embarrassment. "That's so sweet. You really keep this with you?"
"I never go without it. I would turn a plane around if I ever left it on my dresser."
For a brief moment, you just let yourself look at him in disbelief. He cared that much, so much that he couldn't do his job without knowing you were with him in some way.
"Hey doll, come here."
Bucky opened his arms for you, and you instinctively crawled onto his lap. Your legs either side of him, you let him wind his arms around you as you rested against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, you felt his hand slowly start running through your hair. You relaxed, letting that happy feeling rush through you that Bucky was back with you.
"I've missed you, Buck," you said, voice low and quiet as you didn't want to disturb the moment.
Bucky smiled into your hair, lifting your chin up to look you in the eye.
"You feelin' better now I'm here?" he asked, and you nodded. Furrowing your brow shortly after, Bucky laughed and answered your pending question before you could ask it. "I can tell when you aren't okay, sweetheart. You get all sunken in, and disappear under your biggest clothing. But now I'm back, you seem to be a little better. I notice when you're not good, even when you try to hide it."
"Super soldier senses?" you asked with a laugh.
Bucky shook his head with a soft smile. "No, because I love you enough to care."
Your breath hitched as he leaned in, waiting by your lips to give you a chance to pull away if you wanted to. There was a small fear in Bucky's heart that you would run, but he was pleasantly surprised when you answered with your own lips against his. The kiss was tender, but told the both of you every feeling harbouring inside the other. It was passionate but not overwhelming.
Bucky pulled back first, lingering in front of your face still with his eyes closed. You were breathing laboured, trying to regain your composure. You couldn't believe you'd just done that. You'd finally kissed Bucky Barnes.
"Well," he spoke against your lips, giving you another small one. "This is certainly something I wasn't expecting tonight."
"You almost sound disappointed," you teased, and he held you tighter to him. Bucky's hand ran up and underneath your hoodie, the cool metal of his hand against your hot skin was a welcomed feeling.
"I'd be a fool if I was disappointed you'd kissed me. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
"Then why didn't you?"
Bucky looked at you with sad eyes, and you wondered if you had said something to upset him. Before you could enquire, he answered in such a low voice that you might have missed it.
"I'm afraid I might hurt you."
Taking his face into your hands, you ran your thumbs gently across his cheeks, his eyes still looking at you as though he might cry. Your whole faced softened, and you made sure he heard your next words.
"Buck, listen to me. I know you're afraid of the Winter Soldier, and I know you worry that parts of him are still in there. But that isn't you anymore. You have never been anything but gentle with me, and to be honest with you, I haven't felt safer with anyone else. I love being around you because I feel protected and cared for. You aren't afraid you might hurt me. You're afraid he might hurt me."
Bucky's chest rose and fell a little faster as he took in what you were saying, and he bit his bottom lip slightly. You knew he was fighting his inner feelings, and you tried to bring him back to you once more.
"I love you, Bucky. I have done for so long. I am not afraid of you, nor am I scared of the Winter Soldier. Because he doesn't live in you anymore. You're such a wonderful man, you're the only man who has my heart. I couldn't love anyone else even if I wanted to."
"Fuck," he whispered out, sitting up and pulling you closer into him. His hands ran up your back and into your hair as he buried his face into your neck. You held him, hoping all of that would sink in and destroy that doubt in his mind. "My soare..."
Bucky's words trailed off as he lost himself in you, pressing kisses gently to your skin. You let out a small gasp, more akin to a gentle moan and you felt the smile against your neck. He made his way up your jaw, one hand wound into your hair as he met your lips once more. This kiss was searing, Bucky making sure that every feeling he had for you came through as he deepened it.
You disappeared into each other for what felt like forever, before Bucky pulled back to stare at you with hazy eyes.
"Are you sure about this, about me?" he asked, but you nodded before his question was even over.
"Never been so sure about anything. I want to love you for the rest of my life."
"Me too, doll. I've got you."
You both stayed together and watched the night come in, before drifting off in each other's arms. You were the first to go, and Bucky noticed you had gotten heavier. He smiled, kissing the top of your head.
could u write a mikey berzatto drabble!! would be so interesting to see something like strangers to friends to lovers to enemies then back to lovers endgame kinda thing hehe!!
Michael Berzatto was your rock. There was nobody in the world you trusted more with anything. No matter what you needed or when it was, you could guarantee Michael would pick the phone up. He was selfless, the type of friend you needed when times were hard.
Today had been no exception.
