Letter to Taylor
Hi @taylorswift !
I’m Joanna. I don’t think I’ve ever written this kind of letter to you. I tried to do it for the longest time. I just didn’t t know how to put it into words.
So maybe I’ll start with the beginning of it all. When I was 9 I’ve heard your song Crazier in Hannah Montana the Movie. I didn’t know who are you but I’ve loved your hair. Then in 2013 I Knew You Were Trouble became a huge hit in Poland. You could hear this song all the time, everywhere. And this is when I started to be interested in your music for real. I’ve checked your music videos, photos, interviews etc. and I decided to support you no matter what. I’ve loved your lyrics, the messages you wanted to pass to your fans, your funny personality. When 1989 came out I was shocked but in a good way. It was a 180 degrees change in your music style. But I’ve loved this album since the very first listen, since the very first single. Me and my cousin were listening to Blank Space, Style and Out of the Woods all the time. We were singing them all the time. We were SCREAMING the lyrics around the house and our neighbors were looking at us as if we were crazy- all the time. In 2014 I’ve listened to this album every single day at least twice. In my life bad things started to happen also around that year. My “friends” used to bully me on a daily basis for everything. Starting from my appearance ending on my character. I became really insecure, i started to hate myself, even now sometimes it comes back. They used to take pictures of me just to entertain themselves, laugh about how stupid I look and how stupid I am, how ugly my nose is, how bad I look in the photos, how short I am, how I look like child. They were saying to me the most hurtful things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. They used to send photos of me on Snapchat with mean captions. When I tried to cut them off the bullying was even worst so I decided to stick to them which was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made. Not only they bullied me but also other people. And this bullying was even worse. When it came out they set me up as their “leader”, person who conducted all the mess they’ve made, the worst, most toxic and fake person on this planet- but it wasn’t true. I was too scared that nobody will believe me to tell the truth. I felt terrible, lost and lonely. I didn’t have many friends, in fact- none. Everyone turned away from me. I used to come home and cry every single day for around 1,5 years. But you, your music helped me to get through this rough time. Your lyrics gave me hope for better times, better people around me, distracted me from all this mess- and for this I’ll be eternally grateful. Without you- your speeches, your art I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Also Clean became my own personal anthem. Your speeches before this song during 1989 tour were an essential part of my healing process. They are still framed and hanging on the walls in my room to remind me, that I’m not an opinion of someone who doesn’t know me.
We all know what happened in 2016. I supported and believed you since day one. I’m so proud of how you survived because I don’t know if I would survive this much hate. Also in 2016 I’ve finished secondary school. I thought that this is my chance to get a new chapter, my new beginning. When I went to high school I only knew 1 or 2 people. And I was happy about it cause I was able to start over, find new friends. I was really excited. But people from my past didn’t want to back up. They were writing to me, sending me pictures and I felt hopeless. I’ve felt like they will never let me go, never leave me. I had to do something about it because I couldn’t let them ruin my life once again. I decided to cut off everyone from my past, even people who weren’t mean to me, even people who I enjoyed talking to. I didn’t know what they’ve heard and thought about me because my old “friends” were unpredictable. They could make up the most ridiculous story about me and people would believe in it.
August 2017. I was on my way back from summer holidays and Look What You Made Me Do came out. I can’t even express how shocked I was. I couldn’t stop listening to it, I had chills and goosebump. The beginning of the new era was great. Firstly you deleted everything. I was worried that you’re leaving music industry for good and honestly I would’t blame you. Then you posted iconic snake videos and I knew something big is coming. And the mv? Ma’am you’ve outdone yourself. Since that moment I thought: karma will take care of everyone who ever bullied me, who talked shit about me, who ever underestimated me, called me stupid, ugly, worthless (and fyi she did, they all got theirs). I bought mu copy of rep the second it was available on presale. On the day reputation was released I run to the store to get my package. I was beyond excited. I remember I walked home, ate dinner really quickly and disappeared in my room for 7 hours constantly listening to rep. And it has no skips. Not a single one. Perfect album representing your journey, from pain to real happiness with your lover. It represented your own healing process. This album showed me that no matter how people talk about you, you can find what you’re looking for, you can be happy.
You encouraged me to start writing my own songs. That was and still is the way I process certain situations in my life. My dad even bought me a guitar so I could compose them. However nobody really heard any of these songs. They feel too personal. ’m really proud of some of them though so who knows maybe one day? I. Writing and playing was a huge part of my healing process. I can’t say I’m doing better than I ever was yet, but I’m on a right path.
You turned snake into your branding, symbol of your “coming back from the dead”. You changed everything they’ve said about you into something this great. It inspired me to do the same- turn the hate into something that really matters, my pain into helping others. That’s why I decided to study psychology. I want to help people when they need me, I want to give them support, help them getting back their lives and self love. I’ve promised myself that I will never let anyone feel the way I once did. It is my destiny and I’ll do everything in my power to make the best out of it.
I wasn’t able to go to the rep tour and it is one of my biggest regrets to this day. I’ve never seen you live but it was supposed to change this summer- July 3rd in Gdynia at Open’er Festival. But we all know why it won’t happen. I hope one day I’ll be able to scream all of the lyrics at one of your shows. I really do.
Taylor- you’ve been such a great inspiration and role model for me throughout this 7 years. Your music and speeches helped me survive the worst time in my life up to this date. I will be forever grateful for that. I will support you forever, no matter what. I will love you and your music until my dying breath. You’ve became such a big and essential part of my life, I can’t even imagine it without you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Love,
Joanna
