Soooo many pictures. Too many for the Twitters, so I’m dusting off the ol’ Tumblr.
In anticipation of next season’s American Gods, my girlfriend and I visited the House on the Rock. It’s a little hard to explain, but here’s the short version: an architect/engineer climbed up a rock and built Frank Lloyd Wright’s worst nightmare. It struck Neil Gaiman so deeply he included it as a critical location in American Gods, and it’ll be featured in season 2 of the Starz series.
This was what greeted us when we pulled up: a Âľ full parking lot, and a big one at that. I was a little surprised; Gaiman’s descriptions of the place gave me a seedier, hole-in-the-wall vibe, but this looked like some mid-level theme park entrance. Hmm.Â
We started the tour and ventured around … and I was starting to think we came to the wrong place. Sure, the statue in front was kind of iffy, and some of the rooms looked a little retro, maybe gauche … but not the mindfuck I had anticipated.
Then … then we came to the Infinity Room.
… um. Okay. Hey, there’s a glass floor at the midway point, what’s under ther–
What are those, bushes? Wait … treetops?
HOLY FUCK YOU BATMAN IT’S AN UNSUPPORTED ROOM HANGING OUT OVER A FUCKING CLIFF YOU GO JUMP UP AN ASSHOLE
(It also creaks and sways. I thought it was just an old house, not a FUCK YOU CLIFF OF DOOM.)
Once back on solid ground, we found a door.
After that, shit got … weird.
I call this the Impractical Rejected Weapons from Fallout 3 collection.
Including a literal HAND CANNON. What the what?
This is getting unsettling.
The pooping dog piggy bank’s eyes won’t stop following me.
Ooohhhkay … hey, look!  Another one of them doors!
I wonder what’s behind this–
… well, I would have never guessed “replica American Main Street inside a house.” You win this round.
And because why the hell not, he’s a goddamned carnival pipe organ.
Then we came to this sign.
What? Bullshit. Bullshit you have a whale in this house. I will *shit myself* if you have a whale in th–
NO FUCK YOU THAT IS A THREE STORY TALL WHALE.
THAT IS A THREE STORY TALL WHALE FIGHTING A GIANT SQUID IN YOUR HOUSE YOU HAVE TOO MANY DRUGS
YOU PUT A FUCKING MOTORBOAT IN ITS MOUTH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
“I have seen some shit.”
And after the whale was just menagerie after menagerie of random audacious bullshit.
“Hello, I’ll be waiting in your closet tonight.”
“YOUR SILENCE GIVES CONSENT.”
Okay, this made me smile.
Fun fact: Burma Shave ads were the precursor to WTFIWWY.
Wait, where is that noise coming fro–
Oh yeah! There’s a HUGE assortment of these weird mechanical music machines assembled from real instruments, electronics, pneumatics, and madness.
But it doesn’t stop there.
Then we stumbled on the “Abominations in the Sight of God” section.
And at the very end … this. If you’ve read American Gods, you know *exactly* what this is. If you’re only watching the show, consider this spoilers for season 2.
Then we went outside, and there was a kitty.
Bonus: Here is a machine that perfectly replicates the sound of Steve Martin falling down a flight of stairs.
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