You were excited all day at work because afterwards you were going on a date with someone you'd been talking to for a while. You'd been leaning on the counter talking to Tina about it. She was like a mother to you, so any time something good happened to you it was always Tina you turned to first.
"I think he's really sweet," you said to her. "One date can't hurt to see if I like him, right?"
"Not at all, lovely girl," she replied, tidying her station in the downtime. "But be careful, okay? He's still kind of a stranger and I don't want you getting hurt or nothing."
You smiled to her before carrying on with your own clean up. It was the end of the day, but no matter how excited you were to get home and on your date, you made a point to always stop by Michael's office and say goodbye. It was tradition, you wouldn't miss a single day if you were in.
Knocking, he shouted for you to enter and you did, closing the door behind you and dropping your bag. Michael looked up, and then back down again to carry on writing. A little unusual for him, you'd thought. But, you just assumed he was a little more busy with the suppliers and what not.
"Hey," you spoke quietly, wondering if you were disturbing him because it seemed like that was the case. "I'm gonna head out for the night. Didn't want to leave without seeing you."
Michael let out a breathy laugh and stopped his writing. Running his tongue over his bottom lip, he looked as though he was pondering his answer before actually replying to you. "Yeah, goodnight then, sweetheart. Have a good evening."
Shifting your weight between your feet, you furrowed your brow at Michael even though he wasn't looking at you still. It felt weird, like you had done something wrong. The air was thick and not at all as relaxed as normal. Usually, the end of the day was filled with laughs and sweet nothings between you, but it seemed a lot darker today.
You walked over to him, leaning against the wall to the left of his desk. Michael didn't move a muscle. His hands fiddled with his pen, eyes still darting across the scribbles on them.
"Did I um, did I do something wrong? I feel like I have done something to upset you, Mikey-"
Before you could finish your sentence, Michael jumped up and leaned against the wall, caging you in with his hands either side of your head. He was so close to you, closer than he should be and you could feel his breath against your cheek. Michael leaned in, before pulling himself back again and shaking his head to snap himself out of whatever this was.
Meeting his gaze, Michael looked at you with a look you'd never seen before. Lust? You were sure you were just friends and nothing more. He glanced down at your lips before looking back at you and smiling. Whatever was there was now gone, replaced with your own Michael. Your boy was back again.
"You be careful tonight, princess. Don't let him break your heart or I'll kill him. Let me know when you get home safe."
Michael went to sit back down, and you cleared your throat. "Thank you, Mikey. I'll um, I'll see you tomorrow. Be safe getting home."
Michael hummed in acknowledgment, and you were quick to leave his office completely confused. What on earth just happened? Michael had showed care for you in the past, but not such a dominant display of.. jealousy? Was it jealousy? You'd never seen that look in his eyes before, not even when he was having the loudest arguments of his life.
Leaving The Beef, you couldn't shake that feeling of Michael. The whole trip home had you wondering what exactly his actions meant. It felt so different to how he usually was, even when there were some dodgy customers. You reached your front door and unlocked it, deciding to try and distract yourselves from those thoughts swimming around your head.
It was 8:30pm, and you were meant to meet your date in an hour for some late night drinks. You were showered, dressed and ready to go already, so you sat on the sofa with the intention of watching something until nine o'clock. You never turned the TV on, though. Your mind was still occupied with earlier in the day.
Speaking out loud to yourself, you sighed and chuckled a little.
"Michael Berzatto, what the fuck are we?"
That got you thinking and you sat up.
The question hadn't really crossed your mind, but now it had your curious. Michael and you had always been close. When you needed Michael, he was there in a heartbeat no matter the time. It could be 2am, and if you needed him then he was in your driveway before the phone was put down. Often, you'd stay with him to make sure he was okay when his mental health got bad. Something he never really talked about with people, but with you he was so open.
There was a love there, that was certain. But was it romantic? Neither of you had made that kind of advance with each other, it was platonic love. It couldn't be more than that, there was no way Michael liked you like that. Right? No, there was no way. You tried to convince yourself it wasn't like that.
Michael was attractive, sure. There was no denying that. He was handsome, and he had such bright eyes; the type that light up when he smiled, or when he laughed and they creased at the sides. The way he was always touchy with you, wanting to hold you and touch you whenever he could. Sometimes, he laughed so hard that he would automatically place his hand on your thigh, or wrap his arms around your waist.
There were so many more things about Michael that made him so beautiful and the more you sat and thought about it, the more the realization hit you.
