Johnās Thoughts #6 - Body Positivity
Why are some of us so quick in complimenting other people in their body but yet we fail to see that kind of side in our self and be positive with what we have? Why is it so easy for some of us to be nice, kind and positive towards others but not to ourselves?
I think I'm a fairly body positive person and I know there are a couple of guys out there who would say "yeah of course you are because you look like a generic white gay guy." But let's not pay attention to those comments. The truth is that you can have body issues no matter what color your skin has, what body type you have, if you're cis or trans, or if you're straight, gay, bi etc.
Everyone has those thoughts at some point and it's important to know that it's OK. It's kind of the same as with motivation. You won't always be highly motivated and there are times where things feel kind of rough. Same goes for body positivity.
Body positivity can be a huge battle/war with yourself at times. But what makes it even worse is when others make negative comments. I don't have to tell anyone that this type of behavior is childish and deconstructive. But here is a thing that I also want to mention: it doesn't matter if you're skinny or big, people will always make bad comments. And I just want to remind you that this isn't a game of "who got it worse". Being discriminated in general or because of your physical appearance is always bad. Period.
Yes, we live in a world where the mainstream believes that being skinny is more attractive and everyone who's slightly overweight ājust let themselves goā, is āa bad person for being lazyā and what not. I know that and I hate the fact that this happens. I think I got my thoughts on that across in my John's Thoughts #5 already. Here is just a little story from my time when I was a kid and basically all my teenage years: I was always told that I am too small, too skinny, I should eat more so I can grow bigger and get stronger. But all this pressure from the outside just made eating food very unattractive to me. Not that I dislike it or that I intentionally ate less but I just couldn't eat more than what I had back then. And when everyone is commenting on that and basically telling you that you're not a real man if you don't eat a proper big meal then that's also not a healthy thing.
Now that I'm older and started to get into the science of nutrition and various ways of diets (and yes, eating more can also be a diet) I know that my body won't grow if I just eat 3 to 4 big meals a day. At my current age, my metabolism burns through those calories so fast that I have to pay attention to what I eat, how much it is and how fast I can digest it to have room for more. I also tried ordering two big meals at a dinner with 500 grams of meat a bunch of potatoes and two big salads before. My friends didn't understand how I could eat that much. But that's not the most logical thing to do and it wasn't enjoyable either. It may work for others but for me personally, it's not the right thing to do. Anyways, I got a little off topic on this one but I wanted to mention it because I also want to give you an insight on what Iāve tried and that Iām aware, trying to learn and improve. I think a ton of people do so - big and small - and then the hateful criticism from ignorant people just comes crushing in, demotivating many of us.
There are many people on social media platforms like Tumblr and Instagram (those being the most image dominant social media networks) who put the #bodypositivity in their captions but the truth is: they are not. A lot of them actually. I know that from following those guys and reading their posts. Some have made a statement on exactly that before. Why do I mention that? I just want you to know that just because a "random guy on the web" seems to be perfectly fine with his body type and you're somewhere else on your journey to accept and love yourself, it doesn't make you worth less than others. It is totally fine and you'll feel better. As I said, even someone who is body positive has his highs and lows. That's what makes life so wonderful.
And just by the way: Fuck cynicism! Iāve heard it so many times before. As soon as someone says āI wanna go back to the gym again.ā people go like āOh you havenāt been to the gym for a very long time now. I bet you'll go there once and then stop again, so why are you even trying it in the first place?ā. Or when people identify as a chub, cub or bear and they state to their friends, on grommr and social media, that they wanna start lifting weights again and get comments like āSo you wanna lose weight? I like you more when you have a belly. Real men have a big belly. So youāre not a gainer anymore?ā and then stop asking that friend to go out for dinner and stuff (not implying that every chub, cub or bear is a gainer of course). Why do people do that? Why is it that when a celebrity loses weight or becomes more muscular, everyone is proud of them and supports the decision openly in Instagram comments the celebrity will never even getĀ the chance to read but when our close friend finds the strength and motivation to get up and aim for a certain goal, many of us go and say things that are better off unsaid?
