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synopsis: you love jungkook, but his future dream of being a star for his music after college isn’t something you’re settled with. are you willing to compromise on your future?
a/n: this is probably my fav work ever. i literally listened to left and right w charlie puth and jk and started writing and seeing where it goes. this was so fun to write and deffo helped me out of my writing slump 🥹🫰 anyways no more fics until next week cuz… exams 💔
also not proofread cuz im lazy
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breaking up with Jungkook wasn’t easy. it never had any chance of being so. it was mutually agreed on after a 6 hour long conversation about your relationship that ended in a ‘one last time’ cuddle to sleep.
you realised it after 5 years of dating. the two of you were 16 when you first started dating, following through to the end of college when you graduated at 21. you did completely different majors, that should’ve been the first sign, you thought. he wanted to make music and have his name shouted in stadiums. you wanted a quiet life, living on the countryside of a European country, baking and painting your days away.
of course you’d support each other, but you realised that jungkook was willing to give his life to the public eye. you weren’t. if there was anything you hated more than miscommunication, it was your privacy being invaded, violated. and you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle jungkook’s future lifestyle. he had a spark in him, one that you couldn’t deny would lead him to the spotlight. no one could know jeon jungkook and think he wasn’t an all star.
you loved him, but not enough to give up your dreams of a quiet life.
after you’d graduated, you and all your friends decided to go out to celebrate, enjoying the warmth and relief of freedom. mia, one of your roommates and best friends, booked a reservation for a fancy restaurant as well as roller skating after (which many of you had questioned the order of, who stuffs themselves with good food and then goes to do activities?).
there were 12 of you, thankfully lasting the three college years of stress. jungkook and yourself were dating the longest, mia and hoseok, namjoon and eunji, then the rest weren’t dating. Yoongi, jimin, taehyung, Jin, wendy, and kya. a lot of you, yeah.
the dinner was more than satisfactory, with good food and even better conversation, you’d all had a good time.
by this point, you’d already been thinking about breaking up with jungkook. the ache lingered in your chest, not enough to sour your mood but enough for it to stick to the back of your every thought.
during graduation, jungkook had cheered louder than anyone else when you went up. you’d done the same for him. it wasn’t like you wanted to break up because of his personality or something he’d done, so why should you act as if it was? when you sat back down, he squeezed you so hard you swore you saw god— if that’s your kinda thing. then, he kept a steady, comfortable hand on your thigh or shoulder most of the dinner, idly twirling your styled strands around his tattooed fingers.
at some point, you’d spaced out thinking about college and he knew exactly what to do, simply out of habit. you doubted your decision in that moment, looking into his eyes that were so full of love for you. it was almost enough to sway your mind. almost.
then came roller skating. you’d done it once with your sister when you were a kid, but never gone back to it. of course, jungkook was great at it. you teased him for being a try hard when he stepped into the rink while you changed your skates for a different size.
he’d held your hand, guiding you every step and push and glide. you loved it, naturally. once you’d gotten the basic hang of it, he’d stepped beside you and pulled you along, fingers still intertwined. he laughed when you tripped (before and after checking if you were alright, of course). you tripped him up soon after, feigning innocence. it was always naturally playful between the two of you.
when the night was almost over, most people had left the rink for the bar. the dj played a slow song. jungkook smiled as he pulled you back onto the rink, hands on your waist and he kept you close. he leaned down, kissing you with a promise of his love. you felt guilty. either way, you returned it. the song ended and so did your evening, leading you back home with both your boyfriend and three other best friends. you lived with him, taehyung, mia and wendy.
you made yourself comfortable under his arm, legs resting between his as his hands brushed through your hair. he looked at you like you were the only thing in the world.
“i love you” he whispered, the same way he always did when you stared at him.
“I love you too,” you hummed, pressing a kiss to his lip ring, then nuzzling into his neck. “night”
you couldn’t look him in the eye in that moment. knowing you’d tell him you wanted to break up tomorrow.
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and when that time came you found yourself avoiding it. jungkook woke up that morning and had cuddled you awake, pressing teasing kisses to the span of your face, giggling at how you pushed him away. then, he made you breakfast. then cue the endless list of what he did for you throughout the day.
you were sat on the couch, legs folded under each other as you stared at the tv. jungkook was comfortably sprawled out, head resting on yours as he lazily traced patterns along your skin.
jungkook pouted, hating the thought of interrupt tony stark’s creation of the (as jungkook called it) ‘glorious’ suit.