Shit, you thought. Shit, I think I love him.
Everything started to make sense to you now. You understood why you craved his touch, why you wanted him when you felt sad. You could call Tina, you were absolutely sure she could help. But you never did. You always turned to Michael. He was your rock for a reason, and now you knew what that reason was.
Getting into your car, you started it and looked at the time. 9:06pm.
Shrugging, you laughed out loud. You wouldn't make it to your date anyway, and now you didn't want to. Pulling out of your drive, you had one place you were headed to. The only place you were meant to be.
The light in Michael's apartment was on, but you knew that boy never slept anyway. Smiling to yourself, you headed to his door and knocked, albeit a little hesitantly. As it swung open, a tired and disheveled looking Michael looked confused.
"Hey, shouldn't you be on your date?" he asked, voice low and deep. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he'd just woken up. "I mean you look fuckin' beautiful, and I don't mean it like this but what are you doing here?"
Before he could question you any further, you took his face into your hands and pulled him close. Placing your lips on his own, you decided it was now or never. You had to know if he felt anything for you like you did him, and you didn't trust your words right now. You kissed him as though you would never see him again. Pouring every thought and feeling you had into it, you hoped Michael could feel it.
In response, Michael's hands shot up to your hair, tangling their way through your locks. His hands couldn't get enough of you, moving to rest at your waist and back up your back. Pulling you through the door, you were first to break the kiss for air.
"Mikey," you whispered breathlessly. Michael had never heard his name said like that. He wasn't going to deny that he loved it.
"Shit, doll. What was that for?" Michael's breath hitched, but he was smiling at you like a man on top of the world. "Not that I didn't enjoy it, and would like to do it again, but I'm just curious."
You took a breath in, looking him in his eyes. Those beautiful eyes. Wrapping your arms around his neck as he held your waist, you decided to just be honest.
"I think I love you. I was sat at home getting ready, and I just got caught thinking about us, and you and everything we do. I couldn't bring myself to actually go on that date in the end. I don't know if you feel the same and it's totally fine if you don't, but I just needed to let you know before my head exploded."
Michael chuckled at your last sentence, brushing a strand of hair from your face. You looked at him as he stared back, like a man who had just seen heaven. Nodding, Michael formed his own reply to you.
"You know, I think I've been in love with you for so long now that it just became second nature to act how we do. Yeah, you know like when we just cuddle or we go for those drives and eat shitty food at ungodly hours of the morning? Those days we hang back and chat or the times I just need to hold you and take you in. All of that ain't lost on me, and I think I was just scared that you didn't like me back in that way. Thought your date tonight was the nail in the coffin and I'd lost you."
Michael looked down, and you felt the slight hurt in your heart. How the fuck had you been so blind? You pulled Michael's head up to look at him again, but he couldn't look you in the eye this time. Instead, you placed your lips back onto his in a sweet kiss. Soft and gentle, letting him know that you were there and you weren't going anywhere.
"Mikey, if you want me then I'm yours. If that's what you want from this then-"
"Just shut the fuck up and kiss me again, sweetheart."
He silenced whatever monologue you were about to ramble into and picked you up as though you weighed nothing. He carried you to the table and sat you down atop it, your legs wrapping themselves around his waist automatically. Michael pulled you so close to him, burying his face into your neck, leaving a trail of kisses from your collarbone right up to your jaw. As he reached your lips, he took your bottom lip in between his teeth, causing you to gasp.
"You're so beautiful, you know?" Michael whispered against your skin, kissing your lips gently and smiling down at you. "I'm gonna tell you that every fuckin' day, right. Every fuckin' day."
"I feel like I'm dreaming," you sighed happily, running a hand through his hair.
"Me too, but I think I'm dreaming about food 'cause I'm hungry as shit. You wanna get some food and watch a movie with me, princess?"
Your stomach fluttered at the nickname and also the mention of dinner. You hadn't eaten since leaving work and you had only just noticed at the suggestion. Nodding, you jumped off the table and found a seat on the couch. Michael raised an eyebrow at you.
"You know that's my spot, right?" he asked, eyeing you over his phone as he looked through the menu of his favourite pizza place.
"I do, are you gonna fight me for it?" you questioned him innocently, but with a knowing smirk on your face.
Michael smirked back, humming out a quick 'right' and placing his phone down on the table. He sat next to you on the sofa and crawled over to you, his body hovering above yours as he pinned you down. You couldn't stop giggling as he leaned in close.
