Julie Elisabeth @julieelisabeth - Tumblr Blog

Divorce Without The Ring

Divorce Without The Ring • • • • • • •

Divorce without the ring, Not the song I thought I'd sing, A simple, complicated thing.

Divorce without the staple, A bended knee--willing, able Was this love fatal?

Divorce without the vows, Unspoken commitment, Lost in the crowds...

Does the sun still shine, Above the clouds?

Divorce without a first dance, I believed, so I took a chance. Maybe, just maybe, It's a life-long romance.

Divorce without unity, unending, I guess hearts were pretending, While distance began descending. Not knowing, What was to come... A gruesome, graceful, End to love.

• • • • • • • Julie Elisabeth 10.03.23

It's A Mess

It's a mess. But still, I am blessed.

Mix-matched furniture, Here And there.

Piles of papers, Stacks of books. "I just saw it, I swear."

It's a mess. Objects orphaned, Without a home.

It's a mess. My heart reminded, That I am alone.

Alone to cook, To clean, To fix, Or break.

Alone to care, To cry, To sing through, My aches.

Alone to pause, To grow, To breathe--

Alone to see, To feel, To know, A new peace.

Alone to remember, That amidst the mess The Lord leads me And I Am Blessed.

-Julie Elisabeth 08.23.23

Thank God I Do

🎵 ✨Thank God I Do I had a deep knowing that Lauren Daigle's new song would be written for me and so timely for my life.

"I don't know who I'd be if I didn't know You I'd probably fall off the edge I don't know where I'd go if You ever let go So keep me held in Your hands"

- - - - - - - - -

The past 24 hours have been full. There is so much I could say, share, update, etc. But the heart of it goes something like this: I am overwhelmed with gratitude for God's presence in my life. For many years I thought I knew what this was. Truthfully? I had no clue.Our lives are full.Full of work.Full of fun.Full of stress.Full of aches.Full of endings and beginnings.Losses and gains.And with this fullness, I see a thread weaving together a beautiful tapestry. I hear a chord revealing a robust symphony. I feel God active and breathing in my life.I have followed the nudge of The Spirit. It has led me to a spacious place where I have experienced the most intimate God moments in my whole life. Folks, the timeliness of things...you wouldn't believe my stories. Like, I can't make this shit up.I am overwhelmed with a grateful heart for my workplace, friends, family, and all the "little big" connections along the way.I may not know what is going to happen with repairing my car. I may not know tomorrow's trials, the night's terrors, or details of the dawn...But thank God I know YouAnd thank God You are holding me, always.Julie Beth03.10.23

Morning Moment

I can't say that nature brings me to tears often, but this first picture is one of two very vivid and memorable moments.

In the morning when I fluttered my eyelids awake I could tell something shifted. I woke early enough to be able to ease into my Monday. I showed up for Yoga With Adrian and brewed a batch of french press coffee after. The sky started to show pastel colors and I KNEW I needed to snag my camera for a walk.

I didn't anticipate anything different this morning, but how silly of me to think such a thing. Nature is constantly changing and revealing new each day. So with my snow gear, thermos, and camera in hand I headed out to walk the same road I walked yesterday.

The road starts out flat but ebbs and flows between downhill and uphill. My final destination I've officially designated is the Dead End. Why? Well, number one it is quite a trek there/back and number two there's a wide open view of the land.

I made my way along the road, being keen to both oncoming cars and hidden ice patches. There were details along the way I hadn't noticed before. Yet still, I didn't expect to see or feel anything different.

Then I got to the Dead End.

I stood there and looked out, took a breath or two, a sip of my warm coffee, and tears filled my eyes.

I saw the snow sparkle. I smiled at the different colors in the sky... The texture of the plants frosted and frozen. Curious pawprints roaming to and fro.

The beauty of the land.

And I became overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift of another day. So overwhelmed that it brought me to an emotion that I didn't understand at first. I thought, What in the world is happening to me right now??

I was brought to tears over the beauty of this world. The beauty of what I call Creation. The beauty of God's Creation.

