I'm waiting for the man

Jude McCullough, 21; feel sick and dirty, more dead than alive.

[judemccullough]

hiking / Jude - Amelia

In the time that he had known her, it was possible that he had walked more distances than he had in his entire life. There was never stopping with her and the long hikes she liked to take in the forests surrounding the town. Even in all the time he had lived here, Jude had never taken this much advantage of the beautiful scenery and woodlands.

Taking up smoking again hadn't been a good idea. Not that far into their walk, he could already feel a pull in his chest. It boggled his mind how she was able to keep on when she smoked almost like a chimney. Walking a couple steps behind her, he followed with his hand clutching hers along the rocky path. He was wearing the same old acid wash jean jacket -- it was a bit chilly out, although he'd probably shed it later on when things began to heat up.

It felt like they had been walking for at least a mile or two without direction. It worried him a bit because he knew nothing about these woods and, while he trusted she did, he wasn't entirely sure. "Uh," he spoke up after a brief moment of silence. "Where exactly are we headed?"

[tysonhart]

Mmm, this paper on The Blair Witch Project is a work of art. A+. Maybe an A++ if the professor got laid.

[judemccullough]

Yeah, except you misspelled your own fucking name on the paper.

[judemccullough]

"I can't sleep."

[judemccullough]

[judemccullough]

second time around / Jude - Amelia

[ameliacampo-deactivated20140824]

She half crossed her arms as he moved next to her. Amelia watched his hands as she set himself up for a smoke. He did it like he’d done it a hundred times, and she stopped looking after it’d be too obvious. Flicking the cigarette she’d forgotten about, she still looked down. With her gaze set to the view of the ground and their legs, she saw his move to hit hers. The action made her want to laugh slightly, but she just cleared her throat again before taking one of the last few drags left of the cigarette. He began to speak, and she listened with her mouth pressed in a line to make sure she’d let him say what he wanted. The small struggle he had as he tried to get his words out made her think. Was he just as troubled with this as she was?

At first, what he said worried her. That he didn’t know how to act around her. Pulling more smoke from the small cigarette, she still tried her best to stay quiet. Then, he began to go on about what she wouldn’t never expect him to say. As usual, her cheeks warmed red. A giggle almost got out of her, but she just coughed instead. Putting out the cigarette on the floor after she got the last of it, she turned to him. Her hand covered her mouth for a few seconds as she turned, but then she moved it away. An embarrassingly big smile spread on her face, and she looked down. Taking his cigarette out of his mouth, she looked at it as she spoke, “I think that’s the best thing you could’ve said.” Holding it in her hand, she moved her neck to press a peck onto his mouth. As she pulled away, Amelia stole a drag from his cigarette before she placed it back between his lips.

[judemccullough]

He had made it worse. He was sure of it. That couldn't have been what she had wanted to hear after what had happened. He was almost tempted to just stand up and walk to his car and leave without even fetching the jacket he had brought over from inside the house. But he didn't when her hand touched his and took the cigarette from between his index and middle finger. Looking at her, he saw a smile, a big one at that taking up most of her face. And he found himself smiling, too - teeth and all.

"Really?" he asked, raising one of his thick eyebrows. She pressed her lips against his and he savored it for a moment before they broke apart. He watched her as she stole a drag from his cigarette, leaving faint lipstick stains on the end of it where he lips had been before she put it back between his lips. He took a long drag off it, looking straight at her with the smile fading from his face. The tip's ember burned quickly and he pulled it from his mouth to tap off the ashes onto the ground below. With his other hand, he reached to place it on the back of her neck to bring her close as he kissed her once again.

[judemccullough]

second time around / Jude - Amelia

[ameliacampo-deactivated20140824]

Her head perked up slightly as she heard the door open, but then she felt the water that had left her eyes. Wiping her face with her head still down, she stayed quiet. The girl didn’t have an idea of what she would say to make up for her behavior, or what she would say about his either. It was no wonder some people had stayed away from affections for another, because it had it’s own sort of pain. Jude said her name differently, and she slowly straightened out. She still hadn’t turned, but she looked out at the forest area behind her house. The dog was exploring, and she sort of wished to be it. Situations like these were what she hated the most, and she wanted to get out of it.

