Johannah

You are the artist of your life

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HOLY SHIT, IT WAS THE ORIGINAL ONE

MAKE A WISH

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the first post ever on tumblr

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I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK

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WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK

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World Heritage Post

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like actually though. i’m in AWE of the notecount.

[joandherpoetry]

And here we go again

I still crave that one cute “good night” text from you..

.. yeah.. silly me though! You probably forgot all about me long time ago

[joandherpoetry]

Rainy evening, so it’s the perfect time for some drawing

“I miss those forehead kisses you used to give me”

[joandherpoetry]

Just one of the summer mornings with a cup of black tea and hundreds of unread pages ahead of me

•5th August•

[joandherpoetry]

It is not love

No, it really isn’t love .. not when you cry every day and every night and whisper to your pillow “Why?” When you have to beg for his attention. When you wait for his response for hours or even days. Not when he can’t make time for you unless he is the one who wants to hang out. I know he makes you smile too, but when the pain in your chest gets so unbearable that you can’t take a breath, it is a sign to let go! I know how hard it is, I’ve been there! My eyes were sore from all the tears that fell on earth from them... my heart ached for just that one glance, one word, one smile.. I was ready to give him everything, make his life the most colourful and loving. But I was taken for granted. I realised that late, but it wasn’t late for leaving him behind. I had to do it in sake of my own life, my own heart. It hurt.. it still does! But it was the right thing to do. No more lost tears, no more sleepless nights. He is a memory that taught me to never put that beautiful eyes in front of my own happiness!

[joandherpoetry]

I’m not very good at drawing but somehow I really like this picture! Procrastination makes me a better artist apparently...

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“It hurts doesn’t it? Seeing him fill his time with other people, keeping himself busy and avoiding having to see you. It hurts seeing him being so okay with not seeing or speaking to you anymore. It hurts because while you’re so broken and lonely, grieving the relationship you had with him and wanting it back so desperately, he seems to have forgotten about you already. It feels like he’s already moved on while your life has come to a halt. But it won’t always feel like this, you’ll find new ways to fill your days and you’ll eventually find a way to let go. There’s no rush and the horrible way that you’re feeling won’t last forever. Just trust that there are better days coming and that you’ll get through this.”

— You won’t feel like this forever. (via helplesslydreamingx)

[joandherpoetry]

“him”

He was the most pleasant addiction

Like smelling the old books

His eyes were darker than every shade of black I’ve ever seen

You could drown in them

And you were happy drowning

(My very own poem)

[joandherpoetry]

I miss you..

...of course I do... I just don’t know how to let you know without texting it or saying out loud...

[joandherpoetry]

The sun and her flowers, p. 20 - rupi kaur

[joandherpoetry]

22:13

Late night thoughts... about life, death, joy, pain... love ... and you..

mostly you..

[joandherpoetry]

“We all die... but do we all live?”

— Anonymous

[joandherpoetry]

You and me ...

When I open my eyes in the morning and warm sunbeams tickle me on my bare face, my very first thought is about you. Whether you are up, whether your sleep was full of dreams, whether I am on your mind, too. And I am smiling of the idea being your “good morning” thought. But suddenly I get up realizing the truth - that you are probably still asleep and your mind is wandering some place without me in it. 

Then the day starts and all I can do is telling myself not to think about you. Not that often. Not with the dumb little smile which screams your name to everyone who knows me. And I am trying... really. So the day goes without you being such a distraction. 

At the end while I am lying in my bed there is no barriers to stop me from letting my thoughts just flow wherever they want. Unfortunately, they always go to the same places as yesterday, the day before, the week before, the month before... You are the destination. Maybe I keep missing the train to somewhere new on purpose. Maybe I am afraid of taking a new train. Maybe I am scared that the new unknown destinations will not be as sunny and beautiful as yours. I don’t know why I still buy the same ticket every night. Every morning... and every minute. 

I don’t know why I am so afraid of letting you go... I suppose that is all your fault, cause you are still giving me a hope. When your name pops up on my phone my heart joyfully springs and the dumb smile shows up on my mouth. And your name keeps popping up on the screen. So how could I just move on? Your eyes are always talking to me with all the hidden unspoken words that your lips never tell. Or is it just on my mind because I would love to see it in them? I don’t know now. But it lasts for so long I cannot even remember when it all started. 

I am aware of the fact I let you go once. But that was not my decision, I promise. You were the one who walked away. We were that strange kind of friends who look at each other like lovers but talk like best mates. And yet, you left. You left me and I doubt you missed me so much. I understand. I did not miss you, either. At least, I thought I did not. We are so used to people who leaving us that we are hurt for while and then stand up and keep going like nothing really happened. That is what I did. Kept going like there was no hole left in my chest. 

But you are here now. You walked back into my life and I could not even notice it. So what are we going to do with us? Our looks and conversations cannot stay this way forever. We either need to cross the line we are too afraid to cross and try to handle our feelings together, or we need to let the other one go, but that would mean we lose each other and I am not ready for that. 

So, what has left for us? What should we do?

[joandherpoetry]

“There is no life without a little bit of hope”

- Me

[joandherpoetry]

“We only try to forget the unforgettable”

- Anonymous

[joandherpoetry]

Don't worry, you will understand... Maybe not now but one day

anonymous

[joandherpoetry]

Evening 9.1. 2017

It is almost time to go to bed and yet I am still sitting in my bedroom wondering about my life, my future and my worries about everything. 

I wish I were more motivated to do things properly but I tend to let things just go. God, I wish I weren’t so busy by constantly thinking about anything and everything at the same time. I wish you haven’t left. I am trying to forget. I am trying to stop being in love with you. I am trying to start trying. 

Well, yeah! I wish I found the right meaning of love and life and all these things that going around. Hard to tell why I am thinking of it. I just know that someday I reach the  purpose of this. Someday. If I will be lucky enough... We can’t be still afraid of things that might happen, we can’t be still afraid of letting others to love us. We can’t live without that kind of love... 

...but what is love exactly?