"I'll fight you for it, sure," he spoke against your ear. His arms held him up as they rested beside your head on either side. As he licked his lips and stared down at you, you had a feeling that you weren't going to eat any time soon. As though he read your mind, Michael nodded.
"You can forget about the food. We won't be needing that for a while."
oh my gosh bear requests yay!! i have one for syd if you don’t mind, i love your writing and it’s always so hard to find good stuff for her.
you know the end of the funeral dinner episode, when she has that panic attack, i really just wished someone would like give a hug and a shoulder to cry on. a oneshot of that, with a female reader if it’s at all possible, who also works as a chef at the bear would be super appreciated.
thank you so much! you are beyond appreciated and please take your time
thank you for the sydney requests, i love this woman so much
TW: panic attacks, anxiety etc. please don't read if this is triggering for you! <3
"For fucks sake," Sydney whispered out to herself, sitting in the hallway of her apartment building trying to calm down. Anxiety hadn't hit her this hard in such a long time, and she struggled to regain some semblance of balance in the current moment. Breathing in, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on anything to take her mind off it.
The cold brick wall against her back soothed her, but the panic in her body remained. Shaking her head, Sydney stood up and decided to just go back into the party instead. As she started to stand, she felt dizzy and sat straight back down on the small ledge next to her door.
"Fuck!" Sydney shouted out to nobody in particular, unaware that you were there.
"Everything okay, chef?" Your voice broke through the haze in her mind, and Sydney looked up to you. Your voice was joking, a smile on your face because you thought she had just come out here for some time away from the people. When you noticed how bad she looked, you knew immediately what was happening.
"Woah, hey what's happened?" you asked her, dropping down to one knee next to her. Sydney shook her head, attempting to stand up again.
"Nothing, no nothing I-"
You cut her off with a hand on the shoulder that was keeping her on the ground.
"No, you aren't okay, Syd. Don't try and trick yourself into believing you are. Stay with me."
Sydney slumped back against the wall again, and you leaned with her as your arms brushed against one another. You heard a heavy sigh come from her, and as you looked over there were tears falling from her eyes.
"Hey, come here," you spoke, voice soft and gentle as you looked her in the eye. Sydney's breathing was harsh, and the panic attack she was having showed no signs of leaving just yet. Taking her face in your hands, you wiped her tears away. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay, let it out."
Sydney all but collapsed into you. Opening your arms, you engulfed her into a hug, a safe space for her to let the emotions out that were clouding her mind. Sydney's hands clawed at you, any part of your clothing she could hold onto to try and ground herself. You held her close, one hand on her head and one around her waist. Sydney had ended up sat in your lap, face buried into the crook of your neck.
She tried to say something, to say your name but it just came out as laboured breaths. You shushed her gently, giving her a tight squeeze.
"It's alright, Syd. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere. Relax, okay? We can talk about it whenever you're ready, but not now. Shh, I have you."
You didn't know it in the moment, but this meant so much to Sydney.
She always was quite a shy person, and a little awkward to match. Getting along with people and making new friends wasn't her forte, but with you it felt different. When you had started working at The Bear, not only were you talented in the kitchen but you were so openly confident and friendly with everyone. You always made sure to say good morning to people and never left without a goodnight. Never not happy, you did light up the kitchen and give the crew some much needed laughs here and there.
You always spent a little more time chatting to Sydney than anyone else, however. Not unfairly, you never ignored the others. But you always felt a stronger connection with Sydney than your other coworkers. To you, she was so interesting. She had stories galore to tell you, often over a milkshake and some arcade games on your days off. Or, you would both go out and try some new food, making sure to note down the flavours and textures for future reference. Little friend dates that meant the world to her.
Because Sydney would never admit it to you, but she had fallen for you hard. Those little meetups and the times after closing you would both sit in the local park with a canned cocktail and chat. The times you would calm her, tell her that work wasn't the be all and end all of life. You made sure she always took care of herself, especially after a particularly bad shift. Every small act like that had secured a place in her heart for you.
You'd realised that Sydney had stopped shaking so bad, but her tears were still falling. You leaned down into her ear and whispered.
"Hey champ, there we are. Feeling any better?"
Sydney lifted her head, and she looked disheveled. You cupped her face and wiped away a few more tears, allowing her the time she needed to answer you. Rubbing a calming hand up and down her back, your other one fell to rest on her thigh.
"Yeah, I'm feeling a little better," her voice was quiet. "Sorry for-"
"Nope," you cut her off with a finger to the lips. She giggled and you smiled. "Nope, not doing that, okay? You don't apologise for any of this, I told you I was here for you and I meant it."
