(Not) The Official Cage

leave me and my cacti alone

[the-last-fucking-jedi]

[memewhore]

[antonindvorak-official]

@johncage-official is this you

[johncage-official]

ah, someone to continue my legacy. EXCELLENT

[soperasinger]

unbelievable

[tinyoperadiva-deactivated-6-2-1]

100000000% done

[johncage-official]

i'm offended

[franzschubert-official]

fun facts with Franz Schubert

[hexaviolet]

@johncage-official take notes

[johncage-official]

what if i write a series of pieces for fungi and cacti all named after crustaceans

[swanjolras-blog-archive-deactiv]

My late grandfather was a young music student sometime in the 60s, and he went to a performance by renowned avant-garde composer, John Cage. This was a kind of electronic game board on the stage, and Cage and his associate would move the pieces around and cause the machines to generate different sounds. Now, my grandfather went up to John Cage after the performance and said he couldn't see the relationship between the moves and the notes played. He asked what system Cage was using. (1/?)

Cage said “There was none. We made it up.” The machine had broken before the performance, so they had faked it. My grandfather, the aspiring composer, was MAD. How DARE he. They got in an argument that culminated with Cage shouting “BEETHOVEN IS TOILET PAPER” at my grandfather as he walked away… Fast-forward a few years and the two were quite good friends. They were drinking one night and my grandfather said that, you know, he got what Cage had been trying to say. (2/?)

Beethoven, Brahms, toilet paper, diamonds, they were all part of the same thing, the great cosmic whole from which Music is made, etc. John Cage just gave my grandfather a look and said, “The truth is, [name], I’d had five margaritas.” (3/3)

[redflawedglass]

#i have literally levelled up spiritually as a result of this story.

[alexandergretchaninov-official]

@johncage-official

[johncage-official]

am i not your life goals?

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via zombielibrarian)

[dmitri-shostakovichofficial]

@johncage-official you might be able to make use of this

[johncage-official]

where can i get ahold of this marvellous instrument?

[official-fungi]

Hello.

It’s me. Here for all of your fungi needs.

[johncage-official]

FUNGI

did you know i won a mushroom quiz in italy

yes. yes i did

@vanbeethoven-official take that i know more about mushrooms than you

[hexaviolet]

@franzschubert-official 

[franzschubert-official]

Oh my god

[vanbeethoven-official]

SHUBERT…

YOURE NOT…FAMILIAR WITH CAGE, ARE YOU?

[franzschubert-official]

No

He claimed he was going to amplify me and poke me with a feather but I did not allow that

Bae(thoven) pls

[johncage-official]

no beethoven i'm an expert on mushroom mushrooms not schubert mushrooms although you better step your game up and learn more about mushrooms

[official-claraschumann]

@ u

yes u the person reading this fight me

[arcangelocorelli-official]

why such a firebrand?

[fannyhensel-official]

Honestly I think Clara just needs a hug

[arcangelocorelli-official]

group hug, guys?

get everyone in, lets do this

[official-claraschumann]

clara does not WANT a hug

[buxtehude-official]

Clara needs a hug everyone, let’s do this

[official-claraschumann]

clara doesn’t need a hug everyone can go home everything is fine

[buxtehude-official]

Don’t make us fight you again

[official-claraschumann]

WHO YOU CALLING SALTY FIGHT ME

[buxtehude-official]

You are saltier as the Dead Sea

[official-claraschumann]

@robertschumann-official HE’S BEING MEAN TO ME MAKE HIM STOP

[buxtehude-official]

Don’t go running to your Syphilitic, Deranged, Shit Pianist of a husband. He can’t save your salty ass

[official-claraschumann]

fight me

[robertschumann-official]

@buxtehude-official hey stop it let’s settle this with a fight

[allofmythoughtsatonce]

I will -throws John Cages Cactus at your head- I win

[buxtehude-official]

I will -throws John Cages Cactus at your head- I win

[robertschumann-official]

don’t make me unleash the exclamation marks

[buxtehude-official]

At least I didn’t die from Syphilis after destroying my hand because I was desperate to try to be as good a pianist as my wife, and failed spectacularly.

