behind the sea...

Joshua Cole. 📍 SF/NYC If you wanna see the sun, you're gonna have to dig your way out.

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[josh-cole]

bambisolano​

It had started as another great day, Bambi was still riding high on the fact that the gala they went to with Jer had really gotten people to look at them in a different light (mostly thanks to Jer’s kind words) and they had spent their birthday with their best friend who always made even the simplest things seem magical. Top that off with the gorgeous bouquet that Alexa had sent and this year was amazing. Today was going to be great just like the last week had been.

Except it most definitely was not and after a run in with an old mutual friend of her and Vinny’s, Bambi now sat in one of the local cafes (not Dotty’s because they were attempting to not be found by anyone they knew in their current state) with a iced caramel macchiato in front of them that was untouched at the current moment.

Using a napkin to wipe the trails of mascara from their face, they were muttering under their breath in Spanish and attempting to calm themselves down. Their hands were shaking they were so upset at the words that had come out of Eduardo’s mouth and over what? The fact he was still harboring some kind of feelings about something that happened in high school?! Bambi couldn’t help it if Vinny liked them more than they liked Eduardo but stealing someone’s friend was a bit extreme. So were the other words that came out of his mouth that really set Bambi off and for once, Bambi was mean to someone.

Hearing the little bell above the door, it drew Bambi’s attention up just enough to give a quick glance in the newcomer’s direction, clearing their throat before looking back down and talking. “You’re going to have to ring the little bell, the girl working is in the back dealing with some shipment thing.”

☼

Josh had noticed the tears even before Bambi spoke. There’s no good reason for him to feign ignorance other than his own awkward disposition but, regardless, he gives a grateful but stiff smile and a muttered thanks before he taps the bell. The service is quick after that, the girl thanking him for waiting as she prepares his drink and counting up the cash quickly to make up for it.

He could quite easily pick up his coffee and take it on his walk as planned, but before the drink is even in his hand, Josh is eaten away by the guilt of it - just can’t leave before checking up on them. He pushes his own awkwardness aside and makes a beeline back to their table.

“You sure were happy the last time we met,” he says, sounding timid and looking ever more so as he lowers himself into the opposite seat and, just like that, the discomfort is gone and he’s glad to have stayed. Funny how you can forget people have lives outside of the small windows you get to see, but Josh finds himself taken aback by seeing such a sparkly character looking so... dulled. “Would you like to talk about it?”

[josh-cole]

heybillywatson​

The silence is comfortable, and Billy doesn’t want to be the one to break it. Seeing Josh enjoy the view of the city, seeing him enjoying himself, he can’t help but smile. He’s happy seeing his friend happy. It’s almost disappointing when Josh breaks the silence, interrupting his admiration of his friend. “Yeah. I mean, there’s always a party somewhere. I don’t go to most of them, though,” he shrugs, thinking about how he’s usually sitting in either his room or a library instead of at a party. Josh is the reason he’s out partying tonight. “I think you fit in perfectly. Got the charm of a college student,” he smiles, stepping next to the man to look at the city. “I’m really glad you joined.”

☼

Even with alcohol making his brain feel light and the noise of the city beneath them, there’s a nice sort of calm out here. Not the kind you get in San Francisco where their suburban house is too far to hear life, or in Texas where everything was always loud even when it wasn’t, or Vegas where the silence was haunting. New York is the kind of quiet that doesn’t overwhelm. The kind he could get lost in. “Me too,” he says, looking to his side to watch Billy look over the city. “The la--” Nope. No, no, no, Josh thinks. The worst thing he can do now is bring up how things ended the last time they got drunk, just the two of them, even if now the mere thought of it has him huffing a laugh, head ducked. Instead, he leans over slightly, nudging their shoulders. “We’ve been through way too much to be too occupied with work and school to have a good time like this.” Another glance and he adds, “You’ll invite me again, right?”

[josh-cole]

mrconnorandrews​

Connor nodded carefully, it certainly wasn’t the first time that his story had led to a confession like that. “I’m sorry.” he said sincerely, “I’m not close with my own parents either but it would still be … hard to lose them, in it’s own way.” he admitted. Truthfully, harder to lose his father then his mother he thought. It would be easier to mourn what might have been if the man had ever actually tried. He was just absent, where Connor’s mother had been awful. 

He grinned, “Well, I do like to inspire a challenge. Life’s no fun if it’s all too easy, you gotta do something complicated sometimes.” he said. He personally intended to live life to the fullest. “Oh! I’m Connor. Sorry, I forget to do the whole introductions thing a lot. What about you, what’s your name?”