Those comments hit way deeper than most people understand. āBut it's the truth and I'm just being honestā¦ā NO shut the fuck up Kevin, you're just being lazy and inconsiderate with the way you word things and your friend deserves more than that and he's also not ātoo weakā if he feels bad after you kept being a toxic dickhead.
There's also another important thing that I want to address. Many people use the term ābody positiveā as an excuse to make poor choices in their eating behavior or their general day to day life. Let me get one thing straight: Body positivity is not about loving to be fat or skinny. It's about loving the body you are born with, not taking it for granted and knowing the fact that it's way more beautiful to be human instead of being perfect. At least that's how I personally see it. But many people seem to misunderstand that. They eat a ton of artificial sugar, trans fats, abuse alcohol, smoke (tobacco or marijuana) and then go like ā#bodypositive guys. Love yourself ā¤ļøā which brings up the question: Why do you harm your body like this if you love it/yourself?
Don't get me wrong. I love burgers, bacon, french fries, cookies, cakes, and ice cream too. But the key word is āmoderationā.
If you actually read this far (thanks a ton for that) you're maybe thinking: āSo on one hand you go against gainers in this post but on the other, you keep liking pictures and videos of guys with bigger, stocky, chubby and burly body's. WTF?ā. First things first: I'm not going against gainers or anyone who is of a stronger build. Many of my followers know that. And yes it's true, I find those body types more attractive than others. But the thing is, that I can't support someone harming themselves. Do I want to stuff my face with Doughnuts after I've been to the gym? Oh hell yeah I do! But I do that - as I said - after going to the gym and also after I had a proper meal with healthy fats, fibers and of course a decent amount of protein. Will I slow down my progress towards some bara titties by munching on that artificial sugar which makes my body use up energy resources that causes the protein synthesis to be less efficient than with only clean food and I'm taking myself at risk of being more insulin tolerant? Yup. But I also wanna enjoy itā¦ the whole 12 pack of doughnuts that is š
One thing I also just want to touch on his brands. Specifically fashion brands. A lot of brands don't support very small and very big people. Most of the brands and even independent ones don't make clothes in XS or 3XL and higher. This sucks because it will make small people feel even smaller, while bigger people will feel even bigger. I shared my own experiences about that in a previous John's Thoughts. What usually happens though is that either you are just left with a bad feeling or you actually start to change just to fit into those mainstream brands that act like the world is full of Photoshop ideals.
Donāt let people put you into clothes!
If a brand, for example, doesnāt support big and tall men, donāt support them either. Go with brands like āOne Boneā instead who want to make you look good the way you are. (This is not an ad by the way)
Is it wrong to wear something that makes your love handles disappear? Of course not! If you want to dress a certain way for a specific event, then do it. It doesn't matter what you wear or rather how you look while wearing that specific outfit, as long as you feel comfortable in it. Do you think you could have a certain advantage in an important meeting or interview by dressing a certain way? Then do it, crush that meeting/interview and then get home and get comfortable again. There is nothing wrong with using people's perception of you for your own good while still 100% keeping it real and being yourself.
And that's all I was thinking about guys. Thank you so much for reading through this one again and I know some of you have been waiting for a new John's Thoughts for quite some time now and I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments.
I also wanna give a shout-out to @bareimages , @HelloIamJeff on Instagram and @ArrestedMovement; you should really check those guys out.
Everyone knows we should love ourselves but it's not that easy sometimes. Mainstream media keeps telling us we're not good enough and when life gets rough, we tend to believe those lies. The truth is that you are wonderful and beautiful the way you are. You don't need a brand logo on you clothes to be someone special. You don't need the affirmation from others. You will always be the #1 at being yourself and you can try to get 1% better at it every day. You don't have to immediately love yourself from one day to the next. The self-doubt you feel is learned behavior by the people and media you surround yourself with. No one said it's easy but if you take just one step every day, you'll learn to accept yourself and your body sooner as you think. And from there, it's not gonna be too long till you learn to see the real you. The "you" that deserves all the attention and love you can give yourself and get from others.
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