Juan Day At A Time

My days. My thoughts. My life.

[juansdatat]

Unpacking The Bag

The trip is over and the suitcase needs to be emptied, it sits there in an empty room of my house A room with no immediate purpose Tomorrow awaits, there is time, I want people around me who walked with me Tomorrow, I can focus on coming back to reality (but definitely not today) What an amazing journey being with friends and family and people who joined the fold Laugh out loud laughter,…

Unpacking The Bag

[juansdatat]

We Will Always Know Better

It all becomes clear once we remove the noise and listen for the echos that line the room’s walls Blaming the larger than life personality doesn’t make sense and is grossly unfair The culpability is in the allowance of the behavior and belongs to the person who looks elsewhere to avoid conflict The passion felt cannot be altered or stopped or revoked, feelings of this magnitude cannot be…

We Will Always Know Better

[juansdatat]

Extra Salsita

Other significant days arrive Anniversaries, birthdays, calendar milestones and the passing days Seems odd I’m fixated on one day and one day only Nine weeks ago Feels like time has stopped for me but I see the movement around me in fast motion Today I woke up thinking of chicken fricasé, exactly how she made it before she forgot how to make it With salsita and aceitunas and white rice and…

Extra Salsita

[juansdatat]

Again

Unannounced. Uninvited. Boldly claiming time. You arrived. It took us a minute but on day forty-seven we said goodbye. Officially. Finally. The open door of closure emerged. The days leading up to the event were arduous and difficult and speculative and challenging and distracting. And, if we kept adding one ‘and’ after another we would never have to face the period at the end of any…

Again

[juansdatat]

Week Four

Normalcy and clarity step in as my mother makes her way back home to us Who knew these two would be making an appearance so quickly after the upheaval of life? Yet here they are and what welcomed visitors they are Life is beginning to find its cadence and rhythm, even though we’ve lost a key member of the orchestra It feels good to feel good It feels even better to hear the soundtrack of my…

Week Four

[juansdatat]

When?

When does it set in? Sleep eludes me It’s been running away from me for days An hour here, an hour there A nap while watching TV Nothing is particularly keeping me up Nothing is stopping me from sleep It just does not come in long spurts where rest is allowed I look in the mirror and see an older man Worn, wrinkled, at times pale and a smile missing from his visage I wonder if this is…

When?

[juansdatat]

The Chapter Is Closed

Friday The fifth day after Sunday One hundred plus hours since the ‘event’ This week is going by much too quick and much too slow Seconds become minutes but minutes take their time to become hours Impulsive laughter leads to silent tears The silence ends with noise, the noise of my own emotions finding their rhythm Everything is a product of this uncontrollable sadness that I thought I’d…

The Chapter Is Closed

[juansdatat]

tres dias han pasado

se que me escuchas y esto no es una oración tres días han pasado desde que te vi partir   en un viaje de sombras hacia el eterno existir   pero en el susurro de tu débil corazón yo siento   que tu espíritu volaba, libre por fin en el viento   la demencia, esa cobarde ladróna, había robado lo más primordial de tu ser   igualmente borro los bordes del dolor y del ayer   mientras tu mente se…

tres dias han pasado

[juansdatat]

Dolls

My mother forgot so much at the end of her days, even her love for dolls As I walk into her empty room this morning, I see her Betty Boop is watching from the corner In the back of her room she appears from the side of the bed Her big head and diminutive body popping out from under the frame She must have fallen to the floor recently She’s one of many Bettys that I got from an infamous claw…

Dolls

[juansdatat]

Abundantly Altered Forever

I laughed yesterday Real, loud, full of emotion uncontrollable, inappropriate laughter The type of chuckles where you struggle for breath and tears come It was an ill-timed reaction because it came from a scary place of reality and conformance, resignation of the strongest kind holding my hand I was in a hospital room I was with my wife, my sister and my niece And I was watching my mother,…

Abundantly Altered Forever

[juansdatat]

Dust All The Fs Off

Shadows and noise slam the door of reason The hit comes unexpectedly and close to home For seconds, minutes, maybe more, that question of whether this is the end appears What is the necessity for destiny to put this challenge on the path? Many will say this is part of His plan but truly who needs to conform to pain and discomfort and the possible uncertainty of standing up to…

Dust All The Fs Off

[juansdatat]

Finally First

Detachment comes easy Absence does not make the heart grow fonder It challenges every rule we are supposed to follow Yet the path seems clear and right We are left with no room for second guessing This is a series of firsts for us because we are so inclined to always be number two Never out of humility but rather out of necessity There is a quiet grace in the virtues of unselfishness Just…

Finally First

[juansdatat]

Nothing But Gratitude

Normalcy arrives expectant as morning coffee is to routine The first morning of the weekend arrives without fanfare or expectation Activity is on the back burner and options are plentiful A quick glance at email and a walk to the brewer Light roast with a shot of espresso, a little evaporated milk and sweetener I haven’t had a cup like this in a while The dance of the java and its steps is…

Nothing But Gratitude

[juansdatat]

The Sculpture

Goodbye It is a simple word We are parting ways until the next time Hello It is a simple word Here is my greet to you as we meet today These two words have been bedazzled with challenge of late The energy required to utter them and the actions associated with them are draining and have rendered my smile gone There is a silent chisel that is sculpting the new me who is embracing this…

The Sculpture

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dirty martini memories

today was destined to come with its dirty deed on this quiet sunday night, beneath a fading dash of sunlight   i cradle my martini close, my solace in my solitary flight the vodka cascades like torrent waves, a slow and steady stream   echoing the weekend’s rumblings, a steadfast moment almost like a dream   the shaker sings its lullaby, ice and spirit ready for the pour they blend   as i…

dirty martini memories

[juansdatat]

As Tomorrow Awaits

As tomorrow awaits in the twilight’s embrace where soft shadows blend,   A son stands on the brink, grappling with what feels like a devastating end,   The heart, seemingly unbreakable, shows cracks in its seams,   As faded memories whisper of cherished, misplaced and oft tossed dreams… Tomorrow’s horizon looms heavy with change,   And amidst all the worry, the heart feels so remarkably…

As Tomorrow Awaits

[juansdatat]

Another Day Of Doubt

Days of doubt line the calendar Big decisions come quickly without warning What must be done, must be done Leading with resolve sounds easy until the moment of truth is knocking at the door It is a deliberate act and one that cannot be minimized No matter the spin, this is merely an act of mercy For her, for ourselves and for the sanity of our days I’ve never felt more sure and more…

Another Day Of Doubt