☼

“You’d think it’d make things easier, right?” In many ways he feels selfishly fortunate to have been so distant from his dad when he died - there was no extra loss that way but, over the years, Josh has come to realise that it only made the void already there all the more painful. Never to be filled after years of hoping. Mostly though, he focuses on his new life. Separates himself entirely, and it mostly works.

“Josh,” he replies, tilting his drink towards the man in lieu of a handshake. He’s been giving out way too many of those at work recently and has since caught himself shaking hands in more casual settings than he’d like to count. He’s working on it. “It’s good to meet you, Connor. Do you do this a lot? Braving bars alone? It’s kinda new to me.”

[josh-cole]

itsamandascott​

It really wasn’t uncommon for Amanda to be ignored by people when she was calling out their names. New York was busy and people learned to either zone people out for their own sanity or because they were worried about making someone mad. She didn’t fault him for not hearing her and there was really no harm in it either.

“Nah, not embarrassing! It happens to people all the time just thnakfully you don’t have to get new cards and you didn’t lose your gifts. One time I lost my wallet and I think aside from the accident I was in? It was the worst moment of my entire life. So, definitely happy to deliver it back to it’s owner.”

A bright smile before she’s taking a step back from him. “Just uh, try to keep your eye on it because I’m pretty sure the next person that finds it won’t be as nice as I am. I’m sure you’re rushing to get somewhere right? I’ll just let you go, I’m just going up the street to the dance studio there - so I promise while it seems I’m walking with you, I’m totally not.”

☼

He gives a soft smile, hand still around the wallet in his pocket now he’s learned better than to trust himself to let go. “We need more people like you,” he decides. Josh can think of a couple worse things than losing his wallet too, but it’s certainly not another inconvenience he wants to deal with. The mention of an accident leaves him curious, but he knows better than to pry, trying not to let his expression reflect the questions it raises.

“That’s okay, I mean... we could walk together -- since we’re going the same way and all. I’m not rushing -- not at all. Honestly, I don’t even know where I’m headed. Just felt like getting out for a while.” Josh looks back over his shoulder in the direction he was heading (figuring that the studio is somewhere that way too) then back to the woman. “Let me walk you -- to say thanks for not robbing me.”

Maybe it’s weird, being strangers and all, but Josh figures he knows how to fix that too, extending his free hand as he says, “I’m Josh.”

[josh-cole]

heybillywatson​

Following Josh, his hand feeling hot in Josh’s, Billy lets out of a breath of relief as they emerge out of the crowded, loud room. He’s nodding for a brief second before realising that that’s not enough information, and he quickly opens his mouth, “Right this way.” Now Billy is the one leading Josh outside to the fire escape, stopping as he lets go of his hand and takes a small bow, gesturing and giggling, “After you.” The fresh air feels great against his skin as they step outside, and he only now realises how warm it was inside - no wonder, in a room packed of drunk people, and the excitement of their game of beer pong. “So, how are you liking your first college party?”

☼

You know when you’re around intoxicated people and you start feeling under the influence yourself? Josh would ask if he hadn’t fallen into a drunken silence. And then you’re alone or with someone sober and realise you’re not drunk at all? It happens all the time at home, with both alcohol and weed. Well, this is... the opposite. He heads straight to the edge of the roof where a waist-high wall acts as a barrier, looking out over the street before he turns to lean back against it. “I love it,” he replies, not having meant to fall silent for so long. “Do you get to do this all the time? D’you think they can tell that I don’t?” Josh’s smile is enough to show he doesn’t really mind too much either way. “Thanks for letting me come here with you.”

[josh-cole]

irisorchids​

Esmeray freezes at first when she feels someone’s hands on her shoulder at the end of class while she’s packing up and getting ready to head to 10 Pins where she is sure all the stress and weight that she had just relieved was bound to come back. However perhaps after hearing that all to familiar voice something else was about to beat her job to it. 

She turns around and she isn’t quite sure if the feeling that is bubbling up inside of her is happiness or not. She loves Josh don’t get her wrong, he was one of her only friends back in San Francisco, unless you count the multiple women she talked with in her mommy and me classes. However him being here meant that there was someone in the city who knew her from that life in California, the life that she was still running from. 

“Joshua!” She laughs softly as she allows him to engross her in a hug. She can’t lie the feeling is relieving in a way, all the yoga classes and banter that they shared over coffee rushing back to the front of her mind. Once they pull back from each other she can’t help but chuckle gently “You look great.” She tells him “What are you doing in New York?” She asks him.