[robertschumann-official]

THE HAND THING WAS BECAUSE CLARA’S DAD WENT OVERBOARD WITH THE STRENGTHENING EXERCISES OKAY YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG

AND AT LEAST PEOPLE ACTUALLY STILL KNOW WHO I AM AND STILL PLAY MY MUSIC

[buxtehude-official]

I am still performed, and I was the best improvisational viol de gamba and violone player of my day. @georg-fred-handel-official traveled 60 miles to hear me play. I influenced many baroque composers who came after me. You are still played, but only on 1 instrument, while composed for voice, harpsichord, organ, choir, violin, viola, viol de gamba and violone.

[robertschumann-official]

i composed for A LOT more than just piano too??? like, at least know something about your opponent before fighting him??? wow rude 

and i’m still performed a lot more than you in any case 

[buxtehude-official]

I know, but I’ve only really ever heard your piano music, I think I’ve heard one other piece for a different instrument. You were/are famous for your piano works, among others. I am mostly know for my organ works, but I composed for many other instruments. At least you’re not @tacobell-pachelbel-official, he was horrible, mostly to my children @cello-official, @official-double-bass

[robertschumann-official]

yes, almost every composer can be glad that they aren’t pachelbel 

[buxtehude-official]

At least we can agree on that, but could you try to keep @official-claraschumann from going off and trying to fight everyone, it’s a bit tiresome. Maybe we can get @johannesbrahms-official to give Clara some candy :)

[official-claraschumann]

@johannesbrahms-official you have candy???

[robertschumann-official]

CAN I HAVE CANDY

[johannesbrahms-official]

Yeah I keep candy in my pockets to give to people just cause. Sure you can have candy!

[robertschumann-official]

wait hold on a sec are you sure it’s not poison candy

[johncage-official]

here you can have a cactus to throw at someone instead of the poison candy brahms is offering you

[robertschumann-official]

shut up john go amplify a mushroom

[johncage-official]

@vanbeethoven-official BOB WANTS ME TO AMPLIFY SCHUBERT

[vanbeethoven-official]

OH NO YOU DON’T HAVE A CACTUS INSTEAD

[johncage-official]

BLAME @robertschumann-official HE TOLD ME TO

[official-fungi]

Hello.

It’s me. Here for all of your fungi needs.

[johncage-official]

FUNGI

did you know i won a mushroom quiz in italy

yes. yes i did

@vanbeethoven-official take that i know more about mushrooms than you

[official-claraschumann]

@ u

yes u the person reading this fight me

[arcangelocorelli-official]

why such a firebrand?

[fannyhensel-official]

Honestly I think Clara just needs a hug

[arcangelocorelli-official]

group hug, guys?

get everyone in, lets do this

[official-claraschumann]

clara does not WANT a hug

[buxtehude-official]

Clara needs a hug everyone, let’s do this

[official-claraschumann]

clara doesn’t need a hug everyone can go home everything is fine

[buxtehude-official]

Don’t make us fight you again

[official-claraschumann]

WHO YOU CALLING SALTY FIGHT ME

[buxtehude-official]

You are saltier as the Dead Sea

[official-claraschumann]

@robertschumann-official HE’S BEING MEAN TO ME MAKE HIM STOP

[buxtehude-official]

Don’t go running to your Syphilitic, Deranged, Shit Pianist of a husband. He can’t save your salty ass

[official-claraschumann]

fight me

[robertschumann-official]

@buxtehude-official hey stop it let’s settle this with a fight

[allofmythoughtsatonce]

I will -throws John Cages Cactus at your head- I win

[buxtehude-official]

I will -throws John Cages Cactus at your head- I win

[robertschumann-official]

don’t make me unleash the exclamation marks

[buxtehude-official]

At least I didn’t die from Syphilis after destroying my hand because I was desperate to try to be as good a pianist as my wife, and failed spectacularly.

[robertschumann-official]

THE HAND THING WAS BECAUSE CLARA’S DAD WENT OVERBOARD WITH THE STRENGTHENING EXERCISES OKAY YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG

AND AT LEAST PEOPLE ACTUALLY STILL KNOW WHO I AM AND STILL PLAY MY MUSIC

[buxtehude-official]

I am still performed, and I was the best improvisational viol de gamba and violone player of my day. @georg-fred-handel-official traveled 60 miles to hear me play. I influenced many baroque composers who came after me. You are still played, but only on 1 instrument, while composed for voice, harpsichord, organ, choir, violin, viola, viol de gamba and violone.

