im so ew and ur so aw

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@jonnyisgonnny
im so ew and ur so aw
via
Parenting: you’re doing it right.
oh my god that’s a perfect evil plan
suddenly I am completely comfortable leaving the fate of the country in the hands of someone who is clearly an evil genius
hey you!
yeah you, who else would I be talking to?!
STOP SCROLLING!
okay, good job
now, close one eye
the other one
yep that one
okay now open your eye you look stupid
try squinting
nope, open your eyes
you’re almost done
now half smile
never mind smile all the way
OH MY GOSH!
no keep smiling
you look so pretty that way
you really should smile more, cutie
this made me so happy u dont even know
AU! In which Benedict Cumberbatch actually wins the award he is nominated for.
The First Night
The first night with Anastasia home was the hardest. They discovered right away that they were extremely under-prepared and had to go shopping for things to baby-proof the house; rubber corners for the counters, locks for the cabinet doors and drawers, and outlet covered.
Then John discovered he had no idea how to feed a two-year-old when the vegetables ended up on the floor, the pasta sauce in her hair, and the milk all over her dress (though how it had gotten out of the “spill proof” sippy cup was beyond John.)
But none of that was as disastrous as the first time she cries. It started when John got water in her eye during bath time.
“Make her stop that incessant noise I can’t hear myself think!” Sherlock shouted from where he was curled in his armchair.
“She’s your daughter too, Sherlock. You’ll have to get used to it.” John responded from where he was toweling Ana dry and trying to soothe her. The crying didn’t stop until a long while later when she had cried herself to sleep. If you asked Sherlock about the incident he would deny stabbing a couch cushion, but if you flip the middle cushion over you would see the small line of stitches holding the rip from the knife together.
Things did get better from there, surprisingly fast. A week later Sherlock was significantly more comfortable around Anastasia and didn’t get quite so angry when Anastasia cried. He was even comfortable enough to bathe Anastasia while John made dinner. Sherlock had yet to be completely alone with her in the apartment, but John was just thankful to have seen the amount of improvement they’d had so far.
I Love You, Daddy
Sherlock, how are we going to take care of Anastasia during a case?” John asked as the toddler climbed into his lap, placing her chubby hands on his cheeks and squeezing. John laughed and took her hands, clapping them together as she squealed with delight.
“I’m sure Mrs. Hudson would watch her.” Sherlock responded from behind his microscope.
“Well yes, but I was thinking maybe we could hire a sitter to help out a bit with the more strenuous activities.”
Sherlock looked up at John and Anastasia who were playing patty cake on the floor. “I suppose we could interview a few nannies.”
“I’ll put up an ad when I go to the store later.” John said, holding Anastasia upside down as she swung back and forth, her ginger curls brushing the floor.
Sherlock pushed his stool back and walked over to John, sitting net to him with his hand at the small of John’s back. John smiled at the gesture and leaned into Sherlock’s side. “Why don’t I take Anastasia to the park while you go shopping?”
John sat Anastasia upright and she plopped onto the floor and began stacking her block. “Are you sure?” He asked Sherlock, surprised.
“Of course. Your shopping will go much faster without her. Besides, it’s been a week, and she likes me. I need to be alone with her eventually.
John smiled and gave Sherlock a peck on the corner of his mouth. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Daddy, look!” Anastasia ran to Sherlock, leaning against his chest and pointing to the tower she made.
“It’s lovely, Anastasia. However if you move these blocks down here,” Sherlock moved three blocks from the top of the tower to the base “it won’t fall. See?” He poked the tower and Anastasia grinned when it wobbled but didn’t fall.
“Thank you, Daddy!” She turned and wrapped her arms around Sherlock’s neck and Sherlock gingerly hugged her back, smoothing her hair with one hand.
John smiled as she pulled away and sat in Sherlock’s lap.
“Well her diaper bag is already packed. She’ll just need shoes and a jumper.”
Sherlock turned Anastasia to look at him. “Do you want to go to the park with me while Dada goes shopping?”
“Play! Play!” Anastasia bounced excitedly on Sherlock’s knee. John laughed and stood, picking Anastasia up and helping Sherlock to his feet.