“but baby look, he’s gonna—“
“jungkook.” you looked up at him, the seriousness in your tone making him fold immediately.
he sat up straight, pushing your hair out of your face to stare down at you. your heart beat wildly in your chest, the thought of breaking up with this man before you making you doubt if you were sane.
“i’ve just… been thinking for a while”
“mhm, ‘bout what?” he hummed, thumb stroking your cheek as your gaze dropped to your restless fingers tugging at the hem of your shirt.
you sighed, frustrated at your inability to do what you knew you needed to do. then you reminded yourself; why would you waste his time and effort knowing you wouldn’t want to follow his lifestyle?
“i think we should break up.”
the moment his heart dropped, you felt yours do the same. you didn’t even need to look at his face to know what it looked like. a flash of confusion, then disbelief, finally a nervous laugh.
“yeah, funny joke baby” he forced out, already knowing in his gut you weren’t joking at all, no matter how much he tried to ignore it.
“i’m sorry, i know it’s sudden but i just— i thought about it a lot and i just don’t think we can maintain this in the future”
the words were quiet but had the same impact. like a punch to his gut. jungkook frowned, the crease between his brows and the glossiness of his wide eyes made you hate yourself. you felt like you’d just kicked a puppy or stolen candy from a baby. worse. much worse.
“what are you talking about?”
“you’re gonna be all in the public eye and in stadiums and arenas performing your music, i can’t follow you into that”
you saw how he started to cut you off with a protest, so you stopped him
“and i won’t ask you to or let you give up your dream just to make me happy. i love you, but we have different dreams that i don’t think are compatible”
you shook your head, looking up at him with matching teary eyes, teeth sunken into your bottom lip.
“i don’t want to break up with you because of anything you’ve done, you know that? you’re the most amazing and perfect man i could ever ask for”
“because you don’t want to be known as my girlfriend? when i’m an artist, performing?”
“because I can’t handle being treated like a source of gossip, jungkook. i love telling people you’re my boyfriend, but i hate people telling me about my relationship.”
he didn’t bother to wipe the tears from his face, too focused on wiping yours. even when you were breaking his heart, all he could do was look after you.
“I thought about it a lot, jungkook… i just don’t want to waste our time in a relationship that i don’t think will last”
“can we talk about this though? i wanna know 110% that it won’t work out. every scenario, baby. please?”
you couldn’t deny him that.
so you spent the next few hours talking. going through everything you could think of, working through both tears and an occasional laugh.
but all you could do in the end was accept that it was over.
it hurt, you both hated it, yet you had to learn to go through it.
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when you woke up the next morning, it wasn’t slow and peaceful like every other morning was waking up in the arms of jungkook. it was like a deep ache, stubbornly settled in your chest.
“don’t go,” you heard, the shake in his voice noticeable. “please.”
you weren’t aware he was awake, much less that he’d spent the entire night trying to keep you close, crying into your unaware warmth.
you didn’t have the heart to deny him anything. you were the one breaking his heart after all.
you spent a few moments like that, wrapped up in his love. until you made the decision to turn to face him. his eyes were puffy, nose red and lashes stuck together from crying all night. your palms rose to rest on his cheeks, thumbs swiping at the damp skin.
“I love you” you whispered, as if saying it would make the ache disappear.
“I love you too, honey. always have, always will.”
god, it was going to hurt for a long, long time.
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the ache faded gradually, but it was still there. when jungkook woke up with cold arms in his l.a. apartment. when you would go for a walk by the coast in the quietness, instead of his company. you both felt it in the way you had to learn how to exist alone all over again.
jungkook managed, easily busying himself with his music. after half a year of being broken up, he’d made an album and gained a large following.
you didn’t really have much to distract yourself from the ache. in your small house, you’d often sit and stare out of the window, thinking of him. your paintings would always find a way to have a part of him in it, even if you didn’t want them to. every flower you painted was his flower, you realised.
but it was okay. you made new friends, found a job at your local bakery. life got better after a year.
it was the second year after breaking up that caught you off guard.
you’d been at a bar with your friend caterina, waiting for her to return from the bathroom. now, you and jungkook never unfollowed each others social media’s. you just stopped looking. you’d avoided his page, knowing what you’d find— his success. you wouldn’t be mad or upset, if anything you’d be happy for him. how could you hate him for following his dreams after you dumped him?
it was his instagram post that made your heart drop to your stomach.
first of all, he looked good. new tattoo, from what you could see. sure it wasn’t his face but you could tell. then you looked at the caption. italy? like, the same italy you’d just moved to after breaking up? surely, it was deliberate. what made you so sure was the song choice. ‘when i was your man’ seemed a little too aimed, hand in hand with the caption.
you barely had time to process it before caterina was pulling your phone out of your hands and putting it in your purse, giggling away.