[robertschumann-official]

i composed for A LOT more than just piano too??? like, at least know something about your opponent before fighting him??? wow rude 

and i’m still performed a lot more than you in any case 

[buxtehude-official]

I know, but I’ve only really ever heard your piano music, I think I’ve heard one other piece for a different instrument. You were/are famous for your piano works, among others. I am mostly know for my organ works, but I composed for many other instruments. At least you’re not @tacobell-pachelbel-official, he was horrible, mostly to my children @cello-official, @official-double-bass

[robertschumann-official]

yes, almost every composer can be glad that they aren’t pachelbel 

[buxtehude-official]

At least we can agree on that, but could you try to keep @official-claraschumann from going off and trying to fight everyone, it’s a bit tiresome. Maybe we can get @johannesbrahms-official to give Clara some candy :)

[official-claraschumann]

@johannesbrahms-official you have candy???

[robertschumann-official]

CAN I HAVE CANDY

[johannesbrahms-official]

Yeah I keep candy in my pockets to give to people just cause. Sure you can have candy!

[robertschumann-official]

wait hold on a sec are you sure it’s not poison candy

[johncage-official]

here you can have a cactus to throw at someone instead of the poison candy brahms is offering you

[robertschumann-official]

shut up john go amplify a mushroom

[johncage-official]

@vanbeethoven-official BOB WANTS ME TO AMPLIFY SCHUBERT

[official-claraschumann]

@ u

yes u the person reading this fight me

[arcangelocorelli-official]

why such a firebrand?

[fannyhensel-official]

Honestly I think Clara just needs a hug

[arcangelocorelli-official]

group hug, guys?

get everyone in, lets do this

[official-claraschumann]

clara does not WANT a hug

[buxtehude-official]

Clara needs a hug everyone, let’s do this

[official-claraschumann]

clara doesn’t need a hug everyone can go home everything is fine

[buxtehude-official]

Don’t make us fight you again

[official-claraschumann]

WHO YOU CALLING SALTY FIGHT ME

[buxtehude-official]

You are saltier as the Dead Sea

[official-claraschumann]

@robertschumann-official HE’S BEING MEAN TO ME MAKE HIM STOP

[buxtehude-official]

Don’t go running to your Syphilitic, Deranged, Shit Pianist of a husband. He can’t save your salty ass

[official-claraschumann]

fight me

[robertschumann-official]

@buxtehude-official hey stop it let’s settle this with a fight

[allofmythoughtsatonce]

I will -throws John Cages Cactus at your head- I win

[buxtehude-official]

I will -throws John Cages Cactus at your head- I win

[robertschumann-official]

don’t make me unleash the exclamation marks

[buxtehude-official]

At least I didn’t die from Syphilis after destroying my hand because I was desperate to try to be as good a pianist as my wife, and failed spectacularly.

[robertschumann-official]

THE HAND THING WAS BECAUSE CLARA’S DAD WENT OVERBOARD WITH THE STRENGTHENING EXERCISES OKAY YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG

AND AT LEAST PEOPLE ACTUALLY STILL KNOW WHO I AM AND STILL PLAY MY MUSIC

[buxtehude-official]

I am still performed, and I was the best improvisational viol de gamba and violone player of my day. @georg-fred-handel-official traveled 60 miles to hear me play. I influenced many baroque composers who came after me. You are still played, but only on 1 instrument, while composed for voice, harpsichord, organ, choir, violin, viola, viol de gamba and violone.

[robertschumann-official]

i composed for A LOT more than just piano too??? like, at least know something about your opponent before fighting him??? wow rude 

and i’m still performed a lot more than you in any case 

[buxtehude-official]

I know, but I’ve only really ever heard your piano music, I think I’ve heard one other piece for a different instrument. You were/are famous for your piano works, among others. I am mostly know for my organ works, but I composed for many other instruments. At least you’re not @tacobell-pachelbel-official, he was horrible, mostly to my children @cello-official, @official-double-bass

[robertschumann-official]

yes, almost every composer can be glad that they aren’t pachelbel 

[buxtehude-official]

At least we can agree on that, but could you try to keep @official-claraschumann from going off and trying to fight everyone, it’s a bit tiresome. Maybe we can get @johannesbrahms-official to give Clara some candy :)

[official-claraschumann]

@johannesbrahms-official you have candy???

[robertschumann-official]

CAN I HAVE CANDY

[johannesbrahms-official]

Yeah I keep candy in my pockets to give to people just cause. Sure you can have candy!