"Thank you," Sydney's voice was shy, and she looked down to her lap. "I don't even know how I ended up here."
You laughed, her favourite sound. "I didn't know what to do, so I just kind of pulled you over to me. You don't have to stay, you can move if you want to."
Sydney shrugged and smiled to you, her tears all but gone now. "I mean, I'm pretty comfy here, you know." Her tone became a bit more serious. "Unless you want me to move, actually you probably do, I can just-"
"Stay," you whispered into her ear.
You pulled Sydney in closer, keeping one arm around her waist as the other found place on her thigh, you thumb stroking gentle lines up and down to keep her calm. Sydney took your hand in both of hers as she leaned into your chest, her fingers fiddling with your rings.
"Thank you," she spoke low. "I mean it."
"I just did what any decent person would have done. I'm sure if Richie had found you out here, he would have stayed too."
Sydney looked up at you and shook her head. "No, I don't just mean for tonight. I mean for everything."
You raised your brow, encouraging her to continue. Taking a breath in, she looked down to your hand in hers.
"Since you got here, I've felt more open, I guess. Like, more able to get along with people and more in touch with my emotions. All the stuff we've been doing has meant a lot to me, so thank you for that."
You were looking down at her with a sparkle in your eye. To you, Sydney was so beautiful. Even in the dim light of the hallway, she still looked incredible. You hoped she knew that. You hoped that at points in her life, people had told her how brilliant she was.
"Never thank me for it, Syd. You deserve it, okay. I'm just being a decent person."
The way she looked at you in that moment sparked something in your heart. She looked so content, she looked happy. A shadow of the person she was twenty minutes ago when you had found her, your Sydney was finally back with you and the panics of the previous minutes seemed to have disappeared.
Sydney's eyes met yours, and her heart was beating fast again. Not in panic, but in some healthy nerves. She hadn't ever been this close to you before, not in such a capacity and her brain was doing somersaults. Before her rational thinking could kick in, Sydney leaned into you and placed her lips on your own in a sweet but quick kiss. You hadn't had time to react before she pulled back with wide eyes.
"Oh god," she said, stuttering to find her words. "I am so sorry, I wasn't even thinking. I didn't mean to-"
You silenced her apologies with a kiss of your own, holding her face with one hand as your other arms kept hold of her waist. The kiss was feverish, but also gentle, a firm reminder to her that she had nothing to be afraid of with you. There were emotions lay bare between you, as she sunk into the kiss herself and allowed a wave of relaxation to flow through her. Pulling back for a moment, you rested your forehead against her own.
Sydney breathed out your name, so quietly that you had almost not heard her.
"I've got you, if you want me," you said to her, your hand at the nape of her neck keeping her close. "If you want me, I'm all yours, Syd."
She nodded, a beaming smile on her face as she looked up to you. You leaned back in, kissing her again as she ran her fingers through your hair, taking in however much of you she could. The way your hair felt, the softness of your lips, and your scent. She wanted to remember this moment forever.
"Syd," you spoke between small kisses. "You are so fucking beautiful, like it's unreal."
Before she could say anything in return, the front door opened and you could hear Richie's voice echoing through the hallway. It seemed like he was on the phone to someone.
"Yeah, that's what I'm-" he stopped for half a second when he turned and saw you both. "Oh my fuckin' god, finally!"
He went back inside with his phone, leaving you both in a state of confusion. As your eyes met, you both burst into laughter. Your smile always made Sydney's heart happy, so she took extra time to watch you laugh before burying her face back into the crook of your neck.
"Hey beautiful girl," you asked her, a newfound affection in your voice. "You wanna head back inside soon?"
Sydney hummed from your neck, leaving small kisses on your collarbone. "We probably should, yeah."
You stood up, lifting her with ease and placed her gently down on her feet. Holding her hips, you pulled her in gently and kissed her forehead. She smiled at you as you took her hand in your own and opened the door for her.
"Then let's go, shall we sweetheart?"
If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3
You know how you always hear about those people who are like soulmates but not romantically? Like those souls that were always destined to be together in some form and nothing could tear them apart? You never believed in those kinds of things until you met Richie.
Richie Jerimovich, god he was so sweet. Maybe not to other people; to other people he could be crude and argumentative. Behind closed doors, he was a different person.
