Day 264
So Trevor asked me out on Thursday last week.
Did I ever tell you I was always kind of iffy about him from the start? Well I was. People were always telling us we would be so great together, and that he really liked me, and it just sort of happened too fast.
At the time I said yes, because I thought I liked him and he asked me at the last minute like he always does because I think he needs to build up courage about these things, which to totally fine.
Also I am clarifying that I do care about him. You can't talk to someone for a month over text, facebook, skype etc. and not develop a genuine like for their well being. I like Trevor. I wish him the best. I don't want people to hurt him.
People including me.
The plan was, he was going to come over to my place on Sunday and I would put him to a bit of work helping me put my room back together (we got new carpet) and then we would watch a movie downstairs.
I confessed to Jaiden on the Saturday before hand while we were out for coffee, that I was nervous about the get together and that I would be more comfortable if we mainly "hung out" like friends as opposed to doing the whole couple-y thing.
That our friend Hannah was having a Game of Thrones costume party, and he was there. It was a bit awkward and our conversation seemed slightly forced as it always does when we talk "irl". But I brushed it off.
Sunday came. He arrived at approximately 1pm and it went well, at first. We were putting books away and I was fine. This is good. This is hanging out. He doesn't read much aside from ASOIAF so I recommended quite a few things although I noticed that since he doesn't watch movies or listen to much music I do that there wasn't much room for a conversation piece there either. Finally we went downstairs to watch my favorite movie, Almost Famous.
This is okay. It's not even a real date. It's fine.
The second I turned on that movie and sat down on that couch though.
He did the arm thing. You know what I'm talking about. The yawn-stretch-whoops-how-did-that-get-there arm thing.
And I knew, at the exact moment it happened, that I could not do it.
Long story short, I spent the rest of the movie freaking out internally and planning on how to get rid of him. I acted a bit rude I realize because I think he was getting some negative vibes from me, and once the movie was over I basically hinted that he should gtfo of my house. I walked him to the foyer and, once again, he did that thing where he gives me a compliment at the last minute.
He told me I was pretty and I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship.
He then proceeded to look like a highly abused puppy and then had to walk home. I proceeded to run upstairs, take a really cold shower, scrub myself down then jump into my sweats and listen to really angry rap music to try and get distracted.
It didn't work. All I could think about was how much of a fucking slut bitch tease whore I felt like and how the next day at school all our friends were just going to be pointing at me and saying shit like "There's that bitch who lead Trevor on and then made him walk home after crushing his heart into a thousand pieces." Or something like that. (Also, just for the record, I don't even know if I was this big a deal in his life or not, I just got the impression form what everyone was telling me that he liked me quite a bit so I'm just going off of that notion.)
Of course nothing like that ever happened.
The next day at school I was still feeling like a total cow and upon showing up was greeted by our biggest mutual friend, Allison. Right away I knew she'd gotten Trevor's side of the story (which I'm not sure how it went) but she seemed okay. She asked me how it went. I almost had a breakdown in the hallway.
She told me while comforting me kindly that now he's fine to just be friends, which is good. We've actually texted since the terrible Sunday incident, and he even got his N!
So I guess things cleared up after all.
Time to sleep it off.