“Akihiko x Ugetsu” Deserved Better (Given by Kizu Natsuki)
SPOILERS UP TO CHAPTER 27
Just as Yuki represented ‘lost love’ to Mafuyu, Ugetsu was the ‘first love’ of Akihiko. Throughout the second arc, the relationship between Akihiko and Ugetsu was often portrayed as ‘violent’ and ‘painful’ even when describing how they first met. However, Kizu Natsuki cleverly portrays the complexity of love through Akihiko & Ugetsu. I’ll briefly go through their storyline, divided into segments since their story is kind of all over the place, and then why they deserved better.
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Thank you for your thoughts! I agree, they really deserved better.
I personally think that at the core, they were both struggling with their own sense of identity, Akihiko having trouble finding himself without going through Ugetsu (he wanted to be like him and at the same time feeling negative that he couldn’t reach the perfection he was seeing in Ugetsu), and Ugetsu feeling conflicted about wanting to explore his own sense of self outside the one he loves (which he tried to do by breaking up with him, hurting him, and creating distance).
The honey moon phases they go through happen at the times when they reconnect and look at each other anew, with Akihiko bringing to the table a side of himself that lived without Ugetsu (despite how bad that made him feel), and Ugetsu reassured that a part of himself is allowed to exist outside their relation. I look at the fact that their relationship seems to continue to peak when they play the violin together as a cue: it is a time when they are being conscious of the other’s sound, successfully understanding that they are respecting the other’s sound(=identity).
On the opposite, if it is just Akihiko admiring Ugetsu, it becomes imbalanced and one-sided - it looks like this admiration is a burden to Ugetsu who cannot go on self-exploration outside Akihiko’s expectant gaze. From the beginning, Ugetsu had noticed Akihiko (the first time they meet he recognizes Akihiko for having placed second on the violin competition they were competing in), making clear that Ugetsu saw something in Akihiko that Akihiko denied himself simply on the basis that Ugetsu was better. Ugetsu was really bad at conveying to Akihiko the positive thoughts he had of him (ex: he keeps to himself that he thought Akihiko had potential with the drums, instead of telling him).
I feel like the relationship would have thrived had they learned not to step on each other’s sense of identity - Akihiko by cultivating his identity outside his relation with Ugetsu and respecting Ugetsu’s, and Ugetsu by expressing what was burdening him about their relationship and showing Akihiko an alternative narrative to his perception of Ugetsu’s perfection (Ugetsu should have told Akihiko what he loved/found perfect about Akihiko). I also think that Ugetsu was initially more aware of these issues of self-identity than Akihiko, but he felt very conflicted over how to resolve them (it would be hurtful both to continue like this or to try to change things so stopping the relationship altogether seemed easier) - he ended up being sucked into this dilemma rather than making further sense of it and finding a solution.
In the end, Ugetsu’s words - hidden encouragements asking Akihiko to produce something to show Ugetsu - are key to understand the need for Akihiko to explore his own sense of self. Eventually, Akihiko learns and makes peace with his own sense of identity (he discovers/remembers that he does love music outside of Ugetsu), but Ugetsu’s other methods aimed at addressing his concerns were all too violent and created too much damage for their relationship to be easily repaired.
