Unexpectedly, the internet access at my home broke down for an hour tonight, which provoked great anxiety to me. It felt like a part of me was blocked, subdued, muzzled, among all those unsent and unreceived messages. Certainly, the horror of being offline is a very modern problem.
Born at the turn of the 21st century, I have been too familiar with modern technologies since forever. I owned my first telephone at the age of nine, a time when I started learning to use the internet and chat online. I grew up playing computer games and watching TV ā but at certain point, people simply stopped watching cable, just like that. Then came the emerging smartphone and e-commerce and social media. Convenience is the key word, as we willingly fall into the trap of consumerism.
Sadly, Iāve never lived in a world without the marvellous internet, so as I went disconnected for an entire hour, I panicked. I forgot that I could text and phone my friends (had I their number) ā I could even write them letters or knock on their door (had I their address). (P.S. Iāve never written and snail-mailed an actual letter in my life.) I became anxious, unsettling, and inattentive.
From this little incident I recall an essay that I studied in class last year,Ā The TelephoneĀ by Anwar F. Accawi, which is about how the introduction of telephone radically changes the life of people in a small Lebanese village. The nostalgic tone between the lines made me sad about how unpredictable life is, about how people are always ālooking for a better lifeā, in vain.
Anyway, my professor asked us to take on a āno smart phone challengeā for just one day. I tried it. It was fun. When I had to arrange the meeting time and place with my friend prior to that day, he commented that I was āold-fashionedā, and that when he was a child back in the 80ās, people actually had to ring each other from home to make rendezvous and wait at the agreed spot, which I found interesting, even a bit romantic.
This is how I wrote about thisĀ āstone age challengeā in my journal that day:Ā āGenerally, I didnāt suffer much inconvenience from this challenge. But to be honest, I did feel a kind of anxiety towards the end of the day. I worried if I missed any important messages given that my phone had been turned off for nearly 24 hours, yet the sad but obvious truth was: I didnāt.ā
Incidentally, I was reading Ang Leeās biography this arvo and a quote of his childhood friends gave me the nerves: ā Ang Lee was unpunctual, neither was I ā¦ I once waited for him for two hours. There was no such thing as cellphone and we were not able to get in touch, but I just knew that he would come. We wouldnāt get upset with each other for being late ā simply seeing each other was enough.ā
In hindsight, maybe people back then were used to waiting ā it was a norm for them. Lifeās moving way too fast nowadays, and we forget/have no idea about the merits of waiting ā waiting for someone you care show up ā it must be exhilaratingly torturing.
Extra: I would like to share a quote by The Fox inĀ The Little Prince.
"If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you... One must observe the proper rites..."
