Demi: I never said you had to choose. I was upset because to me it felt like you already did. We weren't even talking when I saw that you were hanging out with him and I guess I was a little thrown off and it did hurt me. I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I know I could've handled it better. Don't do that... You can't even compare the relationship I had with Wilmer to the couple months we dated when we were young. That's so completely different on so many levels. And even if Nick had picked your side back then, he's your brother and that's what he's supposed to do.
Demi: I can respect that you did what you needed to do for your own mental. But you could have at least told me that instead of just cutting me out without warning. I wasn't in a good place, Joe. I don't even know how to explain it for you to fully understand how completely miserable I was for such a long time. I was literally called selfish because getting help meant that it would interfere with other people's jobs which apparently was more important than my well being. I did try to talk and nobody was listening. The same people that swore they cared, when it comes down to it they only really "cared" when they could benefit from me in some way.
Demi: Probably because you act like a fuckboi without feelings. I know that's not truly who you are but you really give that vibe sometimes. Despite whatever you may think, I really did love you like family and I do still care. You are someone that is so important to me. Even if we're not in each others lives I'm always gonna care. You were a part of my life for so long. I can't just turn that off.
Demi: I'm sorry that I let you and everybody else down. I'm so sorry that I put you through that again. I promise you there is nothing you can say to me than I haven't already said to myself. The fact is slipping back into old habits is always a possibility. I can't promise it's never going to happen again. I wish I could but that's just not how it works. I'm doing the best that I can and sometimes it's really fucking hard but I think I deserve some damn credit for getting back up again and putting the pieces back together by my damn self. I own up to my actions, all of it. The bad shit as well as the positive things. Just 'cause I fucked up and had a set back doesn't erase the good parts.
Demi: Of course I would love it we could get past this and eventually be somewhat normal. I miss that. But I know I can't make you do something you're not ready for. Or that you don't want to do. I'm not always easy and I get it's a lot to deal with. Believe me, if I could walk away from my own mind, I would. So if you need space still, I understand.
Joe: With you and me, things are always complicated. We managed to stay friends after our disaster of a relationship because there were too many things keeping us together. We had grown into adults together but you can't deny there weren't times it was tough. We've always had chemistry, in the good and the bad. Wilmer and I's friendship is simple. We have beers together and shoot the shit. It doesn't mean I care about him more, it just means with him, I don't have to talk about anything real. I don't have to be Joe Jonas with all of my baggage. Probably why you're always going to be better friends with Nick than with me. He's uncomplicated for you. Also, if you seriously think I'd ever been okay with Nick choosing between us, I wouldn't have.
Joe: I used to have so many fights with my dad about you. He thought you were a bad influence. Thought at least half of my bad life choices were because of you. We both know that's the furthest thing from the truth but he was around during the first time you were hooked on that shit and he can't be convinced otherwise. I always felt like I needed to defend you, to prove him wrong, prove that you'd turned your life around. I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty or feel bad about yourself, I just need you to understand why I couldn't be there.
Joe: If it had been anyone else, I wouldn't have reacted so strongly. Because let's face it, you've never been just anyone to me. When I got the call, I didn't sleep a wink that night. I kept refreshing twitter and checking my phone to see what was happening. I couldn't bare to come to the hospital because it'd be real then. Then you went to rehab and the last thing you needed during your recovery was your ex boyfriend hovering around. Staying away felt like the easier thing, for the both of us.
Joe: I am proud of you, for the progress you've made since then. I just feel like I still need to guard myself, which I know isn't fair but I can't help how I feel. I'm afraid of getting close again and then god forbid something happens. I know you have to take it one day at a time and there's no guarantees. This is my own shit I need to get over.
Joe: Besides, I know very well how being a fuck up feels. That's at least 50% of my entire adult life, so I've almost stopped trying. 'Fuckboi without feelings' beats 'failure at every turn' 10-0.
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