Getting up, she pulled the cigarettes out and lit one for herself. As she exhaled from the first drag, she turned around. Her eyes probably looked a little worn, but she couldn’t do anything about it. Amelia couldn’t bring herself to look at him, and she felt bad. Moving to lean against the patio’s fencing, she ashed the cigarette. “What, Jude?” she mumbled back, looking at her hands. 

[judemccullough]

Taking a breath, he tried to regain his composure. He didn't understand how they had turned on each other so quickly. The had been laughing, joking with one another just before that. He didn't know what else to say to her to apologize for how he had reacted. God, he was childish when he thought about it. It made sense why so many of his relationships, romantic and platonic, had ended on such a nasty note. Maybe this one would end just like any other. He couldn't blame her really.

When she turned around, he saw how her eyes were slightly red like she had been crying. The way she said his name was different, too. He took a step closer to where she sat and then another one. He took a seat next to her in the room there was, acting almost cautiously. He didn't want her to get up and leave again. He wasn't sure he could stop her another time. Pulling the pack from the breast pocket of his shirt, Jude took a cigarette and stuck it between his teeth, using his hands to shield the flame he lit it with from the slight breeze outside. Taking a drag, he looked away to exhale the smoke. Looking back at her, he sat focused on her face for a moment, although her eyes didn't meet his. Gently, he knocked his knee against hers. "I'm sorry, Amelia -- about how I acted in there. I just, just," he knew what he wanted to say but couldn't quite phrase it just how he wanted to. "Just, I don't know how to act around you, I guess? You make me feel odd is what I'm trying to say. Like I don't know what to do or say around you or what you want me to do or how you feel about me. But it's a good odd. I like it a lot, honestly. And I've felt that way ever since I saw you outside that shitty club. Like, I'm a big believer that people come into your life for a reason and I sensed that when I met you, stupid brown cardigan and all."

He didn't really know what had provoked him to say so much. It was like everything that had been on his mind had suddenly come forth from him in one long rambling mess. He wasn't usually one to say too much too often, but he couldn't help it. Burying his face in his arms, he shook his head and muttered, "I'm just going to shut the hell up because this probably isn't making anything better."

[olivescomingofage-blog]

Oh how the tables have turned. Now I’m catching you doing something you shouldn’t be. Seriously, I don’t mind that much, I was just.. shocked. Although, now I’m curious; why do a line in a public restroom at 3 in the afternoon?

[judemccullough]

Listen, just fuck off, alright? I don't feel like talking about this.

[olivescomingofage-blog]

What the fuck are you doing???

[judemccullough]

I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[judemccullough]

second time around / Jude - Amelia

[ameliacampo-deactivated20140824]

The small rant she’d just let out didn’t smooth over as she hoped it would, and she wasn’t expecting the way Jude had reacted at all. He sounded upset, but a hint of something else in his tone made her feel bad. Looking down at her plate, she didn’t know what to say. The food didn’t look appetizing at all after that, and she looked at herself in the distorted reflection of her fork. Stroking her bottom lip, she couldn’t help but feel small. Clearing her throat, she pushed some boxes so she could set her plate down on the coffee table. Getting up, she didn’t know if she should say that she’d be back in a minute or something. But when she opened her mouth to say something to Jude as she looked at him, her throat felt dry. 

It was times like this when she hated how much insight she had due to her studies, and she wished that she was slightly ignorant. Not even ignorant, just the possibility of her not caring for once. She feared that this would go south like all of her opportunities, where she couldn’t stay put because of all she knew. Jude and her weren’t together, but was it normal to argue like this already? Walking into her room, she grabbed a green jacket and her pack. Coming back into the living room, she mumbled, “I’ll be right back.” As she opened the back door, she called for the dog to come outside. It was time for her to try take her out to pee anyways, but she wanted the company. 

