When I said last year wasn't like the others, that's nothing compared to this year lol.
Right off the bat, I'll say that this is the year that I've felt the least like me. All the individualism and ambition I've embraced in my 20s was definitely put on the backburner. It's only natural, changing identities when being in a relationship, but part of me hasn't come to terms with letting it all go.
Shifting Identity
I still have the same number of hours in a day, and while that was spent sleeping, working, exercising, or chasing my hobbies, something had to give when a partner gets thrown into the mix. I think sleep has taken the biggest hit, my bedtime has consistently been at the latest it's ever been. I know it's unhealthy, but I'm not getting stimulated at work and my evenings are taken up, so I can only burn off my mental energy alone when everyone else is asleep.
I miss my roommate a lot too. No matter what life threw at me for the past 6 years, I always had my logical yet compassionate rock at home to lean on. With the change in my living situation, I've had to become my own rock and I'm still trying to figure out how that works.
I think I'll feel a lot better after the wedding. It gives me the same feeling as when I was in school: there's always more you can do to prepare. With the wedding, you can keep planning everything to the smallest detail, so that lack of completion is always weighing on you. The first half of the year was fun, picking vendors and having a huge buffer to make decisions took off most of the pressure, but the whole process really ramped up in the second half. That on top of the NY/Asia trip (which could have been planned better) really ate up my entire bandwidth since September.
It's crazy how much that burnout spills into the other portions of my life. This is the first year since I can remember where I didn't finish a kdrama or sitcom. Maybe I've gotten over the peak of my interest for certain hobbies, but even poker and Pokemon videos haven't kept my attention. Most of my focus has been on riichi, but with how large the luck aspect is in the game, things can feel so out of your control.
I joke about it a lot, but I feel like I've really shifted from an INFJ to an ISFJ. It's too damn tiring to be lost in the sauce all the time, I find I cope better with life when I can focus on something concrete. Who would have guessed my personality would transition from a rarer one to one of the most common.
Perspective
Turning 30 made me reflect a lot on who I am and who I want to be. Something I want to prioritize more is living in the moment and giving myself permission to be happy. I always have this habit of missing summer during the winter, and winter during the summer but I'm really trying to shift my mindset to enjoying the now.
January/February are beautiful because it's a new chapter, and the lunar new year brings family together
March/April are awful because spring, but I should find some joy suffering from my allergies
May/June are the gateways to summer, the weather is beautiful and there is summer kpop to listen to
July/August are scorching, they're like the midpoint of the year and I can really focus on improving myself
September/October are months to travel and enjoy autumn setting in, also there's football season to look forward to
November/December are the holiday season, all of a sudden the 90 degree days disappear, work slows down, and there's the holiday spirit if you just look around.
The Catalyst
I think it'd be nice to try something extreme next year. I know I'm a deadline driven person at heart, so if I have something to wake up to that would push my bedtime earlier (it's not sustainable to be a zombie for multiple days in a row). I want to force myself to gym in the morning, maybe that'll help create some rhythm in my life.
I'm also getting married! It's crazy thinking that I'll have someone next to me for the rest of my life. Once the wedding is past us, I'm excited to create a status quo where both of us can be our best selves.
Kpop
I made the switch to spotify at the beginning of the year, and I feel like it actually hindered my ability to find new music. The release radar was normally a miss, and the daily mixes rehashed the same songs I've been listening to for years. For the variety, I might go back to the archaic way of downloading my own music because it forces me to look for new songs in batches.
I hope the girls have been doing well. I haven't followed them too closely, but the album still felt like summer and I was able to give them my voice at the concert.
Song of the year: Strawberry Mimosa - 프로미스나인 (fromis_9)
Album of the year: - (트리플에스) tripleS
but an honorary mention to Lips Hips Kiss - Kiss of Life (키스오브라이프), this song absolutely slaps.
2025 highlights
Turned 30 T_T
Got engaged!
Moved in with my significant other
Did a ton of wedding planning
Got promoted to senior staff
Moved company headquarters
Went to see fromis_9 in LA and Oakland
Went back to Korea (4 years in a row!)
Traveled to New York City
Traveled to Singapore/Malaysia/Hong Kong
Learned how to play mahjong/riichi (got to 4-dan/Master 3 on Mahjong Soul)
Coordinated weekly pickleball sessions with my high school friends
Learned to cook several new dishes (black pepper udon, fried rice, lo mein, noodle soup, etc.)
Created a more concise and sustainable system to manage my finances
Met my nephew
Goals for 2026
Make my wedding the memory of a lifetime
Secure stability at my job, hopefully for another four years
Practice letting go, it's okay to give others the space to fail
Live in the moment, and cherish the little things
Visit my parents more often and learn 5-6 of their signature recipes
Reach Saint 3 on Mahjong Soul/6-dan on Tenhou
Play a full set of 17s for DDR
Take care of my health
2026 is going to be a year full of change. I'm ready to embrace it and see what life has in store for me. :)
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