Jourdan

The depths of the mind will be the greatest mystery. 9/11/18 FTM Sc-jourdan1828

[thegoodvybe]

[shabbatshaqueer]

i’m concerned about boys with mental illnesses and eating disorders and abusive relationships and sexual assault survivor stories and self-harming tendencies who never get the attention or care or help they need because all of those things “don’t happen to men” or because “all men are horrible monsters” and i just wanna say if you’re a boy and you’re struggling with something hard, your gender doesn’t diminish or dismiss your struggles or make them any less significant or difficult and i love you and i’m here for you

[lsleofskye]

Avusor Yaylasi | cumacevikphoto

[2headedsnake]

[realtransfacts]

My cat supports trans people. Does yours??

[fikonet-deactivated20200724]

Your local Sushi glaring holes into the souls of transphobes 🌈

[realtransfacts]

The pure strength in that gaze makes me feel truly safe

[tubbs-is-my-friend]

Scarlett loves trans people. <3

[realtransfacts]

I love Scarlett too!!

[hatcubed]

I made this twitch emote-size cat independently a couple days ago and now a perfect opportunity for her arises!

[realtransfacts]

Omg that’s adorable!

[soggy-pumpkin]

This is Marmalade and he loves everyone! He has much trans pride and bleps for us!

[realtransfacts]

A very supportive blep!

[snakefashion]

Coffee Face said Trans Rights!!!!

[realtransfacts]

The best kind of coffee right here!

[evenedelweiss]

the t in tinka stands for trans rights!

[realtransfacts]

Tinka is terrific!!

[theocannibalism]

Scout loves all trans folks!

[realtransfacts]

And I love Scout!

[exactlywattonachain]

Apollo and Persephone love and support all trans people unconditionally

[realtransfacts]

Omg such good allies

[coltonclay]

Jemma is sleepy but she still loves you!

[realtransfacts]

Omg Jemma is a true darling!

[alfea]

i found a book about cats from 1873 and i’m absolutely losing my mind

[donzelademotel]

[nikish-as]

[jourdan91]

Neda awareness week!

Hello, my name is Jourdan, I am a transgender male and this is my truth. 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Atypical Anorexia Nervosa. From childhood I have battled with my weight and body image. I remember I started realizing in the third grade that I was bigger than the other kids my age. I got picked on for my weight, I wasn’t able to wear clothes like the other kids because they didn’t come in my size. I wasn’t the kid that the others would pick to be on their teams in activities because they thought I wouldn’t be good enough. People don’t realize what this can do to a child and teach a third grader to hate themselves and become convinced they will never be good enough and made to feel unwanted and a burden all because of weight. My family tried to help. Through my life I’ve went to doctors that shamed me on my weight, tried different diets, been active, took medicine that I was prescribed but none of that helped. I continued to gain weight. In middle school is when I also started to realize that not only did I hate my weight but the appearance of my body didn’t match who I was. I started skipping lunch at school because I was embarrassed for people to see me eat and judge me for eating. This only added to the hatred I had towards myself and then once high school hit I was severely depressed and engaging in self harm behaviors as well as 2 suicide attempts. I was miserable and reached out for help and ended up in a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I felt alone and defeated, that there would never be a day that I would be okay. That I would never reach a point in my life where I could say that I am Jourdan and I am happy with who I am. After high school when I was 19 I lost my father and that was the final thing that sent me into a very destructive lifestyle. I started smoking weed and drinking while still engaging in the same behaviors as before. I was skipping several meals to the point that I started going days with out eating and using pain pills and cocaine to completely tear myself apart. After I started using cocaine and restricting I started losing a lot of weight very fast and finally I felt a sense of accomplishment. At this point my eating disorder was full force and I was pushing my body to the point that I could feel it start shutting down. Then I would eat a few bites of something and repeat the process. I lived of coffee. It wasn’t Until last year that I realized the issue I had with my body image was because I am transgender. I started seeing a therapist to try and take care of myself as I started hormone therapy. One day I mentioned to her I wasn’t eating and that’s when she referred me to the Renfrew Center for eating disorders. The beginning of October I spent three days in day treatment before I was sent to a residential treatment program in Philly. I spent a month there and came home where up until I’ve been in treatment for my eating disorder. Before I left for residential I started my hormones to begin my transition. It has been a very long process in recovery and even now I am still having days that I want to give up but I continue to keep pushing myself because recovery offers me a life that I have been searching for my whole life. I still struggle daily with my weight but I am slowly learning to be okay with my weight because that is not who I am. I am Jourdan and i am a beautiful person. I am seeing the changes from my hormones and seeing my outside match who I am on the inside. Everyday when I look in the mirror I remind myself of the journey I’m going through and that I’ve came so far to fall back now. I am more than a statistic I am a human and I deserve recovery and life. This photo represents the beginning of me taking charge of my life until now. I am 25 weeks on T and I am a survivor. help me raise awareness and create visibility of hope for the lgbtq community that is struggling with an eating disorder. Especially for the transgender community. You are worth medical help and recovery❤️❤️

[thegoodvybe]

“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.”

— Jess C. Scott, The Intern

[lsleofskye]

[poems-and-word]

[thegoodvybe]

[jourdan91]

The afternoons and weekends are the hardest. I am lonely, I struggle to eat 3 meals on my own. I have been very depressed for the past week, lapsed and used self harm. I enjoyed it and that makes me even more upset because I want to do it again but I know that is something I need to stay away from. I feel like I should just give up, there is no help for someone like me. 

[jourdan91]

Mental health!

Providers will with hold a prescription that you have been on because they think you are doing drugs. They send you for a drug test and check everyday for the results. Even go as far to question if you even took it then find out the results are negative and you were in fact telling the truth then give you your prescription after you have went without it. But when you go to them for help and express over and over you are depressed and have used self harm then show them the marks on your arms you don’t even get followed up with. No one asks to see if you’ve caused anymore harm or offers to sit down and talk with you about it after the fact. It’s nice to know that a legal prescription is more important to check on than the person themselves when they are struggling with depression and self harm.

[jourdan91]

I feel like my brain is my best and worst quality in recovery. It’s not that I am unable to process but the fact that I am able to process so deeply in understanding

[jourdan91]

Question time.

What would you be able to do if you didn't have your eating disorder?

My answer: I would be able to give love to others the way I want to with out the fear of being rejected,  and I would be able to accept the love from others that i have learned to push away.

WHAT WOULD YOUR ANWSER BE?