before you go

jesse st. james; actor, singer, director, new yorker.

[jstj]

sms 💬 ( blesse )

BLAINE: I am so excited for you, Jesse. I don't want to defend Kurt's feelings on the matter, but given everything he and I have been through it I feel like he's just coming from a concerned place. But, it's no one's business but yours and Rachel what you decide to do.

BLAINE: Good! I'm sure everything will work out soon enough.

BLAINE: Oh what fun, it'll be!

JESSE: We're happy. We don't need people around us who aren't happy about that. A couple of years ago, I would never have pictured this being my life. But I can't wait to be a dad. And I especially can't wait to see Rachel was a mom.

JESSE: I hope so.

JESSE: What's your Christmas card going to be this year?

[jstj]

sms: st. berry

RACHEL: Of course, we can talk about anything. But I'm not sure what there is to discuss. I'm taking necessary precautions in order to start a family.

JESSE: I'm just worried. This is beyond our control and I don't want you to be stressed trying to influence what can't be influenced.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: Is that not part of the carefully constructed plan you and Rachel have made?

JESSE: Babies aren't allowed bank accounts. And their pockets will be too small for a wallet.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: I think you'll be okay.

JESSE: The baby won't have any money, Kurt.

[jstj]

I just received a phone call from the Trump campaign, asking me if I’m going to be voting. Unfortunately for them, the only people of colour I think should be banned from the country are orange ones. A billionaire should be paying more in taxes than the cost of a pair of boots. Please remember to vote and save us four more years of this corruption.

[jstj]

sms 💬 ( blesse )

BLAINE: Oh my god, Jesse! That's amazing. I'm so excited for you both.

BLAINE: Head Elf Blaine Anderson would be honored to sing with the St. Claus family.

JESSE: See, that's an appropriate reaction when your friends tell you good news. Not being all doom and gloom and thinking that you get a vote in someone else's marriage.

JESSE: We're both really excited. Admittedly Rachel's starting to worry because it hasn't worked yet, but I think it's too soon to be concerned that something is wrong.

JESSE: I can imagine the Christmas card now.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: Perhaps. But startups take awhile to pay.

JESSE: Exposure doesn't buy diapers.

[jstj]

sms 💬 ( blesse )

BLAINE: He tends to get through the moods pretty quickly I will say. Unless you've done something really awful.

BLAINE: I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little curious, sure. But, I also know better than to dive into his business.

BLAINE: It would be a huge hit and I would definitely be interested in being involved and I'm sure you and Mrs. Claus-St. James would do some fantastic duets.

JESSE: That's the problem, it isn't his business. He was inserting himself a little too strongly into my business.

JESSE: Because... (and you're only the second person to know this, so drumroll please...) Rachel and I are trying. To have a baby, not just trying in general. Kurt is trying.

JESSE: We'd definitely invite head elf Blaine Anderson up to sing a song with us.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: My first loyal customer, of which there will be many!

JESSE: I hope they'll be fairly compensated for the sponsorship deal.

[jstj]

sms 💬 ( blesse )

BLAINE: That's a good point. Also, classier.

BLAINE: Oh, I don't miss the moods. The moods are rough, but he eventually gets to the other side.

BLAINE: As someone who loves you both in different ways, I'm going to be fully neutral on this.

BLAINE: Jesse St. Claus should be your holiday one man show.

JESSE: I thought so, too.

JESSE: Yeah. He's done being moody now, at least.

JESSE: [...]

JESSE: You aren't curious to know what he was moody about?

JESSE: Mm, okay. I know where your vote would go in a secret ballot. Don't worry.

JESSE: I would love that. I might have to do one next year. Maybe I can share it with Mrs. Claus, we can rehearse some festive duets.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: Oh my god. You're right. And I have been wanting to branch out of my comfort zone.

JESSE: Baby St. James will be a loyal brand ambassador for HummelBrag.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: I know you're not. My brain's just good at coming up with worst case scenarios, especially on the spot like I was the other night.

KURT: Uncle Kurt, huh? That's true. I'll get to spoil them, give them a bunch of candy, and then return them to you.

JESSE: We've been talking about this for months. We're ready.

JESSE: Think of the fashion opportunities. They'll be just as cute as Rachel, but without the ability to protest.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: That's a lot more manageable then. Okay.

KURT: All I'm saying is that, when you have a baby your priorities change - as they should. You two will be up half the night with a newborn - one that's going to have quite a set of lungs on them. And then you'll start making friends with other parents who you can relate to a lot more easily. I'm not saying we won't still be friends, or see each other, but that dynamic is going to be impacted because we'll have such different lifestyles.

KURT: And I am by no means saying that you shouldn't have a kid because of that. Far from it - I don't think that should be a factor whatsoever in your decision. It's your family, not mine.

JESSE: We've planned this carefully. We're not stupid.

JESSE: Of course the dynamic will be different, but that's not a reason to not do it. Life moves on. This is the stage we're at and it's something we both really want. We don't want to go to bars every night or spend holidays drinking with friends. We want to start a family.

JESSE: And you're going to be Uncle Kurt, anyway. You'll always be welcome.

[jstj]

sms ✉️ (st. hummel.)

KURT: Whatever.

KURT: Wait, when is Jane Austen Sings starting rehearsals?

KURT: I neither said that I wouldn't want to spend time with you, or that I should be a deciding factor here. Don't put words into my mouth.

JESSE: We're aiming to be off-Broadway by summer 2022.

JESSE: Then what's the problem?

[jstj]

sms: st. berry

RACHEL: I know we are. But clearly we can do better. Constructive criticism is very important.

RACHEL: Yes. We have to drink 8 oz each twice a day for optimum results. Western medicine is only one road in the journey to wellness, Jesse.

JESSE: Can we talk about this tonight?

JESSE: It worries me how much pressure you put yourself under.

JESSE: We can talk about it over the tea.

[jstj]

sms: st. berry

RACHEL: We need to be great.

RACHEL: Luckily I stopped by my herbalist on the way to the theater, and have picked up a few new fertility teas for us to try.

JESSE: We are great. You're the best person I know.

JESSE: Fertility teas?

[jstj]

sms: st. berry

RACHEL: Not good enough for a baby, obviously. It's completely unfair that teenage trollops accidentally get pregnant all the time, but it takes responsible and loving adults like ourselves months.

JESSE: I know it's unfair. But we will get there. We are good enough.