Am I real? Mirror Mirror: rorriM rorriM. oN
I am in fact talking to myself. Even worse I'm talking to a computer hoping that people who may or may not actually exist will respond.
Self reflection is an incredible tool to improve and understand yourself. Sometimes I wonder how much self reflection is limited by your ability to articulate your feelings. If it is, then does that mean as your ability to articulate becomes more complicated do your emotions become complicated too? Do you, by virtue become a "complicated person?' Philosophy is meant to be a road map to reality. Who's reality?
That's where self reflection hits a wall. The mirror image stares back and says " of course this is real", but is it? That's when the mirror moves from being yourself to what you do; what you surround yourself with; who you surround yourself with; and how you treat them? Still, even if they aren't real to you, those aliens in the closet are very real to me. If you get what I'm getting at.
This means that there is a separate reality for every person on the earth. That isn't to say that it's all BASED on the same thing, but after that base everyone completely diverges from that and develops their own unique understanding of everything around them. So then, bouncing your ideas off of things around you( those ideas, those thoughts of aliens or demons) becomes the only way to know if they are "real." Much as ancient man saw thunder and lighting a proof of God, whereas we see it as proof of static.
So, what does that mean when people have become so alienated from themselves that they no longer have the courage to bounce themselves. We hear it all the time. " I feel like I can't be myself." We go on following these things you are "supposed" to do. Go to school, go to college, get married, have children, get a good job. (not in that order of course). Then, suddenly questioning these things, especially with trying to experiment. Those experiments are met with a violent reaction.
If you skip a single semester you are a drop out. If you don't want relationships because you are too focused on that degree of yours you are a hoebag. (let's use language that really gets thrown at you). Perhaps you want to wear pj's to school. Who cares? A lot of people, but why the FUCK do they care about that (not enough to say it to your face of course)? I make a point to pleasantly respond to any person that I encounter, and that is met many times with anger, or rejection. Anger and rejection.
Is it really that strange I want to talk to the person next to me on the bus? I mean the route is 45 minutes long. How could I possibly sit next to a person for 45 minutes and not once wonder about who you are, where you come from, where you've been and where you are going once you get off the bus? Surely you don't live at the stop. Some people actually do. Some people take the bus just to keep warm.
I find it interesting. I know that everyone questions their existence at some point. So, what happens when that question echoes in an empty vacuum? What happens when you ask someone how their day was and they don't answer? What happens when people don't respond to your calls? Calls to hang out, calls for help by cutting your wrist, they are all the same. If no one answers you ARE NOT REAL.
It doesn't matter if you ARE because you ARE NOT. How do you know if you are when people don't answer? You DON"T. You CAN'T. You could look at pictures, but we all know that those moments only exist in our minds. We could look towards the future. That's even worse. We aren't allowed to dream anymore. Even if you do. It's still a construct of the mind. That means everything that verifies your existence is in your head. When we fail to acknowledge the existence of others they literally cease to exist.
Some people think that this doesn't apply to them. Funny you may think that. Let me ask this. What happens when people don't notice your achievements; your new clothes, your haircut; or how you seem to be upset today? What happens when that degree you worked so hard doesn't get you a job? What happens when your boss doesn't notice how hard you work? You cease to exist. Everything that you did that verifies your reality just became an echo. The mirror of life doesn't reflect, and ergo you are not there.
Let's get to the main point. Let's talk about me. I am in fact talking to myself. Even worse I'm talking to a computer hoping that people who may or may not actually exist will respond.
We all know that you can't simply not exist. You have to exist. If you don't then how are you there? I think therefore I am. Yet I don't. Then it happens. You don't know when or how but somehow you turn the table around. You create your own world. Then, that world becomes real. The others suddenly cease to be real. You cast them out as violently as you were cast out. Those people who called you a pot smoking hippie are now stuck up bitch ass white trash. That boss becomes a dick head who pulls money off of a money tree. Why should you care about labor rate?
Suddenly your ego grows. I mean, as much as it has to for you to survive. Did anyone ever wonder why the loner is a loner? They HAVE TO BE. That's where I am.
People don't confirm the existence of my world. So I say "FUCK OFF!" but if they can't hear it, then really I'm saying to myself fuck off. So, fuck me? it's easy to get caught in this spiral. The walls to yourself get higher, and higher, and higher. but who cares? Well, no one it seems.
Suddenly you do what you want, when you want and how you want. At least that's what you're lead to think by virtue of your own ego. Of course you think you are doing what you want. It's the only option you have. What I'm saying is, you create this illusion that you actually had a choice at some point, but we don't.
You say, I could exist to this group "if" I had more money, darker skin, dance moves, whatever. But, YOU DON'T have those things. The very "if" states it is something that is currently not a reality. It states that until you obtain those things you will continue to be nothing. When left with that option why in the shit ass christ (no caps there for a reason) would you chose to join the rest of the world? You wouldn't.
You would do what everyone else in your place. You would do what I do. You would put a wall so high Hercules himself wouldn't climb it. You would give a select few a key to the back door. The tower that is your ego, your self approval, will loom high in the sky. You will be sure that this is you. How could it not be? Even if it wasn't, who's going to tell you otherwise? How would they know?
"they don't know you like that."
And that's exactly how you want it to be. Right?..right?
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