“I’ll see you both when I get back.” John turned to Anastasia. “You tell your Daddy to behave.” She giggled as she was passed off to Sherlock, settling comfortably on his hip. John gave Sherlock a quick kiss before pressing a kiss to Anastasia’s forehead. “I love you both, and remember, make him behave.”
Once the door closed behind John, Anastasia turned to Sherlock and pointed a finger in his face. “Behave!” She commanded sternly.
Sherlock laughed and took her hand in his. “Let’s get your shoes.” He set her down and followed as she ran to her room. When he walked in the door Anastasia greeted him by shoving a pair of blue sandals into his hands.
“No, you can’t wear sandals. It’s too cold. How about these? They’re the same colour and they have thick soles ideal for running around.” Sherlock held up a pair of blue, Velcro trainers.”
Anastasia nodded and took a shoe, sitting on the floor and shoving it on her foot. As she pushed the tongue folded into the toe of the shoe and she began grunting in frustration. Finally she let out a low whine and pushed her foot in Sherlock’s direction.
“What do we say when we need help?” Sherlock chided.
“Fix it, please!” Anastasia smiled sweetly.
Sherlock fixed the shoe, then put the other on before standing and getting a jumper out of the closet. Once she was dressed and Sherlock had the diaper bag slung over one shoulder they left the apartment, locking the door behind them. Sherlock took Anastasia’s hand as they walked, stopping every few minutes to inspect and interesting crack in the sidewalk or pick up a bug.
When they finally made it to the park, Anastasia’s pants were already smeared with dirt and her hair was loose in it’s ponytail. Sherlock dropped the bag on a bench and moved to sit next to it but Anastasia grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the jungle gym. She climbed onto the lowest level and ran to the slide.
“Daddy, look!” She exclaimed as she plopped down and scooted herself forward until she propelled down the slide onto the gravel below. She gigeld as she stood again and climbed back onto the platform.
“Daddy, your turn!”
“I’m too tall, Anastasia! I won’t fit.” Sherlock explained. Anastasia’s face fell and she looked around thoughtfully. Suddenly she grinned eyes sparkling and pointed across the park.
“Big slide!”
Sherlock looked and sure enough there was a large metal slide. It was be a tight fit, but it would work.
“Okay then, let’s go.” Sherlock picked Anastasia up and carried her over to the slide. He carefully lifted her to the top and told her to sit as he climbed up. At the top he sat down and pulled her into his lap.
“Ready?” He asked her.
“Go go go!” She squealed and Sherlock held her steady and pushed them forward until they were sliding, the metal cool through the fabric of Sherlock’s trousers. Anastasia shrieked with glee, clutching Sherlock’s hand tight until they reached the bottom and she wriggle out of his lap onto the gravel.
“Again!” She shouted. “Again, please!”
And so they did. And again, and again after that, and twice more for good luck. After the slide they played on the swing, then the merry-go-round, and after that they made a sand city in the sandbox.
Sometime around dusk Sherlock looked up from the courthouse he was constructing in their city to see John sitting on the bench, watching them and smiling. Sherlock motioned for him to come over and he did, kneeling next to where Sherlock was on his knees outside the sandbox.
“How long have you been there” Sherlock wondered, carving columns into the sand building.
“Half an hour maybe?”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to interrupt the bonding moment. And you looked like you were having fun.”
At that moment Anastasia looked up from the mound of sand she was repeatedly smashing and building back up. “Dada!” She stood, sand cascading from her lap, and ran over to John.
“Hey sweetheart. Let’s brush all this and off.” He brushed the sand from her pants and hands before pulling her in for a hug.
“We should get home and start dinner. I was thinking mac ‘n’ cheese. What do you think?” John asked Anastasia, who nodded absently, laying her head on John’s shoulder. “C’mon, let’s go. We’ll have dinner, a bath, and go to bed.”
They stood and began the walk home. About a minute in Anastasia pulled away and reached for Sherlock. “I want Daddy.” She said tiredly, followed by a deep yawn.
Sherlock looked at John, surprised.
“She likes you.” John smiled, handing her off. Sherlock smiled back as Anastasia settled onto his hip, head on his shoulder. They finished the walk in silence, John’s fingers intertwined with the ones on Sherlock’s free hand.
