Joey Stallin'

Hey, I'm Joey Stallin' the Russian Tortoise! Just trying to stay connected and share my adventures with the world. Who said you need opposable thumbs to have a blog??

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[turtlessuggest]

Observe

The tiniest friend

A baby, perhaps? No! Speckled tortoises (aka speckled padloper or speckled cape tortoises) are just that smol!

An adult! Palm sized! Wonderful!

More dandies? Yes!

They’re from South Africa, Little Namaqualand specifically, and they like the succulent plants that grow there. Have I mentioned they’re smol?

Now that’s their baby! Males grow to 6-8 cm while females grow to a whopping 10 cm!

In conclusion, they are smol and good

[mcswoop-spaghett]

Why Do you like Turtles/Tortoise So Much?

because..

They cronch

he wonk

he big

she chomp

he clim

they wonk

she help

he dance

she fly

[tort-time]

How you gonna argue with that?!

[his-shining-tears]

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[tastefullyoffensive]

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What video game is this?

[sixthrock]

TINY ROOMBA

[turtlessuggest]

nyoom nom

[nuur-iyo-naxariis]

the caption reads: “I’m trying to give him positive role models”

[joeythetortoise]

Excellent parenting!

[typhlonectes]

Turtle Conservancy:

This Arakan forest turtle from Myanmar was only rediscovered in 1994 after 90 years of being lost to science. Now our conservation center is home to a rare breeding group of these endangered animals!

[joeythetortoise]

Hello smiley friend!

[joeythetortoise]

Watching tv with Mama

[thewhimsyturtle]

Bob-omb Tortoise, Part 1

Happy Halloween, Tumblr!

Introducing … the cutest, grumpiest, and hungriest Bob-omb ever!  Did you know Bob-ombs run on radicchio fuel?  I was enjoying a delicious refueling when clumsy Mario almost ran into me with a Koopa Troopa shell!  @nintendo

To be continued…​

* We are trying something new this year:  Check back every day this week for the next part of our Halloween story!

[joeythetortoise]

Exploring the neighborhood park!

[tortoisetoby]

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Practising my front flips! 🐢♻️ #cute #baby #Tortoise #gymnastics #tumble

[tort-time]

Incredible form, Toby! And that landing!? Your vault gets 10/10! Real Olympic potential!

[joeythetortoise]

Turts are friends...AND food!

[psvlms]

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Mated turtles share their shells!

Not always but often when a pair of turtles mates, the male will leave his own shell and move in with the female. After doing so the couple will coordinate their arm and leg movements to walk and even swim.

[gay-for-toasters]

I call this “Trying to get notes with false facts.”

[facts-i-just-made-up]

I assure you, Facts-I-Just-Made-Up would never post false facts just to get notes. I also do it to confuse, misinform, and hurt people.

[joeythetortoise]

Welcome to my new home!

[joeythetortoise]

Joey's Update

Sorry for being MIA for so long! Mama and I have been moving around and we've finally settled in NYC! Joey takes Manhattan! The move was terrible (I hate the car!) but the apartment is ok, I guess. As long as Mama keeps giving me purple lettuce, I don't care where we live! Photos to come!

[guundragon]

everyone look at this boy. what a good boy. this is the only proper way to open a business.

[joeythetortoise]

Mama apparently forgot I was Russian, and thus must eat all American flags that enter my domain. But happy Fourth to all my American friends!

[joeythetortoise]

Happy Fourth of July!