When she was outside, it was much colder than it had been earlier. Pushing the door to close it behind her, she didn’t turn to look back inside. Shoving the pack into her back pocket, she quickly put on the jacket then walked, calling Francois. As they walked off of the porch, she could feel her eyes water slightly. The feeling stung, and she let out a long sigh. Trying to not let herself cry, she sat on the porch steps with her head between her legs.

[judemccullough]

He hated feeling stupid. He didn't like not knowing what words meant or how to keep up in an intellectual conversation. It brought him back to a time when his parents and teachers once told him he was above-average or that he had loads of potential. And he had chosen instead to waste it all away on fake friends and something meaningless and stupid. He didn't look at her when she set her plate down or left the room. He didn't even protest when he heard the door shut. Had he already ruined it between them before they were even them? His emotions always had a way of getting the best of him.

Playing with the food on his plate, pushing it back and forth with his fork, any appetite he once had had left him. Instead it was replaced with a sinking feeling in his gut. He felt guilty, upset with himself that he had said what he had to her in that cruel tone. He sat there for a moment by himself in complete silence until he set the plate down on the coffee table. He walked towards the door, not even grabbing the acid wash jacket he had worn over here despite the colder weather he knew lurked outside.

Standing at the door, he could see her through the screen. He stood there silently, hand on the door handle thinking whether or not to open it. He knew he should have, but something in him didn't want to. But he finally did, stepping outside and catching the door with his hand before it could slam shut behind him. She was sitting there on the porch steps, turned away from him with her head between her legs. Looking at her there, he could feel his throat quiver. He didn't know what to say or what to do to make it better, to say he was sorry. "Amelia -- 'melia," was all he could manage to get out.

[carnassier]

Visit Original Link

[judemccullough]

second time around / Jude - Amelia

[ameliacampo-deactivated20140824]

When Jude began to laugh, she couldn’t help but do the same. Covering her face, she needed to calm herself down so the pieces wouldn’t go down her throat without her swallowing. He questioned the way she was acting, and she shook her head. “You’re the one who wouldn’t eat until I did! What is this, cotillion? Plus, have of the polite manners you’ve been taught are sexist, from what I can tell. So from this point on—You do whatever you want, because you want to,” she finally said, running a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry, that was just driving me crazy,” she laughed nervously, realizing she’d just snapped. 

[judemccullough]

"Cotillion? I don't even know what the fuck that means," he retorted. He was a bit taken back by the sudden outburst from her and sat his fork down on the plate on his lap. He didn't like being called sexist either since it was the farthest thing from what he was trying to be. Gender didn't really matter an ounce to him and he was just trying to be more polite around her than he usually was. "Well I'm sorry both my parents are, like, ninety years old and maybe I've just grown up learning some old school shit," he said. He meant it as an apology, but his tone made it sound harsher than he meant for it to. Picking up his fork, he shoved another forkful into his mouth and muttered, "No, it's fine. I'll try harder to do that instead."

[tysonhart]

Well, aren't you a saucy person.

[tysonhart]

Say please, bud.

[judemccullough]

You're kidding me, right?

[tysonhart]

Well, aren't you a saucy person.

[tysonhart]

Don’t be rude Jude. You know you love me.

[judemccullough]

Love may be an overstatement. Just buy me another drink, okay? This beer is almost done.

[tysonhart]

Well, aren't you a saucy person.

Do you come here often? How much do you like intellectual stimulation?

[judemccullough]

God, you're stupid when you're drunk.

