Iām John (he/him), a queer Canadian author self-publishing satirical science fiction.
I don't know that I have an intended audience, so much as an intended purpose: to write timeless stories that are allegorical of the very flawed era in which we live, yet try to envision better futures that relegate the present to where it belongs - the past. You can check out all my novels and audiobooks through my Linktree.
Tag list:
-Johnās thoughts
-Stories by John (which includes Enter Final Gamer, The Cart Massacres, and The Second Lives of Honest Men, as well as my personal stories of growth)
-Johnās selfies
Itās okay. Your desire to write will return. Your desire to do other things you love will come back, too. Youāre not weak. Youāre just having a hard time right now. Try not to add self-judgment on top of everything else. Depression is hard enough without blaming yourself for it.
We (in the US specifically) live in a productivity-obsessed, emotion-phobic culture which blames individuals forĀ āfailingā when they are anything but hyper-productive and relentlessly optimistic. This cultural narrative so pervasive that itās difficult to see the high standards we set for ourselves for what they really are: Complete and total bullshit.
Despite the rampant cultural garbage that teaches us to interpret emotional ups and downs as an aberration, MANY writers and artists (and people in general!) struggle with depression and other mood ādisorders.ā It is not uncommon for us, among other things, to go through periods of hyperactivity followed by depressive episodes in which we get very little accomplished. I am not saying you shouldnāt try to alleviate your depression or work to find ways to minimize your suffering in the short or long term. Iām just saying thereās nothing wrong with you, and you arenāt alone.
Iām going to say that again:
If youāre having a hard time writing or enjoying writing right now because youāre depressed, you arenāt alone.
I wish I had some kind of magical answer. I donāt. But I do know that accepting your depression and loving yourself anyway beats the hell out of berating yourself for feeling like this. So, with that in mind, this might be all I have to offer:
I think youāre doing a great job. Iām sorry you feel like shit. Iām on your side whether youāre writing or not; whether you feel good or not; whether youāre beingĀ āproductiveā or not; whether you wanted to get out of bed this morning or not. Youāre still a writer in my mind, even if youāre not writing right now. You donāt have to prove yourself to me or anyone else. And I hope you feel better soon.
A conversation with ChatGPT regarding our known Universe vs. the Universe of Enter Final Gamer (And why ChatGPT and other similar products will be persistently unavoidable, and rightly so.)
Let loose your best Wilhelm scream and get it out of your system, folks. Because this is the future. Lots of uproar over the last few months over A.I., but didn't we all grow up wanting to talk to the computer and get relevant responses with the ease of Jean-Luc Picard? Remember - I am only a layman going about things socratically (so please be nice!), yet this is just one of the many interesting conversations I've been having with OpenAI's ChatGPT on a multitude of topics:
JRC: Using available scientific principles and knowledge, please postulate a response based on the following set of rules: An excerpt from a novel shall follow. The character's name is The Gamer. The Gamer is on the planet Sevrozia. I am not asking for a response to the writing style, only to the plausibility of the existence of a Universe as described in the excerpt:
Being near the edge of the Universe made Sevrozia somewhat unique. When the planetās orbit was at its most out-verse apex, nights were nearly devoid of light, with sparingly few stars strewn across an otherwise endless black canvas. Beyond their galaxy lay the known edge of existence: an impenetrable, mirrored barrier. The Universe, a triskaidecahedron-like spheroid with no flat sides, looked more or less the same throughout the eons, its shape constantly changing as it pulsed outwards in some regions while simultaneously being pushed back inwards in others. At any given time, the Universe was in observable states of collapse and expansion, entirely dependent on where one was situated within it. Longstanding theory held the barrier to be a malleable membrane which constantly kissed membranes of thirteen other Universes as part of a fabric. The length of the carpet and depth of the plush were anyoneās guess, not that anyone was guessing. Indeed, itād been quite some time since anyone had bothered to give the matter any thought. The region of membrane the Gamer stared towards hardly moved at all, nearing the end of an eons-long expansion phase. While the compression cycles of kissing regions varied slightly through time, collapse was imminent and relatively predictable.