“girl, we’re not here for you to be on your phone, cmon!”
caterina smiled at you, nails tapping against your wrist as she pulled you out of your thoughts. you loved her for it.
“there’s these two guys who have totally been staring all night, we’re gonna go to them”
“no, come onnn!” she pouted, tilting her head at you and pulling you along, leaving you to give in.
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leon was great. he was funny, smart and very, very charming. he was a lawyer too.
that night at the bar, he’d swept you off of your feet. he was easy, in a relaxing way that wasn’t too complicated. his eyes found you and soon enough so did his charm. long forgotten were your sorrows of living alone.
things were calm with leon.
he’d asked you on a date, then a second, third, fourth, fifth and finally to be his girlfriend. you said yes.
after two years, he proposed.
fast paced, considering you’d dated jungkook for five years? yes. but you were still young and navigating yourselves during those years. now you were older and knew what you wanted. it made you feel a little guilty, sometimes. during the long moments when your head got a little too quiet, drifting back to him.
then leon would come, arm sliding around you, his kiss to your temple dissolving all the thoughts you’d slipped into.
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you were grocery shopping with your fiance when you saw jungkook. in italy? jungkook. in italy. in your town. in your local store. what?
leon was strolling beside you, looking over the different bottles of juice. jungkook was staring at the snacks.
he saw you before you noticed him. your hair was longer, your makeup more suited to your features. your outfit felt more like italy. then he noticed the ring. it was so… you?
then his eyes found leon.
he cleared his throat, fiddling nervously with the packet in his hands.
“y/n?” his voice trialed, praying you’d look at him.
you turned, smile slowly fading as your eyes met his. god, he looked younger. his hair was shorter, and he was wearing thin glasses. not to mention, he certainly was filling out his t-shirt much more than before. he’d always been built, sure, but now it was more him. in a good way, he looked good.
“jungkook, hey— odd place to see you..?”
he laughed, nerves obvious. his head tilted as he glanced at leon, who was still stuck on apple juice or mixed berries juice.
“uhm, yeah i’m just in town for like a week… didn’t know you’d be here”
“i’m good, actually uh.. music thing is really going great”
you nodded, pushing a stray hair out of your face, ring mocking jungkook. his lip ring caught in his teeth as he bit nervously, trying to slow his racing heart.
“yeah? that’s good, you look.. good”
leon turned, placing both juices into the cart with a satisfied smile before looking up at you, finally noticing jungkook.
“hey, i uh.. ‘m jungkook”
he smiled, leon’s arm snaking around your waist. you cleared your throat, looking over at jungkook.
“we dated through school”
“ah, you, i remember, yeah man thanks for keeping her happy”
what an odd thing to say. jungkook brushed it off, laughing as he nodded.
“hey, why don’t you come to our wedding?”
“you’re getting married?”
jungkook tried to keep the shake out of his voice. tried.
you didn’t look at jungkook, you didn’t want to and you didn’t think you could. you didn’t really know why you felt guilty, since you’d both agreed to break up. maybe it was the fact that you still weren’t fully over him. you never would be, in all honesty. he was your first everything, how do you forget that?
well, not your first engagement.
“we’ll send you an invite, you should totally come”
“baby, you two knew each other for ages, he should come!”
jungkook sighed internally. would he truly sit and watch the love of his life marry someone else? he guessed he would. life sure had a funny way of throwing you off track.