☼

He almost feels guilty to have forgotten that Esmeray had moved here. They texted sometimes since she left California, and even since he opened the hotel here too, but it wasn’t until a week or so ago when the woman had casually mentioned something (that Josh can’t even recall now) about the city that he remembered exactly where she’d relocated to, and realised they were in the same place.

“We expanded!” He tells her excitably, not often getting to share the news with a friend these days. It’s usually news he shares when sheepishly catching up with old friends or getting to know new acquaintances, careful to sound modest. And then there were fellow businessmen, where nobody was modest but the excitement was sucked out of most conversations anyway. “We bought a hotel in SoHo. Kev -you remember Kev?- moved out here full time to manage it. I’m here and there.”

Josh glances around the emptying room, then back at the woman with a hopeful smile. “Are you free right now? We could get coffee. Nobody gossips here like they do in California. I’m desperate.”

[josh-cole]

brodylevime​

                “Mmhn,” Brody says, with an understanding nod. Family. Brody’s own parents still live in the area. Not that he sees them very often. It’s more surface level than anything. Brody thinks it’s because they don’t seem to have any interest in knowing who he is now. As a man. As opposed to who he was. As a child. It’s not malicious. He’s not sure either of his parents are capable of that.                  Brody offers a smile, “Hey, you’re fine. Obviously you don’t need to justify yourself to me. I will say that doing something because you feel like you need to and not because you want to will always bite you in the ass.” Not that he can speak to everything going on in Josh’s life, obviously, but he liked to think he’s done his fair share of stupid things because he felt like he needed to. And it’s never once ended up like he wanted it to. “So whatever the case may be, make sure you actually want it. And aren’t doing it just because you think you’re supposed to.”                  Josh obviously didn’t need to take his advice. That was fine. Brody just felt like it was important that he at least offer his own perspective. In case Josh needed it. He’s laughing again though as he sips at his drink. “Oh man. You’re in New York, you’ve been here for a while, and you haven’t been to the Met?!” He sets his glass down and fixes Josh with an amused grin, “Well that’s gonna have to be our first thing, then. You into art at all?” 

☼

“I do want to be with him. I just... want to do a lot of things my way right now.” Which sounds selfish really but, hey, twenty-six years and he’s never done things his own way. Maybe it’s time. “I never really understood what people meant when they said family was unconditional because I never felt the same way with my parents, but I get it now. It’s like... Elijah and I will be together forever, I know we will. It’s not about if we will, it’s about how? Because not being with him just... doesn’t make sense. Like it’s impossible? But right now I’m struggling to figure out... how everything fits. But I know that it does.” There he goes again, rambling on... He really ought to stop talking to strangers whilst he drinks. “It’s like a puzzle -- and I suck at puzzles,” he tries to joke.

“Anyway, enough about work and relationships and... puzzles.” Josh chuckles, embarrassed. “We’d better set a date and time for the Met,” he proposes because Josh knows himself; if he doesn’t commit to the plan now, days will pass and he’ll make no effort to text or call and will be conveniently busy when Brody tries to make contact, not because Josh doesn’t want to see him, but because he’ll lose his nerve. Start thinking about what they’ll talk about or if he’ll bore the man or if he’ll do something to embarrass himself and blow his shot at a new connection in the city that’s for him and not just for his job.

“I also need to get to know the local cuisine. And the coffee. Every time I catch myself walking around with a Starbucks cup I swear it feels like I have ‘TOURIST’ written on my forehead.”

[josh-cole]

bambisolano​

“I feel the worst thing for anyone really is to be stuck in there during a holiday but even more so Christmas, especially when some of the kids can’t have visitors outside hospital staff.” One would think that the pain and sadness of the hospital would wear someone’s mood down but Bambi just always did whatever it took to make things better, even it was only marginally so. 

Laughing, Bambi shoved their hands into their pockets. “Yeah, I kind of need the caffeine with my shifts. It helps get me through the day - the only thing is today I’m not working and I’m still consuming that much so I’m not sure it’s healthy but nothing’s happened to me yet. “I’m Bambi, pleasure to meet you! I know, most people have become Oscar the Grouch’s. It’s sad really when there’s so much happiness that could be spread instead of you know, Scrooge.”

☼

Truthfully, Josh had a hard time with Christmas no matter where he was back then. Having family over at their place was an absolute no-go, what with his mom’s habits not exactly being accommodating for guests, so Christmas meant trips to his grandparents house, where his aunts, uncle’s and cousins would shout and get drunk and merry and cram the place up and leave Josh overwhelmed and, ultimately, in trouble. He rather liked his Christmas in the ward, but he knows not everyone would feel the same. One thing he does know though, is that, “those kids will remember their Christmas in hospital forever - for all the right reasons because of you.”