OpenAI: The excerpt describes a universe with a unique shape and physical properties, including a pulsing dynamic between collapse and expansion, and a seemingly impenetrable barrier at the edge of existence that is theorized to touch membranes of 13 other universes. These descriptions of the universe are not consistent with current scientific understanding and knowledge of the universe. Our current understanding is that the universe does not have a definitive edge and is expanding in all directions, and there is no evidence for the existence of multiple universes or membranes. Therefore, the universe described in this excerpt is not plausible based on current scientific knowledge.
JRC: If the space around us were being compressed or were in a state of expansion different compared to other parts of the Universe that we have observed, could it not explain some of the difficulties modern science has with explaining some abnormalities in our understanding?
OpenAI: The idea of local regions of the universe undergoing compression or expansion relative to other parts of the universe is not supported by current scientific understanding and evidence. The observed expansion of the universe as a whole is consistent with our understanding of the Big Bang and is well-established by a wide range of observations and measurements, including the cosmic microwave background radiation and the observed large-scale structure of the universe.
As for the difficulties modern science has with explaining certain observations or phenomena, it is not uncommon for there to be gaps in our understanding of the universe and for new data or observations to challenge existing models or theories. However, this is a natural part of the scientific process, and new theories and models are developed as our understanding evolves and improves.
It's important to keep in mind that scientific knowledge is always subject to revision and update based on new data and evidence, but it is not based on speculation or conjecture. Scientific theories and models must be supported by empirical evidence and must make predictions that can be tested and verified through observation and experimentation.
JRC: If the proposed Universe in the novel were large enough to hold within it the entire known (and unknown) Universe (as accepted, based on the Big Bang theory), and were large enough to accommodate the full range of our Universe's expansion prior to entropy and retraction (then the big crunch, and next big bang, and next big crunch, and so on), could the proposed universe be a theoretical possibility?
OpenAI: The concept of a universe within a universe, or a multiverse, is a theoretical idea that has been proposed by some physicists and cosmologists as a possible explanation for certain observations and phenomena. However, it is still purely speculative and has not been supported by any empirical evidence or observations.
The idea of a multiverse is based on the theory of cosmic inflation, which proposes that the universe underwent a period of extremely rapid expansion in the first fractions of a second after the Big Bang. According to this theory, the universe may contain many distinct "bubbles" or regions, each with its own unique physical laws and constants, that are isolated from each other and cannot interact.
While the idea of a multiverse is intriguing and has been the subject of much theoretical and mathematical exploration, it remains a highly speculative concept that is not supported by any direct evidence or observations. It is important to keep in mind that scientific knowledge is always subject to revision and update based on new data and evidence, and theories such as the multiverse will only gain credibility if they are supported by empirical evidence and can be tested and verified through observation and experimentation.
JRC: Does that multiverse theory propose anything in the way of a cellular physical membrane separating such numerous universes?
OpenAI: The concept of a cellular membrane separating multiple universes is not a part of the current scientific understanding of the multiverse theory. The idea of a multiverse suggests that there may be multiple, distinct regions of the universe that are isolated from each other and cannot interact, but it does not propose the existence of a physical membrane separating these regions.
The current scientific understanding of the multiverse is purely theoretical and is not based on any empirical evidence or observations. It remains an open question and an active area of research in physics and cosmology, and much more work is needed to establish the validity of this idea and determine if it is consistent with current observations and data.
It's important to keep in mind that the idea of a multiverse, as well as any specific proposals regarding the structure or properties of such a universe, is still highly speculative and should be approached with caution. The scientific method relies on empirical evidence and observations, and any theory or concept must be supported by data and evidence in order to be considered credible.
JRC: On the basis of 'realism within the novel', I believe, at the very least, my proposed Universe as set in the excerpt and as we have elaborated on is not unprovable in nature. Would you agree?
OpenAI: As an AI language model, I do not have personal opinions or beliefs. However, I can tell you that the idea of a universe within a universe, as described in the excerpt and as we have discussed, is highly speculative and not supported by any empirical evidence or observations.
