What Taylor Swift means to me: An essay
Taylor Swift is not just another popstar - not to me at least, and I need to vent.
Taylor Swift’s debut self-titled album came out on October 4, 2006, I was 7 years old at the time, about to turn 8. I felt really alone, my parents were in pre-divorce meaning they were still trying to work through a failing marriage and living in my home was like walking on eggshells, it didn’t help that we had just recently moved from Kentucky to Illinois, hours away from any family so we were on our own. It was summer of 2007 that my mom’s dad and stepmother came to visit us from Kentucky. My Nana (my mom’s stepmother) really loved country music. I did not, I hated it, and was really disappointed to see that CMT was the channel she had chosen to watch (not to worry I have since grown and seen the light that country music can be in dark times, I also discovered old country which is honestly ~iconic~.) As I was actively bitching in my head about how much I hate country music Taylor Swift came on the screen with her super curly blonde hair talking to “Drew” in front of some lockers and I was of course intrigued, the next scene is her laying in a bed snuggling a guitar with rhinestones on her face and lip gloss on her lips  (which was and always will be iconic) and I was absolutely obsessed. I begged and begged my mom for the album and finally received it in November of 2007 for my 9th birthday, by this point my dad had lost his job, at the time I didn’t know why but I later found out he was so depressed about his relationship falling apart that he had just quit going to work, his options were to find a new job in Illinois where we lived or to take his old job in Kentucky back. He ended up doing the latter and moved away. We stayed in Illinois so my mom, who went back to school late could finish her degree, at the time the understanding was 2 years. It was like really really hard on me when my dad left, I fell apart a bit and was angry at my mom for keeping us in Illinois and angry at my dad for leaving but it’s hard to be angry at someone you miss. My dad always got me a white teddy bear on Valentine’s day and the most recent one had been easily my favorite and I started taking it to school with me everyday to still feel close to him, everyone knows how kids can be especially when you’re taking a freaking stuffed animal to school and you’re almost 10 years old. I knew it was going to happen, I knew I was going to get shit from other kids but it was so important to me to just have that little piece of my dad and to not feel alone but things got really hard with the other kids. Taylor Swift felt like my only friend and she sang about being an outcast in songs like “The Outside” and “A Place in this World.” She gave me songs to feel sad to when I was angry like “Invisible” and “Cold as You.” Absolute bops to make everything feel right in the world like “Mary’s Song”, “Our Song”, and “Should’ve said no.” This album had everything I needed when I was going through this as a kid and listening to it even now serves as a reminder that things eventually get better and the songs on it are all still absolute bangers. Taylor knows how to capture feelings that feel unmanageable and unexplainable and make them magically feel manageable and like a shared experience. This is I believe what has made Taylor such an unrelenting force in the music industry and why she so seamlessly was able to transition from country to pop. It was never about the genre it was absolutely always about her lyrical genius and the shared human experiences she has always been able to portray so well.
I am so lucky that I found Taylor at such a young age, dumb luck has had her releasing albums exactly when I needed them most. Fearless came out a little before my birthday in 2008, Taylor has a pattern of releasing albums in the fall which also happens to be when my birthday is so it works out perfectly for me. Fearless served as a healing album for me, it was one I danced around my room with my one friend to. It helped me cope with my first crush who obviously didn’t like me back and it made me feel normal despite how hectic my life was with my dad being gone and my mom being essentially a single mother with 2 kids while pursuing a college degree (which was an amazing feat for her but didn’t leave her much time to spend with my sister and I.) I absolutely adored Taylor Swift and every song she released just made me feel everything and I loved her. Fearless for me is like a time capsule to simpler times, I listen to Fearless and it makes me feel like everything is going to be okay and everything was for a while. I found out in Summer of 2010 that my parents were getting a divorce, I had thought that they were trying to work things out so this came as a shock to me, my mom wouldn’t tell me what happened. Me and my friend I mentioned earlier, Margaret-Rose, were on a spy kick we had just gotten our hands on the Nancy Drew movie that came out in 2007 and had recently watched Harriet the Spy so we came up with a plan to figure out what had happened. My mom is the type of person to tell every bit of her own and everyone else’s business to her friends on the phone so me and Margaret-Rose thought it would be an excellent idea to have a sleepover, put on all black and sneak downstairs and out into the garage where my mom would have private phone conversations, we snuck out and hid behind my mom’s van in the garage and waited for her to come out and call a friend, we knew she would do this because she did this every night, she still does. What we found out is that my Dad had cheated on her and she had already been cheating on him, in my little 10 year old brain this computed to both my parents are terrible people and I was of course extremely hurt. I didn’t know how to tell my mom that I’d heard her, I laid there venting and crying to my friend all night it just was all around bad.  Of course not too long after Speak Now came out and had the songs “Innocent” and “Never grow up” on it which were a huge part in my healing from what I’d heard. “Innocent” helped me realize that I didn’t have to be mad no matter how wrong the things they did were, I could be hurt and forgive them without holding onto the anger that I felt, I could see them as innocent people who just made some mistakes. This is of course easier said than done and I sometimes do still feel angry but it really helped me adjust my perspective and I come back to both songs frequently. The album also had, as always, a few bangers to help you forget and feel magical.  Speak Now is hard for me to listen to now despite being such a beautiful and heavy body of work just because it takes me back to such dark times, but I think sometimes it’s important to take yourself back there just to show yourself what you went through and know that you got through it. Speak Now for me serves as a testament to the strength it takes to get through that kind of emotional pain and broken trust.