Back at the apartment Sherlock gave Anastasia a bath and dressed her in fluffy pajamas while John baked the macaroni and cheese. Dinner was eaten in comfortable quiet, ending when Anastasia fell asleep in her high chair. John gently cornered her to the bedroom and bid her down in her crib, giving her a kiss on the forehead. Sherlock bent over the crib and smoothed down her unruly hair, whispering “good night”.
They turned to leave the room but paused when they heard rustling.
“Dada? Daddy?”
They walked back over to the crib and John leaned over the edge “Go to sleep, sweetheart. I love you.”
“Love you, Dada.”
John straightened and Sherlock bent over and placed a hand on Anastasia’s head. “Good night, Anastasia.”
Suddenly Sherlock felt himself being pulled forward by little fists curled in his shirt. He let Anastasia wrap her arms around his neck and hugged her back.
“Love you, Daddy.”
Sherlock froze. Anastasia hadn’t said she loved Sherlock until that night, perhaps because she sensed how cautious Sherlock was with their relationship. Whatever the reason, something made her say it then and Sherlock was speechless. He glanced over at John, who was smiling, his eyes shining.
Sherlock pulled back and looked into Anastasia’s wide, blue eyes. “I love you, Anastasia. He pressed a kiss to her hairline and tucked her under her blanket. “I love you. He repeated before he and John said good night one last time and turned out the light, pulling the door partially closed behind them
In the hall Sherlock turned to John. “I’m glad we decided to start a family.
John pulled Sherlock down for a gentle kiss, tongues brushing lazily and hands touching wherever they could find purchase. When they broke apart John grinned. “Me too.”
Sherlock quotes: [11/?]
We should call the police.
Yes. On their way.
Your mind; it’s so placid, straight-forward, barely used. Mine’s like an engine, racing out of control; a rocket tearing itself to pieces, trapped on the launchpad… I envy you.
John watched as Sherlock held the toddler under her arms, lifting her to look into her shining blue eyes. Her thick red hair fell around her face in tight curls as she grinned up at him.
~*~
Their decision to adopt a child had been relatively easy. John and Sherlock had been together for four years, and while it hadn’t been easy John was certain that they were ready to start a family. He’d presented the thought to Sherlock with caution, unsure of the detective’s feelings on the matter, but had been pleasantly surprised when Sherlock smiled and kissed him sweetly, agreeing that it was time they officially began this new chapter in their lives.
So here they were, five months later, with this little redheaded toddler beaming up at Sherlock. She had watched him from her cot as he and Sherlock were led through the orphanage and John had stopped and knelt down in front of her. She couldn’t have been older than two but she watched him with a measured interest that reminded him of Sherlock.
“What’s your name?” He smiled at her.
“She doesn’t technically have one.” Mother Ellen said solemnly from behind him. “Her mother was an orphan here. She died during the birth, leaving this poor girl here as well. We didn’t feel it was our place to name her so we mostly just call her Sweetie, but some of the other girls have little names they call her as well.”
John looked back at the girl, smiling sadly. “Well, Sweetie, how would you like to come live with us?”
“John…” Sherlock started, but trailed off when John looked up at him, his eyes shining with both happiness and sadness. He smiled softly and nodded and John smiled gratefully, turning back to the girl.
“How about it, Sweetie? Would you like to come live with Sherlock and me?”
The girl looked up questioningly at Mother Ellen, who bent down to smooth her hair. “These men will take good care of you, Sweetie. You’ll have a family. How does that sound?”
The girl smiled, eyes twinkling as she nodded enthusiastically. John grinned back, patting her hair. “That’s really wonderful, Sweetie. We can’t wait for you to come home with us.”
“Now?” The girl asked. The excitement in the question almost brought tears to John’s eyes.
“No, Sweetie, not yet. But soon, okay? I promise.” John assured her, pressing his palm against her cheek. She nodded and smiled.
“Soon.”
“Yes, soon.” John smiled and stood, standing next to Sherlock and clasping their hands together.
“Well, shall we get the papers all sorted out then?” Mother Ellen suggested. “It will take a few days to get everything approved but we’ll try to get it done as soon as possible.”
“Thank you, Mother Ellen, for all of this.” Sherlock said, squeezing John’s hand.
Mother Ellen smiled. “I’m glad to help, but mostly I’m glad for Sweetie. She’s an exceptional child, very intelligent.”
John smiled up at Sherlock. “Sounds perfect.”
