I’ve been absent from Tumblr for a while, and a few people—those who don’t wish me harm—have asked why. It began with a traumatic relationship with a guy who, due to his drug addiction, was unable to engage in any form of intimacy throughout the three months we were together. Although I was genuinely happy with him, I eventually asked that we remain friends. In response, he spiralled into deeper substance use, became promiscuous, and subjected me to emotional abuse.
Later, when a mutual friend and I travelled to Berlin, I had to cover all his expenses as well. His behaviour there shocked me so deeply I wanted to die. I failed (what a surprise) but I had to get through scary near-death experiences for weeks. What followed were ten further months of psychological manipulation. He kept promising—always with a pleasant tone—that he would repay me and bring closure to what had happened between us. Yet each time I gave him another chance, he resorted to emotional blackmail and even attempted to involve my family.
After I finally ended all contact, I encountered another guy who, as it turned out, struggled with borderline personality disorder. I had to end dating after only a month, but he went on to spread lies about me, and even his apparent efforts to reconcile ultimately led to degrading situations.
Not long afterward, in October, someone I considered a friend—whom I genuinely wanted to help get back on his feet—deceived me. When I refused to provide further assistance, he began to blackmail me, ultimately causing financial harm equivalent to a month and a half’s salary. At the same time, my father was hospitalised. While in care, he contracted an infection and passed away within a week.
In January, I was seriously ill for three weeks, and shortly after, we learned that my mother’s cancer had returned—and had already metastasised. In helplessness, I committed myself fully to job hunting: I submitted around a hundred applications abroad via LinkedIn Premium, targeting six different countries. Despite having seven years of experience in genetics, diagnostics, and pharmaceutical manufacturing, I did not receive a single interview.
More recently, I thought a meaningful friendship might be forming with another guy—we seemed to connect well, and he was enthusiastic about shared activities like exercising, attending concerts, and exploring art together. However, after a month of close communication, he suddenly stopped responding without any explanation. It has now been three weeks of silence.
I’m not sharing this to elicit sympathy, but it has been a rather exhausting period. So whenever I manage to regain some sense of control over my life, I focus on things that uplift me—going to the theatre, volunteering at festivals, and surrounding myself with positive people. And these days, I’m also doing what I can to help bring an end to state oppression in Hungary. (This unusually long message was translated into English by ChatGPT.)
baratheonpilled
titsay