Taylor’s album “Red” came out in the last half of my 8th grade year, this year was rough for me because I knew it would be the last school year I’d spend in Illinois with the people I’d been going to school with for most of my life and then I’d be moving back to Kentucky to be near my Dad, 5 years later than the initial plan. It was just too hard for my parents to be around each other so they chose to stay in separate states which obviously wasn’t easy for the kids involved. It just served as an escape from my usual life as all previous albums had, I loved how much raw emotion was involved in this album especially. With “All Too Well” I couldn’t relate to the romantic part of it, but there were so many lines in the song I could relate to easily which is an amazing thing about Taylor Swift songs almost exclusively, even if the entire song doesn’t quite fit your situation you can always find a line or verse somewhere that just hits you hard in the chest. For me anxiety about moving away was eating me up and the line, “Time won’t fly it’s like I’m paralyzed by it, I’d like to be my old self again but I’m still trying to find it” just hit home so hard the first time I heard the song, that line comes to mind every time I feel nervous or scared about anything for a while because it just embodies that feeling so well of just not feeling like you and wanting what you’re going through to be over. I’ve never been through a romantic heart break but I’ve had friends break my heart and parents and just life in general and Taylor just embodied that so well with this song. This album is one I come back to frequently as I get older, it’s amazing how coming back to the albums you can experience them differently with your new life experiences. I’ll get back to Red later.
1989 came out October of my sophomore year of high school and I didn’t listen to it. My parents were actually going through the legal process of a divorce and things were just bad. I lived in a hotel for 2 weeks bad and didn’t want another one of her albums to feel like a time capsule to terrible times so I was waiting for things to get better but they just got worse my junior year. I listened to a lot of My Chemical Romance those 2 years if that shows at all just how angry and unhappy I was, I’m not going to get into it too much but my junior year of high school was the worst year of my life hands down. I FINALLY listened to this album in its entirety my SENIOR year of high school. I’d obviously heard songs from it on the radio despite trying not to and they were amazing and the album won a Grammy for album of the year, I was extremely excited to hear Taylor’s first all out pop album. She’d experimented with pop on a few songs on Red and those were, of course, iconic bangers. 1989 will always be one of my favorite albums by Taylor. I was (am) in a happy relationship, I was (am) in love, and I was thriving as a senior. It was one of the happiest times of my life and I could finally listen to her love songs and actually fully understand what she meant. “You are in love” will always always always mean everything to me and be about my boyfriend. “Clean” absolutely brought me to tears after the years I’d had before, I was reminded how healing she can be. “Style” is THE bad bitch anthem, there is no other song you can hit a strut to like “Style.” Taylor really made the perfect pop album on her first try and I’m so glad I waited to listen to it despite missing out on following the tour and watching the press conferences because 1989 will now forever be a time capsule into one of the happiest times of my life.
Reputation came out when I was starting college and let me tell you I HATE college. I was hating life and in the midst of all the college hating I was doing I find out that my boyfriend had chosen to attend a college in Pennsylvania which, for reference, is a 12 hour drive away from me. Aiden is the actual light of my life, he is what is good in this universe. He’s patient with me when I don’t deserve it, he understands me, and is there for me when I need him and how I need him without fail. He, much like Taylor, just knows what to say and how to make things better, they are the type of people everyone should strive to be like. Aiden being there makes things so much better so finding out he wasn’t going to physically be here anymore was rough. Life was rough, and I of course had a fresh Taylor album right when I needed it. This album was different from the rest because she was happy and in love when she wrote it, she had overcome hardships and I had never been able to relate to one of her albums more. I knew what it felt like to be misunderstood and seen as the bad guy by the people around me and watching her rise from the ashes the way that I had to not too long ago made me feel so good, I was so glad to see her happy and I was so happy to have the love songs to describe what I was feeling to go with it. “Dress” reminds me of how I felt about Aiden before he was my boyfriend, “Call it what you want” reminded me of him still wanting me despite the rough years I’d had previously, “King of my heart” ,“New Years Day”, and “Don’t blame me” will always be Aiden songs to me, always. Not to mention the absolute bangers Reputation delivered in “Delicate”, “I did something bad”, and “Ready for it…” Reputation deserved album of the year hands down and I’ll leave it at that. Despite Reputation being Taylor’s most lovey album by far Red has some of the most iconic love songs on it as well, “Treacherous” and “Come back, Be here” fit my situation so well it’s scary and they really just help me a lot right now because long distance is hard and I don’t know anyone I can talk to who can relate to what I’m going through fully and Taylor really just is there for me, again.
My point in all this is that Taylor Swift will be an icon long after she stops producing music and writing songs. I’m confident that this generation’s children will listen to her music and their children’s children because she is timeless. The raw emotion that goes into her songs is timeless and relatable. Her music isn’t popular because it’s catchy (though she’s good at that too - see “Shake it off”,) Its popular because she captures those raw emotions that you don’t know how to put into words or cope and puts them into words, she makes them normal, she makes you feel like you are not alone. She not only does this with her music but in the way that she treats her fans, she invites groups of fans to her home to play the album for them before it becomes available to the public, she interacts with them online, her mother handpicks fans from the crowds at her concerts to meet her backstage. She feels like a friend more than a celebrity and that is the magic that is Taylor Swift. I can’t wait for the next chapter.
