On one hand I’m still ashamed that I did this, and on the other it’s been the hottest release of frustration and passion I’ve ever experienced. I know I should have had better control, I know I should have waited more and set ground rules and tried to still be a mom, but I let the moment get to me to the point where I’m hardly my son’s mom anymore and instead I feel like I’m quickly becoming his fantasy or his toy. Part of me is incredibly (like I can’t put this into words how it makes me feels) excited by what’s happened, and part of me hates that I know I’m making these mistakes over and over.
Lately I am feeling more and more like a child and I’m letting my son be more and more a man. A lot of this has to do with my control issues and my ongoing struggle with a variety of mental health issues. A lot of it is that I’ve just had these kinks and turn ons since as long as I could remember and now finally getting an outlet has let me slip into something that is dangerous, risky, and very exciting. If you would have told me months ago that I would be doing what I’m doing now, I would have thought you were crazy. I didn’t realize how quickly my thoughts could escalate into a sexual relationship with my own son, especially one that is essentially now based around our fantasies and shared porn watching.
If you haven’t been following my posts so far, I’ve basically become obssessed with my adult son, Aiden, who lives with my husband and I. It started out as a stray fantasy in my head, a weird thought that I hid deep down inside, but it started to become regular and then into a fixation. I tried a lot of therapy and different therapists, but I still ended up here where I am now. Originally, we had exercised together just so I could get in shape, but then after we had started working out, there was a underlying tension. That eventually became motivation for me to “show off” or tease him when we worked out. Eventually, I found out he had been taking my underwear and masturbating into them, leaving them hidden in his room. I found them and I posted here, and then things have been escalating since. At the time, I didn’t know if it was about me or not, but now I know it was. My desire for attention from him lead me to push things further, eventually to the point where I snuck into his room and tasted his cum off my own stolen underwear. It still feels weird and humiliating reading that. When I tried to talk to him, to set some ground rules, I ended up being horny and nervous and pushing things to the point where I gave him a blow job.
I wanted it to be a one time thing, but I lacked the self control to stop. Combined with him going through a similar fantasy, we did a terrible job of limiting ourselves. Since then I’ve given him several blow jobs, he’s fingered me, and we’ve both been together completely nude, cuddling each other and talking. I’ve also been in nearly constant texting conversation with him where we started asking and answering questions about each other until he knew everything about me. At first I was hesitant to be truthful, but after seeing his enthusiasm and desire towards having sex, I started to be very honest about myself.
The problem with being honest is that’s a lot to dump a thirty’s something stay at home mom’s fantasies that have been bottled up since being a teenager on someone, let alone my son who is still new to the world of women and sex, relatively speaking. Most of what he knew and liked was from porn videos that he had been downloading for a few years. My husband and I never limited the internet in the house, and we knew that porn was natural, but I wasn’t really aware of just how much and how much variety there was.
After initially breaking the barrier with the first blow job, we started to share porn videos with each other that we thought were sexy. For him, it was a lot of big fake boob porn stars and pretty normal stuff, though he did have some MILF stuff which I now know is very popular. He said he was really into blonde girls and especially ones that acted like bimbos. I sent him back some that I found that I liked that were more intimate and then my real mistake was sending one that was of a guy being very rough to a girl. I had always been into the rougher stuff and largely that was wrapped around having a man in control. When he asked about why I picked that, I tried to avoid the question, but eventually he asked if I liked rough stuff, and I told him I did. He didn’t stop asking though, instead asking about what I liked about it.
And that lead us into a lot of places that most women would have a hard time telling anyone, let alone their son, because I knew that if I did tell him, it would compromise what little power sexually I still had. But I am terrible with control and the thought of letting him take it from me had always been a big part of my fantasy. So over text I told him about how I viewed sex as a power thing and that I didn’t like to be the one in control. I never used the word submission because of what it’s tied to, but he picked up on it fast and started prying deeper. I told him how I liked being called names, spanking, slapping, being pinned down, being made to do things on request, everything I shouldn’t have. I sent him videos about it, and he sent me ones back. It started small, but ended with the kind of videos where girls are being seriously degraded by a team of men. The kind where the girl gets lead in on a leash on all fours… It went from mild to… even more than I’m used to fast.
And all during our time apart, I got more and more excited about the possibility of him taking control. Finally he asked about the possibility of us having actual sex and how I felt. I tried to be evasive but I said we would both have to be ready. I made sure to let him know that it needed a lot of preparation because I can’t have birth control with my medications and that all condoms, latex or not, cause me a lot of pain and swelling. Even so, I immediately made an appointment with my doctor to talk about alternative types of birth control and now I’m experimenting with one, just in case. And… I don’t know why I did it, but I got my hair dyed blonde. I mean, I know why. It’s what he wanted. My husband was so confused by it, and I could tell he didn’t like it. But it wasn’t for him at all and he had no idea. That shouldn’t have made me feel excited, but it did. I’ve given up on trying to be a good wife in that department. I’m such a pushover.