In the context of a novel, the idea of a universe within a universe can be considered a creative and imaginative concept that adds to the realism of the story. However, from a scientific perspective, it remains a purely speculative idea that is not supported by any empirical data or evidence.
It's important to keep in mind that science is based on the observation and testing of empirical evidence, and any theory or concept must be supported by data and evidence in order to be considered credible. In the absence of such evidence, a theory or concept should be approached with caution and considered speculative.
JRC: Unfortunately, the only way to prove this would be for humanity to achieve faster-than-light travel in order to reach and/or observe the outer bounds of our universe. That is not likely to happen in my lifetime.
OpenAI: Yes, faster-than-light travel and the ability to observe the outer bounds of our universe would be required in order to definitively prove or disprove the idea of a universe within a universe. However, it is currently not possible with our current level of technology and understanding of physics.
While faster-than-light travel has been a staple of science fiction for many years, it remains a purely speculative idea that is not supported by our current understanding of physics. The laws of physics, as we currently understand them, prohibit anything from moving faster than the speed of light. This means that the idea of reaching the outer bounds of our universe, let alone observing them, is a very challenging and uncertain goal.
That being said, scientific research and exploration are ongoing, and our understanding of the universe and its structure is constantly evolving. Who knows what we may learn and discover in the future, and what impact that may have on our understanding of the universe and its boundaries.
Will you be adopting OpenAI's ChatGPT or one of their competitor's products into your daily life?
Leave me alone, I'm reading the newspaper. Hey look, Garfield
Our Universe, probably. (An excerpt from Enter Final Gamer)
Note: This is set in a distant future where anyone can present in any way, in any form, wearing anything they like, instantly. Thus, the use of 'themself', which admittedly can be offputting to the reader, as opposed to the more common use of 'themselves' was purposeful, and I've tried to keep this consistent throughout the story.
Chapter 5
Sitting on that beach, trying to reason things out, the Gamer shut themself from the Universe. Tides came and went. Seasons passed while they witnessed one spectacular starset after another. Being near the edge of the Universe made Sevrozia somewhat unique. When the planetās orbit was at its most out-verse apex, nights were nearly devoid of light, with sparingly few stars strewn across an otherwise endless black canvas. Beyond their galaxy lay the known edge of existence: an impenetrable, mirrored barrier.
The Universe, a triskaidecahedron-like spheroid with no flat sides, looked more or less the same throughout the eons, its shape constantly changing as it pulsed outwards in some regions while simultaneously being pushed back inwards in others. At any given time, the Universe was in observable states of collapse and expansion, entirely dependent on where one was situated within it. Longstanding theory held the barrier to be a malleable membrane which constantly kissed membranes of thirteen other Universes as part of a fabric. The length of the carpet and depth of the plush were anyoneās guess, not that anyone was guessing. Indeed, itād been quite some time since anyone had bothered to give the matter any thought. The region of membrane the Gamer stared towards hardly moved at all, nearing the end of an eons-long expansion phase. While the compression cycles of kissing regions varied slightly through time, collapse was imminent and relatively predictable. Just as in first-life, the Gamer found themself in a place that didnāt seem to be going anywhere.
People had spent massive sums of energy throughout history trying to penetrate the barrier; but nothing seemed able to get the job done. The membrane acted like a wall of lead bricks to Supermanās x-ray vision, emitting no energy readings, reflecting any energy directed at it, completely repelling all attempts to affect it beyond its own cosmically slow accord.
Sometimes I feel very hesitant to give myself any praise, and even more hesitant to share my accomplishments. I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to this.
6 years ago, I received my orange belt in Goju-Ryu. Shortly after that, I suffered a partially dislocated shoulder sparring in a tournament, though I didn't realize that's what the injury was until more recently. Despite being in agony, I continued to fight (because I'm stupid), winning that match and going on to take home silver in my division, but probably messing up my shoulder and arm worse than I needed to. That and a subsequent lower back injury related to a slip & fall on black ice sidelined me, and I gave up karate. My shoulder was never quite the same, and I constantly dealt with pain and reduced function in my left arm.
In July of 2021, with my back healed, and my shoulder feeling somewhat better, I returned to the dojo to continue training.