Your front door opened early in the morning as you were getting ready in your room. No fear in you, you knew exactly who it would be. Richie had been given a key to your flat a while back, and you had one for his front door as well. He let himself in these days without knocking.
"Make yourself something to eat, I'll be down in a minute," you called to him, fixing your hair up and giving yourself one last glance in the mirror.
"Gotcha!" he called back, and you heard him start clanging around in your kitchen.
Despite having been here many times before, Richie could still never remember where any of your stuff was. He would always joke with you about how you kept the wrong thing in the wrong cupboard, or about how the storage in your kitchen wasn't acceptable. You argued like an old married couple.
When you were finished, you made your way downstairs and entered the kitchen. Sitting at your table was Richie, drinking a glass of orange juice as he motioned for you to sit opposite him. You looked to the table and found he had made two omelets and some toast.
"I said feed yourself, but thank you Richie," you sat down, sending him a warm smile.
Richie nodded. "And I wasn't going to just make for one. You're welcome."
The two of you ate in silence, a comfortable silence making sure that you were both ready for your respective days. You knew you'd have a long day at work, but Richie would have an even tougher one. Working at The Beef had become more than hellish for him since the death of Michael, but knowing he could come back to you at any point afterwards made it a lot more bearable.
This wasn't the end of the domesticity for you, either.
It wasn't just the mornings together, or the free entry to each others homes. It was so much more than that. It was an emotional connection, something far deeper than just the surface. Mikey was his best friend, and he always would be. There was no denying that and you weren't offended. But you were different, there was something here beyond what he had with Mikey. It wasn't romance, it was just comfortable companionship.
[4:27pm] Richie <3
I could kill everyone here, you know. Had a really rough day.
You glanced down at your phone after clocking out, it was five o'clock and you were ready for a bath and some television in bed. Seeing Richie's text, your heart hurt. You knew they were empty threats, that he wouldn't actually act on what he said. But, you also knew that it meant he'd had a tough day at work. You hated that, you hated the fact that every day seemed like stress and it was something different going wrong.
Deciding to forgo your trip home, you grabbed your car keys and headed to the nearest store to before setting your sights on The Beef. It must have taken about half an hour for you to reach the front door of the restaurant, and you pushed it open with ease. It was pretty quiet, a few customers left eating at their tables. Laying eyes on you, Richie's whole face softened as he stopped his conversation with Chi Chi.
"Hey, what are you doing here? It's Friday, you always go home and have a pamper evening."
Your heart soared when you thought about how he knew your schedule. Friday was the day you relaxed and treated yourself but when Richie was having an awful day, none of that mattered.
"Yeah, that is true but I know you've had a terrible day, so I figured that was more important."
Richie wouldn't show it on the outside, especially not when he knew eyes were on him from several coworkers, but that meant so much to him. He felt like you cared so much for him, and that no matter what happened, you would always be there for him to fall on.
"When was the last time you ate? Have you had a break yet?"
Richie nodded. "Yeah, I had a break at lunchtime, about midday. Haven't eaten yet, though."
You raised an eyebrow. "Then eat something. Come on, I'll buy a Classic combo and we can split it."
Richie smiled and agreed. He knew all too well that you never finished a combo anyway, it was far too big of a meal for your appetite even on your hungriest day. He refused to let you pay, and when you tried Carmy had told you it was on the house. There were perks of knowing the owner well, you guessed.
Taking a seat, Carmy told Richie to take as long as he needed, evidently having calmed down from whatever fight had occurred this time. As you sat, the workers watched you both as Richie smiled and laughed. It was clearly a foreign thing. In truth, they thought you two were already dating, or married or something. Around you, Richie was gentle and soft, but when you weren't around it was like the other side of the coin.
"Yo, cousin, can I borrow you a second?" Carmy's voice interrupted your meal, and Richie twitched and clenched his fist. His eyes landed on you, and you smiled sweetly and nodded, letting him know it was fine and you would be here when he got back.
"Yea, be over in a sec," Richie responded, standing and tapping you under the chin lightly. You blushed at the action, shaking your head and smiling.
Richie walked out back with Carmy, who once outside lit his cigarette and sat on an empty box. The young chef offered Richie one but he declined with a thanks.
"So, what's up?" Richie asked Carmen, who pushed out his smoke and motioned back into the restaurant.
"You can totally tell me to fuck off, and you probably will, but what's going on with you two?"
"Why does that matter to you?"
Carmy held his hands up in defense. "No, nothing. No, it doesn't matter to me. We were just wondering because you look happy. We thought you might be dating or something."
