Joja Mart Offical

Buy from your local JojaMart today and insult Pierre for us.

[jojamart-offical]

Welcome to JojaMart!

Greetings! Do you hate small businesses in small towns? So do we! Buy from JojaMart today and save 60 Gold on your next purchase!

Curious about what we sell? Ask us anything!

WE HATE THIS MAN! @pierre-offical

-Morris, Head Manager

[NSFW, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, or any other form of discriminatory content is not permitted along with pedophilia]

[This blog doesn't actually hate Pierre x Morris, it just gives what mod thinks would be 'in character responses' aka random bullshit I make up that could be funny.]

[kabber]

[jojamart-offical]

Our next employee bonding time will be spent at the Bigass Bug. Get your waivers now.

[jojamart-offical]

I'm not the biggest Pierre fan either, but the space you're in could be better used as a theater 🎥🍿

I can see the vision clearly 🍏✨

Perhaps. OR we could cut down more of the forest and put one there! Your attempts at removing JojaMart from Pelican Town will not work. I am very stubborn.

[jojamart-offical]

Well.. it's rather late, but we at Joja wish you a happy pride month! For this month, we'll be selling the same things, but rainbow! We at Joja are proud allies to the LGBTQ+ community!- ...

...I... I can't do this. I can't promote this stupid attempt at trying to seem like good people when we're not.. This is pathetic, capitalizing off of what you put zero effort into fighting for and claiming you've always supported them. We're- I'm proud of you all. continuing to survive in a climate continuing to shift against your favor... against our favor. Keep fighting, dear friend. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

-Morris

[jojamart-offical]

Morris walks into the break room to find the emo boy (Sebastian) rambling to sam about the farmer:

"No you DON'T GET IT SAM! THEY GAVE THE FROG A TINY FLOWER HAT! I AM THIS CLOSE TO JUST- YOBA WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE!"

...why is a non-employee in an employees only area? You can talk to your boyfriend AFTER HOURS, Sam! Now, a small child threw up near the front of the store. You should probably clean that up.

[jojamart-offical]

The farmer walks in holding an entire fully grown German shepherd single handed on on their shoulder

You guys got any dog treats?

Hm? Oh- uh- well yes! I do believe we carry those! Those should be on isle 5! ...Unless my employee is being a baffoon again...

[rocky-the-rock-offical]

Rocky here now, statement.

Grace give Rocky human invention of "internet," Rocky make new human friends now, statement.

[OOC: pretty standard DNIs: no hateful/discrimitory or perverted comments. It's a rock, guys.]

[jojamart-offical]

...Yeah, we can use this rock for financial gain.

-Morris, Head Manager

[jojamart-offical]

Why did the McDonald's employee use TWO BOTTOM BUNS for my burger? I'm not complaining, but how the fuck does one accidentally do that?

[jojamart-offical]

Should we at Joja put a JojaMart in Cindersap Forest and make the cottage-core lesbian experience the wonders of capitalism?

Yes!

Yes.

Voting ended onMay 24

[jojamart-offical]

This will definitely make Pierre go out of business and get the cottage-core lesbian to experience the joys of capitalism!!

-Morris, Head Manager

[jojamart-offical]

Should we at Joja put a JojaMart in Cindersap Forest and make the cottage-core lesbian experience the wonders of capitalism?

Yes!

Yes.

Voting ended onMay 24

[jojamart-offical]

Feeling bored, might go steal 90% of Pierre's customers later.

-Morris, Head Manager

[morrisfan999]

we all know you yumeship with morris (/j).... who do you yumehate with? basically a character you really hate

PIERRE.

[jojamart-offical]

Good answer. Very good answer. Throw a rock at him if you want to.

-Morris, Head Manager

[jojamart-offical]

What do you think about Shane and Sam?

Both are BUMBLING IDIOTS. ONE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN FOR THE LIFE OF HIM, AND THE OTHER CAN'T STOCK THE SHELVES FOR SHIT! I WOULD FIRE THEM BOTH IF IT WOULDN'T MAKE THE LOCATION GO BANKRUPT!

-Morris, Head Manager

[morrisfan999]

STARDEW VALLEY 1.7 LEAKED SCREENSHOT

[jojamart-offical]

10/10 accuracy. Beautiful, my Joja Membership Holder.

-Morris, Head Manager

[jojamart-offical]

slobbers

Ah, I see. that is certainly... a word.

-Morris, Head Manager

[jojamart-offical]

kk

mhm. Thank you for the input. We will certainly consider that.

-Morris, Head Manager

[jojamart-offical]

The farmer runs in, Abigail behind them, shouting that "you don't need to piss my dad of just cause he made me cry on accident!"

The farmer shouts "That man will either apologise or face WAR!!! now where can i sign up as an employee!"

(Fuck Pierre, he's such an asshole of a father)

Ah.. well, we have an application you can fill out! You could also just bomb Pierre's store, and we'd accept that as an application!

HA. FUCK YOU PIERRE!

-Morris, Head Manager