I’ve lovingly clowned on the Iliad a lot as I’ve reread it but I really can’t clown on the scenes where Achilles grieves for Patroclus. No matter what the translation they always get to me. It always makes me cry every time I read it.
Achilles laments all of the plans he had. The future that Patroclus lost. He thought that someday after he died Patroclus would pick up his son and show him all the things his father did. He thought that Patroclus would outlive him by a long time. He thought he would rest easy knowing that his son and spoils and women were in good hands and his best friend was living a long time even without him.
Achilles always knew he would die young. He never thought though that Patroclus would die first.
And whether you read them as friends or lovers Patroclus was so clearly the most important person in Achilles’ life. And if you’ve lost someone on that level of importance in your life far sooner than you expected to you can feel it radiate off the page.
I read this 3,000 year old poem and I feel my own grief open up all over again. I feel all the years those I’ve loved who have died too young never got to see. All the things they planned to do. I can feel again all of the times I myself have been doubled over in the dark and pulling at my hair wondering why it had to be this way.
Everything changes, everything stays the same. I understand, Achilles. I get it.