"What makes you say that?" Richie was less angry now and more curious. He knew you were both close, but he didn't know you were so close that others could see it, too.
"You're always together, bein' cute and stuff. I know outside of work you're never not apart. There's nothing wrong with it, Richie. We're all just curious is all. You're a lot nicer to be around when she's here."
Richie let out an involuntary chuckle. "Oh, that right, cousin? Eh, you know maybe you're right. She does have a calming effect on me. Can I talk a bit?"
Carmen nodded, offering Richie a cigarette again but he still declined politely. This was one of those very rare times they were actually about to get along without an argument, so both men seized that opportunity. Richie cleared his throat, sitting on a box next to the chef.
"I don't know what we are. We aren't together, but I know we act like we might as well be married. It just feels right, you know? Like, when she's around it feels like the world is normal, there's no bad in it. We stay with each other sometimes, but it's just sleeping and talking. We go out on trips together, even with Eva, and it just feels so good. She gets me, Carmen, more than anyone has. I think I'd be lost without her."
"You talk about her like Pete talks about Nat," Carmy interjected, and that sparked a thought in Richie's mind. Did he? Was it actually love?
Carmen continued. "As long as you're both happy, that's what matters. I am happy for you, Richie. But if you ask me, it sounds a lot like you love her. And from what I can see, she loves you, too."
"What do you think I should do?" Richie asked Carmen, feeling a little uncomfortable asking for advice from him. He was younger than him by a bit, but also just as unstable as him. Still, he asked in hope that he might have a clear and unbiased answer.
"I think I'm not the right person to tell you shit about love, but if you think it might be mutual then go for it. The worst thing you can do is say something. I think she loves you, Richie. You've got something good going here."
Carmen finished up his cigarette and placed a hand on Richie's shoulder. Richie kept a hold of it, speaking low and looking up at the chef.
"Thanks, Carmen."
Carmen smiled at him, a rare showing of genuine good emotion between the two. "That's okay, Richie. Now get back out there with her and do something. Take the rest of the day off, we have enough people to close."
With that, Carmy left him and Richie smartened himself back up. Well, as smart as he could be in his Beef uniform, leather jacket and Adidas tracksuit pants. Rejoining you, he offered his hand without sitting back down.
"You wanna get the hell out of here early?" he asked, and you smiled to him.
"Absolutely, if you can. I have a surprise in the car for you."
Richie raised his brow, watching you take his hand and curtsey with a laugh. Once you'd put your rubbish in the bin, you waved goodbye to Chi Chi and stepped outside. Finding your car, you let Richie in and started to drive. It was already nearly seven o'clock, you hadn't realised that meal took almost two hours.
"So, where are we going?" Richie asked, as he fiddled with your radio trying to find something to watch.
"You'll see, somewhere relaxing is all I'm going to say to you."
Richie took a second to look at you whilst you were driving. You really were so beautiful, and you didn't even know it. He knew well that you didn't think much of yourself, but he more than mad up for it when he complimented you. Often, he couldn't do it enough. Beautiful, brilliant, pretty, wonderful. So many words he would speak so gently down your ear that you struggled to believe. But, they stayed with you and by god did he mean them all.
That chat with Carmy seemed to have opened something in his mind, a realization that there was an underlying feeling beneath all of those compliments. They weren't just friendly and maybe there really was something more between you that was just itching to come out.
You pulled the car into a field and jumped out. Richie hadn't even noticed the car stopped before you swung his door open.
"Come on, pretty boy, let's go."
Pulling a bag out the back, you walked into the mess of trees with Richie's hand in your own, and into a small clearing with a lake. Richie's eyes widened, he had never seen something so beautiful. How the fuck was this in Chicago?
"I used to come here as a kid," you said, Richie's full attention on you. "It was always my quiet place, somewhere to hide when the world got too much. Nobody ever comes here, either. Thought you could use something like this today. I brought snacks, too."
You held the bag up like a kid with a big grin and Richie pulled you into a hug, overwhelmed with emotions.
"You're insane, I don't deserve this, you know?"
"You do," you replied. "You absolutely do. Now, let's go and sit down in that clearing and watch the stars when they come out. It's my favourite thing."
That was exactly what you did. You set up your blanket and ate. Richie was impressed that you had managed to buy most of his favourite snacks, and the night was filled with laughter. Jokes, stories and just general chatter filled the air as you watched the sun fully set and the stars came out.
"Look up, sweetheart," Richie said quietly, tilting your head up for you as your mouth fell open.