[robertschumann-official]

wait hold on a sec are you sure it’s not poison candy

[johncage-official]

here you can have a cactus to throw at someone instead of the poison candy brahms is offering you

[champagnemanagement]

favorite slang terms for penis

kicky-wicky (1602)

long plum (1613)

bald-pate friar (1656)

silent flute (1720)

gaying instrument (1811)

liver-disturber (1888) (yikes)

master of ceremonies (1890)

father confessor (1890)

quimstick (1896)

patootie (1927) (cutie patootie)

ambassador (1927)

kidney-buster (1935) (double yikes)

dingle-doodle (1935)

dingwallace (1951)

snorker (1963)

corned beef torpedo (1975)

all selected from the timeline of slang terms for the penis

[fattyatomicmutant-deactivated20]

What the hell happened in 1888 and 1935?

[shamblingshitpickle-deactivated]

I’m noticing a distinct lack of the word “chungus”.

[johncage-official]

i should use some of these names as titles for my pieces

[wolfgangamadeusmozart-official]

I already have an opera about a flute @johncage-official lol i beat you to it 

[johncage-official]

my new piece for malfunctioning metronome, 2 centipedes, soprano, viola tennis racket re-set-up as a viola, and amplified sawdust disturbed by needles: liver-disturber

[champagnemanagement]

favorite slang terms for penis

kicky-wicky (1602)

long plum (1613)

bald-pate friar (1656)

silent flute (1720)

gaying instrument (1811)

liver-disturber (1888) (yikes)

master of ceremonies (1890)

father confessor (1890)

quimstick (1896)

patootie (1927) (cutie patootie)

ambassador (1927)

kidney-buster (1935) (double yikes)

dingle-doodle (1935)

dingwallace (1951)

snorker (1963)

corned beef torpedo (1975)

all selected from the timeline of slang terms for the penis

[fattyatomicmutant-deactivated20]

What the hell happened in 1888 and 1935?

[shamblingshitpickle-deactivated]

I’m noticing a distinct lack of the word “chungus”.

[johncage-official]

i should use some of these names as titles for my pieces

[johnphilipsousa-official]

If Trump becomes President

Let’s make something else the National March.

[official-oboes]

I volunteer the Entry of the Gladiators march by fucik.

[johnphilipsousa-official]

It needs to be 4'33 or something.

[wolfgangamadeusmozart-official]

let @johncage-official make something scary and avant-garde 

[johncage-official]

how about 3 people clutching donald trump by the ankles and repeatedly slamming him into a brick wall to the rhythm of bolero?

[scriabin-official]

@official-claraschumann NOT TO APE @rimsky-korsakov-official, BUT YOU ARE FAKE-Y FAKER

[official-claraschumann]

</3

[scriabin-official]

4

[robertschumann-official]

i am very confuse but i’m not complaining

[scriabin-official]

5

[robertschumann-official]

why are you counting

[scriabin-official]

6

[robertschumann-official]

7?

[scriabin-official]

8

[robertschumann-official]

9

[scriabin-official]

10

[robertschumann-official]

11

[saint-saens-official]

12

[scriabin-official]

2073600 LOL IM SUCH A REBEL

[official-reeds]

2073601

[scriabin-official]

45

[schoenberg-official]

3 5 8 2 12 9 1 6 11 4 10 7

[scriabin-official]

999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

[robertschumann-official]

440 tune it lol

[official-piano]

440 tune me 

[robertschumann-official]

no you’re not an oboe

[official-piano]

why won’t you tune me

@charlesalkan-official screwed me up 

[charlesalkan-official-blog]

yes baby it was me

[wolfgangamadeusmozart-official]

YOU SCREWED THE PIANO @charlesalkan-official?!?!??!?!

 kinkshamworthy. 

[charlesalkan-official-blog]

oh my god amadeus i don’t think you’re one innocent boy & chopin has already done the job

[wolfgangamadeusmozart-official]

I’ve never been innocent

[johncage-official]

i'm the one that inserts things into the piano ;)

[pianistical]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PLEASE HELP/SEND MESSAGES TO @thenortherng HE IS CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH SOME STUFF FOLLOWER ARMY TIME FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING

[doubleflopflat]

well…. now @johncage-official is here now i cant talk shit abt him now

[dotted-half-note]

I think the goal is to talk shit just so you can start fights that end in insults and screaming (or rants like Schubert’s yesterday)

[arcangelocorelli-official]

@johncage-official should be SILENT like his “musical masterpiece”

[johncage-official]

oh, but you are clearly misunderstanding - 4'33" is only one of my masterpieces.