[judemccullough]

second time around / Jude - Amelia

[ameliacampo-deactivated20140824]

Her small eyebrows raised as her question made Jude gave her a weird look. Jude wasn’t a man of muscle, but she didn’t expect him to be so soft. Holding in a giggle, her arms moved into a shrug. He finished picking foods, but didn’t look like he was going to eat until she made her first mood. Pushing the solids around on her plate, one of the many giggles building up inside her slipped out. She covered her mouth with two fingers from a free hand and looked at Jude, “I just thought it wouldn’t have hurt? I dunno, I guess I’ll be more gentle next time?” Smirking, she moved the fork into her mouth to clean it, then placed it on the couch next to her thigh. Picking a small spring roll off of her plate, she looked at Jude again to see if this would change these air at all.

[judemccullough]

"You better," he teased with a smirk. Watching her, he saw her lift the fork to her mouth and take a bite which cued him starting him to eat as well. Lifting a forkful to his mouth, he glanced at her again and caught her looking at him as well. Were they playing some sort of game? He wasn't sure, but he suddenly found it to be quite funny. Laughing with a mouthful of food, he coughed a bit and swallowed his food so he wouldn't choke. "Are we playing some sort of game?" he asked, raising an eyebrow while still sort of laughing. "What is this?"

[judemccullough]

second time around / Jude - Amelia

[ameliacampo-deactivated20140824]

Picking out a couple things from each box, she realized that she was actually pretty hungry. As she finished and placed food from the last box, she looked at Jude, “Hey, you know you don’t have to wait, right? Get stuff!” Amelia did mean this truly. She wasn’t one, or more or less against the whole idea of genders interfering with manners. Though she didn’t want to get in some long debate over it, she just kept it at that and decided to just go along with it on her part. This meant that as Jude got his food, she wouldn’t even peek at her’s. Setting the plate in her lap, she let an arm rest on the backrest of the couch. Unsure of how to make her plan too obvious, she decided to strike up a tiny and pointless conversation. Thinking about what she could even talk about, she thought about the snapping in the kitchen. “Did that really hurt when pulled on your underwear?” she laughed, itching her cheek lightly out of habit.

[judemccullough]

"Fine, sorry!" he laughed, leaning in and starting to fill his plate with food. He was just trying to be polite and let her get her food first before he started to dig into everything else. He loaded it up with a couple of different things. He wasn't the stereotypical good eater that came with being a vegetarian. Like he said, meat made him sick, so he typically just cut it from his diet instead of really replacing the protein source with anything. His mother always lectured him on the importance of doing so, but he never really listened. She was also the one against all these new youth's ideas and constantly told him about the link of being a vegetarian and his drug abuse. "I guess? For like a second it did," he replied. He was a bit confused by the question, shooting her an odd glance. It was then he had noticed she hadn't even touched her food yet or even acted like it was there. Finishing taking his share of the portions, he decided he wouldn't take a bite until she did. He didn't want to appear rude after all. "Why do you ask?"

[tysonhart]

"I’m just trying to keep you from doing something stupid Jude. I’m willingly giving you something. It doesn’t even have to be money. I have a bunch of shit in my house that you can just have that could fetch some cash. C’mon. You can’t do this man." Tyson folded his arms across his chest but quickly moved them to the back of his head when he realized how disapproving he looked. He sighed again, knowing full well that he couldn’t leave him now. Tyson continued to follow him. "Please man. You wouldn’t owe me or anything. In fact, you’d be doing me a favor. And hell, if it makes you feel better, I’ll let you know when I’m at work and you can pretend to break into my house and steal stuff."

[judemccullough]

Jude stood there staring at his shoes and the ground. He didn't want to take his money and he shouldn't have asked Tyson here in the first place. He already felt bad enough about what he was considering doing and he didn't want to drag anyone else down with him. Hearing the desperation in Tyson's voice caused him to stop in his tracks. Turning around, Jude put his face in his hands, rubbing his tired eyes and scruffy face. "Shit, fine," he said, his voice muffled coming through his hands. Dropping them from his face, he shrugged and threw up his hands. "I won't do it. I won't take your money and I won't do this either."