The stars had decorated the sky above you, painting the clearing with a soft glow of light as the lake rippled slowly. Bugs made their way home, flickering in the pale moonlight as you moved closer to Richie.
"Lay with me?" you asked, and he nodded. On his back, he faced up to the sky as you lay next to him in the same position.
The closeness of your bodies was not lost on each other, the warmth emitting from him was comforting. You hoped that tonight would clear his head and maybe set him up for a good week coming if he could just relax. Richie closed his eyes and sighed, and you looked to him.
As he lay there, he looked handsome. He wasn't frowning, and his face was soft. The ambient lights around you framed his face with the shadows as though they were meant for this exact purpose. As though the moons only job was to light your night up. In the world right now, there was just you and Richie. You'd seen him sleeping before when he stayed at your place or vice-versa, but this time it felt different.
There was a feeling in your heart you hadn't had before until now.
"You ever think about purpose?" Richie asked you, and you faced the sky again. Lacing your hand with his own, you replied.
"I do, all the time. Do you?"
"Yeah, a fuckin' lot. Think about what it is that we are meant to do here, you know? What we are meant to accomplish in life or who we're supposed to surround ourselves with. Since Mikey died, my head's been real foggy. The only clarity I've had is you."
You turned to him again, a small smile on your face. "I'm glad I could be your clarity. That's all I've ever wanted for you. I just want you to be happy, Richie."
"I am," he said, nodding. "With you, I am always so happy. You know Carmen told me today that the whole workplace thinks we're dating."
You let out a laugh. "No shit, huh? What did you say?"
Richie hesitated for a moment, before pushing himself up to lean against the tree. You followed him, leaning your head on his shoulder. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.
"Well," he started, hoping he would find out where the sentence was going by the end of it. "I just, I told them we weren't dating. But, I did have a heart to heart with Carmy and that made me really think about stuff. Well, about us."
You sat upright, your complete attention on him now. Nodding your head in encouragement, you let him continue.
"I just- I guess I think a lot about soulmates, right. Like, do they exist or does everyone have one? And I didn't believe it at first, I used to always think it was like, hippie bullshit. But, now I think I've found my soulmate in you. Yeah, yeah that's it. I don't even mean it romantically, or maybe I do, but whatever it is I know I feel something in my heart for you."
You took in every single one of his words, and smiled when he was done. This was one of Richie's more vulnerable and open moments, so you let him get out what he needed to get out. You cupped his face with your hand, rubbing your thumb across his cheek as you responded.
"Would you like to find out if it's something romantic?"
Richie nodded, looking you in the eye as you leaned into him and kissed him. Richie had dreamed of this moment. He had spent countless mornings brushing hair from your face and wondering if he would ever wake you up with a good morning kiss. He wondered whether sweet, slow kisses were ever in his future with you. Now, here he was doing just that.
Richie's eyes closed as he wound his hands into your hair, holding your face close to his. The kiss was sweet and full of passion. Fierce, just like him. There were so many emotions behind built up walls that were now breaking through the cracks, and each one was escaping into this very kiss.
Pulling back, breathlessly you placed your forehead against his own. Richie opened his eyes to find you looking at him with a sparkle in your own. That same sparkle you had when you talked about things you loved. Maybe he was hallucinating, maybe this was all a dream; but right now he was happy in the moment where you loved him.
"I think I fuckin' love you," Richie whispered, pulling you up onto his lap. As you straddled him, your held his face in your hands, careful as though he may break. Your response could make or break this, but Richie didn't care. He had told you, and whatever happened after was on him. But at least he was true to himself.
Your eyes never left his face, and you were a picture before him. Your skin glowing in the moonlight, and your lips now a bruised red from his kiss. Lifting a hand, he moved a stray strand of hair from your face as his other remained firmly on your hip, thumb tracing circles as you breathed in.
You answered Richie after what felt like forever.
"Richie, I think I love you, too."
If you can, please consider donating to my KoFi, here! <3
hiiii, possibly a request for richie pls!! this is long word vomit but i have been thinking about s2ep10 and basically the idea is that reader and richie have always had like a thing but never acted on it bc richie doesn’t think he deserves them but anyway he comes in with his suit and reader is like :O and then there’s a lot of tension and when richie takes over and starts shouting orders to the team in the middle of it he confidently shouts to the reader that he WILL be taking them on a date after friends & family night is over and yeah
posted!x
Multifandom Imagines @jjoelmillers - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