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the months passed like torture.
of course, you were excited for your wedding. the planning, shopping, testing. leon was perfect, so why were you suddenly so nervous?
maybe it had something to do with the fact that your ex boyfriend happened to bump into you in your local store and end up being invited to your wedding by your fiance.
jungkook spent those months in hell. he’d hit a wall and was struggling to make anything he was happy with, all the tracks blending into one and straining his brain in every way it would go.
jungkook stood at the back, restless as he stared at his watch. he couldn’t believe he was here, watching his girl marry someone else. he never truly wanted to break up, and he’d figured he’d always miss you. but this was a new hurt he didn’t know how to manage.
people were still arriving, making small talk and what not.
jungkook wasn’t the only one invited, obviously. you had to invite all your college friends too.
the one who could tell you were making the wrong decision was mia. she stood beside you, proudly fulfilling her maid of honour duties to calm your nerves. you’d been pacing for ten minutes, and you still had twenty minutes until you had to walk out down the aisle.
then you sat down, staring at your reflection. everything was perfect, just the way you’d dreamed it would be. but you couldn’t ignore the pang in your chest every time you thought about seeing jungkook. he’d never mistreated you. he’d always loved you, taking care of you, knowing you ways nobody else ever would. he made your perfect coffee every morning, cooked your favourite breakfast whenever he could, payed for the fancy dinner he’d insisted on. jungkook also knew how to be there at your lowest. when college stress was killing you, he’d sit there by your side, quietly reassuring you that you’d be okay. every day since you were 16, you’d loved jeon jungkook. was he the love of your—
“hey, wanna come back to earth?”
mia nudged you, noticing the dazed look in your eyes. she could tell something was off, with the way your shoulders stiffened and you couldn’t meet her eyes.
she sighed, sitting down beside you as her hand rested on top of yours.
“listen, i know you love leon.. you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t,” she paused, giving you time to shut down the conversation if you wanted to. then continued when you didn’t stop her. “you’re both thinking about each other, and you’re the one who gets to decide today.”
“listen. you’re my best friend, okay? but im going to tell you what you gotta hear. jungkook still is and always will be in love with you. he was a goner the day he saw you. now, he wouldn’t dare come here with any intentions to ruin your perfect day. but he’s here because you asked him to be.”
mia sighed again, chest rising with reluctance to continue her words. you’d spent a lot of time and money on today, could you really back out last minute?
“if you think, at least the smallest part of you somewhere deep down, that you still love him too? do yourself, and leon, a favour. don’t go through with this today if you can’t forget jungkook.”
she was right. you wouldn’t be a good wife if you yearned for another man. it wouldn’t be fair to leon who’d been good to you. it also isn’t fair to abandon him on his wedding day. but you knew in your heart, you loved jungkook more than life.
“you can.” she hummed, patting your shoulder. “im going to get him.”
she shrugged, pressing a kiss to your hair before walking out of the room, leaving you alone in your nerves as you stared at the mirror. if leon walked in, you’d have to tell him that you couldn’t do it. if jungkook walked in… you didn’t know what you’d do. please be leon. please be leon. please be—
“wow… you—… you look..” he whispered, staring at your reflection as his breath caught in his throat. “you look beautiful”
your head bowed, eyes dropping to your fingers as you frowned slightly, nerves mixing into a chaotic storm inside your corset clad chest.
“mia told me to come here”
he stepped closer, stopping just behind you as he stared over the dress. the girl of his dreams, looking like pure heaven. fuck, why didn’t he work up the courage to propose before it fell apart? well, a proposal wouldn’t have saved your relationship if you’d already made up your mind.
“i know you’re meant to marry leon, and I won’t stand here and beg you not to. but.. there hasn’t been a single day where i haven’t thought about you, or a single night without missing you in my arms. i love you, and i always will.”
“i don’t want to mess up your wedding day. i just needed you to know i still love you. and the only reason i came to italy months ago was because i needed at least a chance to see you again. ever since we broke up, you’ve taken up every corner of my mind and the memories have followed me left and right— all i think about is us.”
the room fell silent and so did your pounding heartbeat.
jungkook had always known what to say.
“i can’t marry him when i know i still love you too.”
his heart stopped, out of shock or relief he wasn’t sure. both, most likely.
“i miss you in everything i do, jungkook— every painting has traces of you, everything i bake is something i know you’d like, the way i do my hair from the habit of knowing you love it. i can’t go through with this—“
“be mine again.” he pleaded, dropping to his knees before you as his hands found yours.
“so let’s go, anywhere you want”
your heart raced, skipping every beat it could.
“he’s still my boyfriend, though—“
“we’ll work it out.” he sighed, leaning into you, hands squeezing yours like a lifeline.
the breath he exhaled felt like freedom. like he’d finally won back the love of his life. which— he had. his head dropped into your lap, whispering how much he missed you into the fabric of your dress.
the door opened, revealing mia as she stepped in, clearing her throat gently.