This coincided with the lifting of covid lockdown, and although we could work out and train, there was no contact, no sparring. Everyone was in rough shape after lockdown lethargy. Once sparring was allowed again, I enthusiastically donned my gear, and in my very first practice match, in exactly the same way as I'd injured myself the first time (my jab being stiffly deflected with an upper block), my shoulder was instantly popped out of the socket - full dislocation. I didn't know such pain was even possible.
Sensei put a makeshift sling on it before my spouse rushed me to the hospital. I'm extremely fortunate that the ER wasn't busy. I was seen within 30 minutes, put under within 90 minutes, and the doctor slid it back in with minimal damage to the capsule. I'm incredibly thankful for their skillful and efficient work, and for Canadian healthcare. I walked out less than 2 hours after being admitted, though I had a long road to recovery ahead of me.
This time, despite the injury being technically worse, I refused to let it stop me from going to the dojo, though my ability to train was obviously hampered and somewhat limited.
It took physio and a lot of hard work, and while I still have to be careful with it, my shoulder and arm are much better now. Ironically, because of the clean dislocation and skillful procedure to place it back in, I actually don't feel the constant sharp pain running down my arm that I did for years after the partial dislocation, which I never sought treatment for. (Again, because I'm stupid.)
Today I was graded for (and earned) my green belt. Yes, my head absolutely looks like a ripe tomato after that workout.
I know I'm not the most stalwart student at the dojo. Goju-Ryu is a constant battle with one's self. I struggle to retain Japanese terms and commands. I struggle to remember my kata. Sometimes, I struggle to simply motivate myself to show up.
But in the end, I guess that's what it's all about. As one of our dojo's Senseis put it, regardless of rank, we train each time like we're brand-spanking new white belts, because we never stop learning and finding ways to improve our practice. We push through the mental frustration, and the physical exhaustion, and never fail to come away a little wiser.
Why do I write science fiction? To attempt to express that we should forgive ourselves for being part of a broken society since we have no choice in the matter. But each day we reduce our personal consumption, we do a world of good. So much of that consumption (of fuel, food, and other resources we take for granted) is heavily subsidized in a multitude of ways, and most people have little grasp of the bigger picture. I have nothing against someone making good money, I'd just rather see them spend it on an old Rembrandt (or on putting an artist to work so they can feed themself) than on jetting around the world, or on a collection of vehicles that went through the entire process of manufacture just to sit idle in a collector's big garage (yeah, I'm talking to you, Jay Leno), or on gutting a perfectly good home just to remodel it for the sake of trendiness.
Rampant misuse of resources has had and continues to have a direct relationship with severe climate change. Individual happiness need not ravage the world. I don't expect everyone to turn into a monk, and I realize many people struggle with practically nothing as it is. But if those 'with means' (take that as you will) all scaled back consumption a little, the world and all the people on it would be better off.
I'm simultaneously conflicted by the fact that without the harsh realities of exploitation, war, and greed, it's highly unlikely that we'd ever escape this solar system, which has to be the goal of humanity. One might argue that military funding has driven technological advancement, and that competition and the pursuit of profit have spurred innovation in many industries. Sol will inevitably fail someday. Pack your bags.
I'm a man, but enjoy glamming up and wearing makeup and clothing that's considered non-traditional for men to wear. My standpoint is that neither clothing nor makeup has a gender and it's silly to think that it does. Garments are garments, lipstick is lipstick, and I dislike that men seem to have been relegated to the very limited options of blue jeans, earth tones, and business suits. On the same note, I dislike the terms 'crossdresser' and 'drag queen', because they both imply that clothing, lipstick, etc. are gendered things.
One ironic thing that I love about the hitch-hikers guide to the galaxy is that Douglas Adams apparently was determined to write and create a sci-fi story that showed the future positively, to avoid it being like the depressive prediction of the future that blade runner portrayed. That being said, the first hitchhiker book starts with the main character's house being bulldozed to build a bypass by the council, then immediately after this happens, the entire earth is also destroyed for a space bypass by an intergalactic council