He nods in understanding. As much as his job takes over, Josh doesn’t let some of the luxuries he has go amis. One of them being that working in an office of his own, in a hotel of his own, tends to mean coffee (and food) is quite literally on-call. One quick dial for room service and he’s re-caffeinated in no time. “I don’t suppose any of the coffee places you’ve tried today had good food, too? I’m trying to expand from the same three cafes I jump between.”

[josh-cole]

​Yoga studio on the Upper East Side with @irisorchids​

If there’s one thing Josh has been lacking since moving to New York, it’s a way to destress. Back home he shared a hobby with every one of his friends, spending most of his free time trying new crafts of reading new books to take a step away from work without feeling lazy. Being in New York was only ever meant to be for business, so maybe he can’t complain about the way it takes over most of his days, but it does wear him down.

That’s where Esmeray came in. Josh thinks he must be the luckiest person in the world to not only have practically moved to a new state with Kevin, his best friend, but to then find that other friends from California are on his doorstep, too. It was Kevin actually that bullied him into trying yoga in San Francisco, leading Josh to join the class where he later met Esmeray. Now here he is in her class months later in a whole different state.

The surprise was too tempting and, after conversing with the woman holding the class and managing to set up behind Esmeray, it only took a few well-timed head turns to stay undetected. Now though, as his friend finishes tidying her area, Josh steps behind her and places a hand on either shoulder. “Surprise,” he says, before stepping back and raising his arms for a hug. “Guess who’s getting back into yoga.”

[josh-cole]

𝒸𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓇𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝓊​

“You’re welcome so much.” Claire replies brightly as Josh pockets the card and fishes around for one of his own. She looks at the card, then back at him with an even broader grin. “San Francisco, huh? Maybe I’ll have to check this place out when I go back home to visit my family.”

Claire looks at the card for a moment longer. She hadn’t hated or disliked San Francisco – in fact, it was her home, but she needs this fresh start, as homesick as she’s already feeling simply looking at an address on a business card. “I’m from San Francisco, actually, born and raised. My parents have a restaurant. I just moved here a few weeks ago. What about you? You from California, too?”

☼

What an enormous coincidence that they’re both from the same state. The fact brought an even brighter smile to his face, always glad to talk about the state that has somewhat saved him. “What are the odds?” He beams. “We have a family business too-- or, the Harrison, it was my best friend’s family that owned it, but they’re basically my family too, you know? And I bought the original chain when they were struggling, but they still work there now, it’s really--” He snaps his mouth shut like he seems to do quite often these days, shutting himself up before he gets so carried away he can’t stop.

Even if, in his head, he’s from San Francisco without a doubt, Josh is never sure what it really means to be from somewhere. “Uh... Sort of?” Sure he was born and raised in Nevada, but Josh never really saw the place, locked up in his room half the time before he was tossed about from one ward to the next. Almost a decade later, he didn’t even last 24 hours after his flight back to Vegas before he was back on a plane and heading for the Harrison Hotel where google claimed that famed George Harrison himself stayed after the Beatle’s final show. “I only moved there in 2018 but it’s... It’s home.” At least that’s what he’s always said, even as that homely feeling started to dwindle as New York stole his heart a day at a time. “My friends say I’m Californian through and through,” he muses.

[josh-cole]

itsamandascott​:

location: anywhere on the streets of new york

“Hey!” Amanda called out, running to catch up someone down the sidewalk on the streets. She’d been chasing them through the crowd for nearly a block from when they saw the wallet drop from their pocket (or purse respectively) and was out of breath by the time she finally got their attention. 

Smiling, she held out the wallet with one hand as the other rested on the leg warmers she was wearing. “You dropped this back there. I thought I wasn’t going to catch up to you, I’ve been calling out for you for almost a whole block, but I guess you didn’t pay too much attention cause well, I could have been calling for anyone right? Anyway, here ya go.”

☼

It’s not like Josh to play his music so loudly as he walks through Times Square. Usually, he enjoys the sound of chatter; the excited tourists that tend to overpower the grumpy murmurs of the locals that one might hear in other areas of the city, but today he’s just in the mood for getting lost in his own world.

Simon and Garfunkel’s Mrs. Robinson is playing loudly enough to drown out most of the surrounding noise, and it’s not until the woman is caught up with him that her calls break through the music. Josh pulls one of his headphones out, eyes wide with confusion as he tries to get his head around what he’s missed.