I was brought to tears that the same God that created such wonderful things that my heart delights in...

Created Me.

On a personal level---although this is all very personal---I have been struggling to know my value and worth.

Like truly Know it. Believe it. Breathe it.

I have been struggling to understand and grasp that I am truly, madly, deeply loved unconditionally by God regardless of my past.

I have realized that I have been seeking understanding through other 'ships of life:

friendships

family-ships

romance-ships

career-ships

But these ships have all sunk, been stolen, or lost at sea. I am beginning to understand that unconditional love is something that I need to seek and experience with God first and foremost. And that it is a deep, layered, and very personal thing.

I won't lie it's a little terrifying. A little confusing. A little weird? Even for someone who has grown up in the church...

But wow, friends.

What an incredible experience---to be brought to tears taking in the beauty of the land and holding a new awareness that the same beauty is in you and me.

-Julie Elisabeth 01.23.2023

I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me. Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt. Psalm 139:14

Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Smarties

You know that candy, right? I know it intimately today.

I was out and about on a mission--find a cold brew system, maybe browse HomeGoods, pick up my brother for Costco run, and snag some cocktail supplies because damn it, I feel like making a dirty martini using pickles.

Amidst the busy, my brother finally asked me, "So how ya doin' Julie?"

And I began to share. I began to share how I wonder if I have made the biggest fucking mistake of my life; ending a relationship I was holding for 8 years. I began to share how there's a tug of war in my mind. How I struggle with feeling present and "zone out" often. I began to share how I don't know what "being single" is supposed to be. It's not that I'm lonely or need to be around people all the time...I have things I could do. Do I choose to do them with others or by myself? I began to share some hurt about a phrase from the recent past that I was finally beginning to process. The phrase, "I hope you know what you're doing." I shared that today I began to doubt and wonder if I have been making smart decisions in my life. My brother and I talked more but soon parted ways.

I decided to make my way home and made a stop for the dirty martini supplies. I stared at the aisles as everyone does on a Friday night at the end of a busy work week. I grabbed some things. I debated which register to check out with and I decided to stick with my intuition of going to #1. The cashier greeted me and asked, "How are you?" I said, "I'm alright." I continued to type in all my info for rewards and PIN. Before handing my bags she handed me a Smarties candy saying, "Here, maybe this will brighten your day."

I took it in my hand and looked at it for a moment. I first thought of a friend who loves Smarties, then tears started to blur my vision.

I looked at her with courage and said, "Today, I have been struggling with if I have made the "smart" decisions for my life. So thank you for this." We caught ourselves in a warm embrace, her saying, "Well, this is a sign that it will get better."

I thanked her, grabbed my bags, and walked out of the store. I wondered about her story (especially with her Slavic accent) and what a beautiful person she is. I tearfully trekked out to my car when within ~4 feet of my vehicle I slipped on the ice and fell flat on my back.

Honestly, I laid there for a moment or two. Not because I felt extremely hurt...but because I just didn't feel like getting back up. I just wanted to stay there lying in the cold, icy parking lot with my tears. I felt I was done.

But a man in the distance saw me and walked over to check on me, "Ma'am?" "Ma'am, are you okay??" With my back to him and my butt getting cold on the ice, I softly said, "Yeahhh, I'm okay." I slowly started to get ready to get up.

He walked in closer so we were face to face and questioned, "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I just.....I'm okay." "Well, it happens to all of us."

It got me thinking about how true his statement was. Slipping on the ice doesn't just happen to a specific type of person here in the Midwest. It happens to all of us.

Taking a tumble onto the ground? It happens to all of us.

Tripping on our own two feet? Happens to all of us.

Falling down in life? Happens to all of us.

At this point in my life, I truly feel that nobody is paying attention to me. Nobody is watching, wondering, or worried. But I am learning that it's very much the opposite. People in my life--strangers even-- are noticing me.

They are wondering. They are worried. They are seeing.

And I need this. I need people to see me. Not in a self-centered way, but just see me...