~*~
Three days later they got a call saying the papers were sorted and ready to be signed and that Sweetie was ready to be taken home. The whole ride to the orphanage John couldn't sit still. He fidgeted in the back of the cab, only stilling when Sherlock took his hand and smiled reassuringly. He smiled back and gave Sherlock a quick kiss as they pulled up at the orphanage. When they got to the door they were greeted by Mother Ellen holding Sweetie on her hip. As soon as she saw them Sweetie began squirming until Mother Ellen set her down and she ran up to John and threw her arms around John’s leg. John laughed and kneeled in front of her and she threw her arms around his neck instead.
"You came!” She exclaimed.
“Of course we came, Sweetie. You’re going to come home with us.”
Sweetie stepped back from John and looked up at Sherlock, who looked down at John with wide, pleading eyes. John smiled and nodded down at Sweetie and Sherlock turned his gaze to the toddler. She stared up at him, turning to John briefly before turning back to Sherlock and grinning.
“Daddy?”
Sherlock froze, eyes widening impossibly further as Sweetie stared up at him expectantly. He suddenly began to panic. He knew how to deal with murderers, was good at interrogating suspects, but children were a whole area of expertise he had no idea how to handle – even after all of the parenting books John had insisted he read. He looked at John again, who just nodded in encouragement and was ultimately unhelpful. When he looked back at Sweetie, her wide, blue eyes shining excitedly, he felt a bit of the panic fade and was replaced by a gentle warming in his chest and he smiled. He hadn't even noticed that he’d nodded until Sweetie giggled happily and turned back to John.
“Mommy!” She exclaimed, wrenching a sharp laugh from Sherlock, which only intensified at the stunned expression on John’s face. Mother Ellen, smiling in spite of herself, kneeled down beside John and directed Sweetie’s attention to her.
“No, Sweetie, Sherlock is your Daddy, and John is your Daddy. You have two Daddies.”
"I have two Daddies?” She looked between John and Sherlock calculatingly before nodding to herself. “You’re Daddy.” She said pointing to Sherlock. “And you’re Dada.” She pointed at John.
John grinned. “Yeah, Sweetie, I’m your Dada.” He placed a hand on her head, his voice cracking with emotion.
“Why don’t you come into the office and we’ll get everything signed and ready to go.”
They followed Mother Ellen through the hallway the office. Sweetie stepped up between John and Sherlock, taking John’s hand tentatively. When he smiled at her and squeezed her hand, she reached up and took Sherlock’s as well. Sherlock tried to keep his face impassive but John could see the smile that barely lifted the corners of his mouth as he purposefully slowed his strides so the toddler struggling between them could keep up. He also noticed the lack of annoyance on Sherlock’s face when she insisted on being held in his lap and grinned at the way he held her steady, one hand on her stomach.
They quickly signed all of the required documents, finally coming to the part that had been much discussed but never agreed upon. The official name change records. John turned to Sherlock, who looked down at Sweetie. The toddler was sucking on her fingers thoughtfully, watching the adults with an intensity John had never seen in a child so young.
“We should name her Anna.” John said softly.
Sherlock looked up at John incredulously. “Don’t be stupid! Anna is far too plain. She needs a long name, with class, that rolls off your tongue but is still unique. We’ll name her Anastasia.”
John was surprised at Sherlock’s intense interest in naming their daughter. He looked down at the toddler tucked carefully into Sherlock’s lap. “What do you think? Is Anastasia a good name?”
Sweetie lit up and bounced lightly, earning a soft grunt from Sherlock and some shifting to find a more comfortable position. “’Stasia!” The girl squealed and Sherlock grinned at her.
“That’s what I thought. You look like an Anastasia. I think you’ll be an artist as well. Maybe musically inclined? You’ll also be very kind and compassionate, funny, and eager to learn.”
“Sherlock, stop deducing our daughter.” John scolded with no real sternness behind the words, and his grin softened any seriousness that may have shown in his eyes. He watched Sherlock stroke at their daughter’s curls almost fondly and he nodded. “Anastasia it is then.”
When everything was signed and filed away, the trio stood and Anastasia automatically took both of her dads’ hands.
“What do you say Anastasia, ready to go home?”
Your friends will die if you don’t.
Fake: One that is not authentic or genuine; a sham.