“Oh,” he says, and then, “Oh. Thank you, wow. That’s embarrassing.” He huffs a laugh as he takes the wallet back. “I usually bring a bag out. I guess I put too much faith into my coat pocket, huh?” Even as he says it, Josh slips the wallet back into the pocket of his aviator but keeps his hand in there with it this time. “Thank you so much -- again. A lot of people woulda seen me drop this and run for the hills with it, then I’d be without all of my Christmas gift cards,” he rambles. It’s true though; whether he’s hard to shop for or people were short for time, Josh seemed to get more gift cards than greeting cards this year.

[mndvx]

[temporarynowhere]

[josh-cole]

@silas--black​

How could Kevin just leave him here?! Only ten minutes in the car and they were arguing and sure Kev was doing him a favour today and sure he never even wanted to help Josh with it in the first place, but Josh was still in the right okay?! It was his first time behind the wheel of a car and Kevin just expected him to, what, put his foot down and start moving?

“Well yeah, that’s literally how driving works,” Kevin says now, over the phone after having stormed out of the parking lot, tripping over a hedge to get out of there and back onto the street quicker. Josh had followed him to the hedge but didn’t get much further.

“There were a bunch of... pedals and sticks and-- I don’t know! I can’t just know! And now I’m stuck here in an empty lot with a car I can’t even drive! Hello? Hell--” The line’s dead. Josh turns away from the car that he suddenly despises, parked right in the middle of the lot, and only then spots the man at the other side of the short hedge, on the sidewalk that runs alongside the concreted area. It’s not often that Josh raises his voice like that in public. He’s mortified. “Sorry, I’m--... Sorry.”

[josh-cole]

bambisolano​

“Oh good! Now I don’t feel so bad bout doing it,” they laughed because normally Bambi just talked on and on until someone gave them a deadpan look that told them silently to shut the fuck up. They hated silence which is why maybe they enjoyed work so much. Never a idle moment went by in their department. “I work there, I’m a nurse in the ED but I can’t help but pay attention to the kid’s ward. It’s like I’m a moth drawn to a flame and just want to help them feel better too you know?”

When they were offered the candy, they smiled but shook their head. “No thank you, I’ve had three peppermint mochas today. I think I’m at my mint limit for today at least. They’re addicting though aren’t they?” They motioned to the mints. “Better safe than sorry, maybe now you won’t get a cold. At least your tangents are amusing and not telling at the top of your lungs trying to get your anger out at the whole hospital staff. Plus, I’m betting the sugar in those mints are helping you being so talkative too. What’s your name sweetheart?”

☼

It warms his heart to hear so much passion surrounding making the children’s ward feel nice over Christmas. “That’s so cool. I spent Christmas in the hospital one year when I was a kid so that’s... really special.” He almost feels like he ought to say thank you.

“Three mochas?” Josh repeats. “Gosh, if I had that much caffeine I’d trick myself into thinking I could see everyone’s thoughts -- and they’d all be terrible.” - which is a pretty abstract metaphor for the truth. What he means is that his anxiety would be through the roof, but he’s pretty sure the same could be said for most people. “Josh,” he replies around the mint, all wide eyes as he smiles. “And you?” He’s pretty sure this is one of the most positive first impressions he’s ever had in New York. Everyone here is always so grouchy or in such a hurry or just completely oblivious to anyone else around them. “I have to say, it’s nice to have such a pleasant conversation with a stranger around here at this time of year.

[josh-cole]

arthurgustin​

“Yeah, a cow. She’s like…” Arthur trails off when Josh erupts in his next fit of giggles, and it’s not long before Arthur’s joining in again with some laughter of his own. He’s just about ready to explain where he thinks they are in this conversation when he gets fully distracted by the idea of lunch. “Oh, lunch. Yes.” He’s nodding his head now as if it were obvious. “I want pizza. I really want pizza.”

Maybe even four different kinds of pizza, actually. Caught up now in the thought of what exactly he wants to order and if ordering four different pizzas is gonna be excessive or not, it takes him a moment to tune back into what Josh is saying. “No, I like cows. I didn’t mean that. Maybe I meant goats. Me and goats don’t get along.” 

Josh’s first thought when trying to find the link between a cow and whoever ‘she’ is, is the connection between udders and the female anatomy, and he slaps both hands over his mouth when he thinks for a second he’d said it out loud. Wait, didn’t they order food already? No, no, he got distracted. “Pizza,” he repeats, tapping away at his phone. “I’ll get three... and sides.”

He chuckles again as Arthur goes on, only escaping more hysterics because he’s half distracted by his phone. “Did you know that GOAT means greatest of all time? Kev said you’re the GOAT last week. I’ll tell ‘im to make up a new... Abrev-- Contraction? Acronym?” Josh is adding ice cream and cookies to their order when he adds, “Although you are the greatest of all time.”