What might have been the most humiliating thing to admit to my son was about anal sex. He sent me a video with some of it, and then asked me if I liked it, and I said yes. I told him that it’s mostly the type I have and he seemed to really focus on it. I wasn’t trying to push it because he still didn’t know that I saw anal sex as the most humiliating type of sex and the one with the most control over woman because of the mixture of pain and how it discards a part of my feminity. But I also found it to be one of the more hot and erotic acts that a man can do on a woman and it quickly became the only sex I would have with my husband. When I started to explain more about how I felt about it, he seemed even more interested.
During this sharing period, what started as a passive blow job that I controlled was now one where he controlled me with his hands. He started requesting that I come into his room and get him off and I know I should have put down ground rules then, but I thought it was exciting to be wanted. He started asking for me to do things, like strip for him and even give him a lap dance. Seeing his eyes light up, it was like a wolf wanted to eat me. The connection we had was starting to become his fantasies being answered. I tried to feel like I was doing something wrong, but I let the attention he gave me take over.
Finally one day he asked for me to dress up for him. My husband and I have had roleplay fantasies for a long time, so I have several sexy outfits (corsets, lingerie, and even a cheerleader outfit…) I had already told him before I had some sexy clothes, but this time I was dressing up for him while he watched. I have always loved when I’m watched by him, so for me this was already an incredibly erotic thought. Seeing him watch me strip down and pose for him was one of the hottest feelings I’ve ever had, I’ll be honest. The last thing I tried on was a pair of black stockings and a garter belt and a pair of heels I could never actually walk in because they were too tall. When I went to put on the matching bra, he told me to skip it and gave me a top from another outfit where the blouse was just under my breasts. And without a bra, there wasn’t much to imagine anymore. I had never put on the panties, so I was still essentially stripped for him. I was now his blonde bimbo and I was actually proud to be like this for him.
I loved that he thought I was so sexy to be dressed like this, and I liked doing it for him, and the effect on him was instant. He was already sitting on my bed with his shorts down masturbating in front of me. I thought for sure he’d want me to give him a blow job, but this time he asked me to get out my entire toy collection and bring them to the bed. I got nervous because this was the first time it had been different, but I brought out like all ten or twelve of them and I showed it to him. I could barely walk in the heels so I was going slow, not intending on being sexy, but enough that he kept grabbing my ass and my breasts as I came back and forth. And then he told me that he wanted to watch me play with them. So I said okay, now feeling a little embarassed and flush, and I started to climb on the bed. But he said no, do it in front of him, and so I sank down to the carpet and grabbed a small vibe that I use a lot, and he said no again, and handed me the largest cock shaped dildo I had. I was wet, but I usually work up to things like that, but in the situation, I was able to push it in and start playing with myself while he watched. I got off for a few minutes and then he gave me a buttplug with a metal gem in it. I rarely put these in, but I stopped, went to my closet, and got the lube and squatted until it was in me.
I guess that was enough for him because he got up off the bed, grabbed my pussy with one hand, and reached in and grabbed the plug with his other. And he started double fucking me with his hand and my plug. I wasn’t expecting this at all. He had never been so bold and in a single instant, he was on me. What happened from there was him pushing me into my reading lounge chair next to my bed, and him getting on top of me. He practically pushed me into the corner of it with my body angled up at him on my back. I was looking into his eyes in shock I think and I felt him slapping his cock against my pussy, grinding against me. I was able to tell him to think about this and if he does he shouldn’t cum inside me. But it didn’t matter, he was pressing inside me and he wasn’t going slow. I never had time to even take out the plug inside me. I gasped and I watched his face change as he slid into me. It felt so full and tight for him. He was in heaven. He looked at me like I was the sexiest creature on this earth. I nearly orgasmed on the spot. I’ve never felt such a spark hit me. I felt him sink inside me, pressing so far into me that it hurt a little. I had never had anyone inside me this big before, apart from my toys, but this was different.
He started to pull out, going slow and moaning, and finally he asked if he could talk dirty. I thought it was weird that he had asked. Before this, when we had sex, he said he wanted to call me by my first name to make it less weird. He’d say things like how good it felt and moan, but that was it. Now he was trying on a different side and it all came rushing out. Fast. He got louder, saying oh my fucking god, and then immediately surprising me, calling me mom for the first time since we’ve been intimate. And not in a way that you should ever say mom. “Mom you’re such a fucking bimbo slut whore, you fucking slut, all you want is for me to fuck you, admit it.” It was so absolutely fucking powerful that I did admit. I told him I wanted him to fuck my brains out and that I wanted him to make me cum so hard I can’t breathe. And then he tapped my face, realized it wasn’t right, and pulled back and slapped me. I was in shock, it made me moan, I was already cumming, I couldn’t control it. He put his hand around my neck and shouted “are you my bimbo slut, are you going to let me fuck you every day” and I couldn’t even get out a yes like my brain wanted to say, I was just moaning and cumming, and I felt his hand go around my neck and him getting faster and faster, slamming into me. I tried to squeak out don’t cum in me, but I also locked my legs around his hips and pulled him in deeper and he started shooting into me. I came again, instantly. I was barely able to keep my eyes open, only enough to watch his face as he finished. This is what we had both wanted for so long.
I relaxed my legs, and he pulled out a little, still slowly thrusting, coming down from what he just did to me. I felt waves of guilty, anxiety, and fear at knowing what I just gave to him. I had lost any control to him and this was it. There wasn’t a going back from here. I couldn’t undo this. He knew everything about me and he used it on me and I gave him everything. He was still thrusting into me but finally he pulled out. I pulled myself up in the chair a little, and found myself just stroking him idly while he continued to call me every dirty word he’s ever heard. Suddenly I was his bimbo slut mom, something different than my first name, and something completely unrelated to being his mom. I felt his cum inside me still, and I was still feeling horny, so I leaned over and sucked his cock, tasting everything, and feeling even more horny again. I guess it made an impression because he got hard again in just a minute or two, just as hard as he was before.
It was awkard leaning forward like that, so when I pulled back to adjust myself, he pushed me back down into the couch and this time I felt him pulling at my plug which I had forgot was inside me after the heat of the moment. And then he pressed against my ass with his cock. This was it, he was about to own me. I’m sure he didn’t realize it, but this was all I had left for him to take. I had plenty of lube on my ass, but he was bigger than my plug, and as he tried to push his head into me, I started cringing from the initial pain. He stopped and asked me if I still wanted it, and I whimpered a yes, and I tried to say go slow, but he grabbed my legs and put them on his shoulders with my heels still dangling behind him. Now he had perfect access to my ass and I couldn’t do anything but wait. I whimpered a few ows but he wasn’t stopping. Finally, I felt his head pop inside of me and the relief of it no longer stretching me made me moan. That was all he needed for a sign. He started pushing into me fast. I had never even taken a dildo inside my ass before, only my husband who was much, much smaller. He filled me so much I couldn’t breathe.
Finally, he sank all the way into me, now with my legs nearly pressed against my own shoulders. It was back to the dirty talk. I was now the filthy dirty anal whore mom who only cared about getting cummed in. He asked me to tell him how dirty I was back and I started telling him exactly what he wanted. It was enough because now he was getting faster, pulling back and back in, until he was going very fast and I was no longer able to think or say anything. He was getting so fast and so much motion that he popped out of me and slammed back into me in one motion and it caused me to literally scream out of a mixture of pain and pleasure. I didn’t even need to touch my pussy, I was having my third orgasm. I thought he would finish soon, but his second wind lasted so long that I thought I may pass out. I’ve never had my ass handled like that. I laid there, pinned, occasionally opening my eyes to watch him, as he absolutely used my body like a toy. I didn’t even notice the slapping or the choking. I was too far gone. I don’t know how long it lasted, but finally he I felt him jerk and cum inside me, this time much less than last.
The cum in my pussy had squirted out all over us, on my legs, his crotch, and on my stockings and garter. The couch was a mess of my sweat and sex, and more was still leaking out of me. He pulled out completely, now looking very tired, and finally I could move my legs and get up, to get cleaned up. But he said he wanted me to his room and keeping rubbing his cock while he played on his computer. It was a completely humiliating end to our encounter, but I got up, followed him to his room after he cleaned up himself in the bathroom, and then I rubbed his soft cock with my hands and my mouth for almost an hour under his computer table, still dressed up like a slut and still covered in his cum. Finally he said I could go get cleaned up, and I took probably an hour long shower to sort myself out. What he did was completely intentional. He wanted to show me he was in control, completely, and I let him do it.
So I don’t know what to write now. I don’t think I’ll post more. It’s humilating to write this knowing what I’m letting him do to me. It also turns me on to no end. I know he wants to do more with me and I know that now I’m going to let him. It’s past setting rules and debating and trying to still have control. I already gave it away and it was the most rewarding feeling I’ve ever had sexually, and the most personally horrifying decision. He’s been calling me his little bimbo over text now, and he’s not wrong about it. I’ve never been happier.
