That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.
Josyln 'Joss' Brynes. 25. She/her. Pansexual. Eastside dweller. Part time at the Ace Hotel. Other part dancing in the background.
Abridged version:
16 years in Nashville
Only child
Estranged from her pop star mother
Hard-working and responsible
Stand offish and stubborn
Full Story...
If there was one thing that Joss knew her future didn’t hold it was living the life of an artist. It was at a young age that she promised herself that whatever she chose it would be a path of stability and reliability. The world of music could hardly offer her such things. The glitz and glam left nothing but a bitter taste in her mouth, but it wasn’t always like that… The first few years that she could remember, her life was good. There was nothing special or unique but she was happy. Her parent’s were young, having her their senior year of high school, but with their youth it gave her a lively household. Her dad was a hard worker but the moment he got home, no matter how long the shift, he dedicated every moment bringing a smile to his wife and daughter’s face. Her mother was the most beautiful woman with a lively spirit. She made the mundane things an adventure and even chores were made into a game. Music filled their days as her mother had a passion for singing. There wasn’t a night went by that Joss didn’t fall asleep to her mother’s voice. She never knew that one of her biggest comforts in life would end up being her hardest heartbreak.
It all started when her parents decided to move to Nashville. With Joss now going into school it opened up a chance for her mom to have more time for her passions. It started with some small singing gigs here and there which landed her in a small band as their front singer. For a time it felt like the most magical time in Joss’ life. Her mom was like a princess up on that stage. She loved getting to see her mom perform before her dad brought her home for bed. But that magic started to wear off over time when her mom was home less and less, and when she was that house that felt so filled with joy felt colder. Her parents never fought in front of her but she heard the hushed arguments. Or the tone in her dad’s voice as they spoke over the phone. Her mother’s dream started to be Joss’ eye opening reality to a much harder life.
What started with asking her dad countless times ‘when is mommy coming home?’ only to be met with soon, finally received a solid answer. She wasn’t coming back. It took a while for her to understand the gravity of it all but once she did it caused her to mature way faster than many of her peers. They were now a one income household and with that came a tighter budget, stricter schedules that had to be followed to make things work, and sometimes the absence of both her parents. Her dad did his best to make the adjustment easier for Joss. He still came home with a smile, but she could see that there was something missing behind it. It all became her new normal.
As soon as she got old enough she took jobs where she could, learned how to cook so that she could have dinner ready for her dad. The two fell into a pattern of life that worked well for them both. There was a new normal where there absence of her mother didn’t become so debilitating but that didn’t make the hurt heal. That hurt made her promise that she would never be like her mother. That she could never do what she did to the people that she loved. So the passions that she carried much like and because of her mother got locked away only let out in little doses. Afraid that fully letting herself give in to her desires would make her someone that she only recognized in her mother’s reflection.