“leon’s coming… i.. kinda told him there’s an issue.”
you nodded, inhaling sharply as you shifted, jungkook moving away from you to respect that you weren’t yet free to him. your eyes sent mia silent plead to stay, needing someone else in the room.
when leon walked in, his eyes found yours with no hesitation. the room was quiet, yet filled with deafening tension. jungkook stood a few feet away, hands folded behind his back as he leaned back against a vanity. mia stood on the other side of the room, glancing at leon as he tried to depict the moment.
his voice was quiet. defeated, yet understanding. like he’d figured this out long before today. it confused you, showing on your features as you looked at him.
leon nodded, smiling at you, as if you weren’t leaving him for your ex. what?
“wh—.. you’re not.. mad? or upset?”
“no, i am upset but i wont keep you from him, you clearly love him.. i cant really be mad at you for that, so i just want to let you go”
even jungkook was confused, despite the slight joy he felt hearing it— not without feeling guilty for being happy, of course.
you tugged at your dress, the fabric catching in your grip as you shook your head, looking up at leon like he’d told you the sky had always been green and grass was always blue. you hadn’t talked about jungkook in detail. you’d told leon that he was your ex, but only because it felt wrong not to. he knew you ended it on decent terms, that’s all.
his eyes finally met yours, a small sigh escaping him.
“when you first told me about him, i could kinda tell there was still something there. you lit up, in a way. I didn’t mention it, thinking you were just happy to talk about it.. but I noticed small things, nothing obvious or bad. just… you’d kinda space out sometimes and i’d notice you looking at old pictures… i guess i don’t really know why i proposed knowing you still loved someone else.”
“i do care about you, a lot. enough to know you need him.”
god, you didn’t deserve a chance with leon. if there was a woman so understanding, you wished she’d find him and give him the love he truly deserves.
“we can sort it out later… go”
you frowned, glancing at jungkook who’d stayed silent.
“leon— if you knew, why’d you invite me today?”
his arms folded, not intimidatingly, more just to be comfortable. leon looked at him, humming for a short moment before clicking his tongue quietly.
“i imagined neither of you would consider it if you didn’t still care about each other. y/n hadn’t invited you by then, so i guess i just… wanted to know for sure?”
“i did love you, leon, i wouldn’t have said yes if i didnt.. but im sorry i wasted your time”
“it isn’t entirely your fault, so it’s alright with me”
leon nodded, walking over to pull you to stand with him, a soft, reassuring smile on his face. he kissed your forehead, pulling you into a hug, his way of telling you it was okay.
“go with him, i can tell you want to.. i’ll deal with everyone here.”
“i love you so much leon, god you’re— amazing. i truly hope you find someone who deserves you.”
“i’m just glad you’re happy,” he whispered, eyes full of a promise. “i’ll be fine”
you pulled away, smiling up at him as you sighed. if leon was giving you this, you’d forever be in debt to him.
he turned, looking at jungkook with mock-seriousness.
“listen, man, you better marry her soon, yeah?”
jungkook laughed, nodding as he looked at the man jokingly intimidating him.
“yeah, of course dude. wouldn’t wanna do anything else”
leon hummed, patting him on the shoulder before turning to leave, giving you one last glance before shutting the door behind him, leaving you and jungkook and mia in the room.
“so… are you guys gonna run off into the sunset or just sit there like lemons?”
mia giggled, waving the pair of you a goodbye as she rushed out of the room, following leon to deal with the attendees.
then, you were finally with him again. the man you’d always needed.
“hi,” he smiled, the same smile that always gave you butterflies no matter how many times you’d seen it. “can i steal you away?”
“i’d really like that, jungkook”
you giggled, yelping as he suddenly slipped an arm under your knees, picking you up bridal style with ease, spinning you once before leaning down to kiss you, sighing into the action that he’d spent every day dreaming about having the privilege of doing again.
the two of you enjoyed the feeling of each other again, settled into the warmth of the moment as he kissed you again. slower, more intimate and with more feeling. god, he loved you with every fibre of his being and every inch of his soul. you’d always owned his heart. he’d always owned yours.
he stared down at you, thoughts overflowing about how gorgeous you were. he held you tighter, walking out of the back door and rushing to his car, sitting you on the door of his sleek convertible to press a final kiss to your lips, unable to stop himself after so long apart.
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