blegh

whatevs

[julian-cerulean]

am i getting better or did i just find a new hyperfixation thats making me feel better. mmm the eternal struggle

[julian-cerulean]

when i was growing up i used to play murder in the dark with all my siblings and friends, and we played it even after high school in the park next to my house. when i was twenty i was forced to move, and went back home to visit my twin sister for our twenty first birthday. she had all new friends, in a new apartment with her new husband and it was so strange. even stranger though, they started their routine murder in the dark game. it had only been a year, but i had been through so much that playing that game again felt so silly. i think about that night a lot in regards to my childhood, i felt like it really was officially over when i stopped playing murder in the dark

[julian-cerulean]

my cat loves to eat and he loves to wake me up at 6:30am, thirty mins before he eats, by meowing in my face. i feel like ive tried everything, today i even tried to get him to go back to sleep. i dont like kicking him out of my room because he claws at my door which wakes my gf up. i dont wanna put him in another room because it feels so evil, like closing him in the bathroom is so mean. but once i wake up im up, and the weekends are precious sleeping in time.

[julian-cerulean]

i wanna just post text stuff about my life here. like okay, i've been transitioning for 4ish months now and i have so many complex feelings about it. on one hand i feel so freed and excited and impatient. while on the other, i feel like im saying goodbye to who i was. like yeah sure that mask i made wasnt real, but people liked her. i liked her. and i'll miss her.

[julian-cerulean]

just watched the chainsaw man movie. i was putting it off, because i genuinely have such a hard time watching that show. i read the manga when i was moving out state and it kinda consumed me, and i remember sobbing and sobbing at the gun devil scene with aki. now when i watch it, all i can think about are those moments in the car when i was driving over state lines. gah