See me in my hurt. See me in my pain. See me in my grief. See my confusion. See me in my anger. See me in my peace. See me--- Even though you can't solve or fix or change anything.

Just see me. And be reassured that I'm making Smart decisions for my life.

-Julie Elisabeth, 01.20.2023

Full of pride and sorrow. Where I was is not my tomorrow.

Julie Elisabeth 01.18.23

Kielbasa

Kielbasa In the kitchen

Here I sit Between two bookends:

Broken down boxes And miscellaneous bins

“Wow. What a day.” That’s all I could think when I got home around 7:45pm while breathing a slight sigh of relief. I had packed a lot in today: completed a dog sitting weekend, started my normal work week, tuned into a webinar, attended personal appointment, and then had a work-related event in the evening. That’s the last time I pack so much into a Monday, oofda. And I’m still not ready for the week *sob of acceptance* I have yet to unpack my weekend bag, need to self care in prep for work pictures tomorrow (and obvi figure out what to wear). There’s also laundry and dishes to do..... But somehow, I’m thankful. Despite all the running around feeling chaotic, I’m still thankful. The intense emotions from today, somehow I’m still thankful. I’m thankful for this container bin as my kitchen table. I’m thankful for my natural ability to “throw something together.” I’m thankful for instant potatoes. -Julie January 16, 2023

Twenty-four Hours Ago

It's hard to live with hope, When Your heart feels split, Wide open.

Twenty-four hours ago I scratched this phrase in my journal. And twenty-four hours ago looked and felt a lot different than this moment now.

I was in the bedroom working on organizing my closet and drawers...but in truth, I was attempting to keep my mind and hands busy to avoid another display of tears, another pain, another memory.

When I go through mentally chaotic times, I do my best to try to find calm and clarity but it's not always easy.

I was encouraging and reminding myself to hope. But lately, I have been struggling with the idea of hope and began to roll out the quick-fire questions.

How can I hope when I am in so much pain? How can I hold a grateful heart when life doesn't feel great? How can I look ahead to blessings when I feel buried?

That's when, as I was folding my flare jeans, these words typed across my mind: It's hard to live with hope, When Your heart feels split, Wide open.

I repeated it twice, then knew I needed to scratch it in my journal before it left my head. It felt right to write it down. It felt good to speak it out loud.

And it got me thinking today that maybe, just maybe, hearts need to be split open to welcome a new hope in.

-Julie Elisabeth, January 10, 2023

#julieelisabethwrites #julieelisabetharts #flarejeans #poetryfromtheheart #hope

TL;DW Welcome, it’s been a minute. There’s no “writing plan” for this blog. I pray you become inspired and find your own healing. Peace to you.

#welcometomyblog #writingtowrite #writingtoheal #writingtodiscover #julieelisabethwrites #thereisnoblogplan

Un Dia

Music is a beautifully complex expression to evoke emotions, experiences, and enlightenment. One thing I have always enjoyed about music is the interpretation.

While it's clear that the artist will have a specific message to share through words and song, what I value on an intimate level is the personal experience of the music in the present moment of life.

I listen to various music genres. Christian, classical, country, pop, and rock are a few. Romantic relationships--whether healthy or horrific--can be a common theme like the Dua Lipa lyrics in this photo.

While Un Dia has that romantic relationship flair, I listen to it with a different perspective.

I listen to it as if I am singing to myself in the mirror.

And.

WOW.

It has a profound effect on my soul.

"One day you'll love me again Hug me again 'til the end One day you'll beg me to try One day you'll realize I'm more than your lover I'm more than your lover, I'm your friend"

Please read: I do not hate myself...

But I am not the best at loving myself either. There's always room to grow.

Humbly I can see that a good work has begun in me (Philippians 1:6) and I look forward to continued healing.

I asked for,

After a light supper of mashed potatoes and peas, I decided to walk to the coffee shop down the road before the rain came.

The door practically pinched me as I walked. Not very many people were around, but it was still too noisy for me. Whoever was working had slipped away, giving me time to read the drink menu. She appeared with a jump in her step and a smile, apologizing for the wait and asked what I would like. I ordered a cup of hot cider- $2.16. I wandered off into the connected gallery, letting the gentleman behind me order. A minute later I was informed that cider had arrived at the store earlier that day, but was all gone.

Life is like that. We expect one thing and often receive the complete opposite. We plan for miles ahead, only to find that there's construction, a glitch in GPS or a dead end. The same thing happens in our relationship with God. We request normal things; blessings on food, safe travels, guidance in future, healing in sickness. We do normal things; praise, prayer, mumble anger under our breath, quiz God in the middle of the night, ask for forgiveness, shake our fists. But God is nothing like a normal God- not even CLOSE to normal!

He is an extraordinary, Holy, beautiful God who created not just the universe, but every detail within it. He didn't just create one plant, he chose to create thousands upon thousands. He could have left the land to be flat as North Dakota, but he chose to create valleys, mountains, wetlands, deserts and more.

I can't help but ask why- Why God, why did you create all these things for us? We doubt you. We don't trust you. We curse you. We praise you. We sin against you and our own people. We expect you to be normal...

We often demand the expected- the cup of hot cider I ordered for $2.16. What happens when it's not what we ordered? Take it back, let's leave, what horrible service. My taste buds and fall mood were left feeling disappointed.

After reading a chapter in my book & coffee, I decided to go back home. The wind was picking up, giving the crisp air a little bite to my skin. As I began walking, there, on the sidewalk, a single maple leaf fluttered in the wind. I picked it up and looked closer at the pigments of yellow, orange, red and hints of green. I was in awe of such a fragile, beautiful thing. Then there was a quite moment, and I thought, "This is my cup of cider."

I constantly forget to give myself credit for how far I have come. It's time to begin my journey towards self-employment.

The Lake

It's one of those things that kept running through my mind like rolling credits. As I boxed up my belongings and drove away I knew I was going to miss this place. With three busy city months sneaking by, my memories of the cabin are more vivid now that I am gone.

Waking up at 5:00am to a bright orange glow across the wooden floor. Hearing the song of the loons at 1:00am in the dark night. Seeing the winds whisper through the trees. The crackle and popping of a dying campfire. Identifying that a scary animal call was just a fox. Exploring the land around me- fall, winter, spring. Whistling melodies along with the birds'...

Will the skyscapers turn their colors in the cool of the fall? Will the cars remain still like a snowdrift on the lake's shore? Will the airplanes echo cheerful songs? No- cars will honk and swerve. Buildings will seem deadly with ice daggers waiting to break. Airplanes will moan and groan.

I miss the Lake.

- Julie Elisabeth

Early to rise, When all is quiet and calm, And...uncomfortable. Is this peace? Silence is deafening. Like silence of the night, Where I find no rest.

Now that I am in Minneapolis again, I've realized how much noise is in this life. There's constant static- humming of cars, roars of planes, mumbling of lawn mowers. Things I used to listen to so briskly have become a lot harder to hear. The chirps and trills of birds, the soft hushing of wind...silence is no longer my best friend.

It does not end there. With unpacking moving boxes and long-forgotten things at my parent's house. I feel the abundance of clutter from old grade school homework sheets, high school notebooks, diaries, childhood artwork, photos, useless jewelry, books and the miscellaneous galore. I trip over boxes daily and get frustrated at the fact that I've made a mess :(

It's just plain overwhelming.

Although this is an exhausting task, one thing is helping. If I dwell on the cleaning/purging project as a whole, I instantly feel pressure and give up But if I focus on one bag, box, area or idea it makes the burden not as heavy.

I can't say that I'm crusing along beautifully. I get happy distractions like spending time with my family, making food and going to work. Some day this summer everything will fall into its organized place. Until then, I will continue to be motivated! "The more you have, the more you are occupied. The less you have, the more free you are."

- Julie

If you look at your entire house as one unit of junk, you'll never do anything because the job is too overwhelming. Take it one drawer at a time.

Janet Luhrs

Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

